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Robeyn

What is a master supposed to do?

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I jsut had a disastrous short experience as a  sub slave.  The master was all excited to have a slave and then pretty much ignored me once he had me.  We had sex a few times but mostly he was busy.  i was expecting more than that and feel like I missed a point someplace.  Did I miss a point someplace?  It wasn't like his being busy was part of the rp, he just didn't get around to me.  What do you think? 

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I think it's less a question of whether he did anything wrong and more a question of whether it worked for you. It just sounds like the two of you either didn't 'click' or he was more into the idea of being a master than in actually playing things out. Either way, lack of communication + different goals for the relationship =call it a learning experience and try again with someone else.

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That is kind of what I thought but I've been feeling like I did something wrong.  Thanks for the reality check.

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It seems to me masters are a dime a dozen - the sub is the one that rules, no?  Control your own destiny in SL - there are many other people that will RP with you.  Pick and choose accordingly.

 

ETA Perhaps you weren't a very good roleplayer.  Test the waters with a few more masters - I am sure you will find one that will give you the time you need and want.   

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Storm Clarence wrote:

It seems to me masters are a dime a dozen - the sub is the one that rules, no?  Control your own destiny in SL - there are many other people that will RP with you.  Pick and choose accordingly.

 

ETA Perhaps you weren't a very good roleplayer.
 Test the waters with a few more masters - I am sure you will find one that will give you the time you need and want.   

Or you were too good and scared him. lol. But, yes, as popular a fantasy as this is, you should be able to find someone more like minded. Good luck.

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There are a few factors to consider that could explain your master's behavior. 

First, how much time did you spend getting to know him before he snapped a collar around your neck?  If you don't know anything about each other before hand, chances are it's not going to work out well.

Did he have other slaves?  Many masters/doms in SL have more slaves/subs than they can realistically spend time with.  If he's a collector, he's probably spending more time looking for the next one than paying attention to the one/s he has.

Was this by chance in gor?  If so, it's pretty much the norm that gorean masters don't spend time with their slaves.  You might get to serve them pretend food or get beaten once in awhile. But to them, you are simply property that they don't need to tend to much at all.

It's best to try to find someone who matches your roleplay interests when it comes to master/slave play.  Spend time talking to masters who interest you.  Find out what they like.  If it's what you like too, give them a shot.  If you're not a match, keep on looking.  Good luck!

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Something else to keep in mind - not everyone that calls themselves a master is really a master.  Any schmuck that wants to cyber may use that approach to attract a partner/sub/slave, without really understanding (or caring) what the lifestyle is about.  There are tons of wanna be's and posers out there.  It might help to join a few established BDSM group, and/or talk to some other subs or slaves to get some advice.

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You have a good point - it was only a couple of hours before I agreed.  I made the mistake of assuming that he was the expert on how this works.  Thanks for the insight.

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And that's also a really good point.   I expected the realtionshipt obe very formalized but it wasn't so I think he wasn't a real master.

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Robeyn wrote:

You have a good point - it was only a couple of hours before I agreed.  I made the mistake of assuming that he was the expert on how this works.  Thanks for the insight.

Robeyn, I don't think there are any experts on "how this works". What you want is someone who'll take the time to learn "how you work" while you do the same for them. As in any relationship, that requires good communication, both ways,  from day one.

Welcome to the forum... and good luck!

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You may need to do a bit of searching but I understand there is a place in SL where some orientation is offered to the BDSM 'lifestyle'.  Perhaps someone else reading your OP can clue you in.

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Robeyn wrote:

I jsut had a disastrous short experience as a  sub slave.  The master was all excited to have a slave and then pretty much ignored me once he had me.  We had sex a few times but mostly he was busy.  i was expecting more than that and feel like I missed a point someplace.  Did I miss a point someplace?  It wasn't like his being busy was part of the rp, he just didn't get around to me.  What do you think? 

I just wrote, then deleted a long rant on this subject, Instead I'll just say this.

Speaking as someone in the D/s lifestyle both RL and SL;

If You are just role playing as a sub/slave, then it's No harm, No foul. One bad game round, and you can move on. You've just been doing it as a game, and your hurt. Imagine how it would feel If you had Comitted to him for real.

