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My wife and I don't have a "safeword".  We can't physically hurt each other in SL. I would get the hint very quickly if she said: "You keep doing that, and I won't f**k you for the next month." Or more actually likely, actually USE my collar!!!

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24 minutes ago, StarlanderGoods said:

I dont get the whole D/s stuff, it seems to have so many rules and such set, predetermined roles. It would suck  drain  take all the fun out of it for me.

You aren't missing much by ignoring it in SL. It's...quite different from what you find out in the real world. Yes, I'm generalizing. Bad Aya (it's true tho).

But yeah, it's got a healthy set of guidelines and best practices - especially offline.

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33 minutes ago, StarlanderGoods said:

I dont get the whole D/s stuff, it seems to have so many rules and such set, predetermined roles. It would suck  drain  take all the fun out of it for me.

ii is relation disorder

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Posted (edited)
38 minutes ago, StarlanderGoods said:

I dont get the whole D/s stuff, it seems to have so many rules and such set, predetermined roles. It would suck  drain  take all the fun out of it for me.

It can certainly have many rules and roles. That's why there are instructional classes. It's different within a relationship though. The couple sets the rules between themselves. My wife never calls me "Sir", for instance. It is also impossible for us to be full time D/S. We aren't good examples of how it is within SL though, as we are living it SL how we would in RL if we were together (with caveats added, as we try things that we wouldn't RL).

Edited by Bagnu
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5 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

ii is relation disorder

It isn't. It's a kink.

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1 hour ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

Read what you quote...

described paraphilia as "recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving" the following:[20]

Non-human objects

The suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner

Children

Non-consenting persons

Although some D/s relationships might involve a degree of humiliation, it's generally agreed upon beforehand.  Making someone suffer or be humiliated is more a part of BDSM.  D/s relationships might include aspects of Bondage, Discipline and Sado-masocism or just one or two of them.  

Since many well-functioning people have sexual interests that fall outside of traditional sexual conduct, a diagnosis of a paraphilic disorder is only given if there is accompanying personal distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, or if the behavior causes harm to a non-consenting party.

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51 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

But to some of us, paraphilia is a normality, and we don't consider it a disorder. Those of us in the BDSM community consider it to be a norm

 

I agree with that,

from multiverse perception,  what is normal in one verse sometimes view as abnormal in other verse..

chewing her mate is normal for female praying mantis, while some fish eat their offspring to balance pond ecosystem.

😁

 

 

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10 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Read what you quote...

described paraphilia as "recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving" the following:[20]

Non-human objects

The suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner

Children

Non-consenting persons

Although some D/s relationships might involve a degree of humiliation, it's generally agreed upon beforehand.  Making someone suffer or be humiliated is more a part of BDSM.  D/s relationships might include aspects of Bondage, Discipline and Sado-masocism or just one or two of them.  

Since many well-functioning people have sexual interests that fall outside of traditional sexual conduct, a diagnosis of a paraphilic disorder is only given if there is accompanying personal distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, or if the behavior causes harm to a non-consenting party.

notes-note-pad.gif.6f22780de2251e2fb5231f83fd918903.gifok.....

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Posted (edited)

As @Bagnu and other have pointed out, RL D/s lifestyles choices cover a wide range of desires and needs for both parties, and can involve sexuality and also not. Human being are complex and exist on a spectrum, so do D/s lifestyles. There are, for example, a number of major archetypical submissive types including people such as alphas, slaves, servants, romantics, sexuals, littles, SAMs/brats, etc.

Some of these relationships involve sexual activity, some don't. Some involve specific types of sexual play, others offer other opportunities; for example, there is a tremendous difference between a romantic submissive and a sexual submissive, though both might engage in forms sexual activity. Trying to explain even the basics to people not familiar with the lifestyle, let alone the difference between a romantic sub into sexual relations with their Dom and a purely sexual sub can be frustrating, since they equate D/s to aggressive male sexual fantasies or the harder BDSM kinks. This lifestyle isn't the tropey world as shown in 50 Shades of Grey (awful book btw) or in porn movies.

If done properly, both the submissive and dominant learn and grow from the relationship within very clearly established boundaries. Back in the days before the Internet, a submissive would need to go through hours/days/weeks of interviews before agreeing to align with a Dom or Domme, depending on each of their needs. Both parties getting to understand what was on offer and needed. Think job interview, but much more intense.

Also, the submissive is ultimately the one with the power in most D/s relationships because they are the ones submitting and can say "no". Consent, trust, and understanding the dynamic in a D/s relationship is always paramount.

A final thought ... What SL lacks in terms of D/s relationships ... besides the fact that 90% of the people here who engage in such activities are RPing it really badly ... is the emotional connection and the raw physical presence that many D/s relationships require to fully engage with. It's hard to feel the physical presence of me, say as a Dom, standing behind a submissive woman who is in her underwear, and sensing/feeling me, even hearing my breath or the warmth of my body or the creak of my shoes on a wood floor or my hand almost on her spine as I study her from mere inches away, not knowing if I'm going to touch her or not. That physical shuddering anticipation is difficult to capture well in text.

