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WhiteLione

Dating in Seconlife..

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I have been her now for two weeks and enjoyed my life here at SL very much have made some nice friends so I don’t have anything to complain about, I have even met some one who I hit it off with very well and we are now GF/BF here at SL, which is fun:), she has been her for few month alreadty, so she now more then me, but we both want the think out of SL and so we have alone time, and times when we are  the bf/gf couple which is perffect. this way we get to explore things and bee with our frinds speratly and things like this:))

Anyway what I am wondering about is today I found this sight called AVMatch.Com the dating sight for secondlife, and I was surprised to see how many was a member there. How come people use this site to met somebody, I did not think it would be hard to find somebody here in SL just by hanging around and going to different places, I  have nothing against this type of site I think it is great that have it, but wondering if somebody have tried it, ads what there experience was. 

Love to hear other people opinions on this and what they think about it

PS. I have also notice3d that some people are mixing  SL and RL a bit to much together, and brings in RL Jealousy and control that is not good …

Take everyone, look forward to read your opinions on this.

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I have never under stood the problem of mixing RL and SL,the facts are simple.If you are looking for love why should it be in SL only? unless....there fact of somthing to hide :)

I watched my SLshoppartner meet her boy freind in SL and now they live together in RL.If you have Jealousy and control  issues yoiu need to be working on your self not playing in SL hiding from these problems.Jealousy and control  issue are not common every day RL things...they are things that people have to solve in life before they can keep a relationship,that is in all things..RL and SL.

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Welcome to SL and the forum!

It sounds like you are having a pleasant time in SL.  I have never tried the site you mention so cannot help you there.  Since you are very new, I suggest you continue enjoying your time as you see fit.  Just remember that behind every avatar sits a real person.  Treat them as you would if you met them in RL.  Who knows, perhaps you *will* meet them in RL!

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Thank you for your coments I very much appriciate them wrable amat:)

I agree if you are looking for love of course it should be as much in SL as in RL i was just curious of what people had got out off it and if it was like it is in Rl:) iFor the poeple hwo have met sombdoy through this AVMatch.com I am very happy for tme and whish them the best.:matte-motes-big-grin-wink:

As for the Jealusy and Controle I agrree these are things you need to wrok on RL and get them under controle. First time I met this perosn I did get the feeling the peson had some issus, but first I thoughthis was only part of of his RP here, but then I foun d form another person, that this had start also to become in RL, and would not let the person be alsne in SL and so on...So Jealsaouy or Controle does not belong her in SL, at all

 

 

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thank you for your input Venus:)

i will continu to enjoy my time here at SL and experince new things and places... I agree that you have to treat everyone with the same respect you would in Rl, it is only polite and I ffel most people heree at SL aprrciate it...I know I do apriciate when people are treating me the same...:matte-motes-sarcasm:

I was brought up to be Gentelman, and that I goes for SL too:matte-motes-big-grin-wink:

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wrable Amat wrote:

I have never under stood the problem of mixing RL and SL,the facts are simple.If you are looking for love why should it be in SL only? unless....there fact of somthing to hide
:)

The problem is that you have absolutely no way to verify anything at all that the other person indicates about themselves. Dating in SL and seeking both real-world and in-SL romance is as hazardous as going to a singles club blindfolded and with earplugs and allowing anyone who approaches you to make a pass at you and do stuff with you. You don't know their gender, race, religion, or anything at all that may make a critical difference to a real-life relationship. 

There are some people in SL who do try to make their SL avatar a carbon copy of their real-life self, and who seek to have relationships that could go beyond SL and become real-life romances too. If two such people meet and fall in love, that's just wonderful.

But there are a lot more people in SL who look at the infinite possibilities offered here, to be anything or anyone that they can imagine, and those people don't have any interest in being clones of their real-world selves while in SL. They may use SL as a safe place to experiment with social behaviors they wouldn't dare do in real life, like getting into kinky sex, or having 'relationships' while in real life they are married. They may see each of their avatars as just fictional characters that they write stories about, no more real than Luke Skywalker or Princess Leis are to George Lucas. They may be curious about what life is like for the opposite gender, or may want to recapture their youth. Those people are NOT good people for someone to seek a real-life romantic encounter with. But there is no way for you to tell if that is their way of approaching SL, or if they honestly are a 19 year old white co-ed from New York. For all you know, "she" could just as easily be a 50 year old male truck driver from Brazil.

Looking for love is wonderful - in an environment where everyone is required to "be themselves". It can be a disaster in an environment that is 100% anonymous and that encourages people to "be anything or anyone that they can imagine".

