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whats wrong with me?!


KellyFitz10
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Well Kylie, it is for me too. Point taken.

I wasn't really being clear though. I am also an extension of myself. I'll talk about RL with my friends, I (now) have a RL pic in my profile and I don't do anything I want to hide or be ashamed of, or just have a lil getaway from the humdrum of home life. I'm just me, good or bad.

What I was trying to say (badly as usual) is that it's a good idea to be "en guarde" from people who are playng a seperate life to their RL. It happens and I have no issue with it other than I've seen a long trail of broken hearts because one person was playing a role and the other was playing themselves.

I wish my text reflected my face more :)

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Ian Undercroft wrote:

If you feel "fake" you could always consider posting a RL pic in your profile and/or describing your RL self in your profile.

 

@Ian...I once started a thread over on SLO for real life pics, last I looked, I was still the only one who posted one :)

Some people just don't like putting it out there for a variety of reasons.

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Four principal reasons I guess.

(1)   A somewhat odd (at least that's how it seems to me) obsession with privacy.

I’m anything but obsessed, personally. If you make friends with me you get bombarded with RL pics, RL info and RL news. Whether you want it or not. In the forums which are open to the non-SL public…nah. I prefer not to.

(2)   Disclosure of their RL image would impact negatively on their SL image.

Nah. Not for me. Nobody can seriously think Carole is better than RL me. You do??? Nooooooooooooooooo! Honest, injun. I swear I’m a tiny bit better. Just a teeny-weeny bit, mind.

(3)   The activities of their SL avatar would seriously embarrass the RL them.

Oh jeez, yeah. You bet. Wouldn’t want my off-spring to connect Carole to “mum”. Having said that, all my RL-SL cross-over pals are well aware of the nonsense I can sometimes get up to in here (I produced what might just be the only illustrated geriatric porn novel in SL history). I suppose I can’t be that embarrassed. It must mean that I assume that people who understand SL, understand why you sometimes do odd stuff here. One of my dearest RL pals is an ex-SL chum and he knows exactly what I’ve done here, since he was often there while I was doing it, and although we sometimes joke and giggle about it, it’s certainly not an issue.

(4)   Their RL is as fake as their SL.

I take exception to that, sir! My RL job as a shop-window mannequin for over-size fashions is very meaningful to me!

To summarise – I suppose I differentiate between in-world and the forums, since in the forums, I have no control over who sees what I write. Doesn’t mean I play “No RL” in-world though.

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Kylie Jaxxon wrote:


Eloise Baily wrote:


There are too many ways not to be yourself. That's the idea. It's a SECOND life, not an extension of the first. People roleplay romance here. They lie about themselves, they have five husbands/wives and none of them know about the others...

 


Not to all of us, Eloise...I am the same here as I am in RL, in character, personality (well, except that I'm a little older than my avatar
:)
  It's not a
second
life to me, I don't pretend to be something I'm not or roleplay.  For me, it is an extension of socialization of my first life.

 

The problem is, of course, as you are well aware, that not everyone plays the same way you do. That’s where the issues lie. And where all the upset (I hate the word “drama”) originates. But I realise I’m preaching to the converted and that you’ve probably had loads of brushes with people who play SL in a completely different way to how you play.

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Ian Undercroft wrote:

Four principal reasons I guess.

(1) A somewhat odd (at least that's how it seems to me) obsession with privacy.

(2) Disclosure of their RL image would impact negatively on their SL image.

(3) The activities of their SL avatar would seriously embarrass the RL them.

(4) Their RL is as fake as their SL.

LOL, agree with all your points.

If you haven't come across it already, check out this thread pertaining to your point #1

http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussion-Forum/Second-Life-1-Facebook-0/td-p/1130817

 

 

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Jo Yardley wrote:

My avatar also looks like RL me, so no issues there.

I get annoyed when I play other games and only get to play with boring models and barbie like avatars.

 

I don’t mind Barbies. Hell – I am a Barbie in other accounts! It’s a hoot! But I’d hate to be stuck as one. I love the scope that having a realistic-looking avatar affords. I meet all sorts of interesting people.

