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Does gender matter?


Tama Suki
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I never change my clothes very often.
I've been wearing my avatar for years now, every now and then I add something and every now and then I replace something but always remaining a female-cyborg-android-combat-ninja.
But today I was thinking of an important thing that I never really paid much attention to.
I always wear a female avatar.
Actually I am a stright man in real life.
I don't like anything about sex and pornography and have never looked for anything within that horizon. Of course I don't condemn anyone who deals with those things in a playful way. Everyone can do what they like and if you are a person respectful of my individuality and you don't throw that landscape in my face you can easily be my friend even if in private you have fun with tentacles and weird stuff.
I'm not sure why I like to wear a female avatar.
Perhaps because I find women aesthetically much more beautiful than men not only in physical form but also and above all for the grace of their attitudes in moving.
But I was wondering:
Do you think it is right to always represent yourself to everyone as a woman even if you are not in reality?

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3 minutes ago, Tama Suki said:

Do you think it is right to always represent yourself to everyone as a woman even if you are not in reality?

It's fine. It's one of the things SL is for.

Just try to avoid representing women in negative ways. But I don't have the sense that that's an issue in your case.

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4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

It's fine. It's one of the things SL is for.

Just try to avoid representing women in negative ways. But I don't have the sense that that's an issue in your case.

I think at most someone might think that I am a weird woman with attitudes that might seem aggressive at times and very often silly playful. 😂

 

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Playing around with gender lines and rules is half the fun, if you're worried about misrepresenting yourself or misleading anyone, add a note to the RL bit.

I will say, it's almost impossible to not to end up identifying with your avatar in some way, SL does act very much like a mirror to the soul and sometimes it shows us things we didn't expect or want to consider, which can lead to very real world consequences.

Self exploration and finding out who you are is one of SL's enduring super powers.

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No it doesn't matter, and personally in contrast to the opinion presented that claims doing so can be bad for your mental health, i would suggest it can actually be good for it. Playing as a different gender can broaden your view of others. that is always a healthy thing. Having done this myself for years, I know it has helped me to empethize with women more. Now that i am primarily playing as my actual gender, I have begun to let those people i interacted with in that past life know my actual gender, almost all the responses have been positive, people just don't seem to care as much as we think they do. everyone has secrets, this is just one more secret, it isnt the Holy Grail of secrets. 

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9 hours ago, Tama Suki said:

I never change my clothes very often.
I've been wearing my avatar for years now, every now and then I add something and every now and then I replace something but always remaining a female-cyborg-android-combat-ninja.
But today I was thinking of an important thing that I never really paid much attention to.
I always wear a female avatar.
Actually I am a stright man in real life.
I don't like anything about sex and pornography and have never looked for anything within that horizon. Of course I don't condemn anyone who deals with those things in a playful way. Everyone can do what they like and if you are a person respectful of my individuality and you don't throw that landscape in my face you can easily be my friend even if in private you have fun with tentacles and weird stuff.
I'm not sure why I like to wear a female avatar.
Perhaps because I find women aesthetically much more beautiful than men not only in physical form but also and above all for the grace of their attitudes in moving.
But I was wondering:
Do you think it is right to always represent yourself to everyone as a woman even if you are not in reality?

Never change clothes often?  Oh me!  Why bother, then?  That's half the fun- every time I work on an outfit, Linda Low is singing in my brain on just how enjoyable it is to be a girl.... 

But no it's SL I don't think it's a problem, especially if you're not being picked up by dudes.  It's SL- my first account, when I first joined, at the Social Island for noobs and trolls, I watched a big screen, and Magellan Linden said on the video screen that I could be annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnything I wanted to be.  So I is exactly what I want to be.  For me, since it does include getting eyeballed by guys, I find being a girl with 'extra' to be the best compromise between presentation, and folks getting all up in my RL and butthurt about it.  Not that I ever cared, myself, who is behind an avatar.  I won't get bent out of shape you're not a real cyborg!  Much less what's between your RL legs.  

