Jump to content

No RL in my SL, PLEASE!!!!!!!


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1950 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts

I can't find people who seem able to keep SL and RL apart.

In my real life I am happily married, a mother, and a full time student with a part time job and a few cool  hobbies.  I'm happy.  I love SL because it allows me to dream and explore and I thought I enjoyed it because I could explore my submissive side (And before any of you judge me, know that my RL husband is aware of my SL submissive life. We have the agreement that as long as it stays in the computer, and does not carry into RL, we are both ok with it.) 

The problem is, few of the men I have met are ok with butting the EFF out of my RL. I understand wanting to verify that I am really a woman and not just a man pretending to be a woman. I'm ok with that.... But that isn't enough. They want to be on the phone all the time, harass me for more and more pictures, want to know the intimate details of my private life, like how often I m*st*r*b*t*, how often I have sex with my RL husband, how we did it, where we did it, etc ad nauseum, and I feel like I am being perved. It does not feel like submission, it sounds like he's getting off on my real life.

If I wanted to be on the phone, or in skype or dwell in my real life, why would I be in SL?

After all, I am not a REAL slave anymore than I am a REAL pirate when I battle in SL. Which isn't to say I'm  a woman looking to draw the line between my SL and my RL and keep the two firmly separated.

So, .... I am not submitting to anyone. I'm just going to frolic about and play where I want to, and forget trying to find a Dominant Male in SL at this time. Because I just escaped another perv (the third one) and I've had an epiphany that being free feels so much better than feeling perved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 102
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Did you shared your RL informations to them in any way?

No?

Then, were is the problem? You said not all men are that way, so why don't you pick one of the friendly guys and tell the others dircetly where you draw the line? As long as you don't give them informations about you, they are all gone when you turn SL off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Autumn Eleventhauer wrote:

<

In my real life I am happily married, a mother, and a full time student with a part time job and a few cool  hobbies.  I'm happy.  I love SL because it allows me to dream and explore and I thought I enjoyed it because I could explore my submissive side (And before any of you judge me, know that my RL husband is aware of my SL submissive life. We have the agreement that as long as it stays in the computer, and does not carry into RL, we are both ok with it.) >

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

There lies your problem; I already know more about your real life than I ever got to know about my original partner in SL, who I "knew" in SL for two whole years!

You are probably giving out far too much of yourself to people you encounter in Second Life, without even realising it.   I suggest you slow things down a lot; keep all your chatlogs, and read through them a day or two afterwards. You'll be able to see why these folks are wanting so much real life from you.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, first, if you want to keep RL out of SL why did you go into so much RL details about yourself?

Second, do you actually think these wanna-be dominant personalities you meet in the world you are playing in, are going to stop when you say stop? Most do not know the meaning of boundary. And should you be surprised? You're walking up to strangers on the internet and saying "command me." Well, they are.

Third, those are men trying to get laid, and not by a pixel.

Are you really surprised at any of that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Autumn Eleventhauer wrote:

I can't find people who seem able to keep SL and RL apart.

They want to be on the phone all the time, harass me for more and more pictures, want to know the intimate details of my private life,

Oh, good grief. 

You state that you want to keep SL and RL apart.   BUT, you gave your RL phone number and RL pictures to  someone in SL?!  

*Hmm, trying to decide if this poster is serious...or trolling us*

If you are serious, then you brought on the situation.  Duh.     Just don't share RL information with people in SL.  That is such a no brainer...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edited to add:  I actually do share RL information including pictures with someone in SL.  He shares RL info with me too.   But, it's someone that I explicitly trust.

When engaging in any type of relationship, whether in SL or RL, you must use criteria to determine if the other person is worthy of being trusted.  You must vet them and their level of emotional maturity.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second edit to add:      Do not be quick to engage in a SL personal relationship.  Be picky.   

( I was in SL for 3.5 years before I met someone who met my criteria.  The person I described above) 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OP, you are being given good advice here so please do not take offence.  It is down to you at the end of the day and if you give out RL phone numbers and information then you are giving other people chance to abuse your trust.