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HI Ceera

thanks you for your post, even though it did not have much to do about what i was asking I liked it:matte-motes-big-grin-wink:

Wow that was pretty heavy:smileywink:, and i agree that you dont know who is on the other side. that is why i think that it is so important to keep this lilte and not ot hink tha the avatar is a carbon copy of the person in RL. like u said we cdont know if the person on the other side.  but a the same time Wrable is rihgt in her opnion too. you can fall in love in SL and make it RL, but yes it is far and inbetween.

i thihk it as important to keep M;ost of your RL to yurself, and not tell them your whole life sotry, and everything. there is to many scamers out there and this cuuld easily be there haven for getting your personal info.

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WhiteLione wrote:

I have been her now for two weeks and enjoyed my life here at SL very much have made some nice friends so I don’t have anything to complain about, I have even met some one who I hit it off with very well and we are now GF/BF here at SL, which is fun:), she has been her for few month alreadty, so she now more then me, but we both want the think out of SL and so we have alone time, and times when we are  the bf/gf couple which is perffect. this way we get to explore things and bee with our frinds speratly and things like this:))

Anyway what I am wondering about is today I found this sight called AVMatch.Com the dating sight for secondlife, and I was surprised to see how many was a member there. How come people use this site to met somebody, I did not think it would be hard to find somebody here in SL just by hanging around and going to different places, I  have nothing against this type of site I think it is great that have it, but wondering if somebody have tried it, ads what there experience was. 

Love to hear other people opinions on this and what they think about it

PS. I have also notice3d that some people are mixing  SL and RL a bit to much together, and brings in RL Jealousy and control that is not good …

Take everyone, look forward to read your opinions on this.

Hi WhiteLione. It's certainly not hard to meet people in SL & to form relationships. What is hard is to know whether youre going to be compatible with the people you meet over the long term. I've not used avmatch.com but it sounds to me like it might be a good idea, might save time in finding someone who shares your interests, so you don't have to go thru a long list of bfs/gfs til you find someone whose right for you.

As for mixing SL & RL, some do & some don't. Even ppl who share details of their RL with you may be lying. I think it's best to just take ppl as they present themselves to be, & not worry about who or what they are in RL. I don't ask about other ppl's RL; if they want to share that's fine but I don't expect them to & don't really care. I just go by how they come across as their avvie in SL. I've shared some aspects of my RL w/ friends in SL but by no means everything. To each his or her own. As you harm none do what you will.

Jeanne

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Some people choose to keep their relationships SL only, and so long as both parties are okay with that, great. I think it's pretty simple, if you choose to bring your relationship into RL, I would reccommend using video skype or web cam, so you can see who the person really is. I'm NOT talking about sex, I'm talking about just talking to them over camera.I think if you put yourself in a position to give out real-life details, and get emotionally involved, you should know who you're getting involved with first. If they're honest, they shouldn't have a problem either getting on voice or getting on a camera even to just sai "hi". I would also reccomend, if you're concerned about the person being the gender they say they are...have them voice verify. They have every right to say no of course, and you have every right to part company.

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Never used the dating service so I can't say.

However as far as mixing RL and SL, I don't think anyone can judge what is best for anyone but themselves.  Not everyone shares RL with their SL friends and partners.  And for those that do, not everyone lies about their RL.  I know several couples who have met in SL and took it to RL and are happily married now and have been for a few years. 

I don't give information about my RL to most, but I do have a few people in here that over the years I have gotten to know well and trust the same as a RL friend and we've mutually shared our RL's in conversations.  It's hard not to when you are as close a friend in here as you are with people in your RL.

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I've never heard of AVMatch and have no interest in it.  There are plenty of ways to meet new people within SL. But if that's how someone wants to hook up in SL, why not?

I don't understand your comment about mixing SL and RL bringing on jealousy and control.  People mix the two as they choose.  I doubt after two weeks in SL you have a real handle on the diversity of the people here.  Personally, I've discussed RL details with a few close friends, but then I've been in SL for four years.  I have friends here that I've known that long.  I don't consider them SL friends.  I consider them friends.  For us to talk only about SL after that long would get pretty boring and pointless.

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Tracy Redangel wrote:

Some people choose to keep their relationships SL only, and so long as both parties are okay with that, great. I think it's pretty simple, if you choose to bring your relationship into RL, I would reccommend using video skype or web cam, so you can see who the person really is. I'm NOT talking about sex, I'm talking about just talking to them over camera.I think if you put yourself in a position to give out real-life details, and get emotionally involved, you should know who you're getting involved with first. If they're honest, they shouldn't have a problem either getting on voice or getting on a camera even to just sai "hi". I would also reccomend, if you're concerned about the person being the gender they say they are...have them voice verify. They have every right to say no of course, and you have every right to part company.