Edited by Katherine Heartsong
spelling
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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

Quoted from the link above:

There is no scientific consensus for any precise border between unusual sexual interests and paraphilic ones.[4][5] There is debate over which, if any, of the paraphilias should be listed in diagnostic manuals, such as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) or the International Classification of Diseases (ICD).

The number and taxonomy of paraphilia is under debate; one source lists as many as 549 types of paraphilia.[6] The DSM-5 has specific listings for eight paraphilic disorders.[2] Several sub-classifications of the paraphilias have been proposed, and some argue that a fully dimensional, spectrum or complaint-oriented approach would better reflect the evidence.[7][8]

[snip]

Homosexuality, now widely accepted as a variant of human sexuality, was at one time discussed as a sexual deviation.[21] Sigmund Freud and subsequent psychoanalytic thinkers considered homosexuality and paraphilias to result from psychosexual non-normative relations to the Oedipal complex.[22] As such, the term sexual perversion or the epithet pervert have historically referred to gay men, as well as other non-heterosexuals (people who fall outside the perceived norms of sexual orientation).[21][22][23][24]

By the mid-20th century, mental health practitioners began formalizing "deviant sexuality" classifications into categories. Originally coded as 000-x63, homosexuality was the top of the classification list (Code 302.0) until the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the DSM in 1973. Martin Kafka writes, "Sexual disorders once considered paraphilias (e.g., homosexuality) are now regarded as variants of normal sexuality."[23]

[snip]

Albert Eulenburg (1914) noted a commonality across the paraphilias, using the terminology of his time, "All the forms of sexual perversion...have one thing in common: their roots reach down into the matrix of natural and normal sex life; there they are somehow closely connected with the feelings and expressions of our physiological erotism. They are...hyperbolic intensifications, distortions, monstrous fruits of certain partial and secondary expressions of this erotism which is considered 'normal' or at least within the limits of healthy sex feeling."[29]

The clinical literature contains reports of many paraphilias, only some of which receive their own entries in the diagnostic taxonomies of the American Psychiatric Association or the World Health Organization.[30][31] There is disagreement regarding which sexual interests should be deemed paraphilic disorders versus normal variants of sexual interest. For example, as of May 2000, per DSM-IV-TR, "Because some cases of Sexual Sadism may not involve harm to a victim (e.g., inflicting humiliation on a consenting partner), the wording for sexual sadism involves a hybrid of the DSM-III-R and DSM-IV wording (i.e., "the person has acted on these urges with a non-consenting person, or the urges, sexual fantasies, or behaviors cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty")".[32]

The DSM-IV-TR also acknowledges that the diagnosis and classification of paraphilias across cultures or religions "is complicated by the fact that what is considered deviant in one cultural setting may be more acceptable in another setting”.[33] Some argue that cultural relativism is important to consider when discussing paraphilias, because there is wide variance concerning what is sexually acceptable across cultures.[34]

Consensual adult activities and adult entertainment involving sexual roleplay, novel, superficial, or trivial aspects of sexual fetishism, or incorporating the use of sex toys are not necessarily paraphilic.[33] Paraphilial psychopathology is not the same as psychologically normative adult human sexual behaviors, sexual fantasy, and sex play.[35]

 

Your link refutes your assumption. Did you even read it before posting it?

Edited by Persephone Emerald
I fixed it for you, Sam.
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20 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

As @Bagnu and other have pointed out, RL D/s lifestyles choices cover a wide range of desires and needs for both parties, and can involve sexuality and also not. Human being are complex and exist on a spectrum, so do D/s lifestyles. There are, for example, a number of major archetypical submissive types including people such as alphas, slaves, servants, romantics, sexuals, littles, SAMs/brats, etc.

Some of these relationships involve sexual activity, some don't. Some involve specific types of sexual play, others offer other opportunities; for example, there is a tremendous difference between a romantic submissive and a sexual submissive, though both might engage in forms sexual activity. Trying to explain even the basics to people not familiar with the lifestyle, let alone the difference between a romantic sub into sexual relations with their Dom and a purely sexual sub can be frustrating, since they equate D/s to aggressive male sexual fantasies or the harder BDSM kinks. This lifestyle isn't the tropey world as shown in 50 Shades of Grey (awful book btw) or in porn movies.

If done properly, both the submissive and dominant learn and grow from the relationship within very clearly established boundaries. Back in the days before the Internet, a submissive would need to go through hours/days/weeks of interviews before agreeing to align with a Dom or Domme, depending on each of their needs. Both parties getting to understand what was on offer and needed. Think job interview, but much more intense.

