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Can we all start treating SL IMs the same way we treat RL IMs?


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Just throwing this out there in the hope that this approach catches on, but...

Could we all start acknowledging/treating IM messages in SL the same way we would on our phones in RL?

What I mean by this is: don't expect someone to respond immediately. If you receive an IM in RL sometimes you might respond straight away, other times if you're busy or with people then you will respond at a later time when it is more convenient.

This is how I think everyone should start seeing IMs. I am so fed up with the:

"Hi"

2 mins later

"??"

1 min later

"guess u must be busy"

Why is there this expectation that an IM must be replied to immediately? If someone didn't reply to your text in RL STRAIGHT AWAY you wouldn't freak out about it would you? So why do that in SL?

It's different if you're in a sim standing next to someone. The fact that you're in each other's presence/company I think makes an instant interaction more obligatory. But otherwise, sending an SL IM should be like sending a RL IM. You message someone and then wait for a reply when it's convenient for them.

That's just what I think, and it would make me happy if others agreed! Hahaha. But curious to hear other people's thoughts on this too. 😄

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Haha, thanks @Anna Nova, I don't know if I would block something for this faux pas, but it always makes me rage 😡

If there is someone in-world I want to speak to/hang out with and they don't reply to my IM straight away, I might be a little disappointed, but I rationalise that they're preoccupied, or that it isn't a good time for them, or that they're not in the mood to talk or whatever. All these reasons are perfectly justified! So I respect their right to reply to me when they're ready!  Please can we all perpetuate this attitude! Haha. 

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My experience is that these people are always guys, and always interesting in starting a conversation 'now' for just one thing.  And since they want in 'now', they tell me all I want to know.

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This type of conversation always puzzles me too. It doesn't happen very often anymore, but it used to, dozens of times over the past decade.

[Monday morning] Them: "hello"

(User not online)

[Monday night] Me: "Hi"

(User not online)

[Tuesday morning] Them: "Are you there?"

(User not online)

[Tuesday night] Me: "Yes"

(User not online)

[Wednesday morning] Them: "I have a question."

(User not online)

[Wednesday night] Me: "Oh!"

(User not online)

[Thursday morning] Them: *proceeds to ask the actual question*

Edited by Arduenn Schwartzman
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Just send those attention seekers where they belong (the block list) and you 'll be fine. Lots of people to socialize in SL and even more on the internet. You don't need those.

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What I'd also like to see is people speaking and writing in SL the same way they do in RL. Sure sometimes people are busy and tend to reply late and it's nice to have manners to explain or apologize to the person. 

What's not pleasant to see is someone contact you and say "how r u bby" or "wat u doin". I honestly don't see how anyone would speak in that manner without sounding like mentally challenged person. Has anyone even tried to listen how any of those poorly written phrases and sentences sound? Try typing in in google for example or any other text-to-speech application and see how it sounds.

Where did all those years of education in school go? Was it all for nothing?

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I guess some people think that if you are online, then you are available for chat.

Some time ago I had this in my profile (or something similar): "If I don't reply, then I am probably busy." Maybe it can help little bit.

Edited by tomm55
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I don’t run into the “respond to me instantly!!” people as much as I used to. 
 

I tend to run into someone that says something really dumb and then immediately withdraws. Like this:

Them: Hello

Me: Hi! What’s up?

Them: Janet, like from Three’s Company?

Me: No.

*after 5 mins*
 

Them: Guess you’re busy, I’ll leave you alone.

Even that’s become rare, but it still happens more than “Answer me now!” types. I get that some people are socially awkward and introverted, but sheesh!

What I’ve been seeing more of is people starting conversations. Then either TPing away mid conversation and not hearing from them for 20+ minutes. Then resuming the conversation like they put you on pause.

I think what’s needed is going back to chat room etiquette. There was a time where people would tell you they weren’t there with a brb or afk. People wouldn’t necessarily tell you their business, but would have the decency to tell you they stepped away.

