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carissabelle

Having 2 Relationships with 2 alts?

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Mayalily wrote:

What are some of the reasons that a person would want a SL relationship only in the first place?  I'd say, most likely married or involved in rl already. 

 

 

I have a friend in SL who has MS.  Over the time I have known him, his extremities have weakened.  He cannot raise his arms above his shoulders now.  He needs help getting out of bed in the morning.  He has been wheelchair bound for years.  He has had many RL relationships.  He has a close friend in SL he spends alot of time with (he is in SL only a couple of hours/day).  What he 'gets' from this relationship only he knows but he is happy.

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I had serious relationships! The thing is my every BF wanted me not to have alts, they always thought I was cheating and so on it was more of the stress in here, not some getaway to relax and chill! Now they are all of course my exes! In fact they all wanted the names of my alts if I have any! I gave them! Today I just want to have fun here, nothing serious, que sera, sera! Right?

Why wouldnt this be ok? As long as you have fun and you are ok, its all allowed.  Right? It would be different if you or some of them wants to date you in RL or if it involeves a lots of RL activities over SL ones!

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Yes, but there has to be a reason for not wanting a real life love.  Could that reason be they have one in real life already?  What are some of the reasons that a person would want a SL relationship only in the first place?  I'd say, most likely married or involved in rl already. 

For starters, I am not talking here about not wanting a real life love. I rather talk about not wanting to start it in a virtual environment where truth can be too easily hidden and disguised.

In my specific case, crossovers SL-RL are a big NONO because I have a physical disability…and experience and age enough to don’t take a “I don’t mind your disability” at face value, if said by someone I hardly know… Really, not everybody wanting SL to stay solely in SL has a nefarious agenda and/or a RL commited relationship 

Who do you think you will partner or are partnered to who wants to be with you only on the internet for the rest of their life?  That's a lot to ask of somebody is you ask me.   That's asking them to give up their whole life, and spend the rest of their life on the internet.

For the rest of their life?...absolutely no one, actually. “The rest of their life” are big words if you ask me…IMO, even most of long time RL marriages/couples we all know would gladly split up if it was not so difficult socially and economically speaking.

Myself I have had RL relationships. But they have started, evolved and eventually finished in the real world, where the beauty and perfection of my avatar has not lead the guy to be “attracted to  a  mirage” so to speak, but to my rather imperfect reality. The only thing I do expect is not to be a worthless toy in the hands of no one; because I don’t treat anyone as such, be it in the real or virtual world. I expect a honest relationship, regardless of how much or how little it may last.

So coming back to the source of the matter, that of using alts to have more than one "secret relationship" and  to cheat on someone that may  have developed real feelings of care and trust for their SL partner keeps seeming me utterly wrong.

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Ishtara Rothschild wrote:


Ceera Murakami wrote:

The only circumstance where I would find this acceptable is where ALL parties involved agree that any such "Relationships" are limited only to interactions between the two entirely fictional avatars, and that between the real people typing for those avatars nothing more is offered or expected than a platonic friendship. 

 

Isn't that kind of self-understood, at least in the early stages of an SL relationship? I mean, it's a cartoon world. People roleplay fictional characters, one way or another. Until they've seen, heard and sniffed the person behind the avatar, how can there be anything more than casual chat & RP between two cartoons?

Unfortunately, many of the people in "Camp B" - the ones that see their avatar as an extension of themselves, can't concieve that ayone else might see it differently. And those people get hurt a LOT in SL, because they don't ask about limits - they assume that the other person is just as "genuine" as they are - even if that other person is a blue monkey in SL. So sadly, no, what seems obvious to many in SL is a heartbreaking reality check for those who percieve the virtula world as nothing more than an extension of real life.

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Disabilities or home-bound was a reason I could think someone would want SL only relationship.  In my post, I said "the most likely" reason is they are probably married or involved in rl. 

However, what if the other person is not disabled? 

I, personally, couldn't ask someone to be faithful to my avatar for years upon years if I were single in rl.  I just see that as wrong and depriving them of a chance to have a real life. 

We do only live once, and I do not think the OP should feel guilt whatsoever for a chance to possibly find a rl love.  I see no reason for guilt here as it could just be exploring what this other person is all about and may led to nothing or may led to a realization that they prefer being with their SL partner.... or it could led to a rl love and a lifetime of happiness. 

 

 

 

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But isn't it the immersionists who have the more outlandish expectations? I mean, let's face it, they ultimately want sex. The real deal, not cybersex. They're prepared to fly around the globe only to get laid (ignoring the simple fact that if they don't stand a chance in their home area, it's not very likely to happen in Auckland or Timbuktu either), and they expect us to play along, follow their example and misuse a virtual world platform as a dating service, and fork over our RL name and address as soon as they're asking for it. 

They further expect our RP characters to closely resemble our RL selves in a fantasy world where people pose as elves or anthropomorphic animals. I mean, how deluded is that? Why should their utterly unreasonable expectations possibly be the default position? As far as I'm concerned, it is them who need to make their intentions known from the very beginning.

