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Inworld random friend requests.


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37 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

I've seen avatars in-world, whose entire Second Life profile is "I don't accept random friend requests." I'm tempted to IM and ask whether random friend requests are really such a huge problem.

I met one who even wrote that she blocks by default those who often use gestures.

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5 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

I think you're missing the point. Random friend requests are not a big deal and they're pretty rare. If you get one, you should be happy. It's like finding a four leaf clover. Why be offended?

Have you noticed who are the people that are disturbed by it and who are the people that aren't? You'll find that the ones who are not disturbed are male, and those who are, are female.

Having a male main and two female alts, I can assure you there is a HUGE difference. On my main account (this one) I will happily accept any friends request and the consequences are insignificant to zero. Most of the time I never hear from them again and I remove them when I've forgotten who they are.  On a female avatar it's a surefire way to receive constant harassment from desperate guys who IM you the minute you log in, wanting to know where you are and what you're doing. And god forbid that you say you're not busy, then they try to pressure you into "coming over for a chat".  They're not using it as a list of actual friends, their using it as an online status checker.

As Maitimo said - 

12 hours ago, Maitimo said:

I find it's usually because you're female and they want to know as soon as you come online so they can add you to their booty-call list.

I have an auto-response on my alts which says something like "This is not my main account, so I don't accept friends requests here, but if we have had an interesting conversation that I enjoyed, I would be happy to friend you from my main account". Funnily enough, that has never happened.

I really need to put the same on my alts... and include my name.

 

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4 hours ago, Lewis Luminos said:

Have you noticed who are the people that are disturbed by it and who are the people that aren't? You'll find that the ones who are not disturbed are male, and those who are, are female.

Having a male main and two female alts, I can assure you there is a HUGE difference. On my main account (this one) I will happily accept any friends request and the consequences are insignificant to zero. Most of the time I never hear from them again and I remove them when I've forgotten who they are.  On a female avatar it's a surefire way to receive constant harassment from desperate guys who IM you the minute you log in, wanting to know where you are and what you're doing. And god forbid that you say you're not busy, then they try to pressure you into "coming over for a chat".  They're not using it as a list of actual friends, their using it as an online status checker.

As Maitimo said - 

I really need to put the same on my alts... and include my name.

 

THIS^^^^^^

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5 hours ago, Tama Suki said:

I met one who even wrote that she blocks by default those who often use gestures.

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Why is that weird? If an avatar is doing something that is impeding my enjoyment in SL like using constant loud, irritating, clog up the local chat gestures why not just block them and move on.  I use gestures rarely but I know some at live music events who constantly use them over and over and over while the performer is singing. VERY RUDE if you ask me. 

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5 hours ago, Tama Suki said:

I met one who even wrote that she blocks by default those who often use gestures.

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Sorry but I mute those people, too.  One gesture, once...no.  If you use gestures constantly instead of just speaking, mute, mute, mute.  

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5 hours ago, Lewis Luminos said:

They're not using it as a list of actual friends, their using it as an online status checker.

It's just a contact list , doesn't have to mean anything same way it doesn't in viber, skype etc. People can always disable the Online status indicator and also create contact groups to categorize their contacts. It really is that simple.

(*Of course nobody wants to add boring people to their contacts i get that.)

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7 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

It's just a contact list , doesn't have to mean anything same way it doesn't in viber, skype etc. People can always disable the Online status indicator and also create contact groups to categorize their contacts. It really is that simple.

(*Of course nobody wants to add boring people to their contacts i get that.)

How would one even know someone is boring if they've never spoken to them?  

My experience with random requests from men is pretty much exactly as @Lewis Luminosdescribed and the reason behind having having friend requests turned off.  Almost without fail in the past, if someone messaged to compliment my avatar and we had a conversation which ended with an accepted friend request, the very next time I log in and they're online, they are immediately in my box wondering what I'm up to.   This is AFTER I've explained that I'd accept the friend request but please don't IM the moment I log in.  

I just effing logged in!  WTF do you think I'm doing?  

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In all seriousness though, unless it's an old friend teasing, there IS something creepy and disconcerting about a random friend request. So is a hello from someone not in the vicinity.

