SL friends: how much are they real to you?

[DQ Darwin]

Hugs Val......Okay this question comes up often in the forums really and I always enjoy hearing (reading) most of the responses.  Of course the answers will vary related directly to the number of those that post mainly because we all see friendship from a different perspective.

Is friendship based on how someone reacts to you or how you react to someone?

Answering only for myself, I give everyone the benefit of doubt when I meet them. The longer the period of time together the more real it is to me and I care a great deal about those I class as friends. I can share their joy and their pain and I feel both.

For me it’s the mind that makes the person their humour, intelligence, sensitivity and compassion that leads me to wish to spend time with them not the fact they wish to portray themselves as a horse, bear fox, wolf or prim box. For the lack of the same reasons plus cruelty I find myself not wanting to associate with some.

I am who I present myself as and don’t find it worth the worry of whether someone else is real or not as that will show itself in due course, no one can rp forever. Have I been disappointed by choices in the past, yes but had I not tried I would not have the friends I do now. That would have been sad.

Bottom line is to use commons sense and apply the same rules you do in RL, don’t give your sister your PIN for the bank card.

My friends make me smile, is there more?

 

[MoiselleErin Teardrop]

people come and go on the web.

One needs to be realistic about trying to merge RL and SL. Think of this - if you met them in RL, pretty soon they would be too busy playng SL and you would be talking to the back of their head.

 

If you want to learn the reality the easy way, listen to ex-addicts of SL or whatever latest social network is out there. People get involved in web relationships and it ends up costing them real life relationships, jobs, etc.

 

I am down to ONE person in SL that I would maybe call "friend" and it would be cool to meet her but she seems emotionally volitile.

 

I had a few I thought might make good real life friends but of course with people just dropping off the face of the SL planet, I quickly learned that people just don't care.

[Ishtara Rothschild]

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Carole Franizzi wrote:

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Bandito Razor wrote:

Hey, some of us Americans kick ass thank you

Just.. you know none of the ones in power....v . v

 

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I rather like the one who's in power, actually...

[...]

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I used to like Barry "I inhaled frequently, that was the point" Obama until he decided to crack down on medical marijuana. Probably because it's a cheaper alternative to patentable THC-based pharmaceuticals like Sativex. He's just another puppet of the corporate oligarchy that has turned medical science into a game of fraud.

[Randall Ahren]

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Cio Koba wrote:

Friends are friends no matter where you meet them.

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What if you meet them in prison?

[Treyu]

Looks like I am here to break the ice with the fact that I have no real 'RL' friends and only a handful of online 'SL' friends.

First, it's difficult for me to maintain friendships in general because I have a very bad social anxiety disorder that stems from abuse, starvation and other nasty things I've endured practically since I was born and up until I left the military in 2008. This anxiety includes real life and online social situations as well, but I personally find I am more true to my 'real' self online. While it's difficult for me either way, I'm less afraid and less focused on having to respond immediately as I ride that adrenaline rush that I struggle to stay on top of every second that I'm out in public. 

See, in real life, I over-compensate and tend to play the 'class clown' more often than not. I come off as someone no one would expect to have these sorts of issues... but it's all a mask. It's totally fake and that sort of fakeness is very hard to fake so often. At the end of the day, I can't fake it any more and I try to get away in any way that I can. I find excuses to not take any acquaintances to the next level. I don't go to the bars, clubs or even simple social gatherings I'm invited to... and with that, the potential for real life friendship dies off.

People are people, whether it's online or offline, and I probably know that better than anybody. There will always be exchanges made, trading positives and minuses for one or the other. For example, the safety and distance of an internet relationship comes with having no physical contact with said person. To some people, this is unacceptable and they may go so far as to call it 'not a real friendship'. Well let me tell you that, to some people, this is not only an acceptable trade-off, but a preferable one.

