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What's wrong with men?


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I am close to celebrating my fifth SL birthday soon and I consider myself an open, intelligent, friendly and good-looking person (well, someone else should make that last statement, I know! :-)), but believe me: in all those 5 years I have never met a man who seriously had tried to seduce me. I'm not talking about weirdos jumping into the scene and offering instant f.... I mean decent, romantic, witty, nice, but determined approaches with a goal - to get me laid, or perhaps to start a relationship. Mostly men seem to be content with hearing (reading) themselves talk or, in the vast majority, they don't even try to talk to me, or tge conversations ends after 2 and a half sentences. When interested I always try to steer the conversation into the desired sweet sexy romantic direction,  but the men don't seem to "get it". Are they too shy? Are they not interested? Am I not explicit enough (but where is romanticism)? I have been approached by women several times and out of curiosity and lack of men even started a few relationships. But still... I don't get it... Isn't SL the Eldorado for virtual sex? But where is it? Where are the lady killers?

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My time in in SL isn't as long as yours (I'm not far away from my 1st birthrezzdaything), but I know what you mean. Most men I met in the last months were already taken by someone. Nearly everyone I see is in a relationship.....

And the rest? Well, they are insensitive, uncreative and unromantic. Just luck not to find one of these two types.

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As others have been saying, the main problem for a woman looking for a nice guy in SL is the female to male ratio. My roommate is a hostess at several clubs & often laments the dearth of male avatars. She says there are 10 women to every man, but even if there were 5 men to every woman, that ratio means most nice guys who want a relationship will be quickly grabbed up by a woman who is sexually assertive as well as cute & charming. The ones who are free are either newbies, utterly clueless about what a woman wants, gay or just not interested in SL romance.

You best bet is to either grab a newbie & make him over or be friendly with a guy who's in a SL relationship that's obviously not going to last & then catch him on the rebound. I got a newbie myself, when a RL friend introduced a mutual friend to me in SL. My roommate has tried both the newbie & the rebound route. Eventually, she found a good guy that fits with her, but she had plenty of drama before this.

As in RL, I think it also helps to go where people like to do things you like to do.  If you just hang out in clubs, you'll find more players. If you like fighting or role-play, there is a slighty higher ratio of guys in those kinds of groups. 

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I have only dabbled in romance here in SL.  I am here mainly to create and run my  business.  I have made a bunch of really good friends along the way just wish I could spend more time socializing with them.  So with my limited experience here is my two cents.

My guess is that the type of men you are looking for are putting those skills to use in the real world finding real women to have relationships and romance with.  I have only met a couple of men in SL with those characteristics.

It could also be the types of places you hang out at may not be the types of places men like you describe go to.  It may be that all you need to do is find the right place with the right type of people to socialize with.

Lastly, and I hesitate to say it, but it could be you.  There might be something in your personality that is turning off the type of man that you are looking for.  I don't know you well enough from reading one posting by you to even guess at what that might be if anything at all.

Great thing about SL is you can be someone new everyday.  It is a great way to work on parts of your personality.  For me I was pretty shy when I first came to SL.  It didn't take long for me to become more confident talking to people in SL and in turn it helped me become more comfortable and confident in RL.

My last bit of advice would be to not actively look for romance in SL.  Find something to do in SL that you enjoy.  Chances are that you will meet someone while doing it and if not at least you had fun.

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I used to be like you... waiting for a decent, witty, intelligent, funny and romantic Casanova until I realised that there is no such thing as decent, witty, intelligent, funny and romantic Casanova.

Now I just settled being a gold digger...

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Absolutely nothing and absolutely everything is what's wrong with men.

I think if men played in this "Eldorado for virtual sex" with the "determined approaches with a goal - to get *you* laid" they would probably 'suck it up' and crawl into bed with their RL wives.  Men that 'use' SL as the Eldorado for virtual sex ONLY want to get themselves laid.

Now the question becomes how men differ from women in 'approach' to attaining that same brass ring: having teh secks.

