Jump to content
WhiteLione

RL and SL Feelings

Recommended Posts

4 hours ago, Kendraskyye said:

I don't think you can play SL and leave RL feelings completely out of it, unless you are constantly just having flings everywhere you go and never making friends. Even friendships in sl require some type of real human emotion. And yes, I'm one of those people who have been hurt here a few times, but for some reason I keep on coming back.

Yep, even if they claim they are just here to roleplay or just having flings they are still putting real-life emotions into their second-life avatar. You realistically cannot separate the two completely. Not even real life actors on tv or movies or in plays do. Which is why some take breaks to prevent from losing their mind, and those that failed to take the break end up braking and losing their mind or end up on drugs or whatever.

Everything said or done here has some sort of impact on them even if they try and deny it or else they would not keep coming back. It is like a drug they have become addicted to it. You don't re-read or re-watch a story or movie if there was not some sort of emotional reason or need to do so. The human mind just simply doesn't work that way.

Which is why even though you cannot be hurt here directly physically you can be hurt here emotionally which might lead to physical distress.

Keep up the fight girl. You are like a lot of us; we keep coming back because we don't just want to give up and become emotionless or heartless so we keep trying, even if we make mistakes and get hurt because of it. It just proves that we are still human beings after all even if we play as being something that isn't at times.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The feelings are real, but the problem comes from the fact that they are so often sparked by something that isn't. Someone who isn't who they say they are, a fantasy that has not actually really happened, an avatar that does not really look like the person behind it.

Some people can compartmentalise and protect themselves in this regard, and others find it harder or impossible. I'd say most frequent SL users are in the latter camp.

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can care about people and have feelings without getting your heart broke. I work in RL with a bunch of people I care about, I do not however get romantically involved with any of them, and at the end of the day they are co-workers, and none of them will ever be able to break my heart. I approach SL the same way. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/12/2011 at 12:28 PM, deluxegal923 Northman said:

OK What really annoys me with sl relationships is the profiles that talk about the feelings behind the avi when the only feelings they care about is their own I dont want RL and I make that clear but I do make friends and after months of spending hours with my  friend "partner" his rl wifey who cares soooo much about the feelings behind the avi makes him dump me?

OK right then my friend is dead I guess....... thanks for caring about MY feelings there.

FOCROFLMAO

What I do not understand is, even when you say you don't want any RL connection, why get involved with someone who clearly has either a SL or RL partner? Most are not cool with their partners friending or seeing other people on a regular basis. They will either be lying to you or to their SL/RL partner. Is that the kind of person you want to be around? Someone who sneaks around to be with you? 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, CaraTriple said:

What I do not understand is, even when you say you don't want any RL connection, why get involved with someone who clearly has either a SL or RL partner? Most are not cool with their partners friending or seeing other people on a regular basis. They will either be lying to you or to their SL/RL partner. Is that the kind of person you want to be around? Someone who sneaks around to be with you? 

Quite aside from that...have I read that post right? Why would your SL partner's RL spouse be obliged to care about your feelings? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sometimes when person behave really weird, i wanna know  whats in his head. Like when my ex said OH I M WORST PERSON EVER,i imagine him cry near window with cup of tea and blanket)))in last months my rl saves me from SL drama and sad feeelings

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/16/2018 at 9:56 PM, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Yep, even if they claim they are just here to roleplay or just having flings they are still putting real-life emotions into their second-life avatar.

Unless they are a RL psychopath or sociopath.  Then they aren't putting RL emotions into anything.

 

On 12/17/2018 at 2:00 PM, CaraTriple said:

What I do not understand is, even when you say you don't want any RL connection, why get involved with someone who clearly has either a SL or RL partner? Most are not cool with their partners friending or seeing other people on a regular basis. They will either be lying to you or to their SL/RL partner.

While YOU cannot conceive of such, there really are people that view all of that differently, in SL and in RL.  Just like there are true poly relationships in RL, they can happen in SL, and even be a combination of both RL and SL.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Unless they are a RL psychopath or sociopath.  Then they aren't putting RL emotions into anything.

 

1

I have to disagree; because for those types of people, the emotions and feelings are even more real and intense, which is why they often act how they do. Its all about them and their needs and desires and how they can manipulate others to get them filled in whatever means they believe is appropriate. Being a sociopath or psychopath does not mean they lack emotions or feelings or can't or won't show them, it means they often have little to no control over them or understanding about them and how their actions might affect other people or might and just do not care. They do not have empathy or care or pity or sympathy for others. Not caring or having no empathy is not a lack of feelings or emotions. They may just take sadistic pleasure in seeing others hurt just because they can because they feel they are above any an all consequences for their actions or behaviours. It makes them feel good if someone else suffers. It is their right to hurt and use and abuse the other person as long as that person continues to allow them to in their mind. They see their victims as inferior as less than equal and that they are in some manner superior to them. They are often egotistical and suffer from delusions of self-importance and grandiose beliefs. They are often manipulative and use lovebombing and gaslighting and other mind-control methods to get their victims to do or respond how they want.

