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RavenRae Gauntley

SL Relationships are rough

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Over the past 2 years of being in SL. I learned a lot from being a long relationship that I was in. I gave someone one year and 3 months of being partnered. Until all of a sudden they just up and leave and disappeared and hasn't returned since then. I was waiting around for a long time and still nothing. So I started to see other people for awhile and everything. I still had no hope for having a nice relationship and since I ended the partnering again on April 2nd of 2011 again. I was on the prowl for a new beau. Not working. I'm trying to recover from a shattered heart and just crush. So I decided to takle a couple months off. I think it was just time to recover from everything. I got tired of looking at second life and I don't think I will be returning anytime soon. I will say those SL relationships are very rough and you have to learn to protect that heart because seems like here lately you can't trust no one there. It's all crazy. So be very careful in there. Please don't end up like me. I will return one day but I"m giving myself time and be able to cope from it all. I got to have that faith again and this time I will let it frind me.

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Maybe something happened to your friend in RL? People don't live forever. They're quite fragile, made of a jelly-like mass comprising mostly water that splatters into a mess if dropped from a large height. 

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Nacy Nightfire wrote:

No one really dies from a fall from a great height.  It's the sudden stop at the end that gets them.

Not necessarily... if they happen to live near the coast there's always seagulls that could get in the way on the way down, and some seagulls are awfully mean when provoked.

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Well everything that you all said could be true but I did start thinking of 4 conclusions of his disappearing. I just didn't think it was right for him to disappear and not tell me that he was going to leave and not come back or I wouldn't be feeling this way or taking the break off myself. I've been in SL to long to keep going but he chose not to tell me and I keep wondering and sitting here on thinking on "Does he know how much he hurt me after he left and never came back?" I wouldn't be like this if he could had just have told me and I would had understand and not leave SL for awhile. Everytime I looked at SL. It just nothing but heart braking. It wasn't only him on doing that. It was the cause of others that were pushing me out. No one actually cared what my feelings were and they had also singled me out. I'm a real person behind this avi and so is each and everyone of you.

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How much do you know about him? Do you have any RL contact information? Something could have happened to him or he could have decided to disappear himself to avoid you. Have you ever seen the film entitled "The Upside of Anger"? In the film, the husband disappears and the wife concludes that he ran off to Sweden with his secretary. The wife becomes angry and bitter at being left. However, the husband's body is later found in an abandoned well behind the house, in which he evidently fell into accidentally and died. 

I guess the upside of anger is that you don't have to feel sadness for the death of a loved one if you assume he disappeared himself to avoid you. If his body ever turns up though, you might feel a little embarrassed.

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Having been in SL for a very long time I have seen this many times before. Ok, something might have happened to this person IRL. BUT... most likely he did not get sick or died on you. Avatars are indeed humans behind the pixels and that makes a SL relation twice as risky as a RL relation. Things cannot only go wrong in SL but also things in their RL can lead to reasons to stop playing SL or to have to take a break. Reason number one is tho...  lots of  ppl just get sick of their relation and move on as an alt to avoid confrontations, to avoid hurting the partner, to be free again. Many, many reasons and only a small percentage actually have a truly serious reason to stop logging into SL. This is probably not what you want to hear but chances are the partner really does not care how you feel and chose to move on. I know of some cases they even kept in toutch with the partner they try to avoid as an alt, without them knowing this is the very partner they are hurting over!

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a friend of mine in america had partnered with some guy in germany... i think it must have been a few months....... then he just disapeared .........no message  absolute nothing.....and hasnt logged on since.... hopefully he is okay ie alive and nothing terrible happened but if not at least you should at least give the person to you partnered with some inkling of why you just vanished of the face of the earth without a mention of what happened... people still have feeling in this second life....as the saying goes there is a real person behind the avatar ...........you just neglected

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Yes, when you watch you avatar walk into space and all the land crumple and disapear and you think about how you are sad because you really really wanted to see that strange object you saw....you realise....why the heck am I hear walking around looking at crazy giant, wierd colored, or otherwise silly stuff that is totally unreal? Then you realise, you are crazy, SL is crazy and the whole world is simply in denial of it's own delusion. So, enjoy the giant robot from a old cartoon that stands around in someones back yard and is like 20 meters tall. Then remember the giant rodside art you see in RL in photo's, the unbelievable odd art and furniture and you realise...if we had the ability/robots/materials strong enough...we to might walk down the street and see a gaint robot maid 20 meters tall in our own town! But the walking into the air and the world disapearing behind you still makes SL wierder of an experience....so SL is still crazy compared to RL.

