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Is Monogamy Over-Rated or Under-Rated, or something else?

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As to the divorce rate, Ishtara Rothschild laid out some pretty typical problems quite well.  But maybe what needs to be examined is why the people in a relationship change from that state where they are "in love and everything is perfect" and start seeing more problems with their partner(s).


Part of it is simple repetition.  Say the other person in the relationship has an annoying habit.  For the sake of argument, let's presume it's something relatively harmless, just annoying.  Maybe they drink bottled sports drinks and aren't good about actually throwing away the containers.  They recap the empty containers, so it maybe isn't a big sanitation issue, but you really don't like there being several empty bottles cluttering up the desk or a side table near the couch.  At first it doesn't bother you, but eventually it annoys you enough that you mention it.  If they keep doing it, your attitude about it eventually changes to "How many times have I told you.."


It's easy for that kind of thing to add up with a hundred other little things and snowball into a degree of annoyance where when a big problem does come up, you're fed up with the whole situation enough that it can seem like things will never work out.  I've seen many friends and family members over the years break up and/or divorce.  When it gets to the point of talking about going separate ways, it's almost always over something fairly big.. But usually there has been a period where little things were building up first, and often the big thing is more the straw that broke the camel's back than the only real reason.


Now, ideally they'd try to be better about it and you'd try to keep it from escalating into arguments.  It would just be one small matter that either gets fixed or where we shrug and accept it because it's not really that important.  But there really weren't any classes in school about how to get along or how to go about working things out when there's a problem.  We're just sort of expected to manage it somehow.  The "social models" for such things in our culture (other than family of origin and peer group, if we're lucky) are largely based on fiction, whether it be movies, television, novels or whatever.  Those are meant to be entertainment, not practical advice.  There weren't any quizzes on it in school or steps to learn for most of us.  If you took psychology or communication or management courses, you probably already know more than most people do about effective communication and negotiation, but it's not like it was a required subject for most people.


Divorce is seen in modern times as a more acceptable solution than it was back in the "Ozzie and Harriet" period mentioned earlier in this thread. 


Arguments or at the least disagreements are pretty much unavoidable in any relationship.  Decisions needs to be made, you will not always agree on what choice is best, and the matter may be emotionally charged enough for any discussion of the matter to escalate into argument.  I don't know of any way to avoid it happening occassionally.  If a way exists, I never found it.  But there is something you can try if it happens.  Give each other some space and do something else for a while to cool off and then say: "I'm sorry we fought." 


Not giving up your points or asking the other pseron to, just acknowledging that you wish it hadn't ended up being an argument.  It doesn't settle the matter, but it may establish that the person means more to you than the argument did.  I can't guarantee it will work, but I'm pretty sure it has saved my butt more than a few times over the years.  LOL


So I'd say a big part of it is people actually not knowing how to work things out.  We're all kind of brought up to stand up for what we think is right and to "win".  Being in a relationship means having to "lose" a certain number of arguments, since we can't have our own way all of the time.  Other than that, I'd say the next big contributing factor to break-ups and divorce is taking each other for granted.  There's a tendency to stop doing the sweet things you used to do and to expect the other person to put up with you instead of trying to make things good like most people do early in the relationship.  To just expect the other person to "do what they're supposed to" without a please or thank you or any sort of praise or encouragement.  Females and males can be equally bad about that.   

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Monogamy is a collar--just like the Gor collar. 

Anyone not seeing the "not so perfect" facets of their partner might wear too much pink sunglass, sure.

Now, the one who has the courage to actually see those things, analyze, if they really bother me to death, or are "just annoyance" i happily accept cause the complete person is so much more than the sum of a few annoying habits. Working with your partner here to overcome yours, and in return help your partner with theirs i see as key here.

So you get annoyed by my empty bottes beside the Sofa? Well, then its up to me, even in my interest to check them gone a bit earlier. And vice versa. Why, cause you both care.Cause holding your relationship alive, and loving your partner anew again every day for her or his good sides is what you should strive for.

Your relationship gets staler? Why not spend a weekend together somewhere else, anf allow yourself to see your partner though those eyes again, you saw them with the first time?

Sure Arguments happen. Its okey, cause it clears the air. it helps to fume a but, and then be sorry. Here you need the courage to see what not only your partner, but you made wrong.




