A Discussion: Being "Kind" when Responding in Second Life (and Forums)

[Luna Bliss]

13 hours ago, archangel969 said:

I do want to clear up one misunderstanding. Being differently wired means you can sense less directly and naturally what to do in social situations, but that doesn't mean you don't then have a warm beating good heart.

This is such an important point. Many think those on the spectrum are unfeeling and robotic (think Mark Zuckerberg), when in reality those with autism feel deeply -- they simply have trouble expressing it in ways those not on the spectrum can understand easily.

[Luna Bliss]

13 hours ago, archangel969 said:

What helps a lot for many people with ASD is clarity. If that person says something you find blunt, say it in a clear, friendly way and also explain why. That sounds exaggerated but sometimes that person really can't sense how something comes across to you and explaining why, clearly and calmly without attacks can clear up a lot in the relationship.

How have you modified your behavior to get along better with those not on the spectrum?  I know one guy that changed his behavior so much you can hardly tell he is, in his writing. Seeing him speak though I can tell as he doesn't have more typical facial expressions when relating emotionally.

I don't really like the idea that those with autism have to change to fit in, yet they often describe suffering because they haven't been able to, so generally they do need to make some adjustments if they want to get along better with non-spectrum people.

[archangel969]

26 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

How have you modified your behavior to get along better with those not on the spectrum?  I know one guy that changed his behavior so much you can hardly tell he is, in his writing. Seeing him speak though I can tell as he doesn't have more typical facial expressions when relating emotionally.

I don't really like the idea that those with autism have to change to fit in, yet they often describe suffering because they haven't been able to, so generally they do need to make some adjustments if they want to get along better with non-spectrum people.

I guess I have all my live been masking. And that means to appear non-autistic in order to blend in and be more accepted in society. It was not conscious. Only now am I aware of it. And I also notice that at this point, the mask also starts to fall because it is so exhausting. I used to have this flexibility when I was much younger. I've just always felt the need to be like ‘normal people.’ Because you have a job (something many people with autism can't even say) and society, and also the organisation I work in, is just not set up for people with autism. Now I try to make a combination of masking less but still being able to participate reasonably in society. Because being a bit of an outsider, being a bit crazy seems like fun. If you're still in the circle of ordinary people. Then being a bit odd and crazy can be fun. But as an autist, you are far outside that circle. Then it's not fun anymore, then it's surviving. Every day. By the way, I don't know any better, only now I am more aware of it how it is.

Edited May 11 by archangel969

[archangel969]

28 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

How have you modified your behavior to get along better with those not on the spectrum?  I know one guy that changed his behavior so much you can hardly tell he is, in his writing. Seeing him speak though I can tell as he doesn't have more typical facial expressions when relating emotionally.

As for behaviour in RL, I guess if you pay attention you can see it. Like many people with autism, it takes a lot of energy for me to have a conversation with someone and at the same time look someone in the eye. It's one or the other. If I look at someone in the right way like neurtypical people do, I haven't heard what that person has said because it takes so much energy from me. But, and this may also be a misunderstanding, I love social contact. Only my preference is for one-on-one contact. And after that, I need recovery time and want to be alone.

[Chery Amore]

I never chimed in on this thread. I think my way of being kind is usually not to say anything. It really beats telling someone "Well bless your little heart!"  Sometimes any response encourages people that come off disagreeable to me.  Sometimes it's really, really hard to bite your tongue though.