Unlocked collar? What that means?

[BlackHuntsman]

Hi all,

This topic is about slave collars. I am not quite experienced, but I know it can be locked and be inaccessible to strangers or it could be unlocked and be accessed by anybody.  That I know. And I was actually never touching other people's collars - unless I knew them etc. But recently I had a conversation with some sub girl and she said if person has unlocked collar it is like invitation and you can leash her etc. I always was thinking this would be rude behavior. So, what is your opinion about it? Does unlocked collar mean anything?

Edited February 9, 2022 by BlackHuntsman

[Rowan Amore]

13 minutes ago, BlackHuntsman said:

Hi all,

This topic is about slave collars. I am not quite experienced, but I know it can be locked and be inaccessible to strangers or it could be unlocked and be accessed by anybody.  That I know. And I was actually never touching other people's collars - unless I knew them etc. But recently I had a conversation with some sub girl and she said if person has unlocked collar it is like invitation and you can leash her etc. I always was thinking this would be rude behavior. So, what is your opinion about it? Does unlocked collar mean anything?

Locked and unlocked refer to the wearer being able to remove the collar that an owner has locked ON.

What you are referring to is open access or closed access.  Open access allows anyone to control the collar.  Closed access means you have given access to a certain person or group.

Before using an RLV items, it would be wise to read up on what they can and can not do.  

 

https://opencollar.cc/

Edited February 9, 2022 by Rowan Amore

[Blaise Glendevon]

If you are in a play space - like a club or an event - I'd read open access as just that. If you're shopping for hair and someone has an open access collar, I'd probably just let them go about their business. Context is key. 

[missyrideout]

A message in the profile that your collar is open means something. Simply having it open, not so much. I could see someone saying that if they spend a lot of time in a particular venue where roles are strongly defined and adhered to. They do exist. But it's not a general thing.

[ValKalAstra]

The central tenet of bondage and submission are not the acts themselves but the pillar of communication. For example: set and respect boundaries, install safe words, check comfort levels, provide the unicorn of after care and so forth. As such, think of an open collar as a sexy cleavage, bum (or the clavicle for the connoisseurs): It's an appetizer for the mind, fun to look at, fun to imagine - but it's entirely off limits until you've established communication and consent.

However as with all things in life, there are those that lack the necessary experience. They might have read about things in some magazine*, maybe they're exploring their own kinks, who knows. The fact is, they're ill prepared, they don't know what they're in for and the result is some weird freestyle submission play that's a train-wreck waiting to happen. These are the people that claim to have no limits or to be open for everything, because they don't understand the depths of these waters. They don't understand that while one side submits, it's usually that side that also holds all the power.

Never assume. Ask. Communicate. Failing that: Over the hills and far away - because that's where you'll be today. Run. Bail. It's not worth it.

* Let's be real, it was that dreaded fifty shades book. The damage this thing has wrought.

Edited February 10, 2022 by ValKalAstra

[Scylla Rhiadra]

20 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

The central tenet of bondage and submission are not the acts themselves but the pillar of communication. For example: set and respect boundaries, install safe words, check comfort levels, provide the unicorn of after care and so forth. As such, think of an open collar as a sexy cleavage, bum (or the clavicle for the connoisseurs): It's an appetizer for the mind, fun to look at, fun to imagine - but it's entirely off limits until you've established communication and consent.

However as with all things in life, there are those that lack the necessary experience. They might have read about things in some magazine*, maybe they're exploring their own kinks, who knows. The fact is, they're ill prepared, they don't know what they're in for and the result is some weird freestyle submission play that's a train-wreck waiting to happen. These are the people that claim to have no limits or to be open for everything, because they don't understand the depths of these waters. They don't understand that while one side submits, it's usually that side that also holds all the power.

Never assume. Ask. Communicate. Failing that: Over the hills and far away - because that's where you'll be today. Run. Bail. It's not worth it.

* Let's be real, it was that dreaded fifty shades book. The damage this thing has wrought.

It would be fascinating -- but of course quite impossible -- to survey members of the BDSM community in SL to determine how many of them have even a passing familiarity with such concepts as power-exchange, SSC and RACK, safe-words, and aftercare.

It would be even more instructive to get a sense of how many actually practice these.

Fortunately, the stakes in SL are not quite so high as they would be in RL. But there are of course still associated risks.

Why is there no umbrella BDSM group in SL that provides guidance and education? A sort of SL equivalent to NCSF? Or is there?

[StarlanderGoods]

I think the main concern was adressed by Rowan, "Unlocked" and "Open/public access" are not the same, and are specific terms that do very different things.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

6 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Why is there no umbrella BDSM group in SL that provides guidance and education? A sort of SL equivalent to NCSF? Or is there?