Also, the submissive is ultimately the one with the power in most D/s relationships because they are the ones submitting and can say "no". Consent, trust, and understanding the dynamic in a D/s relationship is always paramount.

A final thought ... What SL lacks in terms of D/s relationships ... besides the fact that 90% of the people here who engage in such activities are RPing it really badly ... is the emotional connection and the raw physical presence that many D/s relationships require to fully engage with. It's hard to feel the physical presence of me, say as a Dom, standing behind a submissive woman who is in her underwear, and sensing/feeling me, even hearing my breath or the warmth of my body or the creak of my shoes on a wood floor or my hand almost on her spine as I study her from mere inches away, not knowing if I'm going to touch her or not. That physical shuddering anticipation is difficult to capture well in text.

I love this description!

 

13 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Your link refutes your assumption. Did you even read it before posting it?

well-welp.gif
 

Lol, sorry, couldn't resist. A bit further down, the link explains the changes made in the DSM-5, too.

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Just now, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I love this description!

 

well-welp.gif
 

Lol, sorry, couldn't resist. A bit further down, the link explains the changes made in the DSM-5, too.

Guess he wasn't really taking notes as his meme indicated in response to my post.

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1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

Guess he wasn't really taking notes as his meme indicated in response to my post.

Nnnnnope! 

Your post even pointed that out - only when it causes personal distress or harm to another does it even begin to fall into the "needs treatment" category. That change was made years ago.

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11 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

when-your-favorite-pen-runs-out-of-ink.jpg

   .. But my favourite pens are all dip nibs. I do not compute. :|

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Posted (edited)

ok to all of you bdsm practitioner in rl i still dont accept bdsm is a normal form of sex interqction my perception is same likke a homosexual dont do hetero sexua thing.

orgy and swinger is NOT normal sexual stuff from my perception especially you add bdsm in it.  Im not do kink in real , and the fantasy about it NOT trigger my sexual desire.

but at least I know that bdsm is a big thing in SL.

bdsm is practice in nanjing massacre and it leave deep scar in our heart.

Edited by Kalegthepsionicist
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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

ok to all of you bdsm practitioner in rl i still dont accept bdsm is a normal form of sex interqction my perception is same likke a homosexual dont do hetero sexua thing.

orgy and swinger is NOT normal sexual stuff from my perception especially you add bdsm in it.  Im not do kink in real , and the fantasy about it NOT trigger my sexual desire.

but at least I know that bdsm is a big thing in SL.

bdsm is practice in nanjing massacre and it leave deep scar in our heart.

You don't have to accept BDSM as a part of your lifestyle. It's simply something you don''t like or understand. That's fully fair. No one is forcing it upon you. What happened in Nanjing has nothing to do with BDSM. Those were victims. Not willing participants. No "safeword" would have stopped the events that unfolded. 

Edited by Bagnu
word removed from wrong spot
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@Kalegthepsionicist

You don't even have to accept that BDSM is fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. 

The problem I have with your posts above is that you state some of your opinions as if they're facts, when it seems to me that you may not understand the meaning of some of the words you're using.  You classified BDSM as paraphilia when it is not classified as such. You describe it as a sex interaction, but sometimes it's not sexual. Swinging and orgies are a whole other thing too, which usually have nothing to do with BDSM.

It's like you're saying you think broccoli is a sin against nature and you can't understand why anyone would like broccoli, especially when it's eggplant and butternut squash.

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1 hour ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

ok to all of you bdsm practitioner in rl i still dont accept bdsm is a normal form of sex interqction my perception is same likke a homosexual dont do hetero sexua thing.

orgy and swinger is NOT normal sexual stuff from my perception especially you add bdsm in it.  Im not do kink in real , and the fantasy about it NOT trigger my sexual desire.

but at least I know that bdsm is a big thing in SL.

bdsm is practice in nanjing massacre and it leave deep scar in our heart.

yuck.png.298847be2c130d7b3a1bdd42191cec44.png

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4 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

ok to all of you bdsm practitioner in rl i still dont accept bdsm is a normal form of sex interqction my perception is same likke a homosexual dont do hetero sexua thing.

orgy and swinger is NOT normal sexual stuff from my perception especially you add bdsm in it.  Im not do kink in real , and the fantasy about it NOT trigger my sexual desire.

but at least I know that bdsm is a big thing in SL.

bdsm is practice in nanjing massacre and it leave deep scar in our heart.

There is evidence that practitioners of D/s and BDSM are not only normal, but are also generally well adjusted. Here are a couple examples:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23679066/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unique-everybody-else/201502/personality-traits-bdsm-practitioners-another-look

You recently thanked another poster for quoting you as an example of prejudice against men. Though I’m not sure you exhibit that particular prejudice, thanking someone for insulting you could be read as a sign of masochism. I don’t think that’s the case either, so I’m left to wonder just how well you understand things.

 

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