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Yes a lot of this is very true.

However, an affair usually signals there is a problem in the relationship, although people do get divorced because they see the infidelity as the problem rather than understanding that there were problems in the relationship BEFORE someone sought out another person. 

Most affairs signal a problem in the first place, not most affairs lead to divorce.  The problem/s was/were already there, but the couple refused to see it, nor take their fair share in the problem part of things to work things out and compromise on a better relationship. 

However, it should go without saying that we do need honesty and trust in relationship and we all usually enter romantic relationships with monogamy in mind; however, good communication and a willingness to take one's part in the problem and not put all the blame on the other when a relationship hits the skids is very important in getting a better relationship, as well as good communication can lead to making that significant other your best friend. 

An affair shouldn't just signal a divorce, rather it should signal looking at the problem that caused it in the first place. 

This is for [most] people; however, some people would rather have an open relationship, and that is their choice if both parties agree, as it's their relationship, not anyone elses. 

Also, it is part of human nature to put the blame on someone else, rather than examing how we, ourselves, might change or adapt for a better workable relationship through simply communicating and listening.

Relationships don't take luck, they take work, and responsibility for one's own part in the problems.  It's just human nature to lump all the blame on the other party, and that's just the easy way out, and not a mature response. 

Also, a lot of people tend to let themselves go looks wise and weight wise once they get married.  It's like there's a type of mindset that once I'm married, I don't have to look good like I did when I was single and looking and in the dating scene.  Some people can become turned off by their partner if they gain too much weight for an example.  I had a boyfriend once who I found very unappealing after he gained a lot of weight.  I frankly got turned off looking at him naked.  Frankly I just wasn't attracted to him anymore, although I still loved him, it was more like a brotherly love rather than a romantic attraction love anymore.  The weight just completely turned me off to him as a lover, but not a friend.  Relationships take work and we shouldn't enter a relationship with an oh I'll let myself go now that I'm married.  I know my rl bf wouldn't be attracted to me anymore if I gained a lot of weight.  Weight is a major turn off for him as is short hair.  My rl bf often says why do so many women get fat and cut their hair off after they get married?  This may sound sufferficial, but we do enter a love relationship based on part physical attraction, or a lot of physical attraction.  This is only one scenerio of what problems could be.  People can and do get turned off by their significant other at times, and it's a time to figure out why, not just head to divorce court. 

ETA:  Now granted some women will gain pregnancy weight but that is not excuse not to exercise or eat right after pregnancy, and granted some people could have an illness such as hypothyroidism that causes weight gain, but illnesses are not an excuse they are an illness and should be handled with patience and care because the weight gain is a cause from an illness not just simple laziness or an he/she will love me anyway mindset; that is taking too many things for granted in regards to the supposed love of  your life. 

Some people are frankly turned off by obesity.  I know I was.  I could only view this person as a friend after he gained all that weight.  He was lazy as his Mommy always took care of him, Mommy did his laundry and feed him his meals even though he was grown up, he was just too attached too Mommy for me, and also he was a lazy bum among other things. 

There are lots of reasons people can get turned off by their significant other, but illness or pregnancy should not be included there.  However, there are ways to take care of pregnancy weight. 


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i don't think it is over rated..i think it depends on the couple..

you can have half of one couple thinking it is more important than the other half..but then you can have a couple that is very open and thinking it's old fashion..

then you can have a couple where both feel it is an important part of unity between them..can people do it for a life time? sure..is it a big challenge..

only if you have to work at that part..some couples love who they are with and could not imagine being with anyone else..

is it popular to the masses..who knows lol

it's important to me for a lot of reasons just as it is important to my fiance for a lot of reasons..his brother may have a total different outlook like my older sister does ..

i think sometimes problems can bring on people to cheating..but i also think there are just some people that can't help themselves when they get tempted..

i saw way too many of my friends and people older than me getting married right out of highschool..then having child after child..never having time to just themselves first..

a lot were divorced and getting divorced by the time they are 25..

my fiance was married once before also..he was divorced before we met..this will be out 6th year together..he wanted to get married a year after we were together..

i had told him early on that i wanted to have a few years together before we do something like that..that we didn't need something binding us but us..if after a few years we are still together then would be better than so early on..

