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Deleting Contacts


Pandora Drezelan
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Hey Pandora:)

I delete a person only if he/she did something wrong to me. Happened only once till now.

I also put it in my profile, that I am too lazy to clear my list, "delete yourself if you care".

Btw, your name sounds familiar to me lol, are we friends in SL? I remember I was writing a name Pandora, and maybe a similar last name,  on one of my jobs:p

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I used to be very active in SL but not so much now... I was/am picky about who I add as friends  - as in, unless I feel a connection I hesitate to add random friends).  but I rarely delete a friend once added.  I don't resent friends for deleting me (since I am not here as much as I used to be) but I do miss them and often think about sending a "hello" IM -I joined SL in 2007 and I still have friends from then - we are close in a virtual/rl kinda way.  I am lucky to find old friends online sometimes - grins - its a happy reunion!

To answer your question, the best answer is to be more discerning in the first place - don't friend every person you meet/know I have deleted friends when they have become stalker-ish or needy in an annoying way.  I usually try to handle things... personally and diplomatically before cutting someone off.  I've found the best tactic is honesty - especially in sl where you have anonimity - "I'm just not that into you"  "You aren't my type" "I don't need/want a relationship right now"  Um, if you can't say that much in rl, sl or any other soc net chat - if you can't be that honest - with no chance really of any repercussions, then, well nevermind.  Be honest and be firm... if the guy is a creepy-type, never Ever say something like "I'm sure we will be friends" or "lets stay in touch".  If you are stuck for words just say "good luck"

When it comes to friendships in sl, well, you have to make your own decisions, did you feel close to them? have they changed? do they seem to care about you?...don't give more than you are getting back - thats not a friendship - its babysitting.

I have learned that in SL time is compressed, things happen fast and intensely, so follow your heart and also your instincts, if it sounds to good to be true it probably is... many men want to play the "hero"- for a single moms and molest your daughters (or sons) (arrg i hate to say that) - but its true on social networks and games, single moms protect your kids. I

Bottom Line: I won't delete my sweet, old, friends for new, cool "spicey" friends... facebook transcends age, gender, reality and virtual,

Dear "Deleting Contacts": Really?  This is the most important thing you can post about... everyone, i guess worries that they are not interesting, funny - or on the opposite sprectrum, bitcy enough

 

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A few of my deletions were due to the person being far more bothersome than at first apparent... once it turned out to be one of those disco PRs who befriend you almost exclusively to send you TPs when in session, to help them fill the place; the other was a crazy semi-noob who'd always ask me to TP him to where I was -in one memorable occasion, even after I'd told him I was in a romantic date with my gf.

 

But mostly it's been the standard balance of how good the friendship was... when it was, and how long it's been since we last talked... and no, I don't open IM just to 'try and keep old friendships alive'... if contact doesn't happen naturally, it doesn't.

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Pandora Drezelan wrote:

I posted this to get other peoples views. why do you delete a contact? is it because of something they did or because they haven't bothered to talk to you for months? I'm just curious because I've been deleted and deleted others for a number of reasons. all replies appreciated. Thanks.

  • They were on my friends list for a specific project, and the project isover
  • They haven't been on-line in months
  • they pissed me off

it's no more significant than clearing out your holiday card list

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My friends list has been much longer than it now is.  Those there now are a mix of colleagues, acquaintances  and a few very close friends.

I do not generally accept random requests unless I am DJing and a patron tosses me one.  The path of least resistance is to accept, wait a few days, and remove.  Particularly if they are newbies.  It seems like many nowadays like to grow their list quickly.

If someone friends me and starts spamming, I remove them.

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Every now and then I check my list and if I see someone and don't even remember who they are or why I added them, I sometimes delete them.

And some people I do delete if I don't hear from them or see them for months while I know they are online all the time.

I don't do this often but sometimes it can be a good signal to let someone know I don't like it when they dissapear out of my life like that.

Generally it is not very personal though and people can easily be added again, no questions asked.