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18 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

In all seriousness though, unless it's an old friend teasing, there IS something creepy and disconcerting about a random friend request. So is a hello from someone not in the vicinity.

Yep, kinda creepy.  Even worse is that hello from someone who said they found my name in a group I belong to.  That just seems really odd to me.

I've had the random hello from someone on Flickr which I don't really mind unless they're only interested in collaborating for an erotic picture.  

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12 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Yep, kinda creepy.  Even worse is that hello from someone who said they found my name in a group I belong to.  That just seems really odd to me.

I've had the random hello from someone on Flickr which I don't really mind unless they're only interested in collaborating for an erotic picture.  

Even worse, I've had unknown people randomly tp to me inside one of my homes!!!. I eject and block them, but not before I make sure they never wan't be within a 1000 sims of me ever again!!!

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1 hour ago, Nick0678 said:

It's just a contact list , doesn't have to mean anything same way it doesn't in viber, skype etc. People can always disable the Online status indicator and also create contact groups to categorize their contacts. It really is that simple.

I treat mine as a contacts list too - my own friends list is full of people I've mainly met through my club. They're not the sort of people I would IM asking to hang out, but I might IM them to let them know of a similar club that might interest them (for example). 

Unfortunately those sex-hungry guys aren't using it that way. They're using it as a rolodex for their booty calls. Setting contact groups doesn't stop the harrassing IMs. Even hiding your online status doesn't help either, they still do it. Remove from friends list, block and mute is the only solution, in which case I may as well never add them as a friend to begin with. Which is why I don't.

If friendship (and not sex) is what they are genuinely interested in, they wouldn't be sending those IMs at all.

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I usually ask for money, but sometimes I have free sex. If they keep annoying me, I just ask them to come shopping. Then they usually say they're broke, and leave me alone.

Everything does depend on where I am an though. If I'm at hooker Hotel as a woman, then I expect that. Or  someplace like Degraded Factory of Pain, as a man, then all the women just message for sex too. 

But if I'm working on my AV, or art, I don't want any suggestive IM's!!!

Edited by Bagnu
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1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

How would one even know someone is boring if they've never spoken to them?  

My experience with random requests from men is pretty much exactly as @Lewis Luminosdescribed and the reason behind having having friend requests turned off.  Almost without fail in the past, if someone messaged to compliment my avatar and we had a conversation which ended with an accepted friend request, the very next time I log in and they're online, they are immediately in my box wondering what I'm up to.   This is AFTER I've explained that I'd accept the friend request but please don't IM the moment I log in.  

I just effing logged in!  WTF do you think I'm doing?  

Yeah i know, they find your avatar attractive/feel lonely/horny/whatever so they send a DM to you or whoever is online.. some women do such stuff too.

There's an easy fix for all that and people may not like to use it but it's there for a reason. That little "eye" icon toggle over there.

Screenshot_2021-12-22_18-09-02.thumb.png.29936917b58aeafcea8c54fdf9fb1d9b.png

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31 minutes ago, Lewis Luminos said:

Unfortunately those sex-hungry guys aren't using it that way. They're using it as a rolodex for their booty calls. Setting contact groups doesn't stop the harrassing IMs. Even hiding your online status doesn't help either, they still do it. Remove from friends list, block and mute is the only solution, in which case I may as well never add them as a friend to begin with. Which is why I don't.

I also use a female avatar and get such DM's and even when i use my male avatar i get similar ones from the opposite gender so not much of a difference, i rarely pay any attention or reply unless i think someone is interesting.

 

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17 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Yeah i know, they find your avatar attractive/feel lonely/horny/whatever so they send a DM to you or whoever is online.. some women do such stuff too.

There's an easy fix for all that and people may not like to use it but it's there for a reason. That little "eye" icon toggle over there.

Screenshot_2021-12-22_18-09-02.thumb.png.29936917b58aeafcea8c54fdf9fb1d9b.png

It's far easier to just not have them on the list.  I get it.  It's called a contact list and people do use it as such.  I use it as a friend list.  For friends, not acquaintances.  

If I have to hide my online status from someone, what's the point of having them on my list?  