I think your OP questions would be better 'suited' if asked in the Ladies Who Lunch' group as the forum is not an appropriate venue.  Why?  Because you asked a question that invites the public flogging of EVERY heterosexual male by every women, and some men that play women, who may have been spurned by a man.

Perhaps Richard Parkes could shed some light on your questions, too.


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When interested I always try to steer the conversation into the desired sweet sexy romantic direction,  but the men don't seem to "get it". 

The clue lies in your sentence above.  You aren't being obvious enough.  Your subtle manoeverings are lost on the men here.   Perhaps you need to be more full-on and provocative.  I don't mean that you should put out on the first meeting , but you need to indicate quite strongly that you're a potential "goer" and as hot as they come if only "the right man" could bring you to it. 

Sadly, i can't guarantee the quality of the fish you may or may not hook. 

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Ceres wrote:

I used to be like you... waiting for a decent, witty, intelligent, funny and romantic Casanova
until I realised that there is no such thing as decent, witty, intelligent, funny and romantic Casanova.

and

Now I just settled being a gold digge
r...

:matte-motes-bored:

and

:matte-motes-bored:

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squashy Beeswing wrote:

...
but you need to indicate quite strongly that you're a potential "goer" and as hot as they come if only "the right man" could bring you to it. 

Sadly, i can't guarantee the quality of the fish you may or may not hook. 

If the 'right man' a.k.a. a good quality "fish" responds then what?  Now you have yourself a man.  You will NOT let him go as he is considered a keeper.  If he dares to leave the OP would still read: "What's wrong with men?"

 

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Actually. I think Ceres has a point. Casanova was a player, not a decent guy. If you want a guy who knows how to woo a woman, you're going to find a guy who's had a lot of practice wooing women to get them into bed. That might be fun for a few dates, but he's probably going to keep playing that game with other women too. Do you want a guy who sweeps you off your feet with well-practiced lines or one who has fun with you, cares about you & sticks with you? Instead of looking for one who says what you want to hear, try listening to him & saying what he wants to hear. Even Casenova said the best way to a woman's heart was to really listen to her, so try doing that yourself.

Everyone wants to be accepted & appreciated for who they are, so look for his good points & compliment him on them. Guys usually like to have fun in SL, so find fun stuff to do like exploring, boating, watching a roller derby match, etc. Virtual sex is fun, but so are other activites. Change up the activies, so the pixel sex doesn't get boring. You have one advantage with a newer guy that you may not appreciate & that is your experience in SL. Newbies don't know where to go to buy stuff or have fun, but you probably do.

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( I don't know how to do the quote thing -- I'm responding to Persephone's first post in this thread)

 

This explains a lot.  The first couple of months that my partner and I joined SL he was getting hit on left and right.  I don't blame anyone for hitting on him - he's a warm and wonderful man!  The only thing that bothered me was that no one even tried with me. So silly, I know.  But I'd read about how women got tired of being hit on and I started to get a complex, I figured my avi had monkey arms or something.   

I also know that the fact that we're clear about our relationship doesn't necessarily mean people won't attempt to be "friendly", it certainly hasn't been a deterrent in my partners case.  I think in six months one person tried a pick-up line with me, and I'm not even sure about that one, it may have been wishful thinking. I'd love to just once say to my partner "Look honey!  Someone thinks I'm hawt too!"  :P 

The pick-up line type in SL probably isn't the relationship type. (speaking of both men and women)  but what the heck do I know?  I'm glad I didn't come here to get picked up for sex, I'd be mighty depressed by now.  :)  

I do think the "assertive" thing may be the key here.  I've met a few men in SL that are charming, kind, and intelligent and that aren't in a relationship.  I'm not looking, but if I were I'd have to step it up on the assertiveness. 

 

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Well I guess only thing worse than a guy a candy store with a credit card is a woman with a never aging sexy body looking for love with 20 somethings. One of the problems? I think most woman here won't admit it but a vast majority are Cougars

looking for qualities that are not developed in the 20 something male and they reject older males as soon as they find out

they don't fit their hotter than hot and well dressed and tattooed new virtual self. Can you imagine this same subject brought up for men..hmmmmm wonder what the womens reaction would e?...jus askin. 