so far he has asked me every year since to marry him..so we are finally doing it this year hehehe

i think it is a good sign of success if it gets better every year..i think when people get bored with each other or fight over every little thing..i think they set themselves up for bad things to hurt the relationship..

fighting is good only if you really make up..just saying it's ok isn't enough..they have to and we have to know it is ok and that  the situation is really resolved..

making up should be one of the best parts of a relationship..it really should make a bond stronger..not leave loose ends to linger and poison the well.


i think monogamy is not for everyone..

i think a lot want it..they wouldn't be looking for mr or mrs perfect if they didn't..

i think people that have a list of what is perfect will have a lot harder time finding it than someone that can find beauty in the imperfections that make the other half of us so perfect to us..

do i know i will be 50 and him never cheated or me for that matter..nope..anything can happen at any time..we are only human..

do i feel it could last a life time of just me and him being happy with just each other..i sure do..in my heart he proves it to me all the time..i just hope i am keeping my part up for him.. hehehe*winks*




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Well, this may not be a popular idea on an SL forum, since in SL one can look pretty much however one prefers (and the majority of people on SL look simply amazing)...


But in RL, weight isn't always the person's fault.  Some glandular conditions can result in significant weight gains and either the condition or the medications used to treat it can cause brittleness of the hair that pretty much requires it to be cut shorter.  That happened to my RL significant other a couple years after she moved here.  It took a lot of medication adjustment, and a thyroid operation, but in recent years, she's been getting the weight back off.  I am very proud of her for that, but I never stopped being proud of her.  Her self-esteem didn't do well during that time, but that didn't change the esteem I hold for her.  Some years back my wife also had a temporary weight gain due to some medications she had to take.  (She didn't lose the lovely long hair she's had all her life though.)I fought with the doctor to get her on different medication.  But it couldn't be helped, and it didn't change her from being the most important person in my life.


I will admit that I prefer female hair long.  I find it nicer to look at and play with.  It's a minor thing compared to the person themselves, though.  Weight isn't such an issue to me.  I had weight problems myself in my teens, so I know not to judge people by that.  But really, it's the person that we love or are attracted to.  I mean, we wouldn't desire the body/hair/clothes if they weren't in them?   We may be concerned for a lover's health, comfort, or emotional well-being and weight can affect those.  But in the long run, weight, hair and etc are superficialities, like the clothes the person wears.  Weight and hair can come and go.  It's the heart and mind that matter more.


I can see the point where someone willfully/carelessly "letting themselves go" after getting into a relationship could be a different matter.  But that also could be a reflection of emotional issues that could be a deeper problem that might or might not be related to the relationship itself.


PS added on the edit: I was still typing most of this when Mayalily added the note that illness and prgnancy should not be included here.  In my experience, some illnesses can take time for treatment to be effective and as such, I don't entirely agree as to them being "no excuse".  But I suppose a lot of it boils down to everyone being individuals, and if it matters in how you view the person as a person, then it'd be dishonest to say it didn't.  We all have out own lives to live, and I'd like to clarify that I in no way am implying that I am saying how anyone else should think or feel.  It's just a discussion. 

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I'm hearing you, and I agree about the illness; it takes patience to work through as every human being can and/or will get illnesses sooner or later.

I not only need a mind connection with the man in my life, I need the following:  A man who is ambitious, a man with a sense of humor, and a man who takes care of his appearance.  Now even if my significant other gained a lot weight because of an illness, I would not abandom him, but would I be totally attracted to him in a sexual way?  Probably not as much. 

I also prefer long hair on men, that hippie hair look.  When my signifcant other had to cut his hair for a particular job, it was a change and I had to get used to it, but I still look at those old photos of him with long hair and drool.  He now has his hair medium length which his bosses agree to and he looks so handsome all the time and he keeps up his appearance because that is part of him and I like that part about him. 

There are a lot more things involved in staying attractive to your mate than just weight.  But I do need a man who at least tries to keep up his appearance and look good for me, and I do my best for him also.  But, of course, we will change over the years appearance wise and that's just a normal part of the aging process.  However, if one is young and healthy, other than illness, there isn't an excuse to completely let oneself go once they feel comfortable that they are settled into a relationship.

I care very much how much my significant other loves me, but I still want to keep looking good for him as best I can.  And, that's something I want to do and will keep trying. 

