Would you want a funeral in SL?

[MargieG]

Hello - me again, the death and grief researcher. Interested in who of you out there would want a SL funeral in the sad event that you died anytime soon? (apologies if this sounds abrupt or callous).

If you did want a funeral, would you want  RL family and friends to be invited? 

Would you want a religion based service/location or something more secular?

thanks, MargieG

[valerie Inshan]

:smileyindifferent: We don't die in SL. Either we get permabanned or we leave intentionally. Or we die in RL and no one gives a damn about our avatars lost in SL limbos forever.

Coffins are for vampire RP. You should post this in the vampire forum. 

Edited: and, you should remove your email address. Not only it exposes you to be spammed or griefed, but it is pointless in these fora.

[Storm Clarence]

I would want to be buried in SL since it turns out there are many problems SL can NOT solve wih a smile, a sincere heartfelt talk, or a mega prim.  However, I have had my fair share of cocktails as millions of drinks went down my throat so,

when I die

and you pass by

where I lie

piss on me

I am always dry.   

[Claireschen Hesten]

it is possible to have a funeral of sorts in SL there are cemetery's a good friend of mine is a co-owner of a cemetary known as Second Afterlife with SL cemeteries you can rent a headstone or plaque as a memorial to yourself or someone who died or just left SL (if you know they are dead) i'm sure if you wanted a full funeral service you could get that too

[JeanneAnne]

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MargieG wrote:

Hello - me again, the death and grief researcher. Interested in who of you out there would want a SL funeral in the sad event that you died anytime soon? (apologies if this sounds abrupt or callous).

If you did want a funeral, would you want  RL family and friends to be invited? 

Would you want a religion based service/location or something more secular?

thanks, MargieG

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Yeah. You can have a funeral for me now, while I'm still alive to enjoy it. Cuz once I'm dead, I could care less.

Jeanne

[Carole Franizzi]

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MargieG wrote:

Hello - me again, the death and grief researcher. Interested in who of you out there would want a SL funeral in the sad event that you died anytime soon? (apologies if this sounds abrupt or callous).

If you did want a funeral, would you want  RL family and friends to be invited? 

Would you want a religion based service/location or something more secular?

thanks, MargieG

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Hi Margie.

I do understand your need to get right to the point and obtain whatever data it is you need for your research, but maybe I should point out that among SL clients you probably have - just like RL - a number of people who are not in the best of health. Just because this is a game (of sorts) doesn't mean that those who take part are "just playing". A certain number of people in here are here because their ill-health has stopped them from living a completely full life in the flesh-and-blood world. In a few cases, there are bound to be people with very serious conditions, some life-threatening.

So your question - "if you died...?" could actually be...erm...a tad tactless. In your other thread, some people suggested you look in-world at the memorial sims and initiatives. These would probably be the best place to start, as if people are doing such things, they may well be in the right place psychologically to discuss their feelings with you. Asking this question here in the forums is no different from stopping random people in the street - chances are that sooner or later someone is going to answer you with "Well, actually, I am dying."

 

[MargieG]

thanks for response and insights. I am coming at these questions from a position of genuine enquiry and my email is there because I am an academic and research and write in death, grief and mourning and research protocols require this information. I don't want to be briefed or spammed and I guess this is a risk. Just to clarify my question was about RL death and it's impact on SL relationships, rituals. I know that sometimes people have no idea if someone has physically died and this is why they are inactive. but like in RL people often don't think about death or it is a taboo subject and so their wishes about who should be notified, who might be effected is often unknown and I am sure this has an impact in SL...

[valerie Inshan]

*hugs Carole so tight I can feel her heartbeat*

[Mayalily]

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MargieG wrote:

Hello - me again, the death and grief researcher. Interested in who of you out there would want a SL funeral in the sad event that you died anytime soon? (apologies if this sounds abrupt or callous).

If you did want a funeral, would you want  RL family and friends to be invited? 

Would you want a religion based service/location or something more secular?

thanks, MargieG

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No, I wouldn't.  That seems pointless to me.  My family and loved ones will mourn me, not my avatar.  Life is for the living.  I'd prefer my family grieve in private, then continue living and enjoying life.  A SL funeral for me would do nothing for them. 

There is a LL Memorial sim where we can send a candle out to sea for a loved one or friend who has passed away, and that is sufficient for me. 