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I don't see why a middle-age or older woman would reject an older man in SL.  Our culture trains us to think younger is better, but as long as we look young & cute in SL, why can't we admit to being older, wiser & more experienced in RL?

Here's a question for they guys: Do you care if that cute, hot, sexy, frisky avatar is actually an overweight, middle-aged woman in RL? And if you do care, why do you care?

Am I the weird one because I like sweet, geeky teddy-bears, rather than hot, hunky bad boys?

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Cougars?  Quite possible.  But I'd say that we all look for partners that aren't jaded by life and past experiences.  In this case it's fair play for women to do the same thing that men do.

But as for the men being able to say what they really think?  That would be a bloodbath for sure since we're outnumbered and outgunned on these here forums.

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I have been thinking and thinking about your OP and I the only thing I can say is that, for me, it is much more a mind-to-mind connection first.  Does he make me laugh?  Does he share ideas, thoughts?  Is he interested in what I have to say?  Does he make me laugh harder?  These things are very appealing. 

I would suggest do not look for the seduction.  Look for the friend.

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Storm Clarence wrote:


squashy Beeswing wrote:

...
but you need to indicate quite strongly that you're a potential "goer" and as hot as they come if only "the right man" could bring you to it. 

Sadly, i can't guarantee the quality of the fish you may or may not hook. 

If the 'right man' a.k.a. a good quality "fish" responds then what?  Now you have yourself a man.  You will NOT let him go as he is considered a keeper.  If he dares to leave the OP would still read: "What's wrong with men?"

 

It might, yes.  But she has yet to hook one!  

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Persephone Emerald wrote:

Here's a question for they guys: Do you care if that cute, hot, sexy, frisky avatar is actually an overweight, middle-aged woman in RL? And if you do care, why do you care?

 

Probably for the same reason a lot of guys want virgins and showroom stickers on new cars.  We want new and untainted so we can be the first to taint them ourselves.  We don't want our performance to be evaluated against previous guys and we don't want our mistakes and excuses to be too obvious, which isn't a problem because she hasn't heard them all before.  Yet.

You can't fool a cougar as easily.

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Storm Clarence wrote:

I think your OP questions would be better 'suited' if asked in the Ladies Who Lunch' group as the forum is not an appropriate venue.  Why?  Because you asked a question that invites the public flogging of EVERY heterosexual male by every women, and some men that play women, who may have been spurned by a man.

Perhaps Richard Parkes could shed some light on your questions, too.


tsk tsk Storm *waggles finger and shakes head..

Moni is a very well respected, incredibly talented and much loved resident of impeccable standing.

She is and always has been a kind helper & generous mentor. Long before either of us logged in.

It is only brash noobs who would suggest she is inviting the flogging of heterosexual males.. if I may be so bold...

My dear friend is not in fact a member of the Ladies Who Lunch but she certainly should be.

I will send her an invite thank you. Inclusion Storm is a wonderful thing.

If anyone deserves fun & happiness in SL relationships? it is our lovely Moni. Your lot would be much improved if you

knew her personally.....

*puts thumbs in ears and goes ;-p (in the nicest possible way:-)

It is fact that time zones play a major part in SL relationships from what I have seen.

 

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Maryanne Solo wrote:


Storm Clarence wrote:

I think your OP questions would be better 'suited' if asked in the Ladies Who Lunch' group as the forum is not an appropriate venue.  Why?  Because you asked a question that invites the public flogging of EVERY heterosexual male by every women, and some men that play women, who may have been spurned by a man.

Perhaps Richard Parkes could shed some light on your questions, too.


tsk tsk Storm *waggles finger and shakes head..

Moni is a very well respected, incredibly talented and much loved resident of impeccable standing.

She is and always has been
a kind helper & generous mentor.
Long before either of us logged in.

If anyone deserves fun & happiness in SL relationships? it is
our lovely Moni.
Your lot would be much improved if you

knew her personally.....

 

My type of woman: creative, fun, fast...

I am 'the' lady killer she seeks.  Does she not know what she is asking for?  Moni?

 

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