I know I have been in a few relationships with rl sociopaths and psychopaths, who at the time of getting with them seemed normal at first, in my lifetime and suffered at their hands until I finally got free from them after being abused and used for several years. I fell for the 'normal' stage, where they act and behave in a more normal manner to gain your trust and faith and belief in them then slowly change or drastically change revealing their true nature. it took a while before I believed my family and others who see it from the outside trying to warn me of what the person was like.

Which ironically if you compare those kinds of people to many here in sl they all share similar traits and beliefs at times. In fact, if you do a close comparison to most role players; they share many of the traits and behaviours of a sociopath or psychopath. because of how they can act or portray themselves to be something so different then what they want others to believe they are not like in rl, which is a combination of some of the basic traits of the psychopath, manipulation and deception with pathological lying about who and what they are.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/19/2018 at 1:36 PM, LittleMe Jewell said:

Unless they are a RL psychopath or sociopath.  Then they aren't putting RL emotions into anything.

 

While YOU cannot conceive of such, there really are people that view all of that differently, in SL and in RL.  Just like there are true poly relationships in RL, they can happen in SL, and even be a combination of both RL and SL.

Right, however with poly relationships, everyone is on board and understanding and trust is the key to success. What I am referring to is when the 1st party starts a relationship with the 2nd party and the 3rd party spouse is in the dark. I would personally be leery of entering into a friendship+ with someone who had a partner/spouse and that partner or spouse either didn't know or didn't approve. I believe that is setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt feelings. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/26/2018 at 5:36 PM, Selene Gregoire said:

Funny thing is, OP had no idea of just how many of us really do play The Sims games. I've been playing the Sims games since 2000. Yes, I have them all and still play 2 and 3 along with 4. The Sims also uses creator content. Most of what I have in all 4 iterations is from content creators, not EA/Maxis. In that respect there is no difference between The Sims and SL (check your Library in Inventory). Both provide some "beginning" content but nothing more. Its left to the content creators to help players/users create their own worlds using their imaginations. 

I play Sims too! played since 2001!!! Got all of them too :D I kinda think my avi is a representative of me, but not a game, but i have a real life and an SL one and it is pretty balanced right now :D I try to treat people with respect in both worlds.

Part of the attraction for me is as a kid i loved dress up dolls, now when i play Sims and on SL i am always changing clothes hehehe :P

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well I think in RL you have a friend circle, colleagues you live around, you cannot teleport just by a click making it difficult to cheat. If one is caught cheating there is always a fear of ruining their social respect. All this constraints help us being loyal to our partner and think twice before cheating. In Sl basically there are no constraints .. I can have AM partner in some sim and a PM in other, and  play loyalty game with both ...If accidentally all three of us are in same sim all I need is to log off and give a always green excuse of crashed. so basically in SL we are untammed bringing worst of what human can be. So, its better to keep our gaurds up rather than complaining.

One thing I don't understand is people criticizing others who keep emotions out of game .... for some SL is for finding what they are missing in RL and are emotionally drown in Sl while for many others its a place to relax for an hour or two between their work time. none is wrong

Edited by autonug
Sentences prone to give rise to misunderstandings
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, autonug said:

One thing I don't understand is people criticizing others who keep emotions out of game

In my last period within SL, I came to almost expect this to crop up at some point with almost anything...people getting upset/offended/hurt because other users were not using the game in the same way that they did. Usually with regards to how "real" they considered it to be. It's sold to us as "your world, your imagination", but of course it is just that to everyone else as well. When John's world and imagination clash with Jenny's, there are likely to be problems.

Best thing one can do is to remember that everyone has their own idea of what they're using the game for, and assuming you're not trying to extort money or something, none of them are wrong. They just might be incompatible with yours. There's no excuse for actual abuse, but ultimately we are in a world that is literally sold to us as "imagination", and by its very nature we can never know for sure who we're talking to unless we meet them in RL...so we need to look out for ourselves and never give more of ourselves than we can afford to lose. Very few people put any identifiable RL information in their profiles, and we need to ask ourselves why this is and, if we withhold it ourselves (we probably do), why that is as well.

