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loustar Sparta

is possible? to have sl bf and dont fall in love?

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Marigold Devin wrote:

But ...

     "...
with none of the distraction of RL to slow your fall down the rabbit hole."

I had plenty of RL distraction, including three separate men inviting me out on dates in one year, and having to put my brother's needs first, plus I never focussed 100% (or even 50% of my inworld time) with my ex-partner (he has a full-time job in real life, so was not logged in as much as me), and you know I had the ghost hunting for a while, and before that there were other interests/obsessions to distract me from the boys (!):matte-motes-wink-tongue:

... and still I don't know how I fell down that particular rabbit hole.

Mari, I don't mean that RL doesn't distract us, I meant that, in SL relationships, the normal distraction and friction that RL applies to our direct connections is gone. You don't talk over me, you don't chew with your mouth open, you don't look away when I'm talking to you because you aren't interested. And I don't do any of those things to you . All those things happen in RL and slow the process of bonding, or prevent it altogether. In SL all that stuff is replaced with projected perfection.

Meanwhile, all your RL relationships are filled with that crap! Is it any wonder we slip and fall?

And as for falling in love with SL, I think the same things apply. SL is quiet, it never forces itself on you, you are in control, you can create on a scale that's just not possible in RL and you don't have to dust! What's not to love?

We're both beyond needing counseling, but it might be helpful to others to think about how this all happens, to know they're not alone and that it gets better.

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A lot of thoughtful advice and comment here. Given the participants, I'm not surprised. Most of you have been involved in discussions similar to this before, as have I.

loustar, I do think the best advice you've been given (and that by several people) is to not attempt to put what happened out of your mind but at the same time not let it overwhelm you.

It hurts. It will eventually hurt less, but there are no shortcuts. When we let ourselves connect there is always the possibility the connection will fail. The only way to prevent that is to avoid connections and that is not a way I choose to live.

The next time you feel drawn to someone (and there will be a next time) you will be a little bit more careful, a little bit more cautious. And you will have to decide if you are willing to risk going further. That's how it works.

And yes, it is Halloween. Go shopping, go dancing.

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It's possible, but not usual. Your emotions get tangled up. Might I suggest you look up Acuminous Watanabe. She is a RL counselor and has a group in SL & RL Relationships. They discuss this very topic.

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Dazler wrote:

I quote the following lines from some old romantic Hollywood film (the name escapes me):

 

"Better to have loved and lost - than to have never have loved at all"

 

Good luck in your search for the ideal partner.

 

That's from a poem actually, not a film.

I have to say, my take on it is is more "Is it better to have been realistic and sensible and not ended up suffering for an illusion?". Love is worth taking a risk for, but being miserable for sheer fantasy?? Nah...not worth it.

 

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for me SL is only a Role playing game, i get involved with the emotions too, but knowing the person in RL too makes it easier for me to seperate the 2. I feel pretty fine with the falling in love and the snuggling and stuff, but i m happily married in RL so i m not looking for more in SL.

As a male i must say to ur answer: YES !!

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I hear that in SL this is a very common occurrence. Boy falls in love with a girl and then either or both fall out of love. In the end, I say you still have yourself. You also have many other boys out there to meet :) Keep your head up :)) It'll all feel better in the morning.

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I am sorry to hear about your situation, love hurts no matter if it is in SL or RL. And like so many other have said here. With time you will feel better, but one thing I can say is that the love you feel in RL when you meet the person, is something special an feeling that cannot be explainedJ I am sure you will find the right sooner than u think.

Remember everything is possible in SL, but live it more as Fantasy and you will get more out of itJ I always keep thinking lite and keep RL out most of the time, unless it is about not being able to come online because RL situations, I also make sure that when I in the company or femal  and getting to know them, I make sure they know very early that in RL I have a GF that I love with all my hart, (which I do) this way I take out the chance of this envolving into something RL for both of us and we can play the game as RP and enjoy it more, most people agree on this.  So if it is one thing I will sugest for you next time, be upfront of what have happened, and that is a game, and leave the daily RL life situations outside, then you will enjoy the game more.,

Take care and rember your hart will heal,

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I think it is possible loustar but it involves learning alot about yourself and being patient with yourself. A relationship in SL can be inspiring and empowering no matter how long it lasts. Be aware during the blissful moments (the moments that tend to lead one off one's centre of gravity) that the yummy feelings that your current bf or gf brings up in you are YOURS. And by this I dont mean in a selfish way... i mean it in that they are part of you. Through their presence you can discover these parts of you that were hidden before you encountered them. 

If you confidently learn a way to empathise with these new feelings you will become someone who is learning and developing from relationships and even if they walk away (for whatever daft and restricted reason they have) you will be someone who can continue to connect and care for others.

with hugs, Varahi ^^

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I think it is possible loustar but it involves learning alot about yourself and being patient with yourself. A relationship in SL can be inspiring and empowering no matter how long it lasts. Be aware during the blissful moments (the moments that tend to lead one off one's centre of gravity) that the yummy feelings that your current bf or gf brings up in you are YOURS. And by this I dont mean in a selfish way... i mean it in that they are part of you. Through their presence you can discover these parts of you that were hidden before you encountered them. 

If you confidently learn a way to empathise with these new feelings you will become someone who is learning and developing from relationships and even if they walk away (for whatever daft and restricted reason they have) you will be someone who can continue to connect and care for others.

with hugs, Varahi ^^

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Izabel Muircastle wrote:

where is the
point of having a
bf/
gf
if you are
not
in
love with ?

From an evolutionary point of view, reproduction. From an individualistic view, satisfaction of sexual desire. There are a few phrases for such a relationship in modern parlance, such as "friends with benefits" and the cruder "f buddy".

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