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A Sad Epiphany of Friends Who Are No Longer in SL.


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I was out the other day, (which in itself is rare since I seem to spend most of my time in my garage building) and noticed that most everyone I saw had a single name.  This to me said that most in SL or at least most out and about where less then a year old.  I see how registration is high, as they always claim but concurrencies are flat as well as spending.

As I went through my friends list, I saw that most of my friends have not been on for months if not years.  I make new friends easily and love pretty much everyone I've met in SL but I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loneliness.  That feeling that my friends who have shared so much of SL with me over the years are now gone.  My best SL friend through a rather dramatic and public declaration, left and deleted his account while abandoning a very well known business.   I miss them all, and I miss them a lot.

I've stuck it out for whatever reason but most I knew have not. Why they leave is for many reason but for the most part, it think it's just boredom.  It seems like as soon as one new idea comes in, two go offline.  I also play WoW and many of my friends in WoW, I met here and got them to join.  They wont ever come back and the friends I have there, have been there for years.

I guess I don't get it. We all loved this place at one time but have since grown bored.  I'm not bored as long as I am creating but I guess I'm not seeing what used to attract us anymore or what keeps us interested like I used to.  I actually enjoy the forums now as much as SL iteself and have made some new and wonderful friends on these forums.

Sorry for the odd and pretty much no point rant but I was wondering who else has felt this and what brought them out of their blues?

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Chelsea Malibu wrote:

I guess I don't get it. We all loved this place at one time but have since grown bored.  I'm not bored as long as I am creating but I guess I'm not seeing what used to attract us anymore or what keeps us interested like I used to.  I actually enjoy the forums now as much as SL iteself and have made some new and wonderful friends on these forums.

 

Exploring in-world with new forum friends can be very rewarding in-so-far as friendhips go.  I think many people have made friends from the forum.   On the forum the chat is always available, the humor is 2nd to none, the intelligence of some posters blows me away.  

I was 'blue' lately because I was kept from the forum, from my friends.  I am no longer blue, but we still have work to do. 

 

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A lot of my old friends are gone now.  Some because they have RL issues, other's because they lost interest.  Most of the ones gone because they got bored, treated SL mostly as a game for entertainment.  Shopping, clubbing and just chatting, when that's all you do, gets old after while.  The people I've known the longest or that I know that have been here the longest, all do creative things in SL or have other very active interests.

I think SL is very much what you make of it.  The more you put into it the more that you get out of it.  Even though a lot of people I knew have gone, I still have lots of friends who for the most part have been in SL for years.

Another reason I think you don't see many 'older' avatars, is that most people I know that have been in SL for a while don't go to a lot of public and popular places.  They have their own private places to hang out in, or go to places that their 'older' friends congregate that aren't necessarily open or popular with the public.   A couple of them even have their own clubs for their friends only.  Its a natural progression I think.  Once your established in SL and have made some good friends and tried out the various things that may be fun or interesting, there just isn't the need to go out and about as much. You establish patterns of going to selected places.

 

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Chelsea Malibu wrote:

We all loved this place at one time but have since grown bored.  I'm not bored as long as I am creating but I guess I'm not seeing what used to attract us anymore or what keeps us interested like I used to.  I actually enjoy the forums now as much as SL iteself and have made some new and wonderful friends on these forums.

Sorry for the odd and pretty much no point rant but I was wondering who else has felt this and what brought them out of their blues?

Our lives are in danger and always have been. Are there any among us who have never thought of suicide? Albert Camus thought the only important question was whether to kill yourself.

According to Charles Bukowski, what matters is how you walk through the fire. What's wrong is never understood and what's right never lasts. 

Yes, it gets boring. As one SL resident noted, even the gods are powerless against boredom. We come to SL to sacrifice ourselves, to mutilate the hours, to murder them. The hours must be killed while you are waiting for the perfect hours. The perfect hours are the ones spent creating. But you must have imperfect hours to get perfect hours. You must kill ten hours to make one hour live. 

You must do the instinctive things which feeds your energy and protects you against death in life. Get your face in the mud now and then, know what a jail is, a hospital is, know what it feels like to go without food for four or five days. Spend a week in an insane asylum. I feel sorry for people who have never gone crazy. You can create with joy and release after you´ve been in hell.

When I get the blues, I like to read words that make your mind hum. If you read them and let yourself feel the magic, you can live through pain and loss, no matter what happens to you.

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Loss has taught me the importance of cherishing what I have. Letting go has taught me that holding too tightly hurts. Leaving has taught me that sometimes, staying would have been far far worse. I miss the friends I used to know and I love the ones I have now and I anticipate the happiness I will feel meeting new ones.

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I agree with Amethyst, SL is very much what you make of it.  If you spend your time as she says, clubbing shopping etc, then eventually you've done all you can do.

