Rude Welcome

[Staralien]

This is the first time I have posted. I have only been on SL a little more than a week. I have met some nice people and have started learning how to build as I want to build houses. I am really enjoying exploring all the different places and finding clothes and other stuff. Until tonight. There is a place I go to that is supposed to be a sanctuary for newbies and I go there often. Tonight, I get an IM from the owner and didn't notice until I TP somewhere else. I am still getting used to getting IMs and I don't always notice them right away. I also didn't know that it was here when I passed her.  There is usually very few people there. Well she said she was going to offer help but I ran away and she thought that was very odd and didn't think I was new at all and to stay away from her place. I wrote her back and explained I didn't notice that she had IM'd me and all she had to do was look at my profile and she would see I was new. She never replied back. I am very upset to be treated this way. I learn very quickly and have had a lot of great help, but not everyone learns as quickly and not everyone is all that great on a computer or with games and may check out SL because a friend suggested it or whatever. I can't imagine how someone who doesn't know all that much and is as bad about noticing IM's or worse than I...how would someone else feel to be treated like this? It is not newbie friendly at all! Sorry my first post is a vent and I am upset. Oh and she told me to have a nice life. How rude is that?

[Marigold Devin]

Welcome to Second Life Forums, Staralien.

I am sorry to hear you have had a negative experience, especially from someone who should be more newbie-friendly.  It looks like she has personal issues or is on a bad day, please don't take it personally.

I am sure you will be offered a list of more welcoming newbie-friendly places as this thread progresses.  

[Cinnamon Lohner]

Just a piece of information for you to digest.  People who make a habit of harassing other people in SL, commonly called griefers, use alts (alternate accounts) to do their dirty work.  Which means those avatars are only a few days old.  Anyone running a sanctuary for newbies knows that.  So your diatribe about all she had to do was look at your profile to know you were new was both wrong and probably rude from her perspective.  And probably what a griefer would have said in the same situation.

I think if you step back a bit, you may see this as a misunderstanding by all parties concerned.

--Cinn

 

[TclaireTbearT Aeon]

there are rude people throughout sl and nice people and some of these people aren't even rude just paranoid you should not worrie so much and just move on things you may wish to do is check on here your age verification so that you are not so limited with the sims you go to though there are sims you would likely rather avoid there are some you may learn and meet people you better get along with there are many places to learn in sl sandboxes for example can be dangerous with people greifing or building you may get help at sandboxes and learn or may get bounced around but beginner friendly areas are all over sl learn to search places and add the interesting people you meet as friends and see where it takes you eventually you will find where you want to be in secondlife through friends and a mixture of good,badand memorable experiences =) hope you enjoy sl 

[Kristivon Kolache]

if she is the manager there, she will have had to deal with quite a few creeps that prey on the new people. They often come in on a new account them selves (an Alt account) so they will blend in or seem more beleiveable.  She may have been a little over zealous that time, but the indication is she takes the responcibility of protecting her new guests seriously, and intends to keep it a safe haven. She might or might not allow you back, but it sounds like a very safe place to refer other newbs to.

I would not be happy either if it were me she had booted, but I understand from my ancient age (joined 2005) that there are a lot of creeps in bugs bunny clothing in here, and she is erring on the side of caution. And I've heard far worse send offs than have a good life. :matte-motes-shocked: Keep going. it's a good world if you are aware of the two sl rules...1, no one and nothing is what it seems to be, //rule 2, refer to rule one.

[Ishtara Rothschild]

Looks like we need a subforum labeled "Least Favorite Destinations"

[Aurelia Lionheart]

Just like in real life you have friendly and rude people... just a fact of life.
Don't worry too much about it, it says more about the people who act this way than about you.

[Rabid Cheetah]

Sorry to hear that.

 

There's nothing wrong with being a newb (pronounced "new-bee").  We were all newbs at one point, and all needed help.  If anyone ever tells you that they never ever ever bought a shirt, only to wind up with a giant box on their hand, they are lying.

 

What's not ok is to be a noob (pronounced, well, "noob").  That's a pejorative term for a boor.

 

So this sounds like a newb who met their first noob.  :womanwink:

 

And yes, meeting noob "number one thousand" will be just as annoying as meeting "noob number one", but hopefully by then you'll see the entertainment value of lol-ing at these people.