 

Personally I keep SL and RL totally seperate because that's my choice.  Anyone who tries to get RL information out of me gets ignored!   Anyone who makes a nuisance of themselves also gets ignored.  I do not have to put up with them if they cannot behave properly and respect my privacy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Krystal,

I'm hearing what they are saying, but I'd really like to hear from a sub who plays in the BDSM community. I realize the responders are being hyper critical, but I did put my issue out there in a public forum. My real trouble stems from my wanting the person I am communicating with to understand I am a real person, really a woman (because so many men are paranoid that they are interacting with a man pretending to be a woman that many of them won't continue until they can verify who they are dealing with, and I understand that and respect this.... The problem is, closing that door after it's been opened.)

In the future my profile is going to clearly state that I am not into voice (it hurts my ears after 5 minutes) or photos or blending my RL into SL, -but right now, I'm not even looking. Just being free of  my recent hassle feels so good, I am reluctant to even try to find a BDSM community in SL.

 But wherever I now travel in SL, I'm going to clearly state that I'm in SL to escape RL, not to bring anyone from SL into my RL, at all- not even as friends.  When I am inworld next, I will clearly state this in my 1st life tab of profile.

Thank you for your response,    

Autumn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm a Domme, in SL, AND In real Life, But I'm Married to a lovely Woman, and completely committed to her. I have a Job, i have family, and friends. In short i Have a Full RL. In Every SL relationship i have, I maintain One very hard rule. SL, Yahoo messenger, or E-Mail is No problem, But my RL is MINE. What starts on line STAYS on line No matter How much we Love one another, and i make sure All my SL Slaves, Lovers, and Friends Know this and more importantly, RESPECT it

Only Once did i have a Slave who was Angling to take it to RL. I had a Discussion with her in which i reminded her of All the reasons we agreed to "On Line Only" and had her recommit to that condition. She did not bring it up again, and we were together for a very long time after that.

Autumn, If you have set a "No RL" Rule, STICK TO IT, and do Not give ANY RL Pics, or Contact information to your SL partners. It only encourages them.

 

Angel.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All good advice has already been given, but I'd like to point out an important thing:

There is absolutely no way in SL (or the Internet in general) to "verify" that someone is genetically male or female. Voice is about as dumb as any other method. Can always get a friend to "verify" voice for you. Can always pick up/scan some obscure RL picture, or get a friend to do it etc.pp.

Why do I point this out? Because SL is a virtual, make-believe world, I often wonder why people care about who's behind on the other side of that connection. To me it comes down to whether or not someone is likeable. While I do understand that there's people who are so scared that they might engage in a same sex "flirt", I strongly feel that these same people pretty much have no choice but to abandon online flings and go to the closest local club to hook up. And even then they cannot be sure of the true genetic gender of their date.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

true enough, Jenni. ...  But I think this may also be an excuse on their part- to see you online and try to get you to talk to them.  Constant verification and reassurance that you are "real"\.  And I have heard every excuse you can think of from men trying to get video, photos, voice.  It's just time to stop trying and refocus on what SL actually is to me; a fun escape.

Thanks,  Autumn

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Autumn Eleventhauer wrote:

So, .... I am not submitting to anyone. I'm just going to frolic about and play where I want to, and forget trying to find a Dominant Male in SL at this time. Because I just escaped another perv (the third one) and I've had an epiphany that being free feels so much better than feeling perved.

This sounds like a great idea for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Autumn Eleventhauer wrote:

I can't find people who seem able to keep SL and RL apart.

<snip>

So, .... I am not submitting to anyone. I'm just going to frolic about and play where I want to, and forget trying to find a Dominant Male in SL at this time. Because I just escaped another perv (the third one) and I've had an epiphany that being free feels so much better than feeling perved.

Autumn, I have kept online and offline separate for 24 years. My reasons for doing so have varied along the way, but I have them and expect them to be respected, as should you. But it's up to you to hold the line. They can't take a mile if you don't give an inch. You gave more than that..

And while I'm happy for your epiphany, I hope you understand that a good relationship, regardless of its particulars, should make you feel free. Free to explore your dreams, free to express your uncertainty, free to be yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.....this is so true

Unless you cam with someone, you will never be certain.

As for the OP's situation, I have to agree with those that say you put yourself in this position.  If you aim to keep RL & SL totally separate, then I suggest you only get involved with those that do the same. This IMO would include no verification of gender etc.