For me I'm having a resurrgence in my interest for sl.  I love creating, I've been running a prefab business for many years now, and love being able to think of something and then visualise it in 3 dimensions that I can walk around, and selling just adds to it as I know others have enjoyed things I created.

For me, once in a while you gotta look around... in SL new things come along, and I find myself thinking "wow" I'd never seen that before.  The creativity of others, the artistic things, or just clever stuff.  People make it for me too, chatting.  I do a bit of exploring every now and then.  Sometimes just visiting favourites like the works of AM Radio, although most of those works seem to have gone. 

It is sad to see named in your friends list not light up anymore, how things move on, people do.  And as you say I think those that stay are creating, they have the love of  what makes sl special, our ease of creating whats in our minds.

I guess we just have to meet new folks however we can, and remember those special times, I have plenty of snapshots from my journey so far, and as for the money, its not so important, so long as I get a little help from customers it keeps me thinking its worthwhile creating. 

Sometimes  just do it for myself, like my current mission to just create something artistic for myself.

I wish for some of my old times, having fun with lots of people I met here from all over the world, but new people come in now and then that make the place special and remind me to love sl all over again.

 

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Yes, you're totally right now that I think of it.  Most of my friends now do what I do and that's create.  They also stay on their own sims much like I do.  And what is best about them is that we share common insterest and we do the same things.  I guess where I'm getting the blues, is not something I should be concerned with anyways since I have a greal RL and many of my SL friends are now RL friends.

I guess I'm jsut having a hard time adjusting and am scared more of my friends will leave SL.  But good words and I needed to hear this. Thank you all even Randall LOL. :)

 

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For me it's simple: RL comes miles before SL. SL is a nice diversion, nice to hang out at when stuck at home for any reason. But it cannot substitute RL, not even a fraction of it. SL cannot offer the gentle warmth of a hug, the tingle of a kiss, the experience of watching a movie on a big screen, going to a concert, riding a bike through a lovely park or trail and so on and so forth.

In short: SL isn't that important. When it sooner or later disappears, it'll be a loss but not the end of the world in the least.

Friends I do care about are the friends I can contact outside of SL.

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Our lives are in danger and always have been. Are there any among us who have never thought of suicide? Albert Camus thought the only important question was whether to kill yourself.

According to Charles Bukowski, what matters is how you walk through the fire.

If you're going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise don't even start.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs, and maybe your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail.

It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it.

And you'll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you're going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire.

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

It's the only good fight there is.

 

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Love it. Wow, Bukowski could really write. I'm going to have to watch that film or get the book. Can't believe I only just discovered him. I didn't care for his first book, but his last was awesome. His epitaph is "Don't Try". 

@Chelsea, I think the best thing to do with the blues is to create something, even if it's just an entertaining post here at the forum. If you're trying to make someone else smile, you're not thinking about your own problems. 

I recently discovered a new writer, Jonathan Safran Foer. On the subject of the people that have left your life, consider his words from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close:

So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go!

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I wonder if we don't expect a bit too much in this respect.

How long are people supposed to remain regular residents? Although SL isn't a game, for many it does fill that gap of time they have available for gaming and perhaps social networking, with awesome and stunning looking new games being released every week, along with new social networks and new features for social networks, it doesn't really surprise me that people drift off after a few months.

I don't think this means there is some big problem with SL, I think SL appeals to 'early adopters' and they are people most likely to go off and adopt something else at their earliest convenience.

I fell in love with SL as soon as I arrived and I havent missed a day in nearly 5 years, but I think this makes me at least a little odd rather than those that elect not to stay after a while.

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Chelsea Malibu wrote:

I was out the other day, (which in itself is rare since I seem to spend most of my time in my garage building) and noticed that most everyone I saw had a single name.  This to me said that most in SL or at least most out and about where less then a year old.  I see how registration is high, as they always claim but concurrencies are flat as well as spending.

As I went through my friends list, I saw that most of my friends have not been on for months if not years.  I make new friends easily and love pretty much everyone I've met in SL but I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loneliness.  That feeling that my friends who have shared so much of SL with me over the years are now gone.  My best SL friend through a rather dramatic and public declaration, left and deleted his account while abandoning a very well known business.   I miss them all, and I miss them a lot.

I've stuck it out for whatever reason but most I knew have not. Why they leave is for many reason but for the most part, it think it's just boredom.  It seems like as soon as one new idea comes in, two go offline.  I also play WoW and many of my friends in WoW, I met here and got them to join.  They wont ever come back and the friends I have there, have been there for years.

I guess I don't get it. We all loved this place at one time but have since grown bored.  I'm not bored as long as I am creating but I guess I'm not seeing what used to attract us anymore or what keeps us interested like I used to.  I actually enjoy the forums now as much as SL iteself and have made some new and wonderful friends on these forums.

Sorry for the odd and pretty much no point rant but I was wondering who else has felt this and what brought them out of their blues?