 

No, I don't know of any objects that help you keep track of who is  "noob number one" and so on, but I'm sure if you build one it will sell!  :womanvery-happy:

[Staralien]

Thanks to everyone who replied. It did not occur to me that she would think I was lying about being new. I don't lie, so did not expect that someone would think I was. I did age verify in order to visit a place that required it. It was a beautiful fantasy place, but I guess some of the stuff on there for romantic actions is the reason I couldn't visit until I verified. I was lucky on my second day, an owner of a Karaoke bar helped me out a lot. It was from him I learned about the grievers. He has to constantly watch out for them. That is so sad there are peope like that. A couple of other people have helped me too in showing me where to find an AO to get rid of my duck waddle and other helpful things. I am still learning and because I am a game player (love the Sims games), I catch on pretty quick. So I am only I think 12 days old, but I would probably appear to be much older.There are so many wonderful places to visit and I am amazed at the tallent of so many people. I was hurt by the experience the other night. I know I am far too sensitive. But I have moved on and though I regret losing a place I felt safe, I do not wish to push the issue or intrude. I understand where she may have been coming from with her misconceptions of me, but I will not reccomend this place to anyone new. I would hate to think they could only be 10 days in, learned as much as I because of having help from myself or others, and then come across this woman and experience the same thing. I know it may not seem fair to this place or this woman, but I would rather err on the side of caution and not risk this happening to someone else. I do not understand bad behavior and acting without honor and integrity, I am sorry that people experience this in SL and seems to me, they should be able to ban them, and yes even their IP address so they can't keep creating new accounts.

[Clarissa Lowell]

I don't know the other side of it. 

Maybe she was having a bad day. 

Maybe she offers to help a lot of people and no one ever says yes. Maybe people say yes and then never say thank you. Maybe her real life day was hard.

"Helping newbies" isn't always easy so maybe she had a vent of her own that day. See if you can forgive her about it.

Anyone who's been playing a while knows that people often do not see IMs. Newbies often do not even know what an IM is.

Bottom line if you explained and were not heard or accepted just move on. Sorry you had a bad experience, but other residents are only human too.

 

[Monica Querrien]

 I work in a store and I greet people all of the time. I don't get an attitude if they don't greet me back. Sometimes I IM people about things and they tp away...later they answer with "Sorry - I didn't see your IM until now."

If she got offended by you tp'ing away, then she shouldn't be working with newbies, period.  Newbies are still learning, so even if she was having a bad day for her to say to a new person don't come back? Heh. As for the whole mistaking you for a griefer, doesn't one  usaully have to grief someone before a person gets labeled such?

 

[Dante Tucker]

Only thing I don't like about this is the assumption that you want her help. She should be used to to people ignoring her, especially noobs. It shows she probably has not been working there very long.

If you are someone who wants to help new people let them ask first, a lot of people prefer to learn on their own and don't want your help. Prepare to be ignored, it does not mean they are a griefer.

[Ishtara Rothschild]

Have you ever played a game like WoW? If so, you surely must have noticed how infantile, asinine, aggressive and antisocial many players are. Well, these people get to own land here. Almost all places in SL are owned by residents, and many of them don't have a full set of social skills. Perhaps that helps explain a few things.

[161488303349]

The helpy person was prob just having a bad hair day. It happens to all of us sometimes unless you're a saint or a nun or something (:

Don't worry about it. Just keep learning to make stuff and you be fine.

[Chronometria]

It is quite easy to miscommunicate things in second life, i have found. People often miss messages or get pulled afk and cant reply.

 

What puzzles me is that quite often people take this negatively. Many times if i have been pulled afk or distracted, people assume that i am deliberately ignoring them or am upset in some way. Lots of people seem to assume the worst. :matte-motes-frown:

[Bree Giffen]

You got booted by a paranoid. There are hundreds of newbie places out there. You'll probably get through three or four before you suddenly become bored of newbie places and start visiting all the other places in SL of which there are thousands.

[Celestiall Nightfire]

First, I'd like to suggest that you start creating paragraphs with proper spacing, if you're going to write long text entries here in the forums.  It will help with communicating your message. 

Second, I don't think the person who owned the land and had the sanctuary for newbies, was rude.  She merely stated her opinion based upon her experience.  Just move onto another place to build.  There are sandboxes and newbie build locations all around the grid, as well as places where people can go to learning building.  Try not to take a simple interaction with another person, and internalize it into some kind of slight against your person.   Life it too short to see minor interaction as insults.

Third, no, I don't think telling someone to "have a nice life", is being rude.  (laughing : )

[Carole Franizzi]

Maybe the colour of your hair was the exact same colour as her mother’s who had walked out on her when she was only baby to run off with a handsome gypsy who stole her heart and then, later, all her money, leaving her utterly destitute and hence easy prey for a gang of white-slavers who sold her to a sheik who imprisoned her in his harem until she lost her good looks and then threw her out to wander alone, lost, in the desert, saved from a terrible death at the last minute by a compassionate Berber tribeswoman who taught her all her skills in rug-making and who, on falling blind, was supported by her mother, who felt the weight of the debt of gratitude, until the old lady’s death. Then and only then, did her mother return to her, but 40 years had passed and the beautiful shade of hair was replaced by white, living on only in the memory of the child…until you walked into her sim…

In other words, gawd only knows why people can be snippy, snide, aggressive, rude, pains in the neck and other areas. You’ll go crazy trying to figure out what makes people tick in here. Count your blessings if you think you’ve figured out what gender they really are.

