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Willow Danube

Ending a relationship.

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No and no because of my experience I have today about SL!

Ignorance is bliss. I had the same problem, many RL money invested, many scripts and other vlauble virtual business stuff! And this relationship I decided to end. I wanted to make an alt too, just to rest in peace in this game out of RL! When I ended it I've felt releaf. You dont own anyone in here anything! In the end you find out most of people here are fake and bored :D

Then I deleted some of my friends 3 times of my list, they didnt do anything wrong to me, I just got bored of mass tp, party invites and so on. I wanted a peace, but only peace you can have is not by deleteing anyone from your list, but by getting imune to that disturbing IMs every 5 secs. If someone is annoying me today, I dont respond and if I ever respond I respond it when I want to. Real friends from SL wont be mad at you by ignoring them if you need a time or judge you, even if you hit delete button!

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I've only deleted one friend with whom I had an actual current friendship—like a lot of people I friended indiscriminately as a noob; eventually when you see a name on your list and can't remember who or what he or she is you delete it.

This particular person was someone I'd met through a very good friend. She and my good friend were practically sisters but they fell out and it got extremely bitter. I kept her in my friend's list but I told her if I had to choose sides I'd choose my original friend, right or wrong: I value the friendship that much. She understood and refrained from trying to make me see her point of view.

Months after the split, she took the opportunity of her Christmas Card mass mailing to say how much better off she was now that she'd finally gotten quit of my blankety blank friend and she didn't bother with any blankety blanks, either. It was pretty ugly. That she chose the time of year when most people just talk about the positive things in their lives to revive the bitterness was too much for me to stomach. I don't have any ill will for her, but I could never feel friendly again after that.

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I deleted only one friend. He was a furry, one day I was bored and I sent a mass tp in one group. After the party was over he stayed to talk with me. He was a really shy metal-head furry lol. And he remembered me from one metal club I was visiting few months ago. When I find out how shy he is I started to tease him to show me his male part. I really never saw a furry sex part! Anyway, he showed me, (it was really ugly!) and we started to talk on a daily basis. For like a week or two... I told him I have a guy and all and he was playing my friend. Till one day when he sent me something like "f... me like an animal" I just replied no tnks I'd rather remove you. That was it.

All other people that I added since I started to play SL are here, allthough I have no idea how big my list is and many people are strangers to me now... I had many close friends, but with time we just change and move on. Its a nice feeling to talk with those people, to see how their SL changed since we talked.

I don't remove people cause there is no need, I think our friends list have no limits, do they?

And, if I get a feeling that some relationship is coming to an end, usually I just let it go because I never met someone and I never gave so much effort in making something really valuable here. But I am a weird person lol

 

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Dillon,

Personally, I think you handled that very well.  You were being forced to make a choice in a disagreement between two  friends.  A very unappealing position.  If I read your post correctly, it sounds like you would have been happy to maintain a friendship with both. It was up to the other two friends to work it out and you clearly communicated where you felt your friendship loyalties resided. Your choice was unambiguously stated and no one should be confused or doubt your reason to make the choice you did.  One of your friends in the dispute might have  bowed out gracefully from the group if they couldn't  resolve their difficulties.  In the end  your ex-friend's happy holiday vitriol proved you chose correctly.

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I've only removed a few people from my friendslist, ever. When they were removed it was because of something they did to piss me off. I only remove when I need to make a direct point of removing-but they also get an explanation as to why I remove them. I know some people get butthurt over that sort of thing, though in all of the cases those people knew exactly why I was removing them.

Maybe I've had the wrong impression of the friendslist since the word go. But I honestly believed it was nothing more than a contact list and an easier way to find people you need/want to find, for whatever reason. I mean I know we have tools we can use, via the list which we'd only use for close® friends(mapping, mod rights, etc..). But I guess I've just never understood the need to groom one's friendlist. I don't understand what removing people you don't talk to frequently, changes. Eh, it's certainly not the first thing I've not understood, lol.

 

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Storm Clarence wrote:

Dana may I ask if you have told 'him' of his shortcoming?  I would think after 4 yrs. of friendship he is 'entitled' to know he is being an arse; see what happens from there.  

