What I did in the old days (2007ish) to make friends, might work today?

[Nikolai Fellini]

I have been reading several threads about making friends on the forum, and it reminded me of how I used to make lots of friends. I recently came back to SL, and wonder if it will still work.

I would go to a busy dance club (or Live Music Venue), where of course 90% of the people were standing around alone. I took an existing friend and we went straight to the middle of the dance floor and started dancing. Then we IM'd several people standing alone and invited them to dance with us, by asking,  "would you like to dance with my friend(s) and I?"

The majority said yes, even those who were "offline" just listening to music. It was totally non-threatening to anybody (including to me, doing the asking). Some would join my dance hud; some would chat, some were quiet;  often we made a group chat.

Everyone met new people. I made a note of who joined and later followed up with some. So the next time we chatted, we already "knew" each other. I started many long-term friendships that way.

Seems like it would work today as it is still non-threating. Anybody can join without worrying about chatting, sexual advances, etc.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

I really like that approach! My friends and I would do something similar back in the day. We'd join on one dance HUD and as people chatted with us, we'd tell them to come over and say hi to the rest of the group and before long, add them in. 

That pretty much works anywhere - we've done that at beaches, too. And I'm quite guilty of dancing alone by myself in stores. Designed a whole AO around it.

Oh that reminds me - shoutout to the twerking dude I ran into during Black Friday in Dust Bunny. I saw you working that handstand. 👀

Edited December 21, 2022 by Ayashe Ninetails
Clarifyin'

[Nick0678]

Hmm so the girls would do something like this i guess..

- Hello 'Mrdeepin2u',would you like to dance with me 'Sweetlipz98' and my friend 'Candybishlol'?
- Hell yeah baby!

 

[Nikolai Fellini]

Absolutely! That's why we always invited a few girls first! 

Actually as I recall, we often only invited girls. They tended to be more open to group dancing, and could invite any guys they wanted.

[Ina Fairport]

Yes, I remember that. That's the way it was in 2006/7/8
I went often to a place called Breezes. Always crowded with dancing and chatting ( in local !) people. As soon as you entered the club you were welcomed in local chat by at least 5 ava's.
Groups of people dancing together on a chimera. Making friends was super easy.

I wonder if your approach would still work. I am afraid not, but you never know. Worth trying
 

[Stephanie Misfit]

4 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Hmm so the girls would do something like this i guess..

- Hello 'Mrdeepin2u',would you like to dance with me 'Sweetlipz98' and my friend 'Candybishlol'?
- Hell yeah baby!

 

And that is the difference between 2007 and now. We had proper names back then.

[pizza7]

i bet that still works, i cant believe people saying they find it hard to make friends... 

maybe time for some introspection for those?

[TessaCadbury]

I think it'd be a great fun. Too many singletons like me dancing alone at the clubs.

But busy dance club is usually very laggy though...

[Sid Nagy]

My 2 cents: A lot of people in SL are shy or introverts or both. That makes  first contacts a bit more complicated. A lot of people simply don't ever make the first step for a conversation because of that. But that doesn't mean they don't want to interact. It often needs a more extrovert person to get things going.
I know where I'm talking about, I'm a bit introvert myself.

 

[Destiny Marques]

On 1/4/2023 at 5:07 PM, Sid Nagy said:

My 2 cents: A lot of people in SL are shy or introverts or both. That makes  first contacts a bit more complicated. A lot of people simply don't ever make the first step for a conversation because of that. But that doesn't mean they don't want to interact. It often needs a more extrovert person to get things going.
I know where I'm talking about, I'm a bit introvert myself.

 

That's how it is for me. I'm an introvert, so I'll often wait for someone who's more outgoing to make the first move. Not the best idea because sometimes no one comes forth and you're kind of left standing around with no one to talk to. Lol

[BillFletcher]

On 1/4/2023 at 6:07 PM, Sid Nagy said:

My 2 cents: A lot of people in SL are shy or introverts or both. That makes  first contacts a bit more complicated. A lot of people simply don't ever make the first step for a conversation because of that. But that doesn't mean they don't want to interact. It often needs a more extrovert person to get things going.
I know where I'm talking about, I'm a bit introvert myself.