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1 hour ago, Nick0678 said:

Yeah i know, they find your avatar attractive/feel lonely/horny/whatever so they send a DM to you or whoever is online.. some women do such stuff too.

There's an easy fix for all that and people may not like to use it but it's there for a reason. That little "eye" icon toggle over there.

Screenshot_2021-12-22_18-09-02.thumb.png.29936917b58aeafcea8c54fdf9fb1d9b.png

OH LORD!. I tried to use that one day. I just wanted to be left alone to sort my inventory and I was RL working too and it so happened that the guy I was seeing *sorta* lived in the same multiscene sim and saw me on Radar. He said "I don't play games and you show offline but I have seen you on radar all day" Then he blocked me. LOL

In hindsight it never would have worked out anyway but do not expect me to answer to anyone what I am doing online. If I want you to know then I will tell you.

Edited by Sam1 Bellisserian
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6 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

I also use a female avatar and get such DM's and even when i use my male avatar i get similar ones from the opposite gender so not much of a difference, i rarely pay any attention or reply unless i think someone is interesting.

 

I've never once had such unsolicited messages from women when on my male avatar. Then again, I'm short and ginger. 

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1 minute ago, Lewis Luminos said:

I've never once had such unsolicited messages from women when on my male avatar. Then again, I'm short and ginger. 

What some of the males I know get are unsolicited messages from some random woman's Mama Allpa.  😅😆

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1 minute ago, Lewis Luminos said:

I've never once had such unsolicited messages from women when on my male avatar. Then again, I'm short and ginger. 

Oh some of them are really nasty and they get really mad too if you won't satisfy them, i can guarantee you that.. (i have posted a couple of convos here at the forum if i remember well)

 

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2 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Why is that weird?

 

2 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

Sorry but I mute those people, too.

Let me explain my point of view on this matter, ladies.
Certainly if a yokel allows himself to disturb a live concert or a poetry singer he should be expelled immediately from the sim and then blocked for life. And it would also be good to be able to report him and tear his soul away from SL. To put an artist in difficulty during his live performance is a mortal sin as far as I'm concerned.
Having said that, I would like to clarify something very important.
Les gestures can be considered 100% a real language with which nuances, meanings and moods can be expressed with a method that is much superior to formal language.
Of course this can only happen among those who have decided to take this path and have decided to dedicate a piece of their soul to this difficult discipline.
Another important aspect of this landscape is the linguistic gap between the different cultures that move in the virtual world.
I'll explain.
As you can see, my English is quite limited, my Japanese even more limited.

When I was born in SL I immediately threw myself into a Japanese sim. JR for accuracy, in those days it was a very lively and interesting sim and always full of people. (what a marvel it was JR!)
Probably some of you have already met some Japanese in SL and know that most of them don't give a damn about being understood by those who don't speak their language.
You also know that translators in SL are more of a harm than a useful thing.
However I took more insults than anything else and worse still the atrocious torture of complete disinterest in me.
But I could not detach myself from that place because I had the intuition that a treasure was buried in those parts and that I only had to stubbornly look for.
Then it came time that a group of Japanese troll thugs hated by all the cute little dolls and who frequented JR often decided to take me with them.
They taught me the honor and discipline of the fine art of trolling. Above all, they taught me their language.
-
Now, let's consider the fact that as far as I'm concerned you can write whatever you like on your profile. The first impression I have of you is your appearance that you decide to have in world (and here i speak about the quality of your avatar and not about your gender), then maybe I open your profile after a chat.
If you don't like the fact that I mostly express myself with gestures, maybe you could just smile and walk away. It's not that I tied your hands and feet to a chair and forced you to listen to my gestures.
I really like going to random sandboxes where you can meet all kinds of people. As I said I am not at all inclined to sex and everything that goes around it, but when I happen to meet an avatar with two disproportionate ***** (I think you know what I'm talking about) I immediately make a joke about her ***** and then we can have fun having some small talk discovering mutual interests or commenting on what happens in the sandbox.
It's simple, life is a very simple thing, just take it the right way:
"Live and let live"

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10 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

He said "I don't play games and you show offline but I have see you on radar all day"

"Well OK enjoy your SL." 

-------------------------------------

Are you sure that was a man, sounds more like a boy.

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