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Does gender matter?


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On 12/21/2021 at 3:56 PM, Maitimo said:

If the preferences of those people are "Your avatar's gender must match your RL gender" then I simply find different people to hang out with.

This.

I still don't know why so many guys (or at least, aliens/dogs/cats playing SL in a male looking avatar) have an issue with a guy playing a female avatar who is honest about it. Platonic or romantic or even sexy.

Says far more about them, and their fears and sexuality, than it does about me.

Like Yuki says right above, I'm only concerned with how you interact and behave in SL. That's a far better judge of the character of the person behind the keys that an avatar's sex/gender/shape.

BTW @Maitimo why have we never said hi in-world?

Edited by Katherine Heartsong
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This is a ... somewhat complicated bit of thread, especially considering there are those like me who treat the avatar as secondary/a window dressing of sorts.

It is the mind/personality behind the avatar I am interacting with, the avatar simply being a rough representation of such. If one is comfortable using a form that does not match their physical self (be it having a different gender expression, being a visually different species and such) then lovely.

I personally utilize an Anthropomorphic avatar - the species varies - most of the time while having it match what I am aiming for: A midway point between Male and Female.

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38 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

This.

I still don't know why so many guys (or at least, aliens/dogs/cats playing SL in a male looking avatar) have an issue with a guy playing a female avatar who is honest about it. Platonic or romantic or even sexy.

Says far more about them, and their fears and sexuality, than it does about me.

Like Yuki says right above, I'm only concerned with how you interact and behave in SL. That's a far better judge of the character of the person behind the keys that an avatar's sex/gender/shape.

BTW @Maitimo why have we never said hi in-world?

I remember when someone on SLFB was absolutely losing it, calling people catfish. When they didn't play as their RL gender. And I mean losing his mind. Lol. I thought it was funny and sad. But at the same time, being trans mtf. Having a female in avatar in SL helps with my dysphoria. It's kinda like dysphoria therapy. Especially since I haven't had my surgeries yet.

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For me it doesn't matter with Gender, I'm bisexual and a female in rl that uses a male avatar / role-play character. I believe I connect with people that I share common interests like movies, video games, tv shows, music etc. Sex isn't a key thing for me in a relationship. I do enjoy having many partners and relationships to find others with the same aspects as I do when forming a bond together. 

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2 minutes ago, MrsSeren said:

I'm bisexual and pansexual, I don't see gender, and I love being with the person they regardless of gender they view themselves as.

I do have one question. How can you be both bi and pan? To my knowledge, bi and pan are two totally different things.

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37 minutes ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

I do have one question. How can you be both bi and pan? To my knowledge, bi and pan are two totally different things.

Wouldn't pansexual encompass bisexual?  Pansexual meaning not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.

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Just now, Rowan Amore said:

Wouldn't pansexual encompass bisexual?  Pansexual meaning not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.

Yes it would be, but still I am confused. How one can be both. 

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Personally, I fine pansexual more accurately describes me, however bisexual presents a more easily understood label without requiring explanation or jokes about cookware.

You can be both pan and bi, in the same way you can be both bi and in a stable monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite gender.

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I don't think anyone can understand the sexual inclination of an account just by looking at the appearance of their avatar, unless this is deliberately manifested in some way.
I think gender can be established immediately, but sexual inclination is something else in my opinion.

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On 12/30/2021 at 3:04 PM, Yuki Suki said:

No, it doesn't matter, at least not to me. What I care most is the way a person interact with me in SL - Are they friendly or not.

 

On 12/30/2021 at 5:50 PM, Katherine Heartsong said:

This.

I still don't know why so many guys (or at least, aliens/dogs/cats playing SL in a male looking avatar) have an issue with a guy playing a female avatar who is honest about it. Platonic or romantic or even sexy.

Says far more about them, and their fears and sexuality, than it does about me.

Like Yuki says right above, I'm only concerned with how you interact and behave in SL. That's a far better judge of the character of the person behind the keys that an avatar's sex/gender/shape.

BTW @Maitimo why have we never said hi in-world?

I have to third this (or these actually). I could want to know everything about someone sometimes based on a purely facile and unfortunately superficial level, but the brakes on that interest are slammed hard if I find out they're cruel, or manipulative, or just unpleasant to be around all the time. (I'm not saying people don't have bad days, just not if you're just always taking them out on me I suppose)

And a lot of the time, that's it. It might not lead to anything romantic (obviously, like that's not always the goal in relationships) but if you're nice, and interested in things (anything at all really), then I always love to talk to you about the things that interest you.

