The disillusionment of voice

[BillFletcher]

I recently had an interesting experience. I met this woman in SL. She was attractive and seemed sophisticated and all.

We hung out and chatted a few times and we were hitting it off well. Then she asked me to voice with her. Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head. She has become much less attractive to me, even though nothing has changed other than me hearing her talk to me on voice. I am wondering if others have had similar experiences or if I am the only one. 

[AzureWaves]

What did her voice sound like to you? why was it unattractive?

[animats]

I had the opposite experience. I'd been chatting via text with someone for a while, and one day I mentioned that voice was possible in SL. She had no idea it was possible, and was excited to try it. She had a nice voice and it worked well.

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

1 minute ago, BillFletcher said:

I recently had an interesting experience. I met this woman in SL. She was attractive and seemed sophisticated and all.

We hung out and chatted a few times and we were hitting it off well. Then she asked me to voice with her. Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head. She has become much less attractive to me, even though nothing has changed other than me hearing her talk to me on voice. I am wondering if others have had similar experiences or if I am the only one. 

I'd imagine you're not the only person to experience something like that, however I'd suggest that it's a blessing in disguise.

One of the worst aspects of online relationships is the way in which people will construct elaborate fantasies about their partner only to suffer disappointment when they fail to live up to those fantasies, even to the extent of resenting the other person for simply being who they really are.

Anything that takes you out of the fantasy and allows you to get to know the person you have feelings for should be a good thing.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

Lol, tale as old as time. This was a thing even back in the IRC days before people got fully comfortable with online dating. It's all fun and games until you realize your future date sounds like Kermit.

How much that matters is a whole other thing. I haven't had that happen in Second Life at all (and even if they did sound like Kermit, I would've never known - most people I've hopped on Discord with had lovely accents and accents above ALL else for me!), but I'm sure that's happened in the past when I was on dating sites meeting guys a few towns away. 

Totally understandable if you can't handle it, but if she's really, really nice and fun and an overall great person, I'd find a way to build a bridge and get over it.

Edited July 15 by Ayashe Ninetails
Fixing stuffs

[Scylla Rhiadra]

34 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

It's all fun and games until you realize your future date sounds like Kermit.

This is an odd thing to hear from someone who sometimes represents as a frog. 🙂

[Ayashe Ninetails]

7 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This is an odd thing to hear from someone who sometimes represents as a frog. 🙂

LMAO

 

Edit: Ok ok, to be honest, it's the first name I thought of, lmao. I didn't even sense the irony.

Edited July 16 by Ayashe Ninetails
Clarifyin'

[Madelaine McMasters]

Getting to know someone via a restricted channel presents the opportunity for both delight and disappointment when the channel opens up. Have you ever seen a radio personality on TV? What about actors in live interviews, rather than their scripted roles? Have you glanced at someone across the room and thought they were attractive, but after watching them move, changed your mind? Have you enjoyed the way they move, then approached for an introduction and been put off by their voice, or what they said? How many times have you been pleasantly surprised to discover that the plain looking face across the room lights up when it laughs and fronts a delightful voice and personality?

In forum text we all have time to research and compose our thoughts, giving us the opportunity to boost our apparent EQ and IQ by dozens of points. In-world, we've got to think much faster. Have any of you met forumites in-world who seem to lose a dozen IQ points (besides me)? Have you met any who seem to gain a dozen EQ points?

As Fluffy notes, when presented with another person through a restricted channel, we project what's missing. The more the channel opens, the more reality leaks through. Whether delightful or disappointing, that's probably healthy.

 

[Midnoot]

5 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

I recently had an interesting experience. I met this woman in SL. She was attractive and seemed sophisticated and all.

We hung out and chatted a few times and we were hitting it off well. Then she asked me to voice with her. Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head. She has become much less attractive to me, even though nothing has changed other than me hearing her talk to me on voice. I am wondering if others have had similar experiences or if I am the only one. 

I hear this used as an excuse to avoid voice chat altogether all the time. It's sickening to be honest. You build a preconceived vision of what YOU want someone to be and then YOU hold them to a false standard that you've created, and when they shatter that illusion, YOU act is they've done something wrong.

 

" I avoid voice because it ruins my immersion" A lot of people will say, as if SL is just a play that they're trying to produce, and if yu don't fit the part, you're out.

Edited July 16 by Midnoot

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

In-world, we've got to think much faster. Have any of you met forumites in-world who seem to lose a dozen IQ points

A person with an actual high IQ would know that speed is not the only indicator of intelligence AND know that inworld there are peripheral details most are paying attention to, and so it's not that thinking has slowed down, it's that we encounter more variables we need to pay attention to when inworld (as opposed to the lazer-focus on words in a forum).

[Luna Bliss]

3 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

I recently had an interesting experience. I met this woman in SL. She was attractive and seemed sophisticated and all.

We hung out and chatted a few times and we were hitting it off well. Then she asked me to voice with her. Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head. She has become much less attractive to me, even though nothing has changed other than me hearing her talk to me on voice. I am wondering if others have had similar experiences or if I am the only one. 