It's also a nice thing to do to get all dolled and surprise your significant other from time to time as years go by.  It's simply called making an effort instead of becoming lackluster. 

ETA:  Also some people who gain become afraid to get naked with their significant other so they turn off the sex themselves, so it's no wonder a sex starved person might go looking for a sexual partner elsewhere because the person themselves is now afraid to get naked and have sex.  This is circular reasoning.  Simply stop the sugar and the french fries.  I eat sugar-free treats mostly and I'm not diabetic.  I eat sugar-free treats on purpose to maintain my weight.  I will eat sugar once in a very great while as a treat.  And I turn down those french fries because I love him more than I love french fries. 

It's a problem when the over-eater turns off sexually and then blames the other when they have very easy tools to maintain their weight.  However, the aging process and illnesses are not something that should be blamed as laziness.  We are all going to get illnesses and age, that should go without saying, and this normal, as we will grow old together.  But there are simple ways to keep your significant other attracted to you if it's not an illness or the simple aging process. 

I think this might be the first time a woman has spoken about how she feels with a man who got extremely overweight in a relationship, but that guy was a lazy Mama's boy and would have been more of a headache than I ever would have needed in my life.  I'm attracted to people who are worker's, laziness seems to turn me off and it always has.  Sickness, however, is not laziness. 


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the worst is transfats..it's lots worse than sugar is..real sugar is not bad for you and can burn off much easier..it's important to make sure you get real sugar and not that sugar they do stuff too before it reaches you..

they are in so many things that are sweet that are transfats..i had a girlfriend that she was really big and just cutting out anything with transfats she really lost very fast..

products sneak it into so many things..lots fo fast food places cook with transfat oils  that will get you also..

it's the mayo on the sandwitch and the creamy filling of a twinkie..things like that..

KFC used to cook with it and then switched to peanut oil..



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You know all these posts about looks etc really make no sense. That’s nice if you consider yourself attractive and your mate but that is certainly not what marriage is about. Marriage is about having a partner to go through life’s challenges with. If you are good looking, great, if not, you can still find a partner to go though life with and share good times and bad. And that too is not the same in everybody. Some people are born with a silver spoon in mouth. They have no money or physical problems. Some are born poor with physical challenges as well. Intelligence and capacity for certain jobs is a given the day you are born. Life is not fair in anyway.

So yea, say you are good looking, young, no major physical or emotional problems, you seek a partner with same attributes. Then you say, well they better not get fat, they better not have an emotional breakdown and stop being able to work… that would ruin the marriage!

Well yea if that’s what your marriage is about. Many don’t marry based on looks. They can’t. God did not give them a beautiful body or face. But they can still have a wonderful life full of kindness, love, and sex as well. In the end, looks leave everyone. Everyone’s life is different. You don’t know what challenges life will give you. That one beautiful girl they showed on American Idol was in a car crash and is now in a wheelchair and lost mental capacity to even talk. Will her husband stay with her?? That’s up to him isn’t it. What he wants to do with his short human life. Leave her and find an attractive girl to have max pleasure in life or give, serve, help another human being get through life because he loves and cares about her as a person.

Love and pleasure are two different things. Also, "good looks" or youth is not needed to have good sex ! Not sure why so many posts state looks are so important. Someone can be super good looking and terrible in bed. Great looking people can be abusive.  Most people will fantisize you are somebody else during sex no matter how attractive you think you are sooner or later.

Sex exists so we make babies. It exists in all animals. It is pleasurable to make us do it. We have hormones and chemicals in us to make us desire it. That’s really it. It is not important in any way except to make sure the species doesn’t die off for lack of offspring. But yea some humans turn it into some massively important thing. In the end, it don’t mean anything. It was a pleasure like eating chocolate. What matters in the end is if you hurt people or helped them during your life. Did you make others lives better or worse?

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i must have really jumped in this thread late hehehe..is it about monogamy being over rated or under rated anymore or has it drifted to something else??

i only read the op's post and responded to part of it..then also responded in part to her latest one..that was about transfats..

i don't believe any of them were about looks..

if they gave the impression then they were misunderstood..


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No, that's a myth because sugars increase insulin and make fats a sort of cling-on.  Eating sugar and fat together is the absolute worst because when the body cannot reduce the sugar substances through the insulin it has available, the caloric intake gets stored as fat. 