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I clean my contacts list frequently. Friends are friends, don't delete them usually. Unless it turns out it became a hollow phrase for whatever reason. What I never do is leave a name because of old times sake or whatever. (I personally think people tend to leave names because they don't want to 'hurt' others or don't want others to think how rude they are.)

In my profile I am very clear about friendships though. If I say hi to someone and because of that a friendship is offered, I usually decline. Sometimes a person makes me curious and then I'll accept. If however it turns out to become one way traffic with me as initiator I'll delete the person after all.

Speaking of it...if I log on in some minutes, first thing I'll do is deleting one person that never contacted me since offering me friendship, replied 2 times on my IM and never initiated 1 herself whilst online every day!

 

 

 

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I have about 3 friends that have been on since I started SL 2 years ago.  I have another 4 that were/are my neighbors in SL.  The rest, I keep trimmed down to keep my list to about 10-15 people.  I accept friend requests easily, but delete them just as easily.  I am comfortable and happy with the level of interaction I have....too many IMs are just distracting.  I spoke with a woman who had 300 friends on her list...it sounded exhausting to me.  I have always preferred my friends list to be active and current.  Seeing inactive names has always bothered me.  No problem hitting delete here.

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I only delete folks who give me cause to delete them (ie, they did something that royally ticked me off to the point that I wish to no longer converse with them on any level). It's a rarity for me to remove someone from my contacts. Not like having them there costs me anything, even if we never speak, or only spoke once, three years ago. Never know when someone will get the urge to just say hi....and I may have the urge to say hi right back at them.

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I usually delete contact based off of:

  • Has the person logged in in 3 months?
  • Has the person caused serious amounts of drama?
  • Does the person talk to me or do I always have to begin conversation?
  • Is the account in question a known ALT? If so, how often are they logged into?
  • Have they done, or condone, activities which are against the Linden Labs TOS?

I have always tried to keep my contact list neat and limited only to people I keep in contact with. If they are strangers or have a habit of not being online too terribly often I find it easier to keep tab with them using contact cards and now profiles. With profiles I can follow their updates (if they have them) and chat until I am comfortable enough to add them.

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I have a long friends list that includes both business contacts, acquaintances  and people I consider true friends.  Other than for business reasons, I won't accept a random friend request.  If someone can't take the time to let me get to know them a bit before offering then I turn down the request and tell them why. Its just common curtesy not to offer randomly in my opinion. If I accept, they are aquaintences at first.

I clean out my friends list about every six months.  If i don't it just gets way too long. I also will delete them on the spot for reasons 1-4.  To be fair, I have these 'rules' in my profile for all to read.

Here's why I delete them:
1. Spam, random tp's,  acquaintances random group join requests or other bs
2. People who friend me just to get me to their club or gig etc.
3. If they commit a grevious offense
4. I make my RL living in SL. If I don't answer a non business IM immediately because I am working and can't - then they get offended by it too often after i have explained this to them.
5.If we don't keep in contact.  The length of time being proportionate to how long i've known them.

I am not shy about telling them why they were deleted if asked either.  But mostly they know.

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i find people invite me to be their friend within a half hour of chatting with them.  then i never talk to them again.  they invite me, and i don't know the 'etiquette' of whether i should say hi to them, or wait for them to talk to me.  unfortunately they don't seem to either so we never speak again.  i will usually remove them after a few days if i see they have logged in several times and haven't contacted me.

 

this is probably why i have no friends after five years of SL lol.

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Anahata Love wrote:

i find people invite me to be their friend within a half hour of chatting with them.  then i never talk to them again.  they invite me, and i don't know the 'etiquette' of whether i should say hi to them, or wait for them to talk to me. 

 

I had the same situation xy of times and I guess its quite common in SL, and really I could be friend to any of those people. But the truth is, after few days I have no idea who the person was, and there is always something or someone more urgent then to go in IM and ask that person something like Hey hows your day? Or whatever... so I just leave it...

Funny is, when you wander around some place and see a green dot on your map, but you don't remember the name. The other person sees same. So you chase one another just to see who is that friend you forgot about. SL is really small sometimes;)

 

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