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Who is really the one? How do you know?


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I've met many people who have been in sucessful sl relationships, even going as far as meeting in rl.... But i've heard, more times than one, that the relationship has failed, the partners going different ways. I've been in my fair share of bad and terrible relationships (being so nice that i try to make a relationship i know will fail right off the back). I know what it feels like to love something/ someone that isn't yours to love, it hurts but we all survive and get over it. I created this forum not to get dates or find my "soul mate" i surpose u could call him/her... I created it to hear your stories and experienses, what was your worst sl relationships? your best? how did you feel? just VENT! let your heart out, sometimes the perfect friend is the friend you never had :matte-motes-big-grin:  you do not have to name, names, but just tell us why he/she wasn't the one? what did she/he do wrong? was it you? etc... let your heart out. XD i can't wait to read on

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Okay...I wasn't going to reply, but I can't stop myself. I've had my share of on-line and off-line relationships, and I had a rule that never the twain shall meet. I started in Second Life with the rule that I would never consider taking an on-line relationship into the real world...I couldn't see how the two would translate. Famous last words....

I've had SL relationships break up partly because I didn't want to consider meeting in RL...but then there was Kram. We'd chatted for almost a year before he suggested a RL visit.

Why did I say yes to the visit? We'd shared a lot and supported each other a lot over that time. We'd both come to care about each other, even though we'd never planned for it to happen. Mostly, we felt that we'd been "real" in SL and if we wanted to find out how "real" that was, we had to meet. I think he was more sure of us than I was...until we met.

His coming half-way round the world to meet me just felt like best friends getting together after a long absence. We were who were were in SL (okay, we looked a little different, and the travel took longer...) but it was so much better than SL. Long story short, he's now over my end of the world and we've been together in RL for 16 months and going strong.

But to answer your question...how do you know? I don't think you ever know at the time...but when you look back over the time together you think "Damn, it's been great".

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To be frank - no idea!

Ive barely dated in SL and never partnered.

Im never quite sure why, but the best reason I can come up with is while Im a hopeless romantic in real life, I cant quite suspend reality to embrace it in SL.  I always have the lurking feeling of "its just a game", or "how can I fall for someone I dont really know and probably never will?"

Mostly, i look around and see the fast bursts of passion and all to soon damp squibs or fiery break-ups and think "ah well Im not missing much".  But sometimes I do wonder what im missing, and why im missing it - defence mechanism, hangover from SL being work when i started in it rather than play?  No idea!

This so doesnt answer your question but just a vaguely aligned point of view for you :)

Arabella

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~ because you're best friends

~ because you desire each other constantly

~ because you talk about everything

~ because you're each other's mutual support system

~ because you don't care what you do just so long as you're together

~ because you know each others' flaws and accept them

~ because you're so different and yet so similar

~ because you have a million little 'in-jokes' that no-one else gets

~ because you're an ocean and a continent apart, yet your souls have touched

~ because you find yourself writing this sort of thing ~ and you don't think it's soppy


That's just a few to be going on with.   :matte-motes-inlove:

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Well its not always that your partner is there for you always. I know EVERY SINGLE one of my friends would be there for me if i so needed. I've witnessed it enough times. Don't be sad, i feel like Best friends would beat a relationship any day, maybe thats why im not having a lot of sucess *shrugs*, i try though. like you said "they screw up or i screw up," does anyone really know whos fault it is?

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I TOTALLY AGREE! I came into sl as just to see the sex side of it, hearing from other people that the rping is PERFECT! So, i just had sex for probably my first 6 months of sl, i didnt know what i was missing, I would enter a club, see a couple and feel kinda sad. I think it would be very nice to be in a sl relationship, but being in enough of failed ones, its given me the look of "sl relationships SUCK." Yeah, the "honeymoon phase" is probably the best part, but when it wears off, i dont see the thril in it anymore, as much as i try. And yes, i always have that voice in my head telling me"this is just a game"

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I consider myself a very over sensible down to earth kind of person SL was just for fun,right?  to explore and chat with others from all over the world. Then i met "him" funny, intelligent, lots of things in common. We chatted every day for 6 months and then i travelled across the world to meet him. I will never forget it, it was the strangest feeling, we just became a couple we really felt so comfortable we had to keep reminding ourselves that we had never actually met before. I came home and have been in touch everyday for the last 8 months, and in 1 weeks time he is coming here for 6 months im so excited . We are taking things day by day not sure what will happen after his stay whether we stay here or go there or go our separate ways,whatever happens i know that i have met the most amazing man and i think myself very lucky. So you never know what SL will bring when you least expect it

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Why is it "the one" and not "the one for now" or "someone for now"? If you found the one and they left for some reason or another , i.e., died, disappeared, turned gay or whatever, you we would be expected to find another unless you were really old, like a grandmother in her 90's. So why would it be "the one" as there are clearly many partners that will do? 

@kelli:

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

 

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Why is it "the one" and not "the one for now" or "someone for now"? If you found the one and they left for some reason or another , i.e., died, disappeared, turned gay or whatever, you we would be expected to find another unless you were really old, like a grandmother in her 90's. So why would it be "the one" as there are clearly many partners that will do? 

@kelli:

When I was a young boy

My mama said to me

There's only one girl in the world for you

And she probably lives in Tahiti


I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world

Just to find her

 

Yes, there
may
be many potential partners for each one of us, but what is the likelihood that we'll actually meet more than one of them during our lifetimes?  Not high, i think.  They may, in fact, be out there, but they could be an ocean or a continent away.  It's not like you go to the corner shop for a pint of milk, and lo - there they are, buying a packet of frozen peas.

Personally, i don't subscribe to "this'll do". I enjoy my own company and don't
need
to be in any relationship.  I was lucky that i got lucky; that is all.  :matte-motes-asleep-2:

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Whether you meet many or few potential partners in your life is within your control. If you're highly selective, you won't meet many. If you're not particularly choosy, you'll meet a lot. 

Fortunately, a million years ago my ancestors weren't so selective. They mated with whoever they could find and here I am today. 

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i don't know about sl ..but here was something funny that my fiance said to me when i asked him how he knew i was the one..

he said when he realised that he could act the same way around me like he does around the guys he hangs out with..

 

he asked me back..

Him: when did you know i was the one..

i said to him..when did i ever say you were the one?

LOL Gotch'a bebee!!

Him: oh you suck girl!!!

 

he is so easy hehehehe

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you can meet "the one" anywhere and anytime... the key is to be ready in your own mind and heart... are you self-confident and self-loving?  If you are coming from a place of "need" then you are setting yourself up to be used in rl or sl.  As a famous person said when it comes to love you must choose wisely and treat kindly... so, when you meet that person are you ready to give more than you get (and be delighted with the rewards you reap?)

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squashy Beeswing wrote:

~ because you're best friends

~ because you desire each other constantly

~ because you talk about everything

~ because you're each other's mutual support system

~ because you don't care what you do just so long as you're together

~ because you know each others' flaws and accept them

~ because you're so different and yet so similar

~ because you have a million little 'in-jokes' that no-one else gets

~ because you're an ocean and a continent apart, yet your souls have touched

~ because you find yourself writing this sort of thing ~ and you don't think it's soppy

 

That's just a few to be going on with.   :matte-motes-inlove:

I second this, and its only the beginning. :matte-motes-inlove:

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