I could've sworn there was a loooong time ago. Years and years - maybe as far back as 2010 or earlier? I remember there being a hangout sim set up with meditation pillows (I think?) with a nice library full of educational notecards, and they ran discussion groups and classes and social events for newbies and others to meet and talk. The name completely escapes me now. Maybe the group no longer exists.

There are some big groups that I bounce in and out of from time to time, but I haven't seen much active chat or socializing as of yet. I think there was a one that offered events, but I'm not currently in it. I should poke around and see.

[Madelaine McMasters]

20 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

7 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Why is there no umbrella BDSM group in SL that provides guidance and education? A sort of SL equivalent to NCSF? Or is there?

I could've sworn there was a loooong time ago. Years and years - maybe as far back as 2010 or earlier? I remember there being a hangout sim set up with meditation pillows (I think?) with a nice library full of educational notecards, and they ran discussion groups and classes and social events for newbies and others to meet and talk. The name completely escapes me now. Maybe the group no longer exists.

There are some big groups that I bounce in and out of from time to time, but I haven't seen much active chat or socializing as of yet. I think there was a one that offered events, but I'm not currently in it. I should poke around and see.

Scylla, NCSF does appear to have a group... with 79 members.

Ayashe, I recall the group you mentioned, and participated for some months back around 2010. Like you, I've forgotten the name. There are other places (The Guild?) that host discussions and social events. SL is quieter these days, I'd not expect to find the level of activity of 2008-2010.

[Madelaine McMasters]

8 hours ago, ValKalAstra said:

They don't understand that while one side submits, it's usually that side that also holds all the power.

I've never understood the idea that SL Dom/mes hold all the power. Submission is the ball that's brought to the game. One click of the "X" and the submissive takes it home.

[Arielle Popstar]

38 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I could've sworn there was a loooong time ago. Years and years - maybe as far back as 2010 or earlier? I remember there being a hangout sim set up with meditation pillows (I think?) with a nice library full of educational notecards, and they ran discussion groups and classes and social events for newbies and others to meet and talk. The name completely escapes me now. Maybe the group no longer exists.

There are some big groups that I bounce in and out of from time to time, but I haven't seen much active chat or socializing as of yet. I think there was a one that offered events, but I'm not currently in it. I should poke around and see.

Wondering if you might be thinking of "Community Dolls", they had such resources and might still now as I see occasional notifications from the group about upcoming Meet and Greets. 

[Arielle Popstar]

6 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I've never understood the idea that SL Dom/mes hold all the power. Submission is the ball that's brought to the game. One click of the "X" and the submissive takes it home.

The ones that take it very serious, see an escape as a defeat in their ability to truly submit.

[WereBeast Alpha]

For me a collar is needed for when I am taking on a new sub or partner and we have small to long training sessions. Recently my first and long time sub / partner completed her training and I took her collar off as a reward. Was like 3 years of training but she needed to learn the basics and to submit at the right time. Even then the hard training pays off today. She knows her place with me being her Dominant she serves me and loves me for who I am. Now with the collar off in replacement I bought her a necklace with a heart to show my gratitude and loyalty that even without a collar I love being her Dominant. 

[Madelaine McMasters]

14 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

The ones that take it very serious, see an escape as a defeat in their ability to truly submit.

There's no shortage of people, in or out of the BDSM community, who might see escaping an abusive relationship as a kind of defeat. BDSM might be an easy avenue for abusers to explore (as is youth), but it's not an excuse.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

25 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Scylla, NCSF does appear to have a group... with 79 members.

Ayashe, I recall the group you mentioned, and participated for some months back around 2010. Like you, I've forgotten the name. There are other places (The Guild?) that host discussions and social events. SL is quieter these days, I'd not expect to find the level of activity of 2008-2010.

 

18 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Wondering if you might be thinking of "Community Dolls", they had such resources and might still now as I see occasional notifications from the group about upcoming Meet and Greets. 

I just ran a quick Google search and came across a website created in 2009 for The BDSM Institute? That sounds slightly familiar, but I don't recognize the sim design in the photo, so I'm not sure if that was it or not. There could have been a few different ones during that time.

Arielle, I've not heard of that one, actually! I'm glad it's still around, though. So many good groups and places poofed over the years.

 

 

[Madelaine McMasters]

12 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I just ran a quick Google search and came across a website created in 2009 for The BDSM Institute? That sounds slightly familiar, but I don't recognize the sim design in the photo, so I'm not sure if that was it or not. There could have been a few different ones during that time.

That doesn't sound familiar, but this does...

https://meritcoba.com/2014/03/15/art-by-second-life-⊱the-gateway⊰/

ETA: I recall a circle of meditation pillows surrounding an open patio like area, possibly surrounded by a short stone wall. You entered through through a gateway arch.

ETA2: Googling has jogged my memory. The tagline for "The Gateway" was "D/s without the BS". That's the place I visited long long ago.