If people meet a cartoon figure in a fantasy  world, it is extremely unreasonable to assume that the operator of this RP character wants to meet them and start an RL romance with somebody who certainly can't live up to his or her avatar either, otherwise s/he wouldn't be desperate enough to try and hook up in an online game. This kind of intent should be mentioned in their profiles. "I'm looking for RL sex" or "I'm here to find the love of my life", a fair warning for those of us who see Second Life for what it is: An MMO platform that allows us to live our fantasies and socialize with complete strangers from a safe distance. If someone wants to take that from me, I don't see why it would be me who ought to respect the other person's feelings.

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Disabilities or home-bound was a reason I could think someone would want SL only relationship.  In my post, I said "the most likely" reason is they are probably married or involved in rl

Anyhow, re-read my prior post, please. In it I talked about keeping SL relationships within the boundaries of SL. Nothing about not having RL relationships…Once more; I am aware that it’s just a personal choice, as a result of a number of personal circumstances.

However, what if the other person is not disabled? 

Odds are that they wouldn’t be, so what? Does it give to that other person carte blanche to play with the trust their SL partners/bf's/gf’s have put on them? Geez… SL human interactions are getting more and more complicated by the minute...

Sorry, just playing dumb  for a sec here. No disrespect intended.

I, personally, couldn't ask someone to be faithful to my avatar for years upon years if I were single in rl.  I just see that as wrong and depriving them of a chance to have a real life. 

Letting aside that a SL relationship last on average a few months, rather than years,  which I am trying to say is that, regardless of what anyone wants to do  in their RL, or even in SL but IN THE OPEN, which I see as wrong is the “alt, third life” stuff. I may be quite an idiot, but trust is essential for me. People can trust me. And I like to be able to trust them

We do only live once, and I do not think the OP should feel guilt whatsoever for a chance to possibly find a rl love.  I see no reason for guilt here as it could just be exploring what this other person is all about and may led to nothing or may led to a realization that they prefer being with their SL partner.... or it could led to a rl love and a lifetime of happiness

Or it could lead as well to her double game being eventually discovered (Taking into account that she's made herself noticeable in a public forum is not that far-fetched of a possibility...that's just how I caught the alt of someone a couple of years ago) and she making both guys mad, jaded and wary of possible SL or even RL new relationships, besides herself feeling ashamed and embarrassed….it wouldn’t be the first case of an alt discovered. It may happen in the most unthinkable ways and moments, and without the use of RZ-alike devices

I know; I take everything waaay too seriously perhaps. But for me people are people, and no one willing to trust someone else deserves which would be the virtual version of a real cheating.

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Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

...see Second Life for what it is: An MMO platform that allows us to live our fantasies and socialize with complete strangers from a safe distance...

 

As I was trying to reconcile my deeply intuitive feeling that all these permutations of Alts and partners was indeed "cheating" with my nearly complete lack of concern Ishtara's comment basically nailed it.  I figured out that it didn't bother me because I don't personally participate in any of these convoluted situations, but if I did I would certainly take a mature understanding and healthy dose of realistic expectations into the affair.

Perhaps the SL brainiacs could come up with a clever 'maturity meter' or 'intentions/ulterior motive breathalyzer' etc that would check appropriate boxes in residents profiles so some flavor of 'informed consent' could be accomplished.  Like Ishy suggests, you could then look, see, understand, and play with "fair warning".

Silly suggestion on my part, but I wanted to thank Ishtara for making sense out of what I thought were conflicting feelings.

Lanas

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Well some people use Facebook and are a bit rl as well as sl.

But, I do see some unrealistic expectations from a sl only with no rl contact, such as no voice, skype, email, facebook, etc.

I mentioned rl love because (some) people have found it here, and I said "you never know".  We never know when or where love will show up and make a huge difference in our life.  It could show up anywhere. 

 

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carissabelle wrote:

I am tempted to try... but wouldnt that be kind of cheating?

 


Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but wish that you didn't.

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Mayalily wrote:

Partner of what though... the internet?  That is not a real relationship.  SL is like sexting.  It's a fantasy world.  Sexting is not a worthy enough relationship to forego meeting a person who could turn out to be your rl love and life. 

 

Provided that your SL/internet "partner" is of the same opinion, that's fine. However that is not always the case. Many people have found real love in SL and many people have formed RL relationships with people they met in SL.

SL is not always a place for roleplay. It can also be a tool for contact between real people.

Most difficulties occur when one person has one opinion, and their partner holds the other.

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If you are finding you been torn between two to the extent that perhaps seeing them both secretly is the easiest option, perhaps its best to take a step back from both the relationships, cool off a little bit, slow down, otherwise you will end up making bits of yourself trying to please both and it will be you that becomes the worse off should the truth come out.  with both of them reduce how much you see of them and maybe as time progresses, the true one will become clear ;) best wishes

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