Online, I don't have to worry so much about my response time or my ability to be witty 'as usual' or anything else. I can simply be me, collect my thoughts, and be honest. Through this, I have found that I make the most meaningful relationships... and I would make many more, if only I didn't avoid people so much after talking to them. Maintaining a friendship is my weakest point because it raises the feelings of anxiety once again. No longer are they strangers... now they know something about me, and that fact scares me to death. Once we speak a few times or so, the 'scary' part wears off and I can, generally, start a friendship from there. Getting there, however, is harder than Chinese algebra.

 I am seeking help in the real world for my social issues, but it feels like the further I dig, the more I realize that it's going to take one hell of a lot of therapy and work to get me to not be a walking bundle of stress and anxiety within any kind of close proximity to another human being. Until then, it's either opt for the rare SL/online friends who still love me despite my issues and stony, stoic silence... or simply go friendless. 

[valerie Inshan]

Well Treyu, this is one really moving post. I recognize myself in many (yet not all) of your statements about RL. This especially I understand completely:

See, in real life, I over-compensate and tend to play the 'class clown' more often than not. I come off as someone no one would expect to have these sorts of issues... but it's all a mask. It's totally fake and that sort of fakeness is very hard to fake so often. At the end of the day, I can't fake it any more and I try to get away in any way that I can. I find excuses to not take any acquaintances to the next level. I don't go to the bars, clubs or even simple social gatherings I'm invited to... and with that, the potential for real life friendship dies off.

Thank you very much for sharing.

[valerie Inshan]

Dee hun, sometimes a friendship comes out of the blue. It's just a feeling, an intuition that you could be in harmony with someone. You posted a thread in the old GD "How's your morning?". It was one chilly winter morning for you, you were just posting about how cold you were and how bad was the weather. It was an innocent and friendly thread. I offered to lend you my fur outfit and it made you laugh. It was my very first reply to you. Since then I was appealed by your personality. There was a tone in your posts, a kindness and a sense of humour that made me want to be friends with you some day. I am so glad it did happen, both here and inworld. You (and a few others) are just as real as if we lived next door. We do, actually: we're just one TP away. :smileyhappy:

[Jessika Rang]

My friends in sl are as real to me as my friends in rl... it breaks my heart that my rl work life has taken me away from both, but when I can and do connect to friends in either world it reminds me how wonderful, valued and true these friendships are.  I don't drop anyone from my friends list (unless there are weird circumstances - which is rare).  Part of my pleasure in sl is catching up with random old friends.  But I do understand when friends dissappear from my friends list. I used to be on daily - sometimes for hours - during the day and also evenings.  Now I am rarely on, I am not a very good sl friend at the moment - actually I am not a very good friend in rl either, when it comes to socializing or even checking in.  I just hope that all my friends (rl and sl) realize I still care, still think of them and will be there when i can. 

[valerie Inshan]

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Jessika Rang wrote:

Now I am rarely on, I am not a very good sl friend at the moment - actually I am not a very good friend in rl either, when it comes to socializing or even checking in.  I just hope that all my friends (rl and sl) realize I still care, still think of them and will be there when i can. 

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Jessika, I believe your true loving friends know that you care even if you're not available everyday.  And I am sure you ARE a good friend, otherwise you wouldn't have posted these words. :smileyhappy:

[Hippie Bowman]

Hi Val!  Great thread my friend!  Friends and relationships are very important to me, here in SL!  I an very pleased and honered to count you as one of my dear friends too!  I started a thread some time ago, that all of you may all be interested in.  Check it out here http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/SL-Relationships-How-real-are-they-to-you/td-p/858815  Hugs to you Val!

 

Peace!

[valerie Inshan]

Awww Hippie, you sweet man and dear friend! How come I didn't see your thread back in May? I must have been offline, lol, otherwise I would have posted! Thank you for your kind words, you know how much I cherish your friendship. You and all the hippies gang are so precious to me. There's nothing like friends when the times get rough. /me hugs you! :smileyhappy:

[Hippie Bowman]

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valerie Inshan wrote:

Awww Hippie, you sweet man and dear friend! How come I didn't see your thread back in May? I must have been offline, lol, otherwise I would have posted! Thank you for your kind words, you know how much I cherish your friendship. You and all the hippies gang are so precious to me. There's nothing like friends when the times get rough. /me hugs you! :smileyhappy:

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Aww Val!  You are such a dear and cherished friend!  Love you big time!  Hugs and kisses!