ETA3: I might have single-handedly violated the tagline with my participation ;-).

Edited February 10, 2022 by Madelaine McMasters

[Arielle Popstar]

9 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Arielle, I've not heard of that one, actually! I'm glad it's still around, though. So many good groups and places poofed over the years.

Their website is still up though not updated with the more recent inworld meetings. There are other pages that give some information on being a Community Doll that might be along the lines of what @Scylla Rhiadrawas asking about: http://www.communitydolls.com/

[Coffee Pancake]

20 hours ago, BlackHuntsman said:

Hi all,

This topic is about slave collars. I am not quite experienced, but I know it can be locked and be inaccessible to strangers or it could be unlocked and be accessed by anybody.  That I know. And I was actually never touching other people's collars - unless I knew them etc. But recently I had a conversation with some sub girl and she said if person has unlocked collar it is like invitation and you can leash her etc. I always was thinking this would be rude behavior. So, what is your opinion about it? Does unlocked collar mean anything?

A collar is a roleplay prop.

Any meaning that might be associated with It's locked/unlocked status is entirely contextual. If there is even the slightest doubt you should always ask ... or better yet .. see if you can get the wearer of said collar to ask

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

There's no shortage of people, in or out of the BDSM community, who might see escaping an abusive relationship as a kind of defeat. BDSM might be an easy avenue for abusers to explore (as is youth), but it's not an excuse.

There's a very vocal minority in the the SL kink culture who are very much against "cheating out", almost to the point that being as miserable as humanly possible in SL is actually the point. This pervasive nonsense has made it so many toys will deliberately try to evade their owners attempts to reset them, groups routinely form around trying to find ways to make RLV "permanent", and we're constant pestered to add viewer features that really aren't in anyone's actual interests.

I kinda gave up with "we're really real" BDSM events and groups. It's all the usual predation, grooming and abuse with a veneer of legitimacy that comes from having meetings.

[Lindal Kidd]

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

It's all the usual predation, grooming and abuse with a veneer of legitimacy that comes from having meetings.

Yes. Very few people in the world of SL kink have any interest in doing it ethically. One of my kinks, erotic hypnosis, has a lot of overlap with the D/s community. At one point, concerned about hypnotists who were doing things like attempting financial domination or RL information gathering without prior consent, I formed the group "Ethical Hypnotists of Second Life." I think I've had maybe three requests to join the group over the last ten years or so, and at least two of those were most likely so the person could add a sheen of respectability.

[Gabriel Isodo]

What is the  hidden rules of collar

 

I am trying to understand how all this works. I find collar open. I understand that anybody can clic on it an try to learn how it works.

Is it rude to play with collar of stranger?

[blissfulbreeze]

2 minutes ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

What is the  hidden rules of collar

 

I am trying to understand how all this works. I find collar open. I understand that anybody can clic on it an try to learn how it works.

Is it rude to play with collar of stranger?

Yes, it's rude unless they have it stated in their profile that anyone can play with their collar. 

Some people have their collar open for friends or for some Sims. It doesn't mean that anyone can control it at anytime.

[Gabriel Isodo]

I didn't know it was rude I expect it was friendly or welcomed. Like a green like Anybody want to play with me?

[Odaks]

Check out that person's profile, first - every time!

Then, if in doubt, ask them. It certainly is rude to just barge in that way, unless it has been clearly invited. Sometimes a collar might be open accidentally.

And, whatever you do do, never interfere with somebody who is being controlled by somebody else. That is a sure way to start a nasty confrontation! I'm sure you would know this, but it does happen. 

Edited February 18, 2022 by Odaks

[Lindal Kidd]

5 hours ago, Odaks said:

whatever you do do, never interfere with somebody who is being controlled by somebody else. That is a sure way to start a nasty confrontation!

This can happen even if you are completely innocent. While I was answering noobie questions at Welcome Island, one newcomer IM'd me...

"Do you want to f*** my p****?"
"No thank you. If you want to have cybersex, you should search the Adult areas."

Very quickly thereafter, I got another IM from a complete stranger.

"Don't go trying to have sex with my slave. She doesn't need your help, b****."

I muted both of 'em.

[Arielle Popstar]

8 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

I didn't know it was rude I expect it was friendly or welcomed. Like a green like Anybody want to play with me?

If a collar is set to public access, then I consider it a permission setting that allows you to do exactly that, even if the particular context isn't ideal. It was those sort of grabs that taught and reminded me to check what my collar settings were before I went out shopping for example. Personally I don't like long drawn out conversations asking for permission to leash me as it hints at someone insecure. If you have to ask, the answer will likely be "No" on general principle. A good Dom/me can read the conversation and know or be willing to risk taking it to the next level. Might get a rejection or two and a general freakout but that's ok. The one with the open collar obviously needs to learn how to configure the settings that allows the degree of permissivity they are ok with.