Did I ever tell you that I love your sim?

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Kylie Jaxxon wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

 

 

But I realise I’m preaching to the converted and that you’ve probably had loads of brushes with people who play SL in a completely different way to how you play.

Carole...is this, by any chance, a snide remark?  :smileysurprised:

 

 

Absolutely not. I play SL as you do - as myself (not to be confused with how I "play" the forums). I've had brushes with people who RP their bums off and remain perplexed and confused (although, I do try to be tolerant) by their ability to keep ther RL selves out of it. I never managed it in-world.

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Carole Franizzi wrote:


Kylie Jaxxon wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

 

 

But I realise I’m preaching to the converted and that you’ve probably had loads of brushes with people who play SL in a completely different way to how you play.

Carole...is this, by any chance, a snide remark?  :smileysurprised:

 

 

Absolutely not. I play SL as you do - as myself (not to be confused with how I "play" the forums). I've had brushes with people who RP their bums off and remain perplexed and confused (although, I do try to be tolerant) by their ability to keep ther RL selves out of it. I never managed it in-world.

Ah, okay...sorry.  I read it a different way (in another tone...shame on me) and was confused as to why you would say it like that.  My apologies :smileywink:

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Kylie Jaxxon wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:


Kylie Jaxxon wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

 

 

But I realise I’m preaching to the converted and that you’ve probably had loads of brushes with people who play SL in a completely different way to how you play.

Carole...is this, by any chance, a snide remark?  :smileysurprised:

 

 

Absolutely not. I play SL as you do - as myself (not to be confused with how I "play" the forums). I've had brushes with people who RP their bums off and remain perplexed and confused (although, I do try to be tolerant) by their ability to keep ther RL selves out of it. I never managed it in-world.

Ah, okay...sorry.  I read it a different way (in another tone...shame on me) and was confused as to why you would say it like that.  My apologies :smileywink:

 

No need to apologise. I can be snidey at times, but I was 100% deadpan sincere. Being, like yourself, rather "genuine", I know what it means to be at cross purposes with those who RP both their lives. I'd still defend their right to do so with my teeth, but it does cause a bit of upset at times.

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Carole Franizzi wrote:



 

No need to apologise. I
can
be snidey at times, but I was 100% deadpan sincere. Being, like yourself, rather "genuine", I know what it means to be at cross purposes with those who RP both their lives. I'd still defend their right to do so with my teeth, but it does cause a bit of upset at times.

Believe it or not, I have never experienced that personally...I guess I've been lucky in that regard in SL.  I have read numerous threads on the issue, of course :smileysad:

ETA:  I have had heartbreak in SL..I was partnered once and even took it to RL.  We parted of our own accord which had nothing to do with RPing, lies or really SL at all.

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I actually don't spend much time as my "me" avatar, despite all the work that went into her... kinda boring to me... so I go through phases of mood with my other avatars... anthro clouded leopard librarian when I'm disinterested or educational, monochromatic faun when I'm feeling aggressive or adventurous, ball clouds and black spikes when I'm disengaged or goofy, robotic dancer when I'm feeling mechanical or when I'm partying, child genius when I'm feeling creative or small... etc ad nauseam...

that said, I don't do anything in SL that I'm ashamed of, or regret (though I've done plenty that would be momentarily embarrassing). but then I'm very secure in who I am, and if someone doesn't like that :: shrug :: their problem, not mine.

 

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Void Singer wrote:

I actually don't spend much time as my "me" avatar, despite all the work that went into her... kinda boring to me... so I go through phases of mood with my other avatars... anthro clouded leopard librarian when I'm disinterested or educational, monochromatic faun when I'm feeling aggressive or adventurous, ball clouds and black spikes when I'm disengaged or goofy, robotic dancer when I'm feeling mechanical or when I'm partying, child genius when I'm feeling creative or small... etc ad nauseam...

that said, I don't do anything in SL that I'm ashamed of, or regret (though I've done plenty that would be momentarily embarrassing). but then I'm very secure in who I am, and if someone doesn't like that :: shrug :: their problem, not mine.

