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What is a master supposed to do?

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18 minutes ago, Tessa Danube said:

He is not a new Master but recently been wanting me home on his SIM whether or not he is on so that when he does come on I am there. I had a job and children before him and he doesn't understand part of my life is on another SIM. He thinks that bdsm submission and Gor slavery are the same thing. That submitting myself to him I am giving complete say over everything to him as a slave. It is hard to talk to a Master when they are making sure you see that there rules are being followed but posting them instead of listening to what is on your mind. 

What it all boils down to is that the Master and Sub need to be compatible.  Your interests and desires and limits all need to jive with his interests and desires and limits.  If things just don't line up, it isn't necessarily that someone is to blame.  Is is just that you are not compatible in your wants and needs.  There is nothing wrong with walking away from ANY relationship that is not completely fullfilling to BOTH parties.

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I had also had issues with RLV turning it self off many times. At night I would say good night to master and log off sl with RLV  on. I went right to bed. In the morning I would log on SL and say morning to the master and find the RLV off. They would say either I turned it off on purpose which I didn't do or I was on an alt which unless I was sleep walking didn't happen either. Then everyone would say.......  well it don't  turn it self off and no one else has that happen. So basically I was lying why it was off.   When I got really upset about being called  a liar they would come with something like it is just a SL glitch. It made me look like a lyer being called out like that in front of everyone. It made me quiet and withdrawn. Then they could not understand why I was "acting"out like I was. 

 

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34 minutes ago, Tessa Danube said:

He is not a new Master but recently been wanting me home on his SIM whether or not he is on so that when he does come on I am there.

That seems unfair. It should be enough that you respond to his logging in quickly. An IM to welcome him, or you to TP to him quickly.

Being there kneeling for him... nah.

34 minutes ago, Tessa Danube said:

 He thinks that bdsm submission and Gor slavery are the same thing.

They are definately not the same thing, although there are some similarities there are way more differences.

Not that I disapprove of those who enjoy Gorean roleplay, I just find it's not for me. I like my sub to be a little bratty and to have their own life and interests too.

Tessa, your happiness has to come first. You clearly deserve better than what he is willing to give you.

13 minutes ago, Tessa Danube said:

I had also had issues with RLV turning it self off many times.

As it does sometimes.

This exposes him as an even less worthy master. RLV isn't essential to having a sub, it's just a tool that can be used skillfully or clumsily.

Again, you can do better than him.

Edited by Callum Meriman
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I, too, have rules for my submissives/"slaves". (The gist of them: #1: RL always has first priority no matter what; #2: I expect respectful behavior - towards me, and towards everyone else; #3: you're not prisoners on my land; #4: Communicate with me, I'm not a psychic; #5: I don't want you to be my doormats, use your brain; etc). When writing them down, I attempted to follow the spirit of SSCF (safe, sane, consensual, fun)

However, I even had persons who couldn't (or, didn't want to) live by these simple rules, who I had to bid  farewell after a couple of days trial. They indeed wanted to be more like "doormats", like "slaves" without rights, willing to be heavily controlled, even willing to be abused. But that's not how I tick.

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7 hours ago, Tessa Danube said:

I have tried to talk to him as a submissive and he says you have my rules and agreed to them so you have to follow them. There is no wiggle room to the rules. I feel more like a gor slave rather then a bdsm submissive in that it is follow my rules  and that is how it is. I have sl children and a teaching job that i cant really go to because I have to be on the sim all the time. I tried to tell him this isnt what being a sub is but he won't listen

 

ok, let me put this simply.  ANY 'Master' or 'Dom' that does not understand you have obligations and a life and is trying to distance you from everything would most likely be one step away from abusing you.  isolating someone is one of the things that bad 'masters' do to maintain control.  your submission to him is a GIFT.  if he can't understand that, he does not deserve you.  a Dom/Sub and a Master/Slave have an EQUAL relationship.  one does not exist without the other. he is welcome to be a master but he will be the master of nothing if YOU are not there.   read the key words above in red.  ANYONE that says that is usually a horrible master/dom that knows zilch.  honestly not sure how come you are still in a relationship with someone who is actually abusing you emotionally. it's classic signs of emotional abuse. 