[MargieG]

point taken and I appreciate your sensitive handling of what I now see as pretty in your face. I do apologize. You know I am finding this hard going and do feel naive and see myself as the person who needs to learn. so thanks.

[Venus Petrov]

"Death" is sometimes offered up as a drama-inducing reason why an avatar no longer logs on.  After some amount of time has passed (one day, one month, etc) someone will appear who may remind you of the deceased.  Manner of speech, dress, places they frequent, even some of the same friends.  Eventually, you may discover that the avatar is operated by the 'dead'.

Only in a virtual game can someone die and then reappear.  Magic, no?

[MargieG]

Thanks for honesty and upfront response. It is all about individual preferences and perhaps SL is more accommodating in this way.

[Kyoka Setsuko]

I've known of a few people who died in RL, or had seriously declining/deteriorating health. One case was in a roleplay sim, where the roleplayer was well-known and loved by many of the others in that sim. When they died in RL, the sim had a sort of an out-of-character ritual/ceremony where people were able to mourn and talk about the deceased. The RP sim had a small graveyard near the church, so they put a headstone there in honour of that player who had died.

Other than that I haven't seen too much about people dying RL, although I know one of the other admin in that sim died of cancer, and several of the other admins/owners have life-threatening diseases. I guess it's a way for them to escape reality, and they tend to have the disposable income and time to either admin a sim and/or fund one since they are either hospitalized or pretty much stuck at home.

I'm a Halloween aficionado, and I do wind up visiting a ton of graveyards in SL, but not "memorial" type sims. Most of what I've seen is there for show, as part of a spooky environment/atmosphere, so I can't really speak to those memorial type sites, but I am aware of their existence. People use SL to memorialize things and events- not just people, a good example would be the Titanic creation sim. They hold a ceremony there, I believe weekly or monthly for those who died on the ship.

[Vladi Hazelnut]

We have lost a few recently and we had some sort of gathering or ceremony for them. And we put pictures up at our track to remember them.

As for me, I really don't want one in real life let alone SL. I personally don't like them and feel they are waste of money. I want my body donated to science or something for research and then disposed of.

But then funerals are more for those that are left behind, not the ones that died so I guess it would be up to them. Not like I will know one way or another.

[MargieG]

Thanks for interesting and generous response. I have been thinking about the value or meaning of things - virtual objects or sites as forms of remembering and mourning the departed from second life because of a RL death or avatar just inactive for awhile. Thinking about if people go to places because they hold special memories for lost friends or if they have keepsakes...

[Perrie Juran]

When their breathing stops, they return to the earth, and in a moment all their plans come to an end. NLT

His breath goeth forth , he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish .  KJV

 

A tough question but no, I don't think I would want one.  It is a nice sentiment while I am living to think that my friends would mourn my passing, but if anything I would want my friends to celebrate my life with a party and an orgy.

It is also a nice sentiment to think while I am living that I had touched someones life enough that they would set up a memorial plaque for me in SL.  This I would like.  But when I am gone I am gone. 

One of my favorite poems is this, and this is what I think really matters:

 

DO IT NOW

If with pleasure you are viewing any work a man is doing,
If you like him or you love him, tell him now;
Don't withhold your approbation till the parson makes oration
And he lies with snowy lilies on his brow;

No matter how you shout it he won't really care about it;
He won't know how many teardrops you have shed;
If you think some praise is due him now's the time to slip it to him,
For he cannot read his tombstone when he's dead.

More than fame and more then money is the comment kind and sunny
And the hearty, warm approval of a friend.
For it gives to life a savor, and it makes you stronger, braver,
And it gives you heart and spirit to the end;
If he earns your praise - bestow it; if you like him let him know it;
Let the words of true encouragement be said;
Do not wait till life is over and he's underneath the clover,
For he cannot read his tombstone when he's dead.

--B. Braley

 

 

[Storm Clarence]

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MargieG wrote:

Thanks for honesty and upfront response. It is all about individual preferences and perhaps SL is more accommodating in this way.

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How do you judge what is 'honest and upfront'? Did I lie to you or you just did not like my response?

 

[Ann Otoole]

No I do not think there is any business opportunities in SL for vultures.

 

There is a memorial park already established for this purpose.