Don't worry about it. Just ignore and enjoy the nice bits.

[madman626 Fall]

True but anyone that's been on sl lone a euff knows a real newbie from a fake new if you watch then for a few mins you can spot them.

[Ami Marchant]

Hi Staralien, welcome to SL!

From how you described that event I bet you were using the official SL viewer (2.8 or 3.0), and yup, I too don't care for the way IMs and notices are too easy not to notice with that browser. There are some really cool third party viewers for SL you might want to explore as well http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Third_Party_Viewer_Directory

Hats off to ya for jumping in and wanting to build right away, lots of resources for you for creating in SL from in-world tutorials to wiki's, forums, and YouTube videos galore.

Happy Trails and maybe see you around the grid.  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

[Dilbert Dilweg]

For a "NEW Resident" they seem to be well informed on how to use the forums and not name names...

Newbie?

Politics

 

[RudolphUkka]

And welcome to YOU too Staralien although you could have tried harder to spell my * name right! *** Ruud ***

[Pussycat Catnap]

---

Clarissa Lowell wrote:

I don't know the other side of it. 

---

What other side of it?

I mean really. If you help newbies you also have to understand that they don't know anything about SL yet. They're going to do things that don't fit your expectations.

And that said, plenty of oldbies and newbies alike would pop into a place, wander around, and leave - without responding to an IM.

Its kind of SL culture to expect that people might not get back to you right away, and there can be many reasons why.

The only other side of this is that a person who thinks they're running a place for newbies is doing a poor job of it.

I've spent a lot of time helping newbies. Some of them respond and become very engaged in communicating. Others "act" like they never saw your message either because they didn't, don't know how to respond yet, or feel they want to have a solo look around first and dont yet have the SL-perspective to realize its off-putting to leave someone 'hanging there'. You just grin and accept whatever happens when dealing with new people. Kindly try to steer them - but accept that the results are highly unpredictable and don't get upset if it doesn't go perfect. Most will say one or two words and then drop silent. A few will respond with requests for something best handled by pointed them in the direction of Zindra...

 

To the OP: go try 'The Shelter' - which I hope wasn't where you were. They tend to actually help newbies, and they get so many of them that I at least have never seen the staff there 'get out of hand' with how they treat new folks.

The same can generally be said of 'NCI' (New Citizens Inc - hit or miss whether the abreviation or full spelling will work better in search) and of 'Caledon Oxbridge' (or is it Oxebridge?)/

Those 3 places are the best bets for new folks. A plus for all of them is you stand a good chance of meeting other newbies which will help you form an initial 'circle of friends' who will all have a similar sense of wonder in SL.

 

You can also read my blog in my sig for some general new user advice.

 

 

 

[Melita Magic]

---

madman626 Fall wrote:

True but anyone that's been on sl lone a euff knows a real newbie from a fake new if you watch then for a few mins you can spot them.

---

A real newbie will not know how to do anything. A fake one, joined that same day, who somehow knows about group chat, group notices, land owning, shop names, etc...pretty easy to tell they are fake.  Nothing wrong in that unless they are pretending to be a noob in order to get people to buy them some free stuffs.

Some of us find that out the hard way.  Then a real newbie comes along and reminds us: Yeah when I was a real newbie I did not know how to even open a box, but still, I tried my best to pay attention to chat and not leave anyone hanging who was trying to help me.

Doesn't matter how new someone is they can still have manners.

That said - IF the ENTIRE story is as told in the OP (we only have one side of it), then the other person was rude also. I have never called anyone who's visited my land a liar, for instance. (If they literally did that, as opposed to it being the OP's interpretation.) Also, unless they are breaking rules ON my land WHILE ignoring me and I can see they are not AFK (they are doing things for instance, or their head's moving to read the text - you can see their head move down as the cursor instinctively hovers over the new text or hits the IM button to read the IM), then I just ignore that they ignored me.  Maybe they are distracted by RL or something, who knows. I try to give them a fair shot.

And if they apologize unless it's obvious they are being sarcastic, or are still breaking rules or misbehaving therefore do not mean it - then I say OK and the slate is clean.

I agree w/the person who said we should hear the sim owner's side of it, though. I've seen too many such topics in the forums to assume it's all accurate in the OP, sorry. I'm not saying on purpose - but everyone's point of view is biased, isn't it??

 

[Eloise Baily]

---

Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

For a "NEW Resident" they seem to be well informed on how to use the forums and not name names...

Newbie?

Politics

 

---

The whole grid would be a much nicer place without some of those "politics" Dilbert.

It's supposed to be relaxing right?

To the OP (original poster), just open the map, zoom out a bit and look for collections of green dots. Explore and find some new places. It's a big old world. I walked all the mainland routes once. I had a blast and met some really nice people along the way. I found some lovely places too and now I live it a pretty little spot.