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why message someone if you wont continue the interraction?


Todeuz
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On 12/30/2021 at 8:47 AM, KyrasCorric said:

Well the problem with that is I've found that advertising yourself with flaws like that never ends well. I've lost count of the amount of conversations I used to have back in the day that would just abruptly end the moment I said I dealt with depression. It didn't matter how great the conversation was, what we were laughing about, what we were talking about, things that we would share with each other, none of it. The moment I said I dealt with depression, that was it, no second chance, no understanding, no willingness to adapt to it, nothing. It was a straight "You're broken, I don't like that, you're worthless and not worth my time." There's a difference between saying you can be socially awkward and saying that you struggle with being social.

We are not obligated to share personal details with people with whom we are not in a personal relationship - in SL or RL. We are not (and should not be) expected to state on our SL profile if we have a physical or mental disability or illness, and depression can certainly be classed as a mental/ emotional illness. It can also be especially unhelpful to share potential weaknesses with people who could potentially exploit or trigger those weaknesses.

Would you expect everyone who's been sexually assaulted to mention that in their profile, so as to avoid interacting with people who wouldn't want to deal with their potential triggers? (The answer for reasonable people is "No", in case anyone missed my point.) People who suffer from depression don't have to state that upfront either.  People who might be on the autism spectrum shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile, even though that might affect how they communicate in SL. People who are dyslexic, dysgraphic or just have poor typing skills shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile either. People in SL are free to disclose or not disclose whatever they want about themselves. If it's easier for you to write stuff on your profile rather than repeating it to individual people inworld, great, - but no one is obligated to put anything at all on their profile. 

I have depressive periods too, when I don't really want to have long conversations with people in SL. I tend to self-isolate in RL & SL, which makes SL a really nice option for mental distraction, because I can shop, sort inventory or build something while choosing whether or when I want to join into a group conversion. I've accumulated a few friends in SL who understand that I don't come into SL primarily for chatting and socializing. One of my oldest SL friends is the sort who says "Hi", we exchange a few "How are you?"s and such, then he may not respond for minutes or hours. He's explained that he's often doing multiple things online, such as working or playing another video game, so I know not to take this personally. Despite his slow responses sometimes feeling frustrating for me, he has remained a caring and reliable SL friend for years. His communication style doesn't mean I can't be friends with him, so long as I understand why he has this style and understand that it's not about me.

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23 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

We are not obligated to share personal details with people with whom we are not in a personal relationship - in SL or RL.

I'd actually go one step further and leave out the - in SL or RL. We are not obligated to share personal details with people - period.

Another perspective is that they may not want to be around people that suffer from depression or talk about it.  I suffer from treatment resistant major depression, meaning that I have tried all avenues the medical field can provide to me, that I can afford, so I simply live with it and manage it the best I can.  I don't want to come into SL and be around the same type of people because it honestly brings me down.  Would I not be friends with someone that suffered depression? Of course I would but there are some people that drain the life out of you by that being their only topic of conversation or they use it as an excuse for their behavior.  I come to SL to take my mind off of it and while I might talk to a very few close friends about it it is not the main topic of our conversation. 

I'm not saying don't reach out or discuss it with people but maybe wait until you have an established friendship.  

Edited by Sam1 Bellisserian
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18 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I'd actually go one step further and leave out the - in SL or RL. We are not obligated to share personal details with people - period.

Another perspective is that they may not want to be around people that suffer from depression or talk about it.  I suffer from treatment resistant major depression, meaning that I have tried all avenues the medical field can provide to me, that I can afford, so I simply live with it and manage it the best I can.  I don't want to come into SL and be around the same type of people because it honestly brings me down.  Would I not be friends with someone that suffered depression? Of course I would but there are some people that drain the life out of you by that being their only topic of conversation or they use it as an excuse for their behavior.  I come to SL to take my mind off of it and while I might talk to a very few close friends about it it is not the main topic of our conversation. 

