Recognizing and refraining from Interpersonal Disputes

[Luna Bliss]

45 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I don't ever get into any intergalactic distributes..

If I ever do, I try to stick to my one rule as much as I can..

Well if I had a full-time job, 3 young'uns to raise, and a big farm to manage I'd probably do the same!   

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Thought this might be a good topic as I had to actually look up what an Interpersonal dispute is and how it differs from normal forum discussions. I noted that even after we were warned about them, several posters continued anyway while others upvoted the posts, leading me to wonder if others were also maybe somewhat confused about what they are and how to not initiate or engage in them.

I'd just say it's difficult for most people not to get defensive.  I try not to visit forums when super tired or in a bad mood, and that does help me see things in a clearer, more objective manner. Not foolproof though. Some people simply push my buttons more than others, and perhaps remembering that is the best suggestion for myself.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Luna Bliss

[Maryanne Solo]

[Arielle Popstar]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I dunno, a topic about forum disputes sounds..disputable.

Except that the forum mods seem to consider that disputable according to the notes they have left on an increasing amount of threads lately. Might we be in denial about how often it happens?

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Which would you primarily use when trying to ascertain meaning (both in text and in voice communication)....the context in which a statement was said, or the varied emphasis on the words in the statement? I think I'd go with the context, and ignore the stresses on the words. Not sure though, perhaps the emphasis on words operates at a more liminal awareness for me, and I'd detect an incongruency more than I'm imagining.

I think that in text, especially in a forum, context would be very important for understanding tone. Context is not a simple thing though. When responding to a poster there is the context they may have stated they were referring to in their previous post, but then there is also the context of their other posts prior to that most recent one, as well as the context of their posts in other threads. This is often how we interpret the meaning behind the words of a poster. There is also the Context of the OP's original post, the general tone of the forum, and of the current discussions on that forum. For instance, if one group of posters is known to be irritated with another group of posters, *that* is part of the context of the discussions going on between them too. There is also the birds of a feather assumption, that if a person supports the post of a another, they're assumed to believe many of the same things as that other person. Wrongly or rightly,  we're more likely to read an argumentative or disparaging tone into the post of someone we believe is not on "our side" of a disagreement. 

A person can use italics, bold font, or asterisks to try to demonstrate one's intended tone, but if the greater context is already assumed by the reader, they may not change the meaning for that person. Meaning is half what is intended by the writer/speaker and half what is understood by the reader/listener.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Persephone Emerald

[Coffee Pancake]

Disagreement is not a personal dispute.

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

I actually think that many of us recognize personal disputes.  It is the refraining from them part that is sometimes hard.

Edited April 22, 2022 by LittleMe Jewell

[Rowan Amore]

35 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Disagreement is not a personal dispute.

 

This right here.  Nor is it trolling, I might add.

That is all.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Rowan Amore

[Arielle Popstar]

Yes, it is more about being disagreeable then disagreement.

[StarlanderGoods]

There is also the "Im technically not touching you" posters, that reply very personal, very offensive things, with the thinnest layer of obfuscation that everyone can see through.

And hide behind that technicality as if it wasnt clearly transparent.

[Arielle Popstar]

7 minutes ago, StarlanderGoods said:

There is also the "Im technically not touching you" posters, that reply very personal, very offensive things, with the thinnest layer of obfuscation that everyone can see through.

And hide behind that technicality as if it wasnt clearly transparent.

Yes, that and the laughing response to a serious post. It is a clearly trolling gesture intended to incite the poster.

[Persephone Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Yes, that and the laughing response to a serious post. It is a clearly trolling gesture intended to incite the poster.

Often a seemingly inappropriate emoji response is partly intended to irritate the poster, but in this case I don't think doing so usually rises to the level of a personal attack. 

If someone posted that their mother, friend or parakeet just died, a laughing emoji would be in very bad taste.

If such a response evokes playful irony (as I intended above), I don't think it's such a bad thing.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Persephone Emerald

[Solar Legion]

10 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Often a seemingly inappropriate emoji response is partly intended to irritate the poster, but in this case I don't think doing this usually rises to the level of a personal attack. 

If someone posted that their mother, friend or parakeet just died, a laughing emoji would be in very bad taste.

If just a response evokes playful irony (as I intended above), I don't think it's such a bad thing.

If a simple emoji/reaction causes irritation or is taken as a "personal attack" ... Online Fora simply are not for them whatsoever.

The reaction is often simply to denote that the reactee finds something contained in the post to be utterly ridiculous - sometimes that is all that needs done as typing up a response would be an utter waste of time.

ETA: Continued ridiculousness of course, results in the emoji being applied to more than one post.

How the one getting such reacts ... is entirely up to and on them.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Solar Legion

[Arielle Popstar]

2 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Often a seemingly inappropriate emoji response is partly intended to irritate the poster, but in this case I don't think doing this usually rises to the level of a personal attack. 

If someone posted that their mother, friend or parakeet just died, a laughing emoji would be in very bad taste.

If such a response evokes playful irony (as I intended above), I don't think it's such a bad thing.