I was dancing with my friends the other night, and one of their friends who I didn't know showed up & she I got to chatting. She asked me if I played WoW. I said no, that I didn't play anything I had to pay for, but my brothers did. She went on & on telling me how cool WoW & that I should play it. She was really all into it.

Then a day or two later I was dancing in a club & this European gentleman asked me to dance. While we were dancing he started telling me all about Minecraft and how cool it is and how I should play it. Apparently he was one of its developers. 

I mention these two incidences because they demonstrate that there are people in SL actively promoting other online games/virtual worlds. Looking at both of these peoples' profiles, both had been several years in SL. That they were in SL at all shows that they hadn't completely moved on, yet both were singing the praises of other mmogs and thereby at least indirectly putting down SL. I would say that the boredom with SL you speak of is pretty widespread. I've just past my 3 month SL bd and haven't become bored yet, but I see how it could happen.

As for building in SL, I just don't see the point. As I've said before, I built a crude house in a sandbox in like my first or second week in SL, so I know how it's done. If you can edit shoes to fit you can build. I've watched experienced builders do their thing and while they were way fast at it, it's still just ~poofing~~ ~ the box, moving, rotating, and stretching it, then laying on a texture and perhaps embedding a script. Whoopie. SL is so over-built already that I see no point adding to the clutter myself. It is sad exploring a gorgeous sim when it is completely deserted 'cept for myself. Yeah, SL can be a lonely place.

Jeanne

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JeanneAnne wrote:

Yeah, SL can be a lonely place.

Enjoy the solitude. Hell is other people. -Sartre

@Chelsea, I presume you mean the book by Foer. My favorite passage from the book:

We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.

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Yes, many have gone. It's important to remember that many come back as reinvented new avs, so they may not be gone in reality. But registrations are NOT high, I was looking the other day and it's less than 200/day (although maybe I caught the number at a bad time). 2-3 years ago it was at least 2-3K per day, often much higher. And yes, concurrency is the same as it was two years ago when I was last very active on SL. Unfortuantely every time the numbers start looking bad, LL cuts them out of the monthly economic data...

It's true some people register and never log on, but I can't see how they can claim 20-30K a day when concurrency is not topping about 65K. That would imply the vast majority leave after a couple of hours, or the churn rate is huge, both of which are substantial problems which would need addressing.

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I know the feeling!! Throughout my years on SL, alot of my good group of friends have either left or partnered up and busy with their sl married lives! it's got me feeling like a noob again, floundering and wondering what to do! it's definately a blow realising just how many old friends are no longer inworld and how many have actually changed and forgotten you.

Being a wanderer inworld, i have always loved travelling across Sims taking in the beautiful scenery and detail - and i have found that i've come across some amazing ppl that way! - with similar interests! - and become fast friends that way. :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

 

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It is sad, Chelsea.  It happens all the time in other games, too.  Even once-popular websites, such as YouTube, have video-producers dissappear after the trend is no longer new and viewership declines.

 

I've seen other games die, and worry about this one.  Which would be a shame, since it has so much beyond the usual game to the point where one could make the case for it being beyond a game and a user-created virtual world.  SL has always blurred those lines of distinction.

 

I guess the thing to do is just look for new friends.  Find a new player, and take them under your wing.  Say hello to your neighbors.

 

I agree with a previous poster that it can be a bit creepy exploring the grid all alone.  It looks like a ghost town, to the point where I sometimes get overly excited when I stumble across another person.  It's kind of like that scene in The Stand when the deaf guy and the mute guy find each other and make friends...only to latter get chased out of town by the crazy young prostitute.  What sort of reaction will I get if I try to interact with the only person I've seen in several SL-days?

 

On the other hand, going to a nice quiet sim-wide park that for some reason someone's still paying tier on can be rather relaxing if no one else is around.

 

On the other other hand (hey, this is SL -- I can be a three-handed mutant if I wanna be), it's hard to make new friends when folks seem to just want to keep to themselves these days.

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Look at the bright side of SL dying. It's not healthy to sit on your butt all the time in front of a computer. If SL dies it will give you an excuse to get away from your computer and get some exercise. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend it?

SL is like cigarettes. A warning should be on start page: Have you exercised today? Quitting SL now greatly reduces serious risks to your health. 

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To the contrary, Camus was a blast at parties. He screwed anything that moved and even some things that didn't move. He was renowned for his infidelities. Apparently he believed there was no god and that life was absurd and meaningless and given that, whether suicide was logical. He rejected the idea of suicide and concluded that instead of fleeing the absurd meaninglessness of life, one should embrace life passionately by having as much sex as possible.

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Hey Chelsea nice to meet you and yes friends seem to come and go at times but for me I am a firm believer you can nevet have too many friends as a DJ in world this allows me to meet new and interesting people each and ev musicery day plus I love music so feel free to add me if you like or anyone can add me here if you like

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