I'm not saying don't reach out or discuss it with people but maybe wait until you have an established friendship.  

If one is in a sexual relationship with someone else, I think they should be willing to share their sexual health status. If one is in an emotional/ romantic relationship with someone, I think they should share their emotional status with them - like, "Just to let you know, I tend to not be very communicative about my feelings" or "I need someone who's going to be there for me emotionally and give me feedback about how they're feeling."   

I've found my peer support mental health group in SL to be very helpful for me personally, but this is partly because I can close the group window when someone in the group is going on and on about their issues that they never seem try to fix or if someone is just kind of being a troll to get attention. On the other hand, it can also feel rewarding to give emotional support to someone that makes them feel better or to shut down the person who's acting like a troll. Occasionally, I'll also be fretting over something and, even though I know rationally that I'm probably blowing it all out of proportion, I still need to vent to someone, so this group gives me a safe and convenient place to do so. 

Edited by Persephone Emerald
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7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

If one is in a sexual relationship with someone else, I think they should be willing to share their sexual health status. If one is in an emotional/ romantic relationship with someone, I think they should share their emotional status with them - like, "Just to let you know, I tend to not be very communicative about my feelings" or "I need someone who's going to be there for me emotionally and give me feedback about how they're feeling."   

 

Of course! I feel the same way. I was simply disagreeing with your word usage of "obligated".  But really I think this only extends to RL. In SL I don't think you need to share anything personal but that's only my personal opinion about it.  

I also tried a peer support here and it wasn't really helpful to me at all.  Maybe because I'm more of a loner that I find it just sucks it right out of me.

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On 1/7/2022 at 4:35 PM, Persephone Emerald said:

We are not obligated to share personal details with people with whom we are not in a personal relationship - in SL or RL. We are not (and should not be) expected to state on our SL profile if we have a physical or mental disability or illness, and depression can certainly be classed as a mental/ emotional illness. It can also be especially unhelpful to share potential weaknesses with people who could potentially exploit or trigger those weaknesses.

Would you expect everyone who's been sexually assaulted to mention that in their profile, so as to avoid interacting with people who wouldn't want to deal with their potential triggers? (The answer for reasonable people is "No", in case anyone missed my point.) People who suffer from depression don't have to state that upfront either.  People who might be on the autism spectrum shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile, even though that might affect how they communicate in SL. People who are dyslexic, dysgraphic or just have poor typing skills shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile either. People in SL are free to disclose or not disclose whatever they want about themselves. If it's easier for you to write stuff on your profile rather than repeating it to individual people inworld, great, - but no one is obligated to put anything at all on their profile. 

I have depressive periods too, when I don't really want to have long conversations with people in SL. I tend to self-isolate in RL & SL, which makes SL a really nice option for mental distraction, because I can shop, sort inventory or build something while choosing whether or when I want to join into a group conversion. I've accumulated a few friends in SL who understand that I don't come into SL primarily for chatting and socializing. One of my oldest SL friends is the sort who says "Hi", we exchange a few "How are you?"s and such, then he may not respond for minutes or hours. He's explained that he's often doing multiple things online, such as working or playing another video game, so I know not to take this personally. Despite his slow responses sometimes feeling frustrating for me, he has remained a caring and reliable SL friend for years. His communication style doesn't mean I can't be friends with him, so long as I understand why he has this style and understand that it's not about me.

Hence why I followed up shortly after saying that I never said people didn't have the right the right to choose. You're absolutely right, people aren't obligated to talk about things like that. But like I also said, I ended up crossing lines between RL and SL in the way things are handled. My blending was from RL experiences that were over time. It wasn't something I brought up after the first day or two, it was after a month or two, a few times after a couple of weeks.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 1/7/2022 at 10:35 PM, Persephone Emerald said:

We are not obligated to share personal details with people with whom we are not in a personal relationship - in SL or RL. We are not (and should not be) expected to state on our SL profile if we have a physical or mental disability or illness, and depression can certainly be classed as a mental/ emotional illness. It can also be especially unhelpful to share potential weaknesses with people who could potentially exploit or trigger those weaknesses.