I would suspect that is highly dependent on the one responding and whether they balance that out with positive responses at other times. When it is consistent and done to any posters that the responder is likely to be in disagreement with, then it is difficult to see it being anything other then a trolling gesture that the mods will allow.

[Arielle Popstar]

3 minutes ago, Solar Legion said:

If a simple emoji/reaction causes irritation or is taken as a "personal attack" ... Online Fora simply are not for them whatsoever.

The reaction is often simply to denote that the reactee finds something contained in the post to be utterly ridiculous - sometimes that is all that needs done as typing up a response would be an utter waste of time.

It really is at that point a Laugh at, and therefore an attack, regardless whether it is at the poster themselves or something they said. I find it insidious in that the responder doesn't even allow the poster to counter whatever it is the responder is laughing at.

[Solar Legion]

Just now, Arielle Popstar said:

It really is at that point a Laugh at, and therefore an attack, regardless whether it is at the poster themselves or something they said. I find it insidious in that the responder doesn't even allow the poster to counter whatever it is the responder is laughing at.

No, it really isn't.

You are free to believe as you wish, however.

I'll reiterate however: There are some things for which a written response is a waste of time - as I quite suspect this response will end up as.

[Paul Hexem]

3 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

While I have been messaged here in the forums about threads, I have never been contacted inworld about forum disputes.

That used to happen to me a lot, actually. Not so much in recent years, though.

[Solar Legion]

as far as the rest goes: There are those who will weaponize the Report system and absolutely abuse the "Interpersonal Dispute" cover (among others) to take action against those they dislike ... I find such to be quite a bit more abhorrent than someone simply reacting and moving on.

To say nothing of the concern troll types ...

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Solar Legion said:

No, it really isn't.

You are free to believe as you wish, however.

I'll reiterate however: There are some things for which a written response is a waste of time - as I quite suspect this response will end up as.

There have been quite a number of other posters in the past who have complained directly and indirectly about the use of the Laughing response being used in that manner. I'm far from the only one. Yes I am free to believe and interpret as I wish.

And thank you for responding.

[Persephone Emerald]

13 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

I would suspect that is highly dependent on the one responding and whether they balance that out with positive responses at other times. When it is consistent and done to any posters that the responder is likely to be in disagreement with, then it is difficult to see it being anything other then a trolling gesture that the mods will allow.

I think you make a good point, essentially that we all draw our line as to what is playful, appropriate, hurtful or inappropriate in different places. I generally enjoy seeing posters swat at each other with seemingly inappropriate emojis, jokes, gifs and YouTube videos, but this would of course depend on that often slippery aspect of context.  I can't tell if the person receiving an emoji response that they don't like is mildly irritated or genuinely upset. I can't even tell sometimes when someone is genuinely upset or just playing at being upset. 

I tend to err on the side of humor, and sometimes I do make an error in doing so.

8 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

It really is at that point a Laugh at, and therefore an attack, regardless whether it is at the poster themselves or something they said. I find it insidious in that the responder doesn't even allow the poster to counter whatever it is the responder is laughing at.

Everyone is free to respond to emoji responses, but in doing so they should also consider if that would makes them seem overly sensitive and defensive.  Just as the person who responds to a post with an emoji may be implying "I think your post is ridiculous, but I don't think it merits a more detailed response from me", the person who is irritated by an emoji or by a bunch of emojis, can also respond by not responding to their perceived foolishness.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Persephone Emerald

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Solar Legion said:

as far as the rest goes: There are those who will weaponize the Report system and absolutely abuse the "Interpersonal Dispute" cover (among others) to take action against those they dislike ... I find such to be quite a bit more abhorrent than someone simply reacting and moving on.

To say nothing of the concern troll types ...

Yes, I understand that about the abuse of the report system. Personally I have never used it for anything or anyone on this or any other forum though I have had plenty of opportunities to do so.

 

[Solar Legion]

Just now, Arielle Popstar said:

There have been quite a number of other posters in the past who have complained directly and indirectly about the use of the Laughing response being used in that manner. I'm far from the only one. Yes I am free to believe and interpret as I wish.

And thank you for responding.

As I stated in a post just above: I find there are things far worse than the use of a reaction.

[Solar Legion]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Yes, I understand that about the abuse of the report system. Personally I have never used it for anything or anyone on this or any other forum though I have had plenty of opportunities to do so.

I'll generally only use it for the occasional spam spree types or something truly egregious.

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Solar Legion said:

As I stated in a post just above: I find there are things far worse than the use of a reaction.

Well it isn't just about you. In term of interpersonal disputes it is also about the other person(s) This what the mods are complaining about after all.

[Solar Legion]

3 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Well it isn't just about you. In term of interpersonal disputes it is also about the other person(s) This what the mods are complaining about after all.

And?

Far more recently, things have been flagged/treated as "Interpersonal Disputes" which were nothing of the sort.

I find my patience with such growing ever thinner.

Chastising the users as a whole - especially when those doing so have the power to see edits made and the larger picture - does not sit well.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Solar Legion