Why adult activity on Second Life is good, actually

[BillFletcher]

2 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said:

I was clarifying a definition, I had not included you in any way in that, and I am not one of those who labeled you as such.

Ok but someone did, I forgot to fill out my scorecard.

[Mr Amore]

10 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

People (in RL or SL) can get stuck in what is known as 'trauma bonds' and need competent help to overcome the dynamic:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

 

Who should be responsible for emotionally vulnerable individuals, in 'adult' themed sims.

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Mr Amore said:

10 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

People (in RL or SL) can get stuck in what is known as 'trauma bonds' and need competent help to overcome the dynamic:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

 

Who should be responsible for emotionally vulnerable individuals, in 'adult' themed sims.

It's not a black & white issue as you and some others are trying to make it -- it's not 'one person or the other' who is most responsible.

When I go throughout my life, RL or SL, if I detect someone is in a more child-like state I often try to bring them around so the adult, logical part of them comes in to play more -- to gain perspective, see the big picture.  Likewise, I've been helped by others if I'm not seeing the big picture and become stuck in less than optimal ways of thinking/relating.

We all need to help each other as best we can when such situations occur.

[Love Zhaoying]

37 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

2 hours ago, Codex Alpha said:

White knighting is a reproductive strategy, as the WK thinks that if he rushes in to rescue the woman

Ok so I am speaking here in general terms, not rushing in to "save" any specific woman. so how does that fit your definition of White Knighting?

Codex's definition does not match up with the normal usage in these Forums.  I would ignore it, but that's just me!

(It is just a distraction, trying to poke you, in my opinion.)

 

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's not a black & white issue as you and some others are trying to make it -- it's not 'one person or the other' who is most responsible.

When I go throughout my life, RL or SL, if I detect someone is in a more child-like state I often try to bring them around so the adult, logical part of them comes in to play more -- to gain perspective, see the big picture.  Likewise, I've been helped by others if I'm not seeing the big picture and become stuck in less than optimal ways of thinking/relating.

We all need to help each other as best we can when such situations occur.

Your explanation makes a lot of sense!

[Sammy Huntsman]

I just enjoy activities in SL. I mean if it's adult it depends on the content matter. I don't bump pixel uglies in SL. But I general do some violent Rp. But I'm mainly an G to M activity person. I just don't get the same fun from X rated adult activities. And before someone says, I haven't found the right person. I just got bored of it. 

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

I don't bump pixel uglies in SL. But I general do some violent Rp.

Idea: Combine the two, confuse everyone!

/me SMACKS you on the face. On your lips. 

/me Gives you a big SMACK on the lips. With his lips.

 

[BilliJo Aldrin]

56 minutes ago, Chery Amore said:

I wanted to add I don't think I roleplay either in the accepted sense. I don't do the /me and describe everything I do. I just log in sl and .. I'm Chery .. lol.  So it is a roleplay to me if that makes any sense at all.  Maybe it's the same for BJ.

yes, im just me, wandering thru second life, having encounters.

I do do the /me emotes, ofter to describe changing poses, or to do something not actually happening in the pose.

Of course if a guy starts off by send me a crude invite, I might start off with an emote, /me shivers in excitement at the strangers bold demands

thats my way of saying, sounds good, lets do it 😂

[Coffee Pancake]

1 hour ago, Mr Amore said:

Who should be responsible for emotionally vulnerable individuals, in 'adult' themed sims.

The adults going to those places.

Lets also not forget .. It's roleplay, it's not real.

If someone goes to a non consensual roleplay location, and some non consensual roleplay happens, everyone involved is participating by choice.

The non consensual nature of the roleplay is made up. It's a lie we chose to believe because that's fun.

 

This always happens when this subject comes up, there is always someone waiting in the wings to leap in and protest the terrible things that happen, r*** sims, slavery, misogynists, torture and so on!

It's a game.

A GAME.