This doctor in his video explains a lot.  However, Suzanne Summer's wrote a book about food combining and the effects of sugar and obesity; although Ms. Summer's book is excellent, the Atkin's diet had already proved how proper food combining leads to weight loss.  I simply like Ms. Summer's book a little better for weight control; I learned a lot about proper food combining, especially as it relates to sugar.  I don't eat sugar anymore; I'm not diabetic.  I have just said NO to sugar as a basic rule in my life; I've gotten rid of most of it, but not all of it.  Sugars really do make us fat, very fat.  p.s. Ishy, I hope you watch this video; it's fascinating to say the very least. 


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I'm not talking about looks per se, I'm talking about taking care of yourself and not letting yourself go.

You don't have to be beautiful nor handsome like a movie star to take care of yourself.  To look like a movie star, that takes a lot of money for all those surgeries.. hehehe   Also, many people in show biz use drugs to keep them skinny; so that is a false presentation of the human body; they are inducing anorexia through certain drugs, mostly cocaine. 

But studies do show that an affair is not the problem.  Studies show there were problems (whatever they could be, although obesity is certainly a merry-go-round for a lot of single women I know) before the affair.  I know women who diet while in the dating cycle, then go right back to their bad eating habits as soon as they start to feel comfortable with someone and they often shoot themselves in their own foot because they start getting all sorts of complexes that can reduce their confidence to have sex as sex involves being naked, and some women don't want to get naked when they feel fat.  Perhaps some men don't either. 

But they went back to their old eating habits all on their own.  There isn't much a friend can do but try to "help".  However, taking care of oneself really boils down to the person doing the work themselves. 

In short, an affair signals a problem in the relationship whatever the problem/s are, not the affair just happened because of nothing.



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Well, the thread has wandered a bit maybe, but it's been in some really interesting directions, I think.  LOL


To redirect for a moment back to the OP point of monogamy, some of the things that have come up in the discussion probably would have a bearing on monogamy.  Marriage is probably the most popular basis for monogamy in mainstream society, and the vows usually contain something like "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health".  So some of the things we've talked about may not be so optional to some people's personal views on monogamy.


On another monogamy point, I had to think very long and hard about something Ishtara Rothschild said earlier.. "I don't think that anybody enters a relationship with the deliberate intention to cheat on their partner."  Monogamy isn't something personally I consider important to relationship now.  But it was, back in the beginning.


Where it changed started when both my wife and I were working.  She was working as a bartender at the time and used to spend a lot of time talking to a regular at the bar.  He made more money than I did, and was an intelligent and charming sort.  And to be honest, he was a really nice guy.  Most of the town presumed they had something going on, and so did I.  I went through some jealousy issues I had to process and I thought hard about it.  I hadn't been the first guy she'd ever been with.  We'd both had other lovers before we met, and other relationships.  If the past didn't matter to me, then why should the present?  I was the one she'd stayed with, I was the one she came home to.  So I decided that if it made her feel better or happier, then I wished them the best and it didn't matter enough to me to be a "deal breaker".  Jealousy wasn't worth more to me than she was.


A few years later, she and I got around to comparing notes, and I found out she'd never actually had anything going on with him.  Oh, there had been mutual attraction.  But they'd agreed it went no further.  She'd also assumed that with some of our female friends where I'd certainly had time and opportunity, that I'd had something going on the side now and then.  I hadn't.  So basically, we'd both forgiven and moved on with life when nothing had actually happened.  We laughed a bit about that, because it seemed kind of silly, and after discussing if it actually would matter to either of us, we set some new ground rules, and just went on with life.  So maybe monogamy had been kind of expected and maintained at first, but by the end of our first decade together we'd established that it didn't matter enough in and of itself for either of us to seek a divorce over it.  On the other hand, we don't call it an "open relationship", since too many people assume that term involves a degree of sexual promiscuity that doesn't really fit either of us.


So I felt I should clarify that it's not like I never felt it was important to me personally.  I just found out in the course of life that it wasn't that important to me personally.  Or at leat not important enough to me personally for it to cost me the person involved.  In the words of a song by John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."


But that's me, and isn't necessarily how anyone else should view things or live their life.  If it's important to you, then it's important.