Would you expect everyone who's been sexually assaulted to mention that in their profile, so as to avoid interacting with people who wouldn't want to deal with their potential triggers? (The answer for reasonable people is "No", in case anyone missed my point.) People who suffer from depression don't have to state that upfront either.  People who might be on the autism spectrum shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile, even though that might affect how they communicate in SL. People who are dyslexic, dysgraphic or just have poor typing skills shouldn't be expected to state that on their profile either. People in SL are free to disclose or not disclose whatever they want about themselves. If it's easier for you to write stuff on your profile rather than repeating it to individual people inworld, great, - but no one is obligated to put anything at all on their profile. 

I have depressive periods too, when I don't really want to have long conversations with people in SL. I tend to self-isolate in RL & SL, which makes SL a really nice option for mental distraction, because I can shop, sort inventory or build something while choosing whether or when I want to join into a group conversion. I've accumulated a few friends in SL who understand that I don't come into SL primarily for chatting and socializing. One of my oldest SL friends is the sort who says "Hi", we exchange a few "How are you?"s and such, then he may not respond for minutes or hours. He's explained that he's often doing multiple things online, such as working or playing another video game, so I know not to take this personally. Despite his slow responses sometimes feeling frustrating for me, he has remained a caring and reliable SL friend for years. His communication style doesn't mean I can't be friends with him, so long as I understand why he has this style and understand that it's not about me.

 

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But when you are bad what do you do? You say I am Fine ? it is totaly useless.  It is lie. If someone ask me how are you ? I say I am depressed.

Otherwise you stay depressed.

If you are fine. You can say I am fine. it is true.

 

But you are right it depend who is the interlocutor. the partner can help you and encorage you or not.

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On 12/28/2021 at 12:29 PM, Todeuz said:

This one chick tends to be the one who hits me up first, she can bring up her addiction problem or just be kind and ask me how I've been. but it feels like no matter what response I give

Maybe you should tell us?
You started the “Seeking woman to spend L$ on” thread and never came back to it for an update 😂

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I don't pay much attention to those people. Men are doing the same. Yesterday I was on the Beach waiting for my boy, one guy said "hello Goddess". I simply said "hi". And then nothing. I don't know what they expect, but since they don't continue the conversation, I don't care. 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

I'm usually the first to IM people. Many times I'm checking to see who is actually engaged and who is afk or watching TV at the same time. If replies are coming too slowly I just don't bother. I like chatting with people who want to chat back 😜

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I set myself to busy/away all day and pick and choose who I want to speak with. Friends know I'm around somewhere and are patient. Hi's by non friends usually go unanswered. I always check profiles before deciding on conversations I want to have with non friends. 

Is this considered rude?

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2 hours ago, colleen Criss said:

I set myself to busy/away all day and pick and choose who I want to speak with. Friends know I'm around somewhere and are patient. Hi's by non friends usually go unanswered. I always check profiles before deciding on conversations I want to have with non friends. 

Is this considered rude?

I do the exact thing. I don't have time to answer every IM, also may be busy. If you're not selective, then you'll get overwhelmed.

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2 hours ago, colleen Criss said:

I set myself to busy/away all day and pick and choose who I want to speak with. Friends know I'm around somewhere and are patient. Hi's by non friends usually go unanswered. I always check profiles before deciding on conversations I want to have with non friends. 

Is this considered rude?

When I'm at home, I usually ignore IMs from total strangers.  It's the same as ignoring phone calls from unknown numbers.  I don't consider it rude at all.  In fact, I find it more rude to send those IMs.  If I need to talk to someone I don't actually know in SL, such as a creator or region owner, I always use a notecard and ask that they get back to me at THEIR convenience.  

 

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How many IMs do y'all get to be able to pick and choose lol? 

