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Getting lost in RL because of SL

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Have you ever met someone who has lost their head so so much in SL over someone all the time? Someone who meets their partners in RL after just a week or maximum 3 weeks and then make serious RL plans together? Is that person really stable or just lonely. Or am I just being shallow and hipocrat?

I did, it took me time to figure it all out and ran the fastes I can without turning back... This person was crazy for me since day 1, talking and talking stuff how we are meant to be, about her/his RL issues, troubles, family problems!

Is it fair when someone over a web practiclly emotionally abuse you (jelaousy, control in RL and so on...) and wants to own you? Has it ever happened to you? I am known for being an emotinal retard in RL and I dont get persons in so much, but it happened with this person.

How can someone be so lonelly and desperate spending 24/7 in this game, talking the same stuff to all partners...To brake up with one partner, then go back to another RL/SL ex who humaliated her so much, and so on, and so on and always pushing RL things, like meating in person. Do people here went nuts? 

Now when I look back on my situation, I've seen I was a fool played by emotionally unstable person, for who I only felt pitty and my biggest issues is that i couldnt say no or be selfish to go offline, because of those stories and compasion with her/his past.

I guess we all ignore the signs of emotional abuser, unhealthy relationshiop or depressed person. Sometimes I feel bad I cut it all off so cold, but I cant handle people who just suck your energy and want to controll you, their issues arent my problems. How to handle this stories, am I the only one that has been throught all this? Can people be more realistic and take it slow when you bring it to the next level (RL) I belive online relationships cant work out much! 1 out of 20 maybe, but mostly are just our illusions we creat about other people in here!

P.S. my SL friends say to me all the time this person really liked me, pffffff. But I said it all to this person's face what I said to you now, a bit cruell, but reality is cruel!

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Yes, we all do loose it I guess at one point of time... And that is OK!

But depends what is considered normal behaviour and what is mentally unhealthy behaviour :matte-motes-big-grin: If you get my point? I just dont want someone to get trought all this crazy things like I did with my ex, I wanted to share some of my story! Sometimes is good to wake up out of this dreams in here and stay cool and think clear and just to be honest, not taking other SL residents like your emotional puppet dolls or like pills! No one can solve other person's problems but themselfs ;)

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Crazy people are all over, not just in SL. A virtual world may seem less challenging than RL for many people, so maybe the ones who can't handle RL relationships gravitate toward places like SL. No matter where you meet someone, though, if they seem too eager to jump into the "happily every after" fantasy, watch out.

I experienced this kind of over-eagerness in a RL relationship, but being rather inexperienced myself, I didn't recognize the red flags.  If you've only known them for a week & they say "Where have you been all my life?" & talk about getting married & moving in together, run the other way very fast.

If your SL lover hasn't told you about their RL (or what they have told you doesn't sound believable), do not go to see them in RL. If you do see them in RL, make sure you have a get-away plan, like having your own car & having a friend call you to make sure you're ok. Meet them in a public place, just like you would with any online to RL encounter. They probably won't be an ax-murderer, but you may still want to get away & not have them know where you live. You can change your avatar & phone number pretty easily, but it's not so easy to change where you live or work.

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Imnotgoing Sideways wrote:

We've always been here.  SL just lets us out to play. =^-^=

Love it. Too bad there's no kudo button availabe for this forum. Alternatively stated, we all have a freak flag. SL just gives us a place to take it out and really wave it high.

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God, first of all I never seriously thought I'd go and meet in RL. Not because someone could be a maniac :D Because, I cant do it serious after 1 meeting, 1 date in RL...Craziness :matte-motes-agape: But its how this person approches SL relationships, which for me sounds and seems odd and spooky. Oh, well I could went there, come back and say to all my RL friends I AM ENGAGED, woohooo. I am getting married on 2nd date :matte-motes-big-grin:

Secondlly: I never honestly belived much into this lovely words, but it feels good, right? So, I relaxed untill, pretty soon my real thoughts about this person and insticts showed 100 % true. My only problem is that I cant belive when someone dissapoints me alot, and I wont belive it. So i stay close a bit more then I should, but people never change, at least SL learnt me positive things. This experences here shook you up a 100 times more then it would if it was all RL

Thiird I am glad you went out of it in RL! Its not easy...

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I took the title oif this thread literally, yeah a couple of times I got lost in RL and attempted to open the world map to see where I am......it didn't help

 

maybe I should get GPS

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I don't get to decide for others what is mentally "healthy", especially when it comes to relationships. I've known plenty of people over the years who've met their partner online-be it sl or some other venue. Surprisingly(or not, imo) I've known far more of them to last than folks who met in rl. There could be any number of reasons for that. Some of them met and instantly clicked, then moved at ludicrous speed to the next level. Some move slower than frozen molasses sliding off a snail's butt. It happens in real life just as much as it does online though. Sl simply offers a wider, world, lack of better term here, and sometimes way more opportunities than real life does for many people.

How many people hop in the sack with someone on the first night, with the hopes(or at least potential) of getting in some kind of relationship with that person?(rl or sl, lol) I'm willing to bet that answer sits somewhere in the millions. Not everyone who hops in the sack on the first night is looking for a relationship either, though. For some sex has absolutely no bearing on whether or not they do, or don't, want a more serious relationship, it's just sex. For others, sex is the first step towards a more serious relationship. For some sex doesn't even begin to come into the picture until there IS a more serious relationship. Sometimes how quickly a person sleeps with another, is what people use to judge whether or not a person is whacked in the head. Sometimes it's the information a person shares with another, or how much of it anyway. People use all sorts of ways to measure why, or how, they think another person is crazy for doing....(insert whatever you want here). I'm just not really one of those people, lol.