 

Holy cow, Void...you make me tired just reading about your SL.  I don't know how you keep all of that/them straight, lol.

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actually, I never really thought about WHEN I use my avatars till that post.... but something made me think about it and generally that's how it works out... it's not like a set of rules or anything.... just how I often seem to pick.... and I left out a few avs (like my fankenstein-esque starving artist) but that's because they aren't completely set yet, so I wear those when I'm working on them or deciding which aspect of me they represent (apparently)

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KellyFitz10 wrote:

 But is anyone else feeling like bc maybe you made your avatar a better version of you (like i did), that you cant live up to the standards you created for yourself?

 In RL I can gain weight, and I'm unable to fit into my pants, or I can lose weight and looked gaunt and haggard.  None of that happens to Celestiall.   Although it could!   I control what happens to my avatar, how she looks, and what she wears.   So, I don't have to make her perfect.  It's a conscious choice that you have within your control. 

 


KellyFitz10 wrote:

 Like it's kind of depressing knowing I've made all these male suitors on SL, but it's never going to happen offline, IRL?

Hmm, well, I've have years..err...decades of experience in dissuading male suitors in RL.   It's been my RL experience that attracting men is like shooting fish in a barrel....not much of a challenge.  So, I don't try to gain male suitors in SL, as that's even less of a challenge.

Knowing that it's easier to attract male suitors in SL is not depressing to me, it's just annoying.

 


KellyFitz10 wrote:

If yes, can you tell me what you did to stop the problem? Like it's kinda depressing.

 

Hmm, Kelly I can't relate to your problem from my own personal experience.  But,  let me share with you some information that may help you.   

You stated...."I've made all these male suitors on SL, but it's never going to happen offline, IRL?".  

Yet, there is a possibility that what you're gaining in SL will carry over to your RL.  It's called "The Avatar Effect" and it's an increasingly documented real phenomena whereby those who interact with others in a virtual world using an avatar, then have a carry-over of the feelings, confidence, personality and even physiological to RL.  Thus, your SL experience of attracting male suitors, may give you an increased ability to do so in RL. 

The "Avatar Effect" research is being done by scientists at Standford and other universities.    I'm going to post some links to videos and articles that discuss the phenomena at work: 

http://news.discovery.com/tech/revenge-of-the-alter-egos.html

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/digitalnation/virtual-worlds/second-lives/the-avatar-effect.html

 

 

Also, for those that might be interested, Jeremy Bailenson, was a guest speaker at the inworld MICA (Meta Institute of Computational Astrophysics) on May 2011, and his presentation was one of the most intriguing I've had the pleasure of hearing.  Here's a link to the MICA website for any who are interested in attending inworld talks that engage your mind. 

Here are links to past popular talks:

http://www.mica-vw.org/wiki/index.php/Popular_Talks

Here's the 2011 Fall schedule of talks:

http://www.mica-vw.org/wiki/index.php/Upcoming_Public_Events

 

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Oryion wrote:

However, my avatar seems to have developed into a sleek, sexy temptress over the months and when I really give it some thought, it makes sense that she looks how I want to look. She dresses how I would never dare dress in RL and she's cheeky and provocative in chat in a way that makes me squirm at the thought of being in RL. Having said all of that, she did help me to realise a few home-truths about myself. If this is the 'ideal me' then why not imitate it if I'm obviously not 100% happy with the way I am now?

On that note, I've started wearing little skirts like my avatar and popping on more makeup when I go out, and I even flirt a bit more and it's actually boosted my confidence to the point where I pulled at the weekend
:D
I'm not gonna kiss and tell but I do have SL to thank for that!

I think it's all in the way you look at it - you can look at your avatar and get upset that SL isn't RL, or you can swing it around and pop a little SL into your RL!

Remember,
men dig confidence
for the best part, put a Barbie lookalike in front of them and most would turn it down
:)

You have just illustrated a good example of the "avatar effect".   :  )  

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