In RP, or Lifestyle;

-A Good Master (Or Mistress) has a history of longevity with thier slaves, Not a new flavour each week.

-They have something to offer OUTSIDE the bedroom (Sex used as a training tool, NOT a Goal).

-They should be guiding you to be a better slave, and a better person.

-Most of all they should make you feel Proud that they selected YOU above all others to serve them.

I hope this advice helps you in future

 

Angel

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Well, a slave and a sub aren't exactly the same thing, but let's sidestep that bit of semantics for the sake of the question.

There is no set list of things a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress should do.  Not anymore than there is for subs/slaves. 

It's about fantasy, playtime, exploration.  If it's fun/hot for you, then it's good.  Even in roleplay frameworks where the sub/slave's fun isn't supposed to matter, it still does.  If it's not fun for all parties concerned, then you and they won't stick with it.

Don't think of it so much as what "a Master" should do, as what you need in the relationship for it to work for you.  Even if it's "just playtime", with no commitment beyond that, it has to be fun and interesting for all parties involved and the time/effort expectations should be close enough to be acceptable for all parties.  

It doesn't sound like there was enough fun or attention for you in your first experience.  That's not unusual.  There's a saying that goes "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."  LOL  It doesn't sound like you did anything "wrong", and probably the Master didn't either.  The two of you maybe weren't a good match, or it just didn't work out like you'd hoped.   No harm no foul, just try again and see if it goes better.

Collars and chains in SL and etc aren't real.  If the Master/Mistress ends up being a disappointment, the sub/slave can just log off, and if necessary make an alt to get away from them.  Even collars and chains in RL aren't "real" even though they may be physical.  Short of outright criminal acts, the person has to be let out of them if they actually want out.  The only real chains are the fantasies and commitments that the people involved can actually live up to.  Just like any other sort of a relationship, whether "serious" or "playtime", if all parties concerned aren't actually having a good time then it doesn't work. 

But when it does work out, it can be great!  So it's certainly worth trying again, but maybe talk a little more before "becoming a slave" to someone again and discuss expectations on both sides.  It's more important for all parties involved to be content with how things go than for anyone to do what they're "supposed" to do.  There are as many styles to such play as there are people who play.  You just need to find the right person/people and the right framework for it to be as good as you thought it might be.

Good luck.

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I can't remember the exact answer I got from this question, but what I have learned through osmosis is this: A master will guide his/her slave on the path to becoming who he/she wants them to be, and the slave/sub will do all he/she can to please him/her in regards to that guidance and other things. I may be leaving something out, but I found that good advice, so I thought I'd share it. I also liked Angelique's answer as well as Ganelon's and some others. I also want to emphasis/repeat that it's more than sex unless you just want to explore a fantasy of some sort. Ganelon is right-experience is a good teacher. Good luck!

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The title of your question is general so i will answer generally.

1)A master / mistress can have many pets and slaves when a pet or slave can have only one master or mistress.

2)Other thing is a Master or Mistress and other a Dom. A Dom is borned as a Dom. He is a Dom from the first steps of his life, between his friends, in his family, in school, at work, everywhere. A Master is a Dom who was teached to be  a Master by another older Master or Mistress. There are schools in real if you don't know it. Same exactly distinction between sub and slave or pet. This is the difference.

3)Other thing i am a Master or Mistress (means that i have deep knowledge about the REAL bdsm lifestyle and experiences) and other thing i wear a badge over my head which says that i am a Master or everything else when i am totally irrevelant even about what b.d.s.m. means (we have 4 initial letters here).

4)The Master decides for everything in this kind of RP and he is for the sub like the life, the breath. I speak of course for the REAL bdsm and no for the circus of bdsm we have generally in internet. One step further, (to answer to your question) the master has the right not to be meet you for a period which seems to a slave like a century, but usually he has already ordered you to do something giving you every command. This command could be: "Clean your house" or "Cook" or "Stay there and wait for me". You are obliged to obey without other questions or explanations. He will choose when he will meet you, not you.

5)The slave doesn't exist to have sex with a Master but to serve, respect and obey him. If your goal is to have sex with doms, you can't call yourself a slave.