Some people are more comfortable getting to know others, or meeting "the one" online, than they are in real life. That's exactly how I met my love. But it wasn't in sl that we met. We met elsewhere, in an online game. We were friends the moment I met him. Cliche as it may be, it clicked and it honestly didn't take more than that first day for us to realize we wanted a closer relationship. Did I know he was my soulmate the moment my sim met his sim(we met in the sims online, lol). No, I didn't. But I knew we clicked, and I knew I wanted more...as did he. We played TSO together until it closed, and then we came here permanently(though we were already here too). Long story short, here we are, years later, still very much in love, very much together(both rl and sl) and it just grows each and every day. So personally, I do believe it's quite possible to meet your love and know the instant you click that there is more to it than it may seem, especially to others. You can't really describe it to someone who's never done it, I guess.... well I can't anyway. It just.. happens. It won't make sense to most looking in from the outside though. In fact I've heard just about every possible comment on it, from even close friends. Everything from kind words to some of the most cruel words I've ever heard.. and many in between.

Me... I don't judge. People need to do whatever tickles their pickle. If it works out... awesome. If it doesn't, use it as a life lesson and move on. I prefer not to think others are crazy for doing what their heart tells them to do, even if in the end they find out their heart was a lying jerk who just wanted something or someone...but it wasn't really *that something, or someone. I'm happy for my friends who've met the love of their life online, as much as I am my friends who met the love of their life offline. I'm sad for those who were wrong, or lose the person they thought was the love of their life, no matter how they found/met/connected to that person, or how fleeting the relationship may have been. I feel the same about strangers too. Maybe I'm just too accepting of people though.

I'm not saying it isn't possible to get yourself in too deep in sl, I just think the possibility exists no matter which avenue you choose to take. Sl is absolutely no exception to that. People make mistakes with regard to relationships just as much here as they do anywhere else, really. But for some people the fantasy needs to exist before the real can, well, become what it needs to become. I understand that completely.

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yeah my Former friend giovanii is the same.. used to spend all day and some of the night in sl until it got to the point where he made an female alt and married her  and he even argues with his alt.. i tried to help him but he cuased to much heart ache and drama so i unfriended him and muted  him

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In SL, even the crappy-made avatars look good. Any SL'er with any know-how at all can make a really nice looking one.

People get hung up on the looks and they WANT to believe that the real life operator is somewhat as attractive. This is seldom the case. But, they see this perfect avatar image and cannot help but idealizing what the RL person must look or be like. Of course real life cannot compare with a computer image. You think models photos are photoshopped, and it is true. SL though is nothing BUT a huge photoshop.Yet, people still idolize this figment of someone's imagination.They know better but refuse to believe their own judgement.

I would hand over a breast to look as good as my avatar does.

Now with the real life meetings, yes that sometimes happens but it doesn't always go well. They find out the person is NOT a perfect image, and probably sits on some virtual world all day in real life. people don't think of that. How ironic.

Also, some in SL fall in love with their own avatar to the point that they tend to act or seem weird. I know there are a couple on this very forum with exceptionally fancy avatars who you can kind of tell they think having this thing makes them hot in real life, it does not.

 

Oh also, if you find yourself having loving emotions over a character in SL, keep in mind that you would probably be mortified if you met the real life version and had to face the fact that this nasty hairy fat man or maybe woman, the kind you would not spit on in real life they are so gorss, was the same avatar you dreamed of at night and dropped your pants to enjoy talking to...

Don't let SL fool you.

 

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In Second Life, someone can apear to be obsessed with you and try to monopolise you while in reality they're just having a laugh and are not emotionally involved at all.

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Oh no! There's that other thread about a guy getting cyber-stalked - and I've never been stalked even once!! And now you telling us about someone being obsessed by you!!! This is so not fair! Nobody ever wants to stalk or be obsessed by me!!!!What's wrong with me??? Bwaaaaaaaaa!!!!

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Carole Franizzi wrote:

Oh no! There's that other thread about a guy getting cyber-stalked - and I've never been stalked even once!! And now you telling us about someone being obsessed by you!!! This is so not fair! Nobody ever wants to stalk or be obsessed by me!!!!What's wrong with me??? Bwaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I have been

*

cyberstalking you for

*

years but you have never

*

noticed.

***

What's the

*

point in that!!

***

I might as well

*

give up

*

existentialism and become a

*

solipsist!

***

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RudolphUkka wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

Oh no! There's that other thread about a guy getting cyber-stalked - and I've never been stalked even once!! And now you telling us about someone being obsessed by you!!! This is so not fair! Nobody ever wants to stalk or be obsessed by me!!!!What's wrong with me??? Bwaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I have been

*

cyberstalking you for

*

years but you have never

*

noticed.

***

What's the

*

point in that!!

***

I might as well

*

give up

*

existentialism and become a

*

solipsist!

***

No!!!!! Seriously? And I missed it??? Do you think you could put off your new musical venture as a soloist for another bit and stalk me again, please?

(Breaking away from the group never works out as well as you'd hoped - look at Robbie Williams - he had to slink back, tail between his legs) 

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