Edited by BranScanlon
you being a general "you" as opposed to a specific you
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55 minutes ago, BranScanlon said:

 

I have to third this (or these actually). I could want to know everything about someone sometimes based on a purely facile and unfortunately superficial level, but the brakes on that interest are slammed hard if I find out they're cruel, or manipulative, or just unpleasant to be around all the time. (I'm not saying people don't have bad days, just not if you're just always taking them out on me I suppose)

And a lot of the time, that's it. It might not lead to anything romantic (obviously, like that's not always the goal in relationships) but if you're nice, and interested in things (anything at all really), then I always love to talk to you about the things that interest you.

Unfortunately your English is not very well translated by Google.
But I understand that it is due to the fact that your language is pleasantly refined.
So forgive me.
In berve I think I can summarize my answer quite trivially.
I don't think SL is a place to bump into any random individual and use it as a shell to empty into my soul.

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16 minutes ago, Tama Suki said:

Unfortunately your English is not very well translated by Google.
But I understand that it is due to the fact that your language is pleasantly refined.
So forgive me.
In berve I think I can summarize my answer quite trivially.
I don't think SL is a place to bump into any random individual and use it as a shell to empty into my soul.

Oh god no, Tama, I don't think so either. But sometimes people feel they have to talk about important things...or they get nervous. And yes, I will ABOLUTELY talk about my interests (and have...sadly at length and over too many posts on these forums (sadly because I keep hitting my post limit early in the day)) but I am not a narcissist. I don't want to "have a conversation" only to meet my own social and psychological needs. I like to share space in conversation with people. Mentioning their interests hopefully gives them the permission ( if they were looking for it) to take up that space

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12 minutes ago, BranScanlon said:

Oh god no, Tama, I don't think so either. But sometimes people feel they have to talk about important things...or they get nervous. And yes, I will ABOLUTELY talk about my interests (and have...sadly at length and over too many posts on these forums (sadly because I keep hitting my post limit early in the day)) but I am not a narcissist. I don't want to "have a conversation" only to meet my own social and psychological needs. I like to share space in conversation with people. Mentioning their interests hopefully gives them the permission ( if they were looking for it) to take up that space

But you see, my dear friend, the important thing is to understand where you are exchanging opinions.
Cultures develop in an environment.
Every once in a while, pop into SLEA5 and look for where Tama rezzed some meshes.
I assure you that something better can develop in those parts.

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16 hours ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

I do have one question. How can you be both bi and pan? To my knowledge, bi and pan are two totally different things.

In my experience with bisexual people I met in life, they been pans like myself. @Rowan Amoresaid it better than I could and they do usually go hand in hand, though not always.

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Gender doesn’t matter to me one bit. Part of Second Life and other online games to me is how it can be a safer way to explore gender expression and identity without getting physically hate crimed. I was able to expolre what made me happy in second life before testing it out in the first one. Which really helps ease anexities around taking that plunge!

Of course it wasn’t  a 1:1 perfect recreation of myself but in second life. But the interaction, testing pronouns, etc went along way in helping me discover myself.

As for others, I don really care what they present as in second life vs first because that is none of my dang business unless we plan on being together in said first life. I will use the pronouns  they want me to use, that's all there is to it.

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5 minutes ago, Robin Kiyori said:

Gender doesn’t matter to me one bit. Part of Second Life and other online games to me is how it can be a safer way to explore gender expression and identity without getting physically hate crimed. I was able to expolre what made me happy in second life before testing it out in the first one. Which really helps ease anexities around taking that plunge!

Of course it wasn’t  a 1:1 perfect recreation of myself but in second life. But the interaction, testing pronouns, etc went along way in helping me discover myself.

As for others, I don really care what they present as in second life vs first because that is none of my dang business unless we plan on being together in said first life. I will use the pronouns  they want me to use, that's all there is to it.

For me it is as I said before, it was like gender dysphoria therapy. I get to be me in a virtual world, when it is hard to be irl. Especially now with covid and it will be harder to get my top and facial surgery.

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I thought about how to answer to this because, in RL i am binary. In SL, i do not care at all who is of which gender and i would never ask .. i also do not really want to know as it would probably irritate me. I take people as people represent themselves and have less problems probably because i do not want to get romantically involved or want SLex. What is important for me is that people present themselves well if they are of another gender ... if you are a guy and want to play a girl in SL, then please just BE what you want to be, and vice versa. 

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