IMO, you need to set boundaries and keep them.  Not set boundaries then blame the other person for crossing them after you've allowed them to. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not into male Doms, so I can't give any advice there... but maybe someone else could point you to a friendly BDSM sim with male Doms? There do seem to be marked differences between sims... some sims just attract a rather unfriendly crowd. Though even my own preferred BDSM (femdom) sim has the occasional rude and crude visitors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with what others have already said. I'd go even further than Angelique and suggest that you don't tell people anything about your RL at all. Don't reveal anything about your RL gender, your relationship status or anything else.

At best, people will assume that you're telling them an elaborate lie in order to keep them out of your RL. At worst, they won't be discouraged by your marriage status and press for more RL details since you've already given them a taste. If you want to keep your RL out of SL, do just that and simply never mention it here. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

I agree with what others have already said. I'd go even further than Angelique and suggest that you don't tell people anything about your RL at all. Don't reveal anything about your RL gender, your relationship status or anything else.

At best, people will assume that you're telling them an elaborate lie in order to keep them out of your RL. At worst, they won't be discouraged by your marriage status and press for more RL details since you've already given them a taste. If you want to keep your RL out of SL, do just that and simply never mention it here. 

Ishy, I think there are some RL things one can tell. For example, my 90 year old neighbor Trudy (she's my second mom)  thinks I should pad my bra more because I look like a young man. Doesn't that seem a safe revelation?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To the OP, don't worry about people "judging" you.  Dominant or submissive are just characteristics and I actually think everyone has them to some degree.  It's a matter of where the balance falls between the two extremes that would decide if someone is Dom or sub.  It is just how you are comfortable or most enjoy acting in certain situations.  It does not necessarily extend to every facet of your life.  Some people can be submissive in the bedroom, but very dominant in their workplace or social life for example.

Not all slaves are submissive and vice versa.  Even if you declare yourself to be a slave in certain situations (like certain areas of SL) that does not  indicate that any reasonable Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme would assume it extends to things like giving them personal information or that they could order you to get up in RL and go to the kitchen and make a sandwich and then throw it away or something silly like that. Being sexually submissive does not mean that you're looking for anyone to run your private life.

But I do agree with others that you are too free with information about your RL.  Right in your first post you told us more about your RL than anyone needs to know to play online.  If you offer too much info about your RL in play situations on SL, it could blur the line between the two for a playmate in the heat of the moment.

You need to decide how much you'll tell about yourself (at least until someone has earned your trust enough that you'd actually call them a friend outside of any sort of sexual play), and then stick to it.  Do you really need to tell people that you are happily married, a mother, a full time student, have a part time job and etc in RL?  No, you don't.  I am sure that your SL character/avatar has likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, some background story, and that "the SL you" is plenty interesting enough for anyone!  :matte-motes-smile:

But if you're going to play online and want to keep it separate from RL, you need to actually play your character and mostly share things about your life on SL.  Don't share "the RL you" or info about yourself until someone has been good to you long enough that they have earned your trust.  Maybe not even then, if you really want to keep it separate and not get hounded by someone who loses perspective (or maybe didn't have a healthy perspective in the first place).  Don't play with anyone that doesn't want to cope with your rules, and if they keep breaking your rules then put them on ignore and leave them there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Ishy, I think there are some RL things one can tell. For example, my 90 year old neighbor Trudy (she's my second mom)  thinks I should pad my bra more because I look like a young man. Doesn't that seem a safe revelation?

It does seem safe, unless one was trying to keep SL and RL entirely separate. If I understood the OP correctly, she is in one or more purely cyber-sexual SL relationships and doesn't want her cyber-lovers to become interested or emotionally invested in her RL person.

By telling them something like your example, she'd signal that she's a) most likely female in RL, b) not unwilling to reveal RL information, and c) probably just a tiny bit insecure about her figure, which causes the kind of insecure men who pose as dominant sex gods in SL to think that they might have a chance for more than just cybersex.

Once they get their hopes up, the nature of their superficial cyber-relationships could change completely and there is no going back to the simple no-strings-attached roleplay. At least I hope that these SL relationships are superficial, for the sake of her husband. Not that I want to be judgemental here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1950 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...