 

Same for relationships. The same as you can teleport in a few seconds, make an account in a few minutes, build a new inventory in days, a new circle of 'freinds' in days, a selection of people to court in months and relationship(s) built in....well, maybe never really. But you can at least make a pretend one in a year or so that seems very deep. You can do all this and avoid exchange of RL email? Then you know it is all pretend. Sad really. They might not have been able to say goodbye, so this is sad. But because it is like a RL relationship...well, you maybe got in to deep and this is why you warn us. I say the same, relationships are painful. But really, I don't want to discourage so I figure if people just remember it is pretend then they can maybe control the feelings of hurt by possibly stepping out of a relationship if the other doesn't give you a RL email and you are not invited into thier normal life. If they are sort of just not into that, then you need to move on and maybe even save them having to make an alt. Sounds silly, but you can sometimes hurt people far less and hurt yourself far less doing this? Not sure. So, hey....go for it if you want, we are all adults here. But I wont be joining in, I will have non of this love and sex stuff, my avatar threw the free equipment he got out...heart and other bits lol. Now he is a heartless and sexless invinsible avatar that is there to take the g forces and keep on n00b animation walking to the next round or mayhem. A simple fast life for my av! In Rl....uh, things are slower...I guess I still sort of n00b animate my self. :( I bump into things to, but far less g force than in SL! I really must make a mesh avatar with a face I can animate somehow to have cheeks flap under the forces of havoks physics!

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All I am going to say is that. I never had a problem with my ex partner. We always had a nice long talk. He knew what I was up to and I knew what he was up to. I don't think he would had ran or disappeared from me because he would had told me before anything else happened. I can see of of your points and everything else. If something had happened. He would had came in and wrote to me on what happened. He chose not to do that. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I always left a message on why did you leave? Like I said earlier. He could have told me on what he was feeling but did I even get that. NO! I'm not trying to be frugal. He did care but he thinks it was best he just disappear slowly and not let me see that he was. He might had an alt to not face me on the simple facts cuz of his leaving. You don't understand. No one will. I have something from him and I do get a little scared or nervous on what he might do. To answer one question... NO. I have never met him in RL.. cuz he lived in Holland and I'm in the USA.. I never met anyone from sl from the last 2 years of being in sl.

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Raven, im very sorry about what your going through. I understand a lot, ive been looking for the 2 years of being in sl for the perfect guy or girl, i can't find him/her. It really sucks, and the guy im in love with is with someone else, so yes! i understand wanting something that is out of reach. i wish the best for you, ive you need someone to talk to raven, my name is Bunny Boxen, im me anytime :)

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The thing I find particularly pathetic in SL ...and perhaps others have noticed this .... is that if you DO manage to be very happy, have great friendships and even possibly a relationship that is out of this world, where there's honesty and connection....some jealous spiteful vile horrible person gets envious and tries to manipulate the situation to wreck it, using alts if they cant do it on their own.

It's almost like they're so self-destructive and miserable they have to drag everyone down to their level of misery.  It's one reason why SL is ever so much harder than RL.  In RL, people can't make alts to cause trouble....

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Yes that can be true. but you just made it sound like for what I was going rhough in a bad way. I formed a lot of great close friendships in over time. I know they can use alts to excape on what kind of relatilonship there is. I do see where your coming in this but life as we live it or see it. Isn't all as nice as pies.

Did you or have been through the same senario like I have? or Did you not just want to try to make it work out?

if a certain person does come back in time. What would scare you the most if they are back? What do you think might will happen? Will you take them back? or Will you still love them and walk away with someone new?

What would you do?

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I cannot absolutely say...the one thing I have learned, is that "always" and "never" have a way of coming back and kicking you in the backside....

 

I suppose it depends on how much love is there, to outweigh the negatives....

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Just wanted to say I know what you're going through. I'm still relatively new to SL, so I can't relate to the amount of time ... but my guy of almost 2 months ended it all last night, without warning and no explanation ... blocked me from everything. I know this is common in SL, but it still f-ing hurts, especially when the previous night seemed fine. I'll recover eventually, but when there's love and trust and a connection ... I guess a broken heart will always follow.

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The relationships that have lasted for me are the ones that gave me a little breathing room.  Some women want to essentially collar their man (just without the collar per se).  I don't want collar them.  I appreciate it when they return the favor.