We’re now in the era of text etiquette. Which is anything goes. For a place that still functions as a chat room in a lot of ways and people are starved for interaction, it’s a little jarring.

I’ve had people start a conversation, respond later and say “Sorry, I was watching Netflix”

We’re in a weird place right now.

Edited by Janet Voxel
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1 hour ago, Janet Voxel said:

I think what’s needed is going back to chat room etiquette. There was a time where people would tell you they weren’t there with a brb or afk. People wouldn’t necessarily tell you their business, but would have the decency to tell you they stepped away.

If I'm actively talking to someone, whether it's in SL or on Discord, I'll hit 'em with a "brb" or say I've gotta afk for a bit, run and do some things, etc etc and that I'll be on later. I don't necessarily believe it's the "right" thing to do or that not doing it is "wrong", but I just personally feel like it would be rude of me to suddenly vanish from an active conversation where we were both present and responding to each other immediately. If the other person suddenly poofs though, I don't mind at all and just figure they're busy... but I also have a lot of good friends that will leave me on read for days sometimes, then come back like "oh crap! took the trash out and forgot to reply, then got distracted with other things! whoops!" 😆 And I've done that myself, so no hard feelings! Sometimes that ADHD squirrel brain is hard to overcome.

5 hours ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

Why is there this expectation that an IM must be replied to immediately? If someone didn't reply to your text in RL STRAIGHT AWAY you wouldn't freak out about it would you? So why do that in SL?

Overall I do agree with this! But I think there are some differences in sending an IM on SL and sending a text to someone's phone, that may affect those expectations. We might be AFKing around in SL but there is an online indicator, whereas when you text someone's phone there's no indication if that person is asleep, at work, watching TV, grocery shopping, etc so it's probably more commonly acknowledged as a message you send over to someone for them to see and respond whenever they're available.

That said, there definitely are people who act the same way through text messages. 🤣 There was a guy back in college that asked me out for lunch one time, and a few days before the lunch date I was in class and had my phone on airplane mode so it wouldn't buzz with constant group chat notifications. Class got out and I turned off airplane mode to see what all I missed, and suddenly it blew up with over 500 text messages from that guy and it was absolutely one of the most unhinged things I've ever experienced lmao.

Some people will just always feel entitled to your immediate time and attention, no matter what the platform, and to me that's a huge red flag. I enjoy being social and I do my best, but I'm also an introvert and can't stand pushy people who think I need to worship their feet just because they decided to message me. I feel like a sensible, mature individual would know that I might not be right at my keyboard (or phone!) to reply instantly, and be okay with that. But at the end of the day, we don't owe anyone our personal time or attention and I certainly lose all interest in interacting with people when they act like I do.

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3 hours ago, Aiyumei said:

What I'd also like to see is people speaking and writing in SL the same way they do in RL. Sure sometimes people are busy and tend to reply late and it's nice to have manners to explain or apologize to the person. 

What's not pleasant to see is someone contact you and say "how r u bby" or "wat u doin". I honestly don't see how anyone would speak in that manner without sounding like mentally challenged person. Has anyone even tried to listen how any of those poorly written phrases and sentences sound? Try typing in in google for example or any other text-to-speech application and see how it sounds.

Where did all those years of education in school go? Was it all for nothing?

I absolutely agree! Text speak makes my teeth hurt. Hell, I don't even text speak when I am actually texting. In my opinion it's lazy and I cannot stand lazy people.

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3 minutes ago, Annie Nova said:

I absolutely agree! Text speak makes my teeth hurt. Hell, I don't even text speak when I am actually texting. In my opinion it's lazy and I cannot stand lazy people.

I used 'u' once when texting my son.  I have never ever used that while texting before.  He sends me back, 'really mom?  It's you.'. Now I'm sure he uses U with friends since he's 22 but he expects better from his mother.