 

As for me I hope to have some serious L$ saved up so my relatives can use my account (or whomever I will it to) to throw a huge wake.

[Carole Franizzi]

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valerie Inshan wrote:

*hugs Carole so tight I can feel her heartbeat*

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Ah, ma petite French fry! Hugs you back hard. N'oubliez pas que nous avons un rendez vous on the Rive Gauche so we can bitcher un peu about the people who pass!

LOADS of hugs - French, British and International!

[Storm Clarence]

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Ann Otoole wrote: 

As for me I hope to have some serious L$ saved up so my relatives can use my account (oh my breaking the TOS after I am dead. What a tragedy.)

to throw a huge wake

.

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A mega scripted boat would produce the same result; why wait?

[Ceera Murakami]

I have known several people in SL who have since died in real life. I've also been part of various real-life re-creation societies where we adopted historical personnas, and where on occasion friends I knew in that organization passed away.

In most cases, all that was wanted or needed was a polite and respectful public notice about the passing of the person. Just a simple sense of closure, to know why they would not return. Because the "Person" that you knew was, for the most part, a character that they portrayed. You rarely actually knew the real person, as a normal relationship.

That is all I would want, for my on-line friends, if I did die in real life. Just for someone who knew me to pass the word that I was gone. But then, none of my on-line avatars are "Me". They are all fictional characters, so my passing would be, for my avatar's friends, more like the death of an author of a book series that they liked to read, or of a movie producer whose films they liked. They may have loved the character "Ceera". but really, they knew little of the author of her words, and would have little reason to greive as one would for a real funeral.

This is quite different from the real world, where those who want and need to hold a funeral for a loved one do so because of long-term attachments to the real person, and a need for closure, and possibly attonement. This last year I had to attend the funeral for my own mother, in real life. I travelled over 2000 miles to be there for the event, and to be there in support for my father and other relatives, and for the friends that my mother had who attended the funeral. In my mind, nothing that anyone can experience in a virtual fantasy world like Second Life is intense enough to merit that kind of gut-wrenching emotional event. If someone in SL has formed a close enough attachment to the real person behind the avatar, such that their passing would merit attending a funeral, then I think attending the real life funeral, or holding a private observance in the real world, would be far more meaningful than doing any ceremony in a virtual world.

[Perrie Juran]

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Storm Clarence wrote:

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MargieG wrote:

Thanks for honesty and upfront response. It is all about individual preferences and perhaps SL is more accommodating in this way.

---

How do you judge what is 'honest and upfront'? Did I lie to you or you just did not like my response?

 

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Are those honest questions? 

[Anita61 Anatine]

Very well put Carole, I couldn't agree more!

[wiked Anton]

welcome margieg,

While i appreciate the others concerns that you might offend someone who is actually dying, i also realize that the dying are the one's that come to terms with it more so than the ones they will leave behind. And though you may offend those that will live on, i am sure that those who are to leave this world will not be so offended, i have learned this from many of my friends who have died in the last few years from various reasons. I will not need a funeral for myself. although, i have my own graveyard and have erected some graves for RL freinds who have passed as a memorial to them. I think it would be nice if i had a friend that did the same for me, though i doubt that will happen. Good luck in you studies in what seems to be a touchy subject.

[garey Solo]

After all the hyper sensitive responses you received in regard to your question I would say don't feel that you are offending anyone by asking a question about death. RL or Sl. SL is not a morgue, and if as I'm sure there are people who are terminally ill enjoying sl I'm sure they have more concerns  than to worry about what  questions you or I may ask.

You were tactful in your enquiry. People live people die , thats life. No need to tip toe around everything. 

My best friend in sl came by to me one day after being offline for 3 months, they asked how my business was going and how my life was. I was a bit miffed that they hadnt been in contact for so long and let it it show. Little did I know they had come to say goodbye. 3 days later I received a message from their RL brother. They had passed away.  My last conversation will stay with me forever. Not because I said something wrong, not because I was honest in my feelings and thoughts,  I know my best friend understood. He was kind enough not to tell me he was going. But because I won't ever get the chance to say what I really felt.  I didn't realise it was the last time I would ever speak to him. If I could add one positive thing to this discussion, it would be not to criticise people, just praise them. Show people you love them while you have the chance.

In memory of Zack