 

I hear this a lot and frankly dont completely understand it. I am introverted in RL and never ever go up to someone i dont know and say anything unless its a situation where my job requires it. In SL though I find it is easier, not saying I dont have moments when even here I cant bring myself to talk to people, but usually I can hide behins an avatar double check what I am about to say before hitting send (text makes this so much easier) and on the chance that the whole thing gets awkward i can always TP out. 

[Sid Nagy]

16 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

I hear this a lot and frankly dont completely understand it. I am introverted in RL and never ever go up to someone i dont know and say anything unless its a situation where my job requires it. In SL though I find it is easier, not saying I dont have moments when even here I cant bring myself to talk to people, but usually I can hide behins an avatar double check what I am about to say before hitting send (text makes this so much easier) and on the chance that the whole thing gets awkward i can always TP out. 

I'm an introvert and was a teacher all my working life. So talking with all kind of people was practically core business.
And that was no problem as long as I could create enough "me time" during the evenings and weekends.

In SL I very seldom start a conversation. Not that I will run away if someone else starts one with me but I just hate small talk to be honest.
A deeper discussion about any given subject that is what I like to do, but that is where most other people are not so much interested in, I found out over the years.

So my friends list is short in RL and SL. I've gotten used to that and don't really mind.

I'm a male, but when I started in SL I used a female avatar and strangely with her I was a lot opener in my actions, like beginning a conversation.
Maybe it is because I was role playing with her and more just me with the Sid avatar.

Edited January 9, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[BillFletcher]

8 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

I'm a male, but when I started in SL I used a female avatar and strangely with her I was a lot opener in my actions, like beginning a conversation.
Maybe it is because I was role playing with her

Yes I had the same experience. for me now SL has changed radically. i only have one friend and i spend virtually all my time in SL with her, that is all I want from SL now.

 

[Kalegthepsionicist]

I have no problem to start chat the problem is activities in sl , not much to discuss about.

when meeting people i want to know what they are interested in, what they work here and want to learn but mostly hide their knowledge.
conversation goes nowhere when they won't share their knowledge...

 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Kalegthepsionicist

[Nalates Urriah]

14 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

I have no problem to start chat the problem is activities in sl , not much to discuss about.

when meeting people i want to know what they are interested in, what they work here and want to learn but mostly hide their knowledge.
conversation goes nowhere when they won't share their knowledge...

 

I find many of the people I meet have nothing to talk about. I find that somewhat surprising in SL since there is so much going on.

Sharing knowledge... I am curious what it is you are expecting. I have one friend that I have known since my first  year in SL. I met her playing in NOR. We always have stuff to talk about. But I don't talk to her about Blender of making mesh clothes. She could  not care less. Nor about scripting. While I know lots about both subjects these  aren't subjects most of my friends are interested in. So sharing is very much a two-way thing.

I also have been around SL long enough that I am a bit burned out on teaching SL basics.

Then there is the frustration of dealing with people that want to hookup but have no idea how to flirt, play, seduce, or use their avatar. And never bother to learn. And one doesn't just start teaching those things to another. That two-way thing has to be working. I am convinced SL needs sex ed and like mesh upload one should be required to understand the in-and-outs before being allowed to buy genitals.

SL is meant to be fun. Spending all of ones time teaching others soon becomes drudgery.

[Fauve Aeon]

3 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

one should be required to understand the in-and-outs before being allowed to buy genitals.

But in order to understand the ins and outs, wouldn’t they first need …..okok, lol, I couldn’t resist. 

I’m surprised someone is not already monetizing a widely publicized SL Sex Ed course. Referencing ‘flirt, play, seduce’ implies something more than just a ‘hook-up’ to many people. That’s somehow the impression they have gotten though, that SL is a place to sign up, log in and have sex. Though many people also protest that ‘SL doesn’t have a reputation as a place for such things’, others feel that both sex and gambling/gaming are large parts of the economy of SL. I think it depends on a lot of different factors, including what people are willing or not willing to speak about openly. 

[Kira Zobel]

Me being one who has anxiety over random IMs would absolutely hate that, but if you wanted to invite me in local I might be inclined to dance!