Seems as if there's two schools of thought- those that think you have to be what you are in the RL- otherwise known as boring; and those like me (and you) who took Magellan Linden at his word, and made ourselves into what we bloody enjoy- I get all the RL I want, in the RL, I don't see no need to drag its sorry ass into the SL.  

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8 minutes ago, Ayeleeon said:

No it doesn't matter, and personally in contrast to the opinion presented that claims doing so can be bad for your mental health, i would suggest it can actually be good for it. Playing as a different gender can broaden your view of others. that is always a healthy thing. Having done this myself for years, I know it has helped me to empethize with women more. Now that i am primarily playing as my actual gender, I have begun to let those people i interacted with in that past life know my actual gender, almost all the responses have been positive, people just don't seem to care as much as we think they do. everyone has secrets, this is just one more secret, it isnt the Holy Grail of secrets. 

But to me it's not a secret thing that would embarrass me in front of my friends or family in real life.
That boy is a very crude novice troll however, he still does not know the etiquette and rules of engagement of the noble art of trolling.

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1 minute ago, Tama Suki said:

But to me it's not a secret thing that would embarrass me in front of my friends or family in real life.
That boy is a very crude novice troll however, he still does not know the etiquette and rules of engagement of the noble art of trolling.

For many it is not a secret, for others it is, all i am saying is that everyone should be allowed to decide for themselves what they choose to reveal about thier real lives, and this includes thier gender, I did not reveal it because i did not want to be percieved as a guy playing a girl. I wanted to be treated the wat a girl would be treated, others choose a different way, We ought not to judge others who choose different ways than our own.

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7 minutes ago, Jessicathenobody said:

Never change clothes often?  Oh me!  Why bother, then?  That's half the fun- every time I work on an outfit, Linda Low is singing in my brain on just how enjoyable it is to be a girl.... 

But no it's SL I don't think it's a problem, especially if you're not being picked up by dudes.  It's SL- my first account, when I first joined, at the Social Island for noobs and trolls, I watched a big screen, and Magellan Linden said on the video screen that I could be annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnything I wanted to be.  So I is exactly what I want to be.  For me, since it does include getting eyeballed by guys, I find being a girl with 'extra' to be the best compromise between presentation, and folks getting all up in my RL and butthurt about it.  Not that I ever cared, myself, who is behind an avatar.  I won't get bent out of shape you're not a real cyborg!  Much less what's between your RL legs.  

Seems as if there's two schools of thought- those that think you have to be what you are in the RL- otherwise known as boring; and those like me (and you) who took Magellan Linden at his word, and made ourselves into what we bloody enjoy- I get all the RL I want, in the RL, I don't see no need to drag its sorry ass into the SL.  

Oh but I often go shopping.
I buy a lot of things, it's just that long ago it was quite difficult to find good quality cyborg accessories. Things have changed since it is possible to import meshes into SL.
But perhaps there is an aspect of SL that is very similar to reality and that is as far as women's clothing is concerned there is much more choice and imagination and freedom in dressing upside down than for men.
Perhaps it is precisely for this reason that I found myself being a woman in SL.

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In my years in SL I have known men who played female avatars to get what they could out of other men (mostly lindens and stuff), or who tricked men into relationships with them and left them broken when the truth about their real gender came out. 

Then there is the example of the two forumites who delighted in broadcasting their love story all over these boards until one decided to come clean about being male, leaving their partner heartbroken and playing the deceived victim card until "she" finally came out as a male too...and who is now pretending that episode of drama never happened and that their time interacting and deceiving people here on the boards was all just a big hoot!

But I have also had many positive experiences too, because some people were honest and straight up with me...and I didn't care less!

So to me, it does matter, because I deserve to know who I am letting into my SLife.  My feelings and friendship is not a joke.

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3 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

In my years in SL I have known men who played female avatars to get what they could out of other men (mostly lindens and stuff), or who tricked men into relationships with them and left them broken when the truth about their real gender came out. 