Edited by Amina Sopwith
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Em 10/11/2011 às 11:41, a WhiteLione disse:

OI

Então, mesmo assim, você está procurando algo novo no SL ... hehehe: matte-motes-momido-bonitinho-2: como eu e meu SL gf Mas a sua vez de sair, mas eu ainda flerto com o outro, que é uma coisa boa e divertida com isso

De qualquer forma que eu goste de saber e sentido é, eu continuo vendo todos os harts quebrados aqui, de mulheres e de alguns homens que também são deixados por lá SL bf / gf / marido / esposa, porque eles foram traídos, ou o que nunca The treatment of cured to the curing or non or SL or RL. Mas o que há de novo as pessoas chegam lá com os sentimentos misturados, e as sem-quem trazem os sentimentos lá e fazem RL, o que é legal, mas eles também são muito cientes de que algo pode acontecer, como se deixar ou pegar -los trapaceando ou o que seja, e eles chegam lá quebrados.Me preocupa when eu me pergunto se algumas das Minhas amigas Aqui no SL estao começando a ter Sentimentos “mais profundos” por Mim, JA Que Eu Tenho ESSA IMPRESSÃO fazer JeitO that ELAS São e fazer JeitO that ELAS Falam Comigo e dizem Coisa, e Alguns my me mandam mensagens instantâneas um pouco depois da eu entrar on-line e eles também estavam on-line. Talvez esteja conectado por todos os que eu conheço (matte-motes-bashful-cute-2 :)). Mas se eu não for !! O que devo fazer então. Lembrá-los cada vez que eles vêm em lin que na RL eu tenho um gf que eu amo, por isso vamos ser apenas amigos. Então, se alguém tem uma boa sugestão para que eu não pareça o homem mau, eu estou sendo honesto e direto com o que eu gosto e como eu toco.

Por favor, não é como se eu fosse uma pessoa ". De qualquer forma, é o meu que está sendo toda a atenção das mulheres, tudo que eu faço é dizer o que ele deve dizer ... 

A coisa que eu estou procurando também é mais fácil para alguém que está ligado manter-se lá. SL Feeling e RL Sentindo-se separados, então é para alguém que é solteiro. Eu vou ser eu mesmo fui ter um desafio, e me lembrar de mim mesmo muito mais que este é um jogo, e atualizar-me de que eu sou um homem

obrigado

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
On 11/11/2011 at 8:22 PM, Faye Feldragonne said:

I read an article that the brain can't sort reality from virtual experiences. I believe it. I dream I am in SL.

I am me in SL. Not a cartoon. I don't play games with hearts or minds.  Realtionships for me in SL are the same as RL.

I have one avatar I use all the time. I am her and she is me. 

@Faye Feldragonne, we must be sisters.  :)

Edited by Donna Underall
  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That discussion about mixing SL and RL feeling is not old. The first post date of 2011 but it is still.

It is like our emotion 'exagerated'  or amplified in RL. An other thing I notice in SL is that nothing is solid. All is illusion. On day you have a friend a good relationship or anything. and...

Like a mirage it disappears.

The disparition could have many reasons : One have not time for SL. Or motivation of one person is degreases. Or whatever reason. But at the end nothing left.

I will love forever ---> that sentense has no sens in SL. In RL it is not sens because our life is short (80 years) but in SL how long is the expectation of relationship in average ? 30 days ? Of course you could reply I am in relationship in SL for years etc.. but I am not sharing official statistics but only my feeling and my experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Lureo said:

That discussion about mixing SL and RL feeling is not old. The first post date of 2011 but it is still.

It goes way farther back than that (http://forums-archive.secondlife.com/327/a3/228226/2.html) - and this is just one example.

The RL versus SL debate has been around since the beginning of SL and will be around until the end of SL.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

The RL versus SL debate has been around since the beginning of SL and will be around until the end of SL.

   Or the end of RL, whichever comes first!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Or the end of RL, whichever comes first!

RL? Why, whatever do you mean? Never heard of it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/15/2019 at 10:11 AM, Alyona Su said:

The RL versus SL debate has been around since the beginning of SL

It has been around at least since 2011 when this thread was created ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

It has been around at least since 2011 when this thread was created ...

OMG, there is stuffs outside my Revolves-Around-Me-And-Only-Me Bubble? No way!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

It has been around at least since 2011 when this thread was created ...

Well, you quoted me out of context because in that full post I made I also linked to a thread in old forums with a 2007 date... so I thought you were making a funny. I always look upon comments that seem (to me, but I'm weird) "out-of-whack" in a logical sense as a funny, though if it's not intended as a funny then I supposed technically "since 2011" also applies :D

Edited by Alyona Su

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

You're both wrong. The SL vs RL debate has been raging since 2003/4. :P

Edited by Selene Gregoire

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

You're both wrong. The SL vs RL debate has been raging since 2003/4. :P

Yup!  It started before my time and I'm over 13 years old in world!  And I still don't know the answers.  :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Donna Underall said:

Yup!  It started before my time and I'm over 13 years old in world!  And I still don't know the answers.  :P

The answer is really quite simple. You can not separate you from you. 

https://www.locationrebel.com/the-online-world-is-the-real-world/

https://arstechnica.com/staff/2016/12/stop-pretending-theres-a-difference-between-online-and-real-life/

https://www.wired.com/2015/10/the-idea-that-online-life-isnt-real-is-trite-and-harmful/

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...