 

Peace!

[DQ Darwin]

Val thank you that's so kind, I would have responded sooner but I had to check my inventory to make sure I returned that lovely black fur outfit. I am pleased to be able to count you as one of my friends and in thinking about it we have chatted almost every morning (my time zone) for almost a year now and I have enjoyed it immensely.

I'm coming up to 4 years in SL and I have missed very few days of logging in, There are a lot of reasons why I first came and stayed in SL which are irrelevant to this post, but for the last couple of years it has been friends that bring me back time and again. The 30 to 60 mins in the evening spent with friends here (even those in different time zones that are popping in during a nightly pee break) rounds out my day. That works for me and at present would not have it any other way.

Are my friends in SL real? You can be sure they are to me and just a TP away.

[Lia Abbot]

Val, I know I can't be truly considered a friend as we've barely met in-world. But all I've seen and read from and about you makes me feel close to you, and I truly love your posts. Maybe one day we'll meet up properly, but until then I hope you will continue to respond in your usual sweet way to my posts.

There are others on this thread who I have recently met in-world, some of whom have been kind enough to friend me. To them I extend my gratitude and some big hugs. I feel these friendships are real enough, and I hope they do too.

I'm just a wanderer in SL, but I value the kindness offered to me by these people.

[Melita Magic]

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valerie Inshan wrote:

How much "real' are your friends? How much can you get emotionally involved in SL friendships and go beyond the pixels, or how much DON'T you and why?

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Of course they are real. I've never thought of other residents as an NPC just there to provide backdrop for me and my SL experience (as I just read someone doing in another subfora.)

I don't talk about real life, or at least, as little as possible and in a vague or general way. That's how I prefer things. It isn't much of an escape if it's dragged in with me. 

But, if others talk about their real life, I listen and I've even given some supportive feedback when it seems wanted. But I don't actively seek or encourage it to be honest. I'm at my most relaxed when puttering around in my virtual garden, usually, or just checking in on my Meeroos. I'm pretty much of an introvert.

But to mistake that for not caring about people or about my Second Life friends or acquaintances would be uncharitable. I remember things about people long after the fact, and I wonder if the people with 500 names on their friend's list, or who insist on everyone bringing all of RL into SL can say the same? Maybe they can - I only know that is past my capability. So I keep it simple.  The types of people I tend to like seem to appreciate that.

[Dillon Levenque]

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Melita Magic wrote:

Of course they are real.

I don't talk about real life, or at least, as little as possible and in a vague or general way.

But, if others talk about their real life, I listen and I've even given some supportive feedback when it seems wanted.

I remember things about people long after the fact, and I wonder if the people with 500 names on their friend's list, or who insist on everyone bringing all of RL into SL can say the same? Maybe they can - I only know that is past my capability. So I keep it simple.  The types of people I tend to like seem to appreciate that.

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The first line is the most important: "Of course they are real".  i clipped out a few more just because they seemed appropriate and similar to my way of thinking, and I appreciate that.

[DQ Darwin]

@Val: You know everytime someone adds to this thread I go back and see if there is a way I could express my post any better than I did.

I just thought of this as a indicator of how I think of friends on SL. On my friends list are about 50 people (never counted) and there are a distinct number I talk to daily or every chance I get. Some are business (very few). Some are people I have connected with over the last almost 4 years and I have not talked to in ages Outside of the odd one, in many ways, that I have found it necessary to remove the remainder from the first freindship offer remain.

The point is, there is no cost to me with respect to lag, computer capability or anything else negative so why hurt their feelings by removing them?

And that's my point if I am worried about hurting their feelings then I must find them real. That sums it up for me.