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I was watching this video by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers last night.  I think Elvis did a cover of that song somewhere cuz I hear Elvis singing it, but my rl bf thought Johnny Cash.  lol  ETA:  After listening to this it does sound a bit like Elvis and I know Mr. Petty is a huge Elvis fan!  Huge Elvis fan. 

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Mayalily wrote:

No, that's a myth because sugars increase insulin and make fats a sort of cling-on.  Eating sugar and fat together is the absolute worst because when the body cannot reduce the sugar substances through the insulin it has available, the caloric intake gets stored as fat. 

This doctor in his video explains a little.  However, Suzanne Summer's wrote a book about food combining and the effects of sugar and obesity; although Ms. Summer's book is excellent, the Atkin's diet had already proved how proper food combining leads to weight loss.  I simply like Ms. Summer's book a little better for weight control; I learned a lot about proper food combining, especially as it relates to sugar.  I don't eat sugar anymore; I'm not diabetic.  I have just said NO to sugar as a basic rule in my life; I've gotten rid of most of it, but not all of it.  Sugars really do make us fat, very fat. 




actually it is the glucose from sugar or any carbohydrate that increases insulin..any carbohydrate can do the same..pasta for instance which is high in carbs as well..any calories more than we should have will cause weight gain..

when the bloodsugar level drops we get hungry again and eat more..

artificial trans fat foods at the same amount of calories will add more fat.. let alone add new  fat to the body and gather other fats from around the body to the tummy area..

so in other words even counting calories and being in the limit of our calorie intake..trans fats will still add weight without over eating..

not to mention all the other health problems that come from them..

ETA: i may have misunderstood you in thinking you were saying that sugar was worse  that trans fats..

instead i think you were just talking about sugar in general..cane or manufactured hehehe if i misunderstood you then sorry for that hehehe..i'm a few hours past my bed time..i do that a lot on my nights off from work..stay up too long during the day and all hehehe

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You should really watch that video Ceka when you get time; it's utterly fascinating.  I finally watched the whole video; I'm amazed by this doctor, but appalled at the same time for what our government has done to the America food sources.  It's despicable to say the very least!   I hope Ishy watches it, also.  I think she would find it fascinating.

I'm asking you to watch the video because no pasta alone does not cause weight gain; that's another myth.  The doctor explains it all in this video.  It takes about of an hour of your time, but it is well worth it!  It could save yours or someone else's life!  It is definately worth an hour of your time to watch the video; this is video is about your life and the life of others in your life. Is an hour worth it.. definately! 


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i did watch the video thismorning..it was too late for me to watch it yesterday since i was already up way too many hours past my bed time hehehe

i did enjoy it..i think his sense of humor was a nice added pleasure in it..

my point about sugar when i was saying it increases insulin from glucose is that it will over produce which will lower blood sugar levels and make us hungry again..more of how sugars will act even right from the cane..

his video was more about the fructose and sucrose in just about everything manufactured..minus the fiber and other vitamins from the sources needed to go with them..important body signals we need..

in other words..eating an apple vs drinking apple juice from the store will be handled differently by the body..

if i drink say juicy juice which says it's 100% juice from the store it won't have what i need to proccess it as well as if i took an orange off the tree and put it in a blender..

i think one of his best examples was about gatoraid..

how many extreme athletes do you know..i almost fell out of my chair laughing because it made so much sense LOL.

real gatoraid tastes like (as he said) something that would come out of you LOL

who is the biggest protector of it all? FDA..

i guess when i said cane sugar or natural i was meaning before it was messed with by humans that don't give a crap about what happens to the people that consum thier products..

fructose alone won't tell your body you have had enough..where eating an apple from the tree will let your body know..wow i just had an apple and it will hold me over until i get home..

it has the same workings as the transfats in a way..both made to be cheaper and both working in different ways to kill us off and get as much of our money as they can get before we do die off..

this is why i am glad i grew up on the ranch..most everything we eat is born made or grown right here without having to go to the store..

and when i do go shopping at the store..i shop the outer walls where there is the fresh foods..in the lanes is where all the manufactored crap is that they want you to get hooked on..

it was a good video..i hope a lot of people watch it and understand it..

you should find a video about grown food in america and watch how they have malipulated seed and crops on the Genetic cellular level..