It really depends on what you mean by bringing the relationship to RL.  To some people exchanging emails is bringing it to RL.  To others, it's moving across an ocean to live with their SL love.  I don't need to cam with someone just because we exchange emails or add each  other to our yahoo chat.  I think in most cases, RL relationships deveolop slowly through SL.  You reach a certain comfort level with the other person and it's a natural progression of the relationship.  I would guess that sometimes camming is involved, sometimes not.  Everyone's different and everyone's not lying if they choose not to use cam or voice.

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Voice verification means nothing.  Voices can be changed electronically.  Also, I had a SL employee once that was a man in RL who played a woman in here.  When he had to voice, he just had his RL wife or daughter do it while he sat next to her and told her what to say.  I didn't find this out until the gentleman passed away and his RL wife came on and told me.  I can usually tell myself as men in women's avi's just don't act like a RL woman does. This man was an exception though.  His wife told me she allowed him to play SL and do as he pleased as long as he played on a woman avi and that she coached him on how to act so he wouldn't give himself away.  Pretty bizarre i admit, but no more than a lot of other things i've seen go on in here. lol

 

 

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Hello everyone.

I just want ot say thank you to all of your for your coments, It5 was greatt o see that so many wanted to share there opnion on my queston bout datin in SL.

I also want to say that I like your coments with what most of you are saying about mixing Sl & RL, I think you can mkae some where good frinds her and then you feel close enough and you start sharing things in RL wiht. I was not so mucb reffering to not share RL things with peopløe that you feel close to and have nown for long time. I was reffering more to certain sitation such as Controle, Posesion, and jealousy. and tell so who you can and can not be freinds with,Unless both people are plyaing this game this will not work, and thais my point.

I agre that I am only two weeeks old and have a lot to learn still, and I am still learing but Iam having in fun. and I do want to mention that in RL i do have a gf who I love with all my hart, and she might start palying SL to, and we have agreed that we wil be seperate in SL. this way we can talk ourlives in SL and have fun:))  Plus this way we can "interact" in a way when she is away ..

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HI Charly

I can see how that can be frustrating at times in regards to English. If you were giving me a compliment on my english I will say thank you:)9 Even though in my last post there was a lot of spelling mistakes, but I take it saw pass that.

As the most comen language spoken her is English I  still see alot of people using translator to converse and that is not easy always:) but I hope you have had some success with these datating sites and not all bad:)

Thank you for your input, it is great.

WhiteLione

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I agree completely with wrable Amat. I understand some people use SL to get away from their RL, but for the most part it's pretty integrated. 

I think it has to be a decision between the two. Proximity is also an issue. I've dated someone on SL who lived half way across the world and WHILE it was fun and lasted quite some time, it ended mutually (mostly because of distance). Another person I met in SL, actually lives two hours North of me and we're on real life terms now.

It's all about luck.

And with that, good luck!

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

Voice verification means nothing.  Voices can be changed electronically.  Also, I had a SL employee once that was a man in RL who played a woman in here.  When he had to voice, he just had his RL wife or daughter do it while he sat next to her and told her what to say.  I didn't find this out until the gentleman passed away and his RL wife came on and told me.  I can usually tell myself as men in women's avi's just don't act like a RL woman does. This man was an exception though.  His wife told me she allowed him to play SL and do as he pleased as long as he played on a woman avi and that she coached him on how to act so he wouldn't give himself away.  Pretty bizarre i admit, but no more than a lot of other things i've seen go on in here. lol

 

 

 

Wow and yeah, that's really creepy o.O

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I think it would be a great way to meet someone if you live in an area where there are not to many people around. There is also a down side. You could end up with someone crazy or worse.

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I've thought about trying that avmatch place out, but haven't gotten around to it. Not because I have issues with meeting people, no.. I've got that part covered :smileytongue: . It's because a huge percentage of the people I do meet do not play SL the same way I do, and the number of places that I frequent is fairly small. I'm a dying breed of SL-only immersionist, and I'm not a RPer and I don't bring my RL identity with me into SL. Chances of finding compatible people are slim even on the best of days lately, so maybe one of these days I might try a site like that, just to see.

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WhiteLione wrote:

...I did not think it would be hard to find somebody here in SL just by hanging around and going to different places...

It's not hard to find "somebody" by "going to different places;" It is hard to easily find compatible people.  Of course that is largely dependent on where one "hangs"  and what one is seeking.

ETA: DANGIT!  I posted to another necro thread.

*Note to self: LOOK at date of OP before posting*

 

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