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1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

I used 'u' once when texting my son.  I have never ever used that while texting before.  He sends me back, 'really mom?  It's you.'. Now I'm sure he uses U with friends since he's 22 but he expects better from his mother.

Too funny! I think we all expect better from our mothers 🙂

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17 minutes ago, LilNosferatu said:

If I'm actively talking to someone, whether it's in SL or on Discord, I'll hit 'em with a "brb" or say I've gotta afk for a bit, run and do some things, etc etc and that I'll be on later. I don't necessarily believe it's the "right" thing to do or that not doing it is "wrong", but I just personally feel like it would be rude of me to suddenly vanish from an active conversation where we were both present and responding to each other immediately. If the other person suddenly poofs though, I don't mind at all and just figure they're busy... but I also have a lot of good friends that will leave me on read for days sometimes, then come back like "oh crap! took the trash out and forgot to reply, then got distracted with other things! whoops!" 😆 And I've done that myself, so no hard feelings! Sometimes that ADHD squirrel brain is hard to overcome.

Oh, I agree. I grew up in AIM and Yahoo chat rooms. I'm just saying at some point there was a paradigm shift from the chat etiquette to more modern chat interfaces like text and discord. Those conversations tend to start and stop and start again at random. The thing is, those interfaces have indicators where you don't really have to say brb or afk anymore.

The thing is, Secondlife doesn't have those things, because it started in the chatroom era. It would be nice if you didn't touch your keyboard and mouse for a while, away automatically pops up. It would lessen the:

Hello

How are you?

Are you there?

???

You know...if you didn't want to talk to me, you could've just said that.

You stuck up ____________! I hate you!

All because you were in the kitchen making a sandwich.

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7 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

It would be nice if you didn't touch your keyboard and mouse for a while, away automatically pops up.

Oh, for sure! I know it can pop up with "Away" over your head if you AFK for long enough, but it would be nice if it changed your profile's online status to "away" as well. I also wish there was an option to appear offline, or appear AFK/busy. I feel like that wouldn't be too hard to add in, and it would be a lot more useful than just hiding online status from specific friends.

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19 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

Hello

How are you?

Are you there?

???

You know...if you didn't want to talk to me, you could've just said that.

You stuck up ____________! I hate you!

All because you were in the kitchen making a sandwich.

LOL

Yes, I agree that there is some status info missing in SL. In your friend list you can only know whether your friend is online or offline. You can try to message them to maybe get an "Away auto-reply message" but that's basically all I think. I would for example appreciate a Do-Not-Disturb status for example.

Edited by tomm55
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15 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

It would be nice if you didn't touch your keyboard and mouse for a while, away automatically pops up.

You can.  In the General tab.

Away Time out: Will set you to away if there is no mouse or keyboard input for the minutes set:
  • 2 minutes
  • 5 minutes
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  • 30 minutes
  • 60 minutes
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People sure do get irritated at the littlest things, lol. I keep calm by using the X on the IM box and just don't even respond. If they aren't a friend they will again get my auto response to non-friends and if they are smart will realize I closed the IM without answering.

I find in cases like this it's easier to adjust your behavior than to try and get the masses to change theirs because it will never, ever happen.

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40 minutes ago, tomm55 said:

appreciate a Do-Not-Disturb status for example.

bJDOS6E.png

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4 hours ago, Aiyumei said:

[...] What's not pleasant to see is someone contact you and say "how r u bby" or "wat u doin". [...]

What I do with these, is to start answering with just the first letter of each word, ”ftyijhoh” being “Fine, thank you, I’m just hanging out here”.

They tend to catch up rather quickly—to the actual point, if not the acronyms themselves—and start writing better 😇

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44 minutes ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

If I get hit with "Oh you must be busy!"-Bull, I let them know that no, I am absolutely not busy, and it's 100% on them for expecting me to deliver them a conversation when they IM without having anything to say at all. 

I feel like that's what they want you to say. So, I let them peace out!

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