6)The causes about why a person desires to find a Master or Mistress (to be a sub) are over than 100 and come from the age of 5-10 years old. An simple example: A girl when she is very young doesn't like her nose. Gradually as time overs, if her parents don't care about this problem and ignore their daughter, this dissatisfaction for her nose can turn to dissatisfaction for all her body, so when she becomes older, she feels that she is guilty about and the necessity to be punished. Here exactly comes the role of a real Master or Mistress. Do you think maybe that Master means "I hold a whip"? Or "I am a punisher"? Of course NO. The REAL Master or Mistress tries to CURE.

7)I could continue to say more about but i think it is not necessary. My suggestion for you Robeyn (as many times i have told in past here) is that, if you like this kind of RP, learn more about it at first. There are several sites arround, start to visit them and after be sure that you will enjoy more it and you will start to be more picky when you meet a "Master" or a "Mistress".

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See, this is why I kept my answer in a more general frame. Once people who know the "rules" start breaking them down I get a little squicked out. I'm not judging it, that's just my visceral reation.

I took from the original post that Robeyn was interested in experimenting on an SL level. If that's the case, I don't see why "just wanting to have sex with doms", is a problem as long as she finds someone who is cool with playing out that fantasy.

Anyone remember the show, Maude? I remember a conversation she had with her husband where he said, "I thought you wanted me to take charge." and she replies, "I have never said that standing up and you know it!". Not everyone who's interested in a "little tie me, up tie me down" is a lifestyler.

I mean if someone enjoys spending their SL time cleaning house or cooking on demand, fine, but the fact that the first thing she mentioned was that they'd only had sex a few times leads me to think that's high on her list.

And I'll admit, although I'm sure it's clear, I dont' know squat about real BDSM. What I know about is having fun in SL and "rules" just aren't a big part of that.

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Stella Carver wrote:

See, this is why I kept my answer in a more general frame. Once people who know the "rules" start breaking them down I get a little squicked out. I'm not judging it, that's just my visceral reation.

Stella, as someone who feels "born" into an atypical bent, I also get squicked out by rules. I find it interesting that some masters and mistresses will say there are rules, but don't know who wrote them. How's that for being in control?

Now that I think about it, I'm fond of the golden rule, but don't know who wrote that either.

Oops!

;-)

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Almost every point you've made is debatable, even in RL.  Just as there are many ways to RP BDSM in SL, there are many ways to practice it in RL.  There's no right or wrong way.  As long as the people involved feel that it's right, it is. 

 

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Thank you all  for all the insight.  Being new to SL I've done a lot of stumbling around, and at the back of my mind is this concern that there are right and wrong ways to do things in here that I don't know about.!  It's good to hear all of your opinions and to know that the rules in SL, like real life, change according to the people involved!  I think I'll be able to make more intelligient choices as I go on.  Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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I just saw an article that mentions the BDSM 'school'.  It is called The Dark Side Clubhouse BDSM Academy.  It purports to offer introductory courses.  Check for it in Search.

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It is well known around here that I am, indeed, a true Domme – a Domme to the very marrow of my bones. No wannabe, am I, but an authentic, certified, diploma-holding Domme who graduated from “Hardvard’s On-line BDSM Institute for Digital Dominants” class of ‘54.

Here is the only thing a Master/Mistress is truly supposed to do: he/she must dominate the sub who has voluntarily and consensually decided that he/she wishes to be dominated and who therefore ultimately is in control, without the Dom ever truly relinquishing control, because, though it is, indeed, the submissive who is in ultimate control, the Dominant cannot allow the sub to top from the bottom (or from the middle), otherwise they’re just wannabes Doms, but they must ensure that the sub subs from the bottom, even though choosing to be dominated and being in ultimate control, the sub must be dominated consensually in order to maintain the status quo of the Dom domming from the top and the sub subbing from the bottom.

I hope that’s cleared the issue up for you.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

“Hardvard’s On-line BDSM Institute for Digital Dominants” class of ‘54.

Pfft, there was no online digital in 1854.

Was so. Was steam-powered and had a handle that you had to wind up while a man stoked the boiler. Gawd, you're ignorant! Fancy not knowing that! Pfft yourself!

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