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jofunne Avon

Gorean RP

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For myself, if I were in a serious relationship in RL I would probably choose not to have sex in SL. I would certainly choose not to have an emotional/romantic relationship in SL. To me, that would be worse. However, if there were certain (sexual) needs I had in RL that my significant other/spouse could or would not meet, I might discuss with him or her the possibility of meeting those needs in SL.

I don't pass judgement on people in SL who choose to have sexual relationships in SL when they have RL partners because I don't know their circumstances. I can say that if I were in a serious RL relationship and found out that my RL partner was having sex in SL without having discussed it with me, I would be upset. To me, that would be cheating, whereas if we had discussed and agreed, it's a bit different. Just my personal feelings and opinions, though.

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I'll answer that question with a question:

"Are you a mass murderer if you play first-person shooter games and war combat games on your computer?"

Now, no sane person that I know of would confuse playing a violent game with committing violence in real life. But why is it different if the activity is sex, instead of killing? What is the difference between making a character as an axe-wielding warrior in World of Warcraft, slaughtering all in your path, and making a beautiful maiden in Second Life, and working as an escort, or having a wild romantic love-life? The key question is, "Can you tell the difference between fiction and reality?"

Many people who participate in SL - I believe the vast majority of them - do not see their SL avatars as a direct representative of their real selves. I'm certainly not a three-tailed anthropomorphic fox in real life. My SL accounts are all fictional characters - no more a representation of "Me" than that rambo-style gun-toting maniac you might portray yourself as while playing one of those first person shooter games, whose mission is apparently to annihilate every moving creature that he encounters (even though most of them are other Players). Since I and the people that I choose to roleplay with are of a like mind on that topic, then any activity our avatars engage in, whether sexual or not, is just fiction. It's no more a case of "cheating" than it would be for me to write a steamy paperback romance novel.

Other people seem to think that SL is a glorified dating chatroom with 3D graphics. They don't see their avatar as anything else but a direct in-world representation of themselves. The character may look younger, or more beautiful, or may even have fur and a tail, but to them, that set of pixels on the screen is still "them". That sort of person should not, in my opinion, get involved in any on-line "relationships" if they also have a real-life relationship going. If there is no difference to you emotionally between going to a virtual nightclub and getting romantic with a stranger, and doing the same thing in a real nightclub in your home town, then you're on very thin ice when trying to have both a virtial and an on-line relationship. It's no different in that case than getting romanticly invoolved with a pen pal in another city, and eventualy hoping to meet that distant lover in person.

Two VERY different cases there.

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Cheating is more than just sexual misconduct. I mean the guy could be taking another woman to the county fair with her kid and having the time of his life winning prizes and riding the carousel while you're sitting at home wondering where he is. That's not cheating? I guess for me cheaing can also be the misappropriation of love and affection.

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Senobia Xenga wrote:

Unless, until pixel parts are able to come through the screen and make contact with  RL parts on the other side, Imma guess "no".

It's good that is not yet possible because otherwise I would never get any work done. On the hand, SL would be way more popular. 

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Yes it is.  Anything whatsoever that violates the promise for "you and only you" is obviously cheating....the whole if you look at a woman to lust after her you have already committed adultry in your heart thing is obvious in any context.  It is what it is......

With that said, I do understand that there are people in neglectful relationships who do not want to abandon it yet are lonely and look for that connection else where, not judging at all.

How then do family RP's or other such situations which may call for a partner or spouse in an rp environment which may or may not be of a sexual nature then come into play?  That one is a little harder to say I think.   There are people who just want a partner to share Second Life with, who may even having weddings and kids but are not using their avs as a virtual porn store and are not engaging in a sexual relationship....so is that crossing the cheating line to?  It might be hard to say.

Maybe the REAL question should be, why is your significant other such a neglectful jerk and that he (or she) can not be bothered to log on and spend time with you so that such questions would never arise in the first place? ;)

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There are two person who could answer this...

First, is yourself. Would you be happy knowing that your wife/husband/partner will be whispering the entire chapter of Songs of Solomon to another person in a pixelated world (at 10pm every night) instead of you? Would you find it adorable to know instead of taking you to dance in RL, he/she is spending 3 hours a day, dancing with another person in an imaginary world, professing his/her undying love for their SL partner that nothing will come in between them and they are perfect in every sense? Would you be happy to know that your spouse considered his/her SL lover as his/her soulmate instead of you? If the answer is positive... then by all mean go ahead and get yourself an SL Lover. I'm sure you won't get hurt if it was the other way round.

Second, the person's RL spouse. If the RL spouse is not happy that you are pixel-humping the brain out of another man/woman instead of humping your spouse for real then you should make your spouse happy. Relationship is about 2 way street. You cannot and should not only think what is right for you. That, is selfish if not immature. Otherwise, people who thinks like this should stay single and free to do whatever the hell she/he likes... like yours truly.

 

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For short no.

Else watching sexy pictures/movies and using an electrical tool or even just the hands would be cheating too.

But as someone said. It´s how your parnter feel about.

Talk folks, you need to talk more to your partners, friends, family ... Don´t let them guess what you like or not, that would make alot of drama simply vanish.

Monti

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Honestly ? wow in what century do you live ?