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*sigh* its sad to say I went threw a somewhat similar situation. We weren't together for quite as long as a year yet but we were very...taken with each other LOL. We were together often, but we had our times alone or with friends, and we didn't really have any arguments or any fights we were doing very well. Then little by little he came on less and less...then he just stopped for a week or two. He told me he was in the hospital because of a an accident he was in. Him and his friends were always doing crazy and reckless things, but never anything fatal. He said he was fine and it was just a few broken bones. Then he was on a couple of times after that and then one day he just...never came on again. After two weeks I was very worried and after a while I started to assume the worst but I realized that helps no one. I couldn't keep killing myself with worry so I convinced myself that he just got tired of sl and stopped coming on. I've never fully recovered from it but I have tried moving on, but to no avail. I still catch myself checking my friends list for a sign of him being logged on but of course, no he's not. But I realized that me worrying and being depressed doesn't help anyone. He was a great guy but he's not here anymore, whatever the reason may be. So I gotta move on, throw on that cute outfit, go out with some friends, and live my life like he would want me to. I hope you can do the same =)

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Actually to tell you all what is going now. I did move on and I'm still coping with my ex partner being gone. I been very emotional in the last 5 months and just recently I decided to take a month off SL. so I can regroup on things and I did but I missed going in SL for awhile. I wanted to be there so bad but it was the resisting of going in. I did uninstall SL that way I can get myself to not be there as much as i use to because I kept waiting for my ex to return but I know he's not going to come back and he does worry me a little bit because I keep wondering if he is alright or not. It does scare me that if he may have gotten sick and things went to worse. I just wish I knew what happened. but I have moved on. I started to see and meet new people and been discovering some little new loves and I think i fuund someone that I wished i stayed in contact with and everything and i am happy that I did. They were to.. I knew I had to get myself together and perk up and start having fun like i use to.. you know what... It's time for Raven to bring her Sexy Girl out.... Sexy Raven will rock your world.. I have a whole new perspective about myself and some changes have been made. I only want friendships and nothing else. I did find my lucky one call them jackpot.... I hit gold... lol.... I just have to see how things go..... I think I got lucky.. woo hoo yay!! yes I have returned to SL if you like to find me. I'll be there.. Love to have more new friends.... I'm starting to feel better woo hoo. Can we say about time... hehehe lol....:matte-motes-big-grin-squint::womantongue:

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I'm very new to SL and still have a lot to learn. I feel that I have been very lucky in that I met some wonderful people right off the bat, including a guy that I like, or did like, very much. In RL he lives several time zones away from me and speaks a different language. This made for some problems as it was difficult for us to be inworld at the same time and some of the things we said to one another came across as pretty strange in translation. These issues aren't the problem, however.

 

The problem is that he demands every moment of my time whenever we are inworld at the same time. Like I said, I'm new and there's lots I need to learn. The other evening a female friend I had made in SL was explaining to me how to edit & wear a chim. It was confusing and I was trying to focus on what she was telling me. My bf came inworld right at that time and started IMing me. I wanted to spend time with him but also wanted to get the chim thingie right, as much for him as for myself. I asked him to please be patient and I'd be with him in a moment. He began acting like he thought I was being naughty with someone else, which I wasn't. He told me that if I couldn't spend time with him, right then, then he was logging off. I said, "Fine then," and he left. I had been looking forward to spending the evening with him. His pushiness & jealousy spoiled the evening, at least for me.

 

Then last night I was participating in a survey which paid $L500. I need $L!! Once again, my bf shows up & starts IMing me. I told him I was taking a survey and would be with him when I was finished. He wanted to know what a "survey" was, what I meant by that. Maybe the word doesn't translate into his language well. I dunno, but once again, he demanded that I spend time with him right then & there. Well, I wanted that $L so I finished the survey and by then, he was gone.

 

So I don't really know what to do. This guy is nice when we're alone together. We've had lots of fun. But his jealousy & pushiness when I'm busy is annoying. I've not spent enough time with this guy for my heart to be truly broken if we break up, but I will be disappointed & let down. I think it's only a matter of time before we do break up. I really wish I could meet someone as nice as him, who isn't so jealous and insistent that we spend every moment together. 

 

~sigh~

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JeanneAnne wrote:

So I don't really know what to do.

You know what to do, you need to move on without him. You have two options: (1) dissappear, which you could do by logging on with an alt, or (2) defriend and mute. Option No. 1 is what the OP believes happened to her lover.

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