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Is it really wrong to want RL relationship from SL


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There's no right or wrong way to approach relationships in SL. Each person has to set their own levels of expectations and boundaries. I was absolutely NOT looking for an RL relationship in SL, and neither was my SL (now RL) boyfriend. We were just two people who started out friendly and gradually found out we had a lot in common. Two months later we moved in together in RL. We still play SL, because we're both...well...nerds lol.

Before I met my BF, there was no way in HELL I would have ever wanted RL from SL. I found most of the men I met in SL to be rude, creepy perverts. If you're a reasonably attactive female and put an RL photo a lot of men will ask you to cam sex. On one occasion, I conversed with a gentelman I met on SL on video skype. At first, we were just talking and joking, then told me he wanted me to take my clothes off. Um, yeah, I hung up pretty fast! That was a harsh lesson for me to learn.  Some men have assumed just because I was friendly and a little flirtatious that itmeant I was going to automatically be in a relationship with them. Then when I would explain that it was NOT the case, they became angry and beligerant. I had one guy in a club ask me, after conversing for a mere five minutes if  I was able to bear children!! SERIOUSLY?

So how did things end up working out with me and my RL boyfriend? Well we just clicked. Neither expected more than the other was willing to give. We're honest with each other. RL relationships CAN happen in SL, but it's good to be careful who you trust.

 

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Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I wish all the good for you and your bf, in both life's.

I see things same way as you do and I actually think that most people in SL aren't looking for RL relationships but some still give it a change when they meet right person. Everyone has right to be open or not to be open to RL connection and reason why I started this topic was just to make people think before judging. SL isn't world of roleplayers or world of people who are themselves but world for us all no matter what we are looking for and even when we don't see things same way as someone else it doesn't mean they are wrong and we are right.

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Its up to the person if they want to seperate their SL and their RL, but yeah like a lot of people have already said you gotta remember that means they could be lieing. Personally for me I never expected my RL and SL to mix at all, I was a lonely person I don't deal too well with people face to face IRL. SL is a place for me to show who I am without the social flaws I actually have, such as not liking crowds and never talking to people I just met. However my SL when I'm not RPing is an extension of myself, what you see in my personality is basically what you get and I don't look like my av but god I wish I did.

 

When it comes to relationships I never expected them to go in to RL they were to remain in SL, sometimes I did end up in phonecalls with my lover at the time etc. I have made real connections to people who have become my closest friedns in SL, who know almost everything about me and support me. My current relationship was a surprise I met up with a friend in real life, and we hit it off right away together and we've been dating for ten months now. We see eachother as often as we can in RL, but we're almost always together in SL when he can log in.

 

Course having a full partner box and saying I'm taken in my first life tab, doesn't seem to prevent people from actually chatting me up. It would be nice if people read profiles or asked me if I'm single or not, rather than start up conversation with the  hope of getting some free sex. I don't lie to anyone about anything and if asked I'll tell the truth, I never talk to someone thinking they want sex but maybe I should in order to fob them off sooner.

 

If people want to keep the SL and RL seperate good for them, if people want RL from SL that's good for them too but go with caution. Even some of us have tried to keep this seperation and it ends up all mixed together anyhow, its not how you play the game that matters. Its who you connect to that changes your experience inworld.

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I keep hearing a little voice telling me to post something here, but all worthwhile advice has been shared in several heartfelt and well written bits already.  I don't even have strong feelings one way or another other than to caution that this is a 'Second Life' so it would be reasonable to think that what you see, hear, and read in SL may not be at all close to what you would touch, taste, and feel in RL.

I'm a perpetual optimist at heart so I'd like to think that plenty of good and great could come of RL/SL mix and matchs, however several thoughtful posts have already admitted that SL allows them a social outlet that they're unlikely to be capable of in RL which seems intuitive but is probably all too easily forgotten in the heat of an SL 'relationship'... enough already, I'm blathering and swore to myself that I wouldn't.

I'll simply leave cliches behind~

"Careful what you wish for..."

"The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the fence and see the weeds up close." 

"Some people wish they had that life... other people have that life, and all they can think about is how to get away"

 

Enjoy your SL!

Lanas

 

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~shrug~

 

In the long run, it all depends on the individual. Of course, one wishing to mix RL and SL should take all the precautions they can. Any way it goes, more people should respect the boundaries of whether or not they wish to mix one or the other.

Now, if you're asking me if I would personally do so, then the answer is no. I grant that it is a sweet, romantic idea, and more power to all whom have had success in this regard. But ultimately, it is not for me.

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What do you want on your grave stone at the end of your life? Lived a dull, boring life, and settled for what was safe? We're not here to play it safe. We're here to wreck ourselves and love the wrong people and the wrong things because otherwise what's the point? Love is a burning ring of fire and it burns the things you cling to. Whether the fire destroys you or purifies you depends on who you think are. 

Listen to that mad voice in your head and be mad to live and mad to love because the madness of a wasted life is far worse.

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The big drawback of any expectation of SL to RL is we are all working at cross purposes here.  In SL many people are married or otherwise commited to another person in RL and are in SL to safely and virtually recapture the excitement of the "chase" and the headiness of early romance in courtship, not form actual RL relationships.  Lots of folks are mild griefers and just having a bit of fun with the serious-minded literal people they come across. And tons of people are roleplaying lotharios, and in this role play, these seductress/seducer's  will tell you what you want to hear and try to break your heart.  It's part of their roleplay and  many would assume that's your roleplay, too.  Yet another group is the young single, divorced or unhappily married people who genuinely hope to meet that special person they can know in RL romantically.  But the last group is really mixed in with all the other groups and it's a lot of work sorting it out.

So it's not impossible that SL romance can become romance in RL, I just think its not the greatest place to expect such a thing to occur and I'd be extremely cautious, more so then with traditional internet dating sites where everyone is on the same page.  It just makes more sense to go there to find a serious relationship

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  • 2 weeks later...

Randall Ahren wrote:

Listen to that mad voice in your head and be mad to live and mad to love because the madness of a wasted life is far worse.

That isn't a mad voice in my head that I hear. That's the mad voice of a disgruntled RL wife on the other end of a voice chat with a male avatard, yelling at her gamer husband to log off.

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