Do u never look at cute boys on TV, never dream of a romantic date with a famous singer ?

At a beach, guys with muscles or .... errrr ....
Come on .... be married or in a relation doesn´t mean you are dead :smileyvery-happy:

If my wife looks after another guy that reminds me shes not cuffed to me and i allways have to work on keep her, not just hang around looking TV, drinking beer and buuuurp - lol (i don´t drink alcohol)

Monti

 

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No I most certainly do not!!!!  OMG, how horribly rude!!!  That whole stupid idea of lusting after some famous person is just absolutely horrible, it is just so rude you do not even know the person whatsoever.  It is completely objectifying someone even more than this society already does.   If I was with someone who I cared about and who was treating me properly why would I even dream of looking at someone else?  That is not how real love works.....if a man truly loved a woman, he could walk into a room with a hundred naked chicks and never even notice because he would only have eyes for his wife....that is love....and that is how a REAL man would behave.

As for what century I am in.....I in that time warp where women behaved as Ladies and respected themselves and where men were gentleman of honor.  Interestingly enough, the divorce rate was not as high as the marriage rate either ;)

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UncommonTruth wrote:

...the wives had charities to pour
their time 
my money into.

Saks Fifth Avenue.

Bloomingdales.

Tiffany.

Gucci.

Prada.

 

Are some of my ex-wifes favorite charities.  

 

ETA: Forget to mention: Shoppers without Borders. 

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hi avon, 

 

well im not married yet in rl, but i dont mix rl and sl life at all. to me, both of them are totally different. i do have rl bf and sl 'mate' to hang out together and do sexual things in sl, and this faaarr.. i do not consider having things with my sl 'mate' as an act of cheating, at all :)

my sl 'mate' also has a gf in sl, but when we're in sl we completely enjoy our time in sl and never talk about our rl private life.. that's how the fun goes on ^^

btw, i got to admit that my rl bf and me is in a long distance relationship now and i love him so much.

^^

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There's esentially two ways about this: either cheating to your RL partner, or faking it with your SL one.

Of course both imply a good deal of deception, to yourself and to others; but that's apparently OK by SL standards.

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Winter Azarov wrote:

No I most certainly do not!!!!  OMG, how horribly rude!!!  That whole stupid idea of lusting after some famous person is just absolutely horrible, it is just so rude you do not even know the person whatsoever.  It is completely objectifying someone even more than this society already does.   If I was with someone who I cared about and who was treating me properly why would I even dream of looking at someone else?  That is not how real love works.....if a man truly loved a woman, he could walk into a room with a hundred naked chicks and never even notice because he would only have eyes for his wife....that is love....and that is how a REAL man would behave.

As for what century I am in.....I in that time warp where women behaved as Ladies and respected themselves and where men were gentleman of honor.  Interestingly enough, the divorce rate was not as high as the marriage rate either
;)

I believe what a person feels and how they act on those feelings are two different things.

Seems to me like what you want is for your partner to deny ever being attracted to someone that they, in fact, can't help but find attractive.  I, on the other hand, would prefer that my partner feel that we have enough respect for each other to be able to communicate our thoughts and feelings to each other no matter what.  I'm secure enough to handle not being the only person they lust after, while at the same time,  I trust them enough to know that I am the only person they will be going home with, or at least, going home to at the end of the day.

As for the topic at hand, neither me nor my partner mind the other spending a bit of "quality" time with someone else, be it in SL or in RL... as long as it doesn't effect our quality time together.  We trust and respect each other enough to know that if something should happen, we will, most definitely, be able to sit down and talk it out.  Ultimately, we stay together because we want to and because we truly do love each other very deeply.  So cheating is just not an issue for us.

It's certainly not the easiest type of relationship to navigate, especially in the beginning, and I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting that for themselves.  But after 10+ years together, I can say that it has worked out pretty well for us and I wouldn't change it for the world.

...Dres

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I wouldn't do it. A relationship in SL could become a RL relationship, so I won't do anything sexual with anyone who isn't my RL husband. 

 

Re: attraction and "looking" and so on -- yeah, we both know what kind of people we find physically attractive, and we can talk to each other about it, and maybe even notice other people in public and tell each other. That doesn't mean either of us is going to cheat. You can appreciate a work of art without having to have it in your house. ;)

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Millicent Warcliffe wrote:

Re: attraction and "looking" and so on -- yeah, we both know what kind of people we find physically attractive, and we can talk to each other about it, and maybe even notice other people in public and tell each other. That doesn't mean either of us is going to cheat. You can appreciate a work of art without having to have it in your house.
;)

I concur.

...Dres

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Its just a matter of telling the truth on the part of all parties concerned in my opinon.

If your thing is that you want a relationship/marriage that fits Winter's description, AND YOU SAY THAT (cuz a lot of the problem is people not being honest about what they want no matter what that is) and the OTHER PERSON AGREES , good luck to you both and happiness.

By the same token though, I dont think that such a faction of the population needs to, nor ought to, dictate their version of morality to the remaining population.

I support those people who have offline relationships "separtate"from online, as well as those in which it is understood and excepted by all parties.

But then I'm also a supporter of polygyny and really dont see anything wrong with that old system of mistresses except the townhouse. Do we really have to pay for her a separate house?.

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