Some of this even includes dice rolling, character sheets and "combat" (which between being technically hilarious and people playing to lose, on purpose, is a complete farce).

 

The following comes from my time in Gor, waaay back at the start of my Second Life.

 

The roleplay - Oh no, Big McStrongMean came to our entirely female camp and captured our leader and her lieutenants, they are being dragged to his castle to become slaves to him and his men, or worse! However did Big McStrongMean beat all our best bows, whatever will happen to our leader .. oh my .. oh no.

The reality - Big McStrongMean and the camp leader have been friends for years, they have been flirting about kidnapping each other in IM for weeks, and when the big moment came, figured the combat could decide .. but her lieutenants know how much she enjoys being able to let her hair down and play the victim for a change (and it had been a while). So they helped him win by being rubbish at combat on purpose.. with the expectation they get captured too, get to have a little fun and can then mount a daring escape after a few days. It didn't work out exactly like that ..

So much drama. terrible stories creep back to the camp, one of the lieutenants has been sold to a slaver, and is off to serve in a different castle. Oh those terrible men *fawns* Leader returns to camp with some new wounds as souvenir (because of course she does, she's paying for the damn region).

It can feel very real in the middle of it all (especially for persona players) and that's the fun. But don't for a second think that anyone involved is in harms way, and for those who do get wrapped up or find the events upsetting (as can happen), there are always people in support roles and making sure that everyone's personal limits are respected.

 

Edited May 13 by Coffee Pancake

[BilliJo Aldrin]

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

See, for me, implicit consent (such as might be inferred from a CNC location) without understanding or an established relationship isn't, but it also deprives me of a huge part of the dance, also .. as things tend to involve locking and RLV, it's very easy to misread where the line is.

I thoroughly enjoy themes of (and surrounding) objectification (bonus points for abstraction and trans humanist themes), from both sides, but I really like having someone ask for it far too much to just cut to the chase.

i guess im saying its possible to ask someone for a rp without actually asking them for a rp

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Lets also not forget .. It's roleplay, it's not real.

If someone goes to a non consensual roleplay location, and some non consensual roleplay happens, everyone involved is participating by choice.

How do you compare this to the "classic these days" example, where someone "fell asleep" in an AFK chair, somehow "not knowing" what that was about, and was shocked, horrified, traumatized at what occurred while they were asleep?  Is that possibly "roleplaying" also?

I selected the above example, because it is one where someone claimed to be "actually" traumatized.

 

[Chery Amore]

14 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

How do you compare this to the "classic these days" example, where someone "fell asleep" in an AFK chair, somehow "not knowing" what that was about, and was shocked, horrified, traumatized at what occurred while they were asleep?  Is that possibly "roleplaying" also?

I selected the above example, because it is one where someone claimed to be "actually" traumatized.

 

If they are in their own house...  It's really creepy, weird and gross. I don't leave myself afk on the furniture ... I don't even like to do that if there's just cuddle poses on it cause. Ick. 

I once found people using my bed in my house in sl and yeah I got mad.. not traumatized lol.  

I can see where some types might feel more about a situation than I do though... I can't see feeling the big R word about it though. 

decided to add if they are on an non-consensual roleplay sim... scream away!

Edited May 13 by Chery Amore

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Chery Amore said:

If they are in their own house...  It's really creepy, weird and gross. I don't leave myself afk on the furniture ... I don't even like to do that if there's just cuddle poses on it cause. Ick. 

I once found people using my bed in my house in sl and yeah I got mad.. not traumatized lol.  

I can see where some types might feel more about a situation than I do though... I can't see feeling the big R word about it though. 

I don't remember if they were at a beach, or something like an AFK club. Someplace public, either way. Sitting on someone else's "AFK" furniture; which if you did not know, if designed specifically so that other people can do "whatever" while you are "away from keyboard" sitting on the furniture.