Personally i'll answer everyone who IMs me because I know i'm  puss af when it comes to sending IMs to stranger so I respect anyone who has the courage to do it lol. The only IMs I usually don't respond to are sexual IMs from female avatars because I clearly state in my bio that i'm a gay man.

But if someone IMs you respectfully and you dont answer at all not even a 'sorry im busy right now" or a thank you to a compliment you're rude af in my eyes. You dont have to answer but I dont really understand why anyone would be on SL and be bothered by people talking to them, aint that the point? 

Edited by MalibuBratz
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I rarely IM someone because I am not good at small talk or conversing.  If someone IM's me, I do answer initially.  I also check their profile to see if we would have anything in common, and if the IM turns into a sexual request I just tell them "sorry, that's not my thing" and close the IM box, ignoring any further IM's from that person. 

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6 hours ago, MalibuBratz said:

How many IMs do y'all get to be able to pick and choose lol? 

Personally i'll answer everyone who IMs me because I know i'm  puss af when it comes to sending IMs to stranger so I respect anyone who has the courage to do it lol. The only IMs I usually don't respond to are sexual IMs from female avatars because I clearly state in my bio that i'm a gay man.

But if someone IMs you respectfully and you dont answer at all not even a 'sorry im busy right now" or a thank you to a compliment you're rude af in my eyes. You dont have to answer but I dont really understand why anyone would be on SL and be bothered by people talking to them, aint that the point? 

Exactly right? I guess everyone is not in SL for social interactions. Or maybe we're just too new and don't understand. I go through my friend list regularly and purge 'friends' who don't reciprocate too. There should be an acquaintance list I think. I'd like to move friends who are not friendly there ^^

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6 hours ago, MalibuBratz said:

How many IMs do y'all get to be able to pick and choose lol? 

Personally i'll answer everyone who IMs me because I know i'm  puss af when it comes to sending IMs to stranger so I respect anyone who has the courage to do it lol. The only IMs I usually don't respond to are sexual IMs from female avatars because I clearly state in my bio that i'm a gay man.

But if someone IMs you respectfully and you dont answer at all not even a 'sorry im busy right now" or a thank you to a compliment you're rude af in my eyes. You dont have to answer but I dont really understand why anyone would be on SL and be bothered by people talking to them, aint that the point? 

As I said, when I'm at home and get an IM from someone I don't know, I ignore it.  Why?  Because from past experience, they're trolling through some group we have in common, see I'm online and message me.  99.9 % of the time, the IMs were from men looking for a hookup.  Now, I just ignore them all so I don't need to deal with the whining and verbal abuse when I decline their offer for "fun". 

If I'm out and about looking to socialize, I'll respond to IMs from anyone in the same region.  If they aren't there at the same place chances are they are doing the above.

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8 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

As I said, when I'm at home and get an IM from someone I don't know, I ignore it.  Why?  Because from past experience, they're trolling through some group we have in common, see I'm online and message me.  99.9 % of the time, the IMs were from men looking for a hookup.  Now, I just ignore them all so I don't need to deal with the whining and verbal abuse when I decline their offer for "fun". 

If I'm out and about looking to socialize, I'll respond to IMs from anyone in the same region.  If they aren't there at the same place chances are they are doing the above.

Yeah I think it's different if you're clearly not looking to talk (ex : when you're at home, doing a photoshoot, editing your avi...). I'm talking more about those that are in places made to socialize ^^

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8 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

As I said, when I'm at home and get an IM from someone I don't know, I ignore it.  Why?  Because from past experience, they're trolling through some group we have in common, see I'm online and message me.  99.9 % of the time, the IMs were from men looking for a hookup. 

Your estimate is rather low.  100% is much closer I think.

In my experience, everyone who has a non-sexual motive for sending an IM will say what that reason is in their very first contact. Literally everyone does this. It's just basic social skills 101. The ones who just say "hi" or "hi how r u" and nothing else, are 100% looking for hookups because the ones who aren't, have already explained their reason for sending the message at that point.

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