 

Quite a few times, Storm, as I'm never one to leave something important remain unsaid or unclear. He clings to the idea that it's ok because he doesn't want to voice for voice sex, so I should be ok with it too, and all the while dodging the issue when I tell him that I suspect the voice request is only for RL verification, and if done it'll soon be followed by attempts at SL sex. I want neither from this guy, honestly. I'm guessing he thinks he's so charming that I can't refuse, when in reality he's about to waste a 4 year friendship over some tail he wouldn't get even if he *didn't* want to voice. It's also a fair bet he's never encountered an iron will like mine. At age 7 I lasted 13 and a half hours at the kitchen table, forced to sit there until I ate my lima beans (I HATE lima beans!!!), and I walked away the winner. He has no idea what he's pushing up against even though he's been told many times.

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Nacy Nightfire wrote:

Dillon,

  In the end  your ex-friend's happy holiday vitriol proved you chose correctly.

Thanks. Not surprisingly I agree: the first friend's response to my saying I was not unfriending the second was, "Fine, but do me a favor and don't talk about her.", and that comment was made while the whole flap was going on and seemed to me pretty understandable.

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Hell no, I'm not making a new account just because I'm not friends with someone anymore.  Nor would I expect them to.  Adults know how to keep distances, and respect privacies.

 

The few that don't?  That's what the ignore button is for.

 

 

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I always find people like this type you described!

 My every X, I had here wanted RL verification at Skype,, I was like what the hell? Why? I dont use Skype at all with my RL friends to videocall, why would I with some strangers??*

Some let it go and stop & understand my reasons. But some of them never stop, the more you say NO the more they'll start to molest you with it. It was a harrasment too, it also took a minutes, one time 3 hours of arguments with this person, and me just logging off and saying bye! Relationship didnt last long, soon after 2 weeks I got tired from this person and dumped it all.

I hate molesters, when I say NO its no! I'd go to a cup of coffe with SL "friend(BF)" instead of skyping or whatever :matte-motes-angry: I hate virtual friendships over voice, video...

Maybe my X is your friend :matte-motes-big-grin: Sounds all familiar to me :matte-motes-big-grin: Tell him to FO! Next time just log off, belive me your friend wont stop untill you do it

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Wow! I am wondering if this is the same person I met a last year? Pretty decent looking dude, a lawyer by profession and very articulate & charming person. He insisted on us going on voice and skype. We did voice for a while before we moved to skype. I may be new about video conference dating but how would you react to a guy who got excited to see your face by showing you his hard on? Oh! My virgin eyes! I closed the Skype, he got offended and defriended me the next day.. Hahahaha!

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Nacy Nightfire wrote:

However, if you are actively friends with this person and he or she is part of a group of friends with whom you jointly socialize, that is an entirely different matter.  I would say you have two choices :  To remove yourself entirely from the scene or have a discussion with the person you are having problems with.  To isolate them within a group is a very shaming thing and really not fair.  Your reasons are most likely reasonable, and in even in a case of being arbitrary, still the friend who must hear about you in  discussions with mutual friends may find this social isolation very painful and he or she deserves an explanation.

In the past what I have done is to remove myself from the group completely. I'm not ending the friendship to punish the person. I'm ending it so I could be relieved from all these uneasiness I felt about the person. He/she has the right to be Happy in SL. I have my own way of finding my own happiness. This is also one of the many reasons why I refrain myself from joining a social group. It would also be really awkward to act as nothing happened while everybody can sense the tensions brewing between the person and I.

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FOr me it was like this.

XX is online ... Me: Ugh!! I don't like her at all. Why is she online so much? I don't even chat with her nowadays? Why is she still on my list? - Remove.

yy is online... Me: Who is this person? Why is he still on my list? - Remove

zz is online... Me: This person has never said anything to me other than Hi and How Are you. He usually went quiet after that. I have no idea who and what he is? - Remove

tt is online ... Me: He/she owes me money. - Keep!

ww is online ... Me: I rejected his offer of Sex. Went really quiet since - Remove

rr is online ... Me: This guy will completely ignore me when his gf is online but demand for my attention when there is no one for him to chat and I'm the only one available. Will go into his cave sulking if I ignored him. What am I? His daylight gf? - Pending for removal upon confirmation.

hh is online ... Me: He/she used me as his/her online buffer zone. - Remove

nn is online ... Me: Online, Offline, Online, Offline, Online, Offline (for few times in 2 hours) and we have never chatted since the first time. The online/offline messages are driving me nuts. - Remove

kk is online ... Me: Unlimited raining bullets of mass tp to her bf's dj events. Not even a Hi. Have never chatted a word. - Remove

cc is online ... Me: Has not been online for months. - Remove

gg is online ... Me: Once a noob. She seemed to be able to find her way in SL on her own now and has little need for me. - Remove

aa, bb, qq, dd, ii is online... Me: Good people. Always there when I need them. Gentlemen with great respect for my privacy and integrity. Ladies with genuine likes for my presence among them. They light up my SL life. - KEEP!