[Ineffable Mote]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

How do you compare this to the "classic these days" example, where someone "fell asleep" in an AFK chair, somehow "not knowing" what that was about, and was shocked, horrified, traumatized at what occurred while they were asleep?  Is that possibly "roleplaying" also?

 

This whole thread has me pondering the differences between role playing and persona playing this morning, and the differences (where there are any) aren't all that wide. Role playing seems more honest, less cognitive dissonance.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Yes, it's that "fight, flight or freeze response" induced by trauma that has been ingrained into an abused child, actually changing the structure of the brain, that keeps them from accessing the more logical, adult part of themselves. It takes a hell of a lot of inner work to overcome it.

I'm so glad Psychology is getting this now, though research on trauma, and we're shifting to new models regarding how we treat trauma survivors.  Trauma-informed therapy.

Thank you!

[Coffee Pancake]

Do I not constantly say "never leave your avatar unattended" and people act dumb.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Do I not constantly say "never leave your avatar unattended" and people act dumb.

No, I don't recall you saying that. But thank you, it certainly seems to be "common sense".

Thanks again!

[Mr Amore]

54 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's not a black & white issue as you and some others are trying to make it -- it's not 'one person or the other' who is most responsible.

 

I agree it's not a black and white issue. The sentiment in this thread seem to support the stereotype of male abusers and female victims. That is an unfortunate fact of Real Life.

In SL, everyone has equality. Many of these BDSM sims are owned and operated by women.

 

It is important to make a distinction between roleplaying sims(where people play a character), and fetish/BDSM venues which aren't necessarily for roleplaying.

Vulnerable people who find their way to D/s clubs and fetish sims, may be drawn into 'abusive' interactions. But that's the theme of those sims. No one there is qualified to assess who is, or isn't emotionally prepared to participate.

The safest step is to advice anyone to stay away from these themes until they feel ready for it.

[Luna Bliss]

30 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Sitting on someone else's "AFK" furniture; which if you did not know, if designed specifically so that other people can do "whatever" while you are "away from keyboard" sitting on the furniture.

Yeah I know a woman who thought she had a female sub. They'd sleep together every night  in SL (park their avatars in bed in SL for the night, cuddled, while they each went to their RL bed to sleep). She came back to SL early one morning and found her supposedly female sub utilizing the sex poses on their bed in a very male way, and that's how she found out 'she' was actually a 'he'.  And he actually laughed about having fooled her.  There are, unfortunately, some cruel creeps roaming these regions.

[Luna Bliss]

35 minutes ago, Ineffable Mote said:

Role playing seems more honest, less cognitive dissonance.

The persona is never completely removed from the roleplayer though...

[Ineffable Mote]

5 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The persona is never completely removed from the roleplayer though...

I don't think you're here for the role playing.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Ineffable Mote said:

7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The persona is never completely removed from the roleplayer though...

I don't think you're here for the role playing.

True, I'm not, but I've interacted with those role playing...and the true self can't help but shine though.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

True, I'm not, but I've interacted with those role playing...and the true self can't help but shine though.

That must be an awesome experience, the True Self being "brighter than a thousand suns".

I can only imagine!

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

True, I'm not, but I've interacted with those role playing...and the true self can't help but shine though.

That must be an awesome experience, the True Self being "brighter than a thousand suns".

I can only imagine!

lol yes even though this 'true self' can be quite hidden to ourselves, and we imagine, or like to believe, others can't see it 'shining through' as we role play.

I did role play in a kind of game once in RL, so do understand it. It just never appealed to me in SL though I did turn an eye toward one of the Viking sims last Xmas, wondering if I wanted to partake.

[Coffee Pancake]

17 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

...and the true self can't help but shine though.

That's a bit like saying you can see <actor name> in every acing role <actor name> plays.

None of them tell you anything about the human behind the role. Any ideas about <actor name> as a person are entirely projection .. till you find out they are a screaming stone throwing racist, which is why celebrity tabloids and gossip exist.

Edited May 13 by Coffee Pancake