1 hour ago, Tessa Danube said:

He is not a new Master but recently been wanting me home on his SIM whether or not he is on so that when he does come on I am there. I had a job and children before him and he doesn't understand part of my life is on another SIM. He thinks that bdsm submission and Gor slavery are the same thing. That submitting myself to him I am giving complete say over everything to him as a slave. It is hard to talk to a Master when they are making sure you see that there rules are being followed but posting them instead of listening to what is on your mind. 

as a Dom, it's hard for me to read the above without gagging.  what use is a Master/Dom that is not even listening to you.  are you getting ANYTHING out of this relationship at all apart from pain and suffering? if you are having to deal with this all the time, why are you even in it?  if he can't understand the difference between GOR and bdsm, then he shouldn't be calling himself a master of anything. honestly, anyone that does not understand that you had obligations BEFORE you began with him, and now thinks you should only belong to him and wait on him hand and foot is an ass.  seriously get yourself someone who knows what a Dom/Sub relationship is.

it's insane you would let yourself be treated like this.   it's a partnership.  it can be rough at times and painful but even that is done with your NEEDS in mind.  the needs of BOTH sides. 

did you have a contract set up with this person when you started or any rules about how much time you would be spending together? if not, then it's about time you sat HIM down and set out YOUR rules.  as in, how much time you need to spend on YOUR second life with other people.  if he wants a SLAVE he should have got one.  And he should have said to the slave at the beginning they would be tied to his hip at all times. he should not be getting a sub and then changing rules on them or making rules whenever they feel like it.

 

seriously. if you want to keep your mental state from being worst, ditch him and get an actual Dom who understands boundaries and listens to you. there are a number of great Doms out there that will treat you much better and who will treat your submission like the gift it is.

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I wanted to quote every response after mine with full agreement, so just imagine I did as I reiterate as firmly and forcefully as I can:

Most self-proclaimed "Masters" in SL are NOT. :\

Oh: bright red flag: if it says "MASTAH!" or "SIR!" anywhere in their title, screen name, or account name. ~snorts~

Edited by Alyona Su
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9 hours ago, Tessa Danube said:

 

 

Just leave him, find somebody how give you what you want. 

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16 hours ago, Tessa Danube said:

I am seriously thinking of walking from a Master as a sub. I don't think he understands what it means to be a dom of a submissive but treats me as a slave with no rights to go anywhere with out his permission. I know he cares but he is a bit to controlling and I am the one that has to give up everything to please him. Any thoughts

 

Sweetheart run do NOT walk away from this person. In the end he will destroy your spirit. I also had a Master exactly like him. Always wanting me to be on the Sim, not wanting me to work except at his club. (I had 5 hosting jobs that I loved but he wanted me to quit all of them) I ask him if I could just pare some of them down and his answer was an resounding NO! When you are online you are to be here with me *rolls my eyes* And when I did work in his club I was to give him all my tips to be "put back into the club" Eventually our relationship ended with him muting and banning me from his club lol which in hindsight was the best thing he ever did for me. But it did take me a long time to regain my spirit and to realize that I am special and who knows maybe one day the right Dom will come along but until then I am enjoying my SL MY way. 

If you need anyone to talk to feel free to IM me inworld. *Hugs*

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There is a difference between dominating and domineering.

WAY too many "Doms" don't know the difference and assume the latter when an experienced one knows it should be the former.

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Once upon a time, at least in RL, the Dom “trained” the Sub. At some point (perhaps even after the Dom retires or dies), the Sub becomes a Dom and, having been “trained” - knows how to treat a Sub properly. Then, the Dom Who started as a Sub takes on their own Subs. It creates a lineage. With traditions and rules.

Thus endeth the lecture.

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To be honest I would like to have a sub, but I wont because I don't have enough time.  And it is selfish to bond somebody to myself when she would be alone 95% of the time. 

Second I'm bat s.!t crazy and I don't want to ruin nobody's life enough if I ruin my own. :D That's why I gave up the looking. 

And I up hold what I said go and look for somebody how deserve you. 

Edited by Derekmate
l
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4 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

There is a difference between dominating and domineering.

and this is what all the sl wantabee Dom's don't understand.  Hard as it might be @Tessa Danube you need to escape this.  I am sure it is making you miserable and he sounds like he is on some ego trip

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I personally cannot devote the time to cater what most subs want from a collaring situation, and I'm not interested in being an on demand poseball, so I serve as and exclusively offer myself as an on the spot playmate in various sims. Not a one off thing, I rarely toy with subs I wouldn't do so with again. I'm into RPing characters, and they don't exist perpetually. And I'm not making alts to offer up my various avis in different states of being online or in relationships.

There is no "right" school of thought for domination or submission, it's totally individual and up to whatever kinks you wanna do. Abuse can even be okay sometimes. But if you aren't having fun, discuss it with the other person and leave the situation if you can't work it out. 

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I have since left because it was just to emotionally draining. 

On the SIM there was multi skyboxes to hang out in. There was a few avatars that would show up that the master said were not him but friends of his in the skybox when he was not online. Now call me a bit old fashion but wouldn't this be wrong for a friend of a Master to be on SIM if he is not online hanging out around his girls. Even in Gor sims I imagine there are private parts of the SIM even friends of the master  would not just  be hanging out with his friends girls when the were not online.

Edited by Tessa Danube
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8 minutes ago, Tessa Danube said:

I have since left because it was just to emotionally draining. 

Well done Tessa, a good time to be with your family and friends a little.

Put him, and all that happened behind you now. And just in case, please make sure you mute him.

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