we almost went to court because of that corporation trying to make us get a licesne because our provider brought us the wrong seed..we grow organic ..not that save the world from hunger crap that will be having it's bad come with it down the road as well..


if i can find a link i'll give it to you..it's a good video you ould be interested in i'm sure =)

Here it is ..it's on hulu.. http://www.hulu.com/watch/67878/the-future-of-food


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Venus Petrov wrote:

Mayalily wrote: 

Women are still somewhat expected to be that saint in the kitchen and the devil in the bedroom
with one man, and not too much more than that when it comes to sexuality.  Do you think women are still chained to some kind of irrational expections and/or victims of a double standard where sex is encouraged for men, but not for women before they 'settle down'?


My view is that stereotype is dead in most of society (if it even existed in some).  It sounds like some Ozzie & Harriet kind of sitcom thing.  The ideal would be to find someone with whom you could explore all of life's complexities and be fully free to express yourself.

I am most comfortable in a monogamous relationship.  I cannot speak to the over- or under-relatedness of it as it is a personal choice.

Sounds like something Hugh Hefner prescribed... I am thinking Devil in the kitchen, Magician in the bedroom? lolz

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Jessika Rang wrote:

Sounds like something Hugh Hefner prescribed... I am thinking Devil in the kitchen, Magician in the bedroom? lolz

Well, I don't know about you, but if I had to go to bed with Hugh Hefner I'd definitely want the ability to make him disappear. :smileytongue:


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Awesome question and topic.


For me, to be monogamous is just  not realistic. I've tried it for the majority of my adult life, it just doesn't happen. I don't believe its too challenging. There are many for whom it is entirely possible and preferrable. Its an individual thing. And its a culmination of several factors. I do like a variety of women. Emotional attachment, importance of my woman  or wife,  and even a sense of loyalty do not dissipate my want of "just someone different" . Sometimes its a "breather" , sometimes its "a different flavor", and sometimes its doing things that are not part of the primary relationship. I don't believe in being dishonest. And to that end , at this point in my life , its disclosed upfront that I'm not up for traditional relationships in that sense. It might not work for a lot of people, but I have found that I am actually MORE attached to my lady when I dont have the lie that I'm not going to put it someplace "else" in the framework.  Talking between us is very open and I feel I can tell her pretty much anything. To me, you never really have that when you are claiming you will never ever put it someplace it "doesn't go".  The tension of it bars me from her.

I do think that the OP's friends have what it is "everybody" should want in the regard of being best friends. That really is what keeps ANYbody together in my opinion. The trick is figuring out what you need to do with your best friend; do you need to be sexually  monogamous with them or not? How about emotionally? What are the parameters? The rules about it? What's allowed and whats not allowed? How are you going to implament it?

As for women getting a different deal , yes, in a global/worldwide sense they have always gotten a different deal and there's a double standard. Whether or not there is  a double standard in your house or life however rests with the woman and who she chooses and what she wants.




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Thanks for sharing about the video!  It was very insightful to me, and if other's don't want to watch it you summed it up pretty well.

It is definately worth a watch, as sugars, especially high frustose corn syrup, are poison. 

I also don't eat much sugar because I want to save my teeth as well as to try to stay as slim as possible.  However, I don't over do it on Splenda either.  I haven't drank soda for I don't know how long, but years!  Soda is like sugar water to me and I don't drink the stuff.  I'm water, coffee, iced tea, and a little fruit juice once in a while.  I don't drink any alcohol at all either, tho my rl bf does, and I'm trying to tell him to lay off the beer as it's just as bad as soda.  Beer has stuff in it to fatten cattle.  Beer belly/soda belly, the same thing and it's due to "sugars" and the leading cause of heart attacks, not fats, as the doctor pointed out.  That doesn't mean eat a lot of fat either.  Sugar and fat combined are the worst such as doughnuts, he mentioned. 

The doctor also explained that pasta or carbs are not making people gain weight in and of themselves; it's when carbs are combined with sugars, the insulin receptors turn off and it gets stored as fat, even in 6-month-old children the insulin receptors can get over ridden and cause weight gain.   It's the sugars that turn the fats and carbs into stored BMI fat, as the doctor pointed out people in Italy who eat pasta, but rarely eat desert nor sugars with their pasta, do not gain weight. 

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