What made her less attractive?  Just the aesthetics of her voice, the sound, or could you pick up qualities about her at a deeper level via voice that you didn't detect through text?

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

A person with an actual high IQ would know that speed is not the only indicator of intelligence AND know that inworld there are peripheral details most are paying attention to, and so it's not that thinking has slowed down, it's that we encounter more variables we need to pay attention to when inworld (as opposed to the lazer-focus on words in a forum).

Most of my in-world chatting is via IM with people elsewhere on the grid. It's all still entirely... words. Even when I'm with someone, I've generally got my IM window covering most of the scene and I'm laser focused on the words.

The primary differentiator is... speed.

[WeFlossDaily]

3 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head.

You do realize this sounds really shallow, don't you?

[Toothless Draegonne]

It's become something of a meme amongst a few people when I come in with my usual smol chirpy avali avatar or some kind of squeaky plush toy. Voice up, and people are screaming YOU MUST BE USING A VOICE CHANGER. Apparently they can't get over a smol fluffbird talking like a BBC news presenter or something.

Kinda amusing, to be honest.

[BriannaLovey]

If you are shocked by something like this, then you have a lot to learn...

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Most of my in-world chatting is via IM with people elsewhere on the grid. It's all still entirely... words. Even when I'm with someone, I've generally got my IM window covering most of the scene and I'm laser focused on the words.

The primary differentiator is... speed.

When you're with someone there's other variables that, when considered, can be advantageous to understand meaning better. For example, even something that seems so trivial as the land music can affect one's thoughts (I know you don't have music open in SL, but the other person might, and so it could be influencing their thought or mood). Our emotions, our moods, very much play into our cognitive processes.  Likewise, the environment two people are in can affect emotions or mood. Often these influences are subconscious unless brought to the forefront.

In other words, we really are not just left-brain communicators as if we're writing some sort of script.

You may communicate that way, and you may communicate faster blocking out all these variables, but it's not a sign of increased intelligence. In fact, it's a sign of less intelligence as important variables are being ignored.

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

That's a tough situation.  We all form ideas in our heads about other people inworld all the time. Things move quickly and our fantasy lives can seem so real.  I understand it can be a shock when reality hits. You really need to spend a lot of time with some before testing the illusion you hold in your head of who that person is. I'm not talking about a couple weeks of SL chatting a few days a week. 

It's hard to imagine what you could have heard in her voice that completely changed your opinion of who you thought she was.  The issue is completely yours, though.  She hasn't changed. 

I hope you were kind to her even though the illusion was broken. She is more than an avatar on a screen even if you didn't like her voice.

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, WeFlossDaily said:

5 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

Hearing her on voice however destroyed the illusion. She didn't sound at all like the woman she seemed to be in SL when she only communicated through IMs, and every time after that, even if we didn't voice. I couldn't get that new voice impression of her out of my head.

You do realize this sounds really shallow, don't you?

Why would this be shallow?  I mean, it could be shallow if the displeasure related to aesthetics only  (how her voice sounded). But perhaps he detected undesirable traits (for him) via voice that he wasn't aware of utilizing only text where quite a bit of information was missing.

It's much easier, via sound, to detect someone's emotional make-up. Maybe her way of relating didn't match his. You can detect this to a degree via text, especially if you are exposed to someone's writing a lot, but it's much easier via sound (one's feelings are much more exposed).

Edited July 16 by Luna Bliss

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

Was it the voice of a man?

 

[WeFlossDaily]

11 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Why would this be shallow?  I mean, it could be shallow if the displeasure related to aesthetics only  (how her voice sounded). But perhaps he detected undesirable traits (for him) via voice that he wasn't aware of utilizing only text where quite a bit of information was missing.

It's shallow because it is in my objective opinion. Have a nice day.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, WeFlossDaily said:

25 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Why would this be shallow?  I mean, it could be shallow if the displeasure related to aesthetics only  (how her voice sounded). But perhaps he detected undesirable traits (for him) via voice that he wasn't aware of utilizing only text where quite a bit of information was missing.

It's shallow because it is in my objective opinion. Have a nice day.

When you criticize someone (kinda trash them as being shallow) you need to back up your assertion.

[Love Zhaoying]

Are we vocally voicing our opinions about voice? Vox Populi! But keep it sotto voce.

[Jase Devin]

1 hour ago, Ingrid Ingersoll said:

Was it the voice of a man?

 

Hahahah could have been. For me the Elephant in the room would be. She sounded older didn't she?

[Midnoot]

People like this come in acting like every female they talk to is a possible future wife and that's why it hits them so hard when it turns out to be not their type .

[MoiraKathleen]

I can understand the disillusionment, especially if one had been conversing for awhile via text, before using voice. 

It reminds me of reading a book, and getting an idea in your head about what a particular character sounds like, and then being dissapointed with how the character sounds when the book is made into a movie (though there are usually a lot of other dissapointing things besides voices, in that situation).