 

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Hey. Wait a minute!

"nn is online ... Me: Online, Offline, Online, Offline, Online, Offline (for few times in 2 hours) and we have never chatted since the first time. The online/offline messages are driving me nuts. - Remove"

Those are MY initials!   (actually that describes me these days..online, off line, on line , offline..for a few moments at a time) hehehe

 

My favorite is THIS one:

"tt is online ... Me: He/she owes me money. - Keep!"

 

Thanks for that..very funny stuff, Willow :)

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Most of these seem like pretty reasonable reasons to remove someone, IMO.

I might question what you mean by a "buffer zone" though. I also wouldn't remove someone just because they pop on & off too much. nor because they haven't been on SL in months. The people who pop on & off don't bother me as long as they don't want to chat with me. On the other hand, the people who are never on are the best kind of friends because they never annoy me.

I have one friend who anoyed me with wanting to chat too much. Rather than unfriending her, I just removed her ability to see when I'm online.

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I've never deleted anyone that I've considered myself to be real friends with. Co-workers I no longer work with that I was never fond of, exes of friends I was only nice to because they were with my friends, random noobs I helped and then lost track of... sure.  But I have friends I haven't talked to in literally years that I would never remove, and as I myself just came back from a nearly 2 year hiatus from SL I'm glad my good friends didn't remove me.  The way I see it, even if they're gone, they might be back as long as that account still exists... and if they do come back, I want to be the first to pounce. xD  Then again, I don't flagrantly add people... and I don't see a long friends list as any type of inconvenience.  Not sure where that comes from, considering everyone online can be filtered to the top, but w/e.

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I did this recently with a friend I've had for my entire (2yr+) SL tenure. Every time she got a new "man", she'd get pissy, evasive, quiet and just disappear. Couldn't be bothered. Of course when it was time to bitch, moan, cry and whine about how badly he did her wrong when the romances ended, *I* was the one she cried to.

 

So the last time around it got to the point where I couldn't keep my mouth shut any more. I laid it all out for her, how I felt, what I saw, blah blah. Thinkin' she'd say, "OMG I had no idea you felt that way! I'm sorry, I'll do better!" Instead, I got, "You are SO jealous of me and don't WANT to see me happy. You know what? MUTED!"

 

WTF?

 

I do miss her. But my only regret is not having done this 27 "loves of her life" ago.

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Yeah i ended a few good relationships.. two of my so called friends in sl  One by the name of Mirelle i wont give the last name due to privacy concerns... Mirelle was the type that thought she was better than anybody esle andif you didnt comment on how good looking she was she would flip''How dare you not show me any respect'' I laughed and done alot of these o.O  she aslo put down people who hung out with me alot so it got to me so i just unfriended her and muted her and not spoken to her to since  that was a year and half ago..  My other friend Giovanii just had a mental Breakdownand turned his back on me and all his former friends that hung out with us he made an alt and swore this was his RL gf but we caught on to him he married hisalt on june15th of this year he'll even argue with his alt  i dont know what happened to him but he started drama with me and my friends so i unfriend him and muted him... these two ugh worse case of friendship ever

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Rowan Villiers wrote:

......respectfully snipped for space...... Then again, I don't flagrantly add people... and I don't see a long friends list as any type of inconvenience.  Not sure where that comes from, considering everyone online can be filtered to the top, but w/e.

I'm much the same.  I am very easy going & other than being respectful, I have very few expectations when someone friends me.  I've been seeing these disclaimers in profiles lately about defriending & that if they are no longer on friend list to not take offense.  I suppose just another one of those statements that tend to go viral in sl like - no blind tp's  or I will remove you!  Or, dis my sistah & you'll have to deal with me! 

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Rival Destiny wrote:

 
  I've been seeing these disclaimers in profiles lately about defriending & that if they are no longer on friend list to not take offense.  I suppose just another one of those statements that tend to go viral in sl like - no blind tp's  or I will remove you!  Or, dis my sistah & you'll have to deal with me! 


:-). I didn't realize that was a trend, but then I keep forgetting to look at profiles once I start talking to someone. I have seen some profiles like that and have never understood why someone would want to get all aggro in a profile. I mean, presumably anyone you friend will at least talk to you a bit first, right? 

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