Then there is the example of the two forumites who delighted in broadcasting their love story all over these boards until one decided to come clean about being male, leaving their partner heartbroken and playing the deceived victim card until "she" finally came out as a male too...and who is now pretending that episode of drama never happened and that their time interacting and deceiving people here on the boards was all just a big hoot!

But I have also had many positive experiences too, because some people were honest and straight up with me...and I didn't care less!

So to me, it does matter, because I deserve to know who I am letting into my SLife.  My feelings and friendship is not a joke.

This is important and I can only agree with you.
But I have never looked for love or sex in sl, at best light-hearted friendship. However, after a few chats with someone I have recently met, I tell them that I am a man.
The problem is that I forget to wear a female avatar, I don't really care.
However surely most men are not attracted to me, they are probably more scared than anything else. 😂

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2 minutes ago, Tama Suki said:

This is important and I can only agree with you.
But I have never looked for love or sex in sl, at best light-hearted friendship. However, after a few chats with someone I have recently met, I tell them that I am a man.
The problem is that I forget to wear a female avatar, I don't really care.
However surely most men are not attracted to me, they are probably more scared than anything else. 😂

Personally, I don't care if you are male, female or a big ginger puddy cat behind your avatar.  But when you start forging relationships (romantic or platonic) with people, I believe they deserve to know.  It's not just your (ie the person playing the differing avatar) mental health in question.  The mental health of the people around you matter too.  We're bound to know at least one person who has been negatively affected by this scenario.

Btw I am speaking in generalities, not aiming these comments at you ( @Tama Suki ) specifically.

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And that's why I present here as a Ladyboy- whatever my appearance in that nasty old RL, up front, you know that 'danglies' are involved.  I could be a girl in the RL- I could be a guy- but assume danglies are involved because I get my jeans from Sensations and they're stuffed and if you get your eyes off my boobies a moment you might notice other things... I'm very upfront about the fact I am here for the SL, this ain't the RL, this is how I present in the SL, if you didn't pay attention to the telltale signs in my britches, or more importantly, my profile!- that only says 'Ladyboy' I don't know how many times- and all the freaky groups I belong to- then I'm sorry I can't be observant for you, you need to start paying attention, if those things matter to you.  I've been 'all girl' before, but yes it seems to inevitably involve deception on a level that doesn't sit well with me, even if, at the same time, I don't feel as if it should matter- it doesn't to me, because what happens in SL, stays in SL for me.  I take you at face value and care not one bit about the RL.  But it's not that way for everyone, and what I am is my compromise to that.

Edited to add, it's much less important for the OP, because 'cyber battle android' that doesn't hang out in meat markets....  it's a non-issue.  But for those of us who are less celibate, well... kinda gets important.

Edited by Jessicathenobody
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My early days in SL it can be said that I was born in a Japanese sim. I don't know if anyone knows JR, now it's a desert but in those days it was a very busy place. Mostly from Japanese of course, but also many Americans and Europeans.
It was a wonder JR!
Never again seen such a lively, fun and interesting place.
I had joined a group of Japanese trolls who immediately gave me some lessons to understand what happens when you think you are smart and want to be a troll with those who have done it long before you 😂
It was they who taught me the refined art of expressing oneself solely with gestures.
Many of them are on my friendlist but haven't been in for years now 😢, however that's another story.
In short, at a certain point the alarm spreads throughout JR that the sim began to be frequented by maniacs who were luring young Japanese girls and offering money to do dirty things! 😵
So since I am a cyborg ninja defense warrior I decided to put a stop to this filthy situation. At all costs I had to defend JR from this oppressive threat.
So I dressed up as a woman for the first time in my Second Life and catch one of those rascals and make them pay for it because they endangered all the cute Japanese dolls to lead them on the road to perdition.
But then I realized that it would be a big nonsense and I gave up.
But I liked the avatar that I had made myself, maybe it is from that moment that I have continued to be a woman in SL.
Anyway, none of you know Japan Resort?
I met two American girls who did security there. I got banned several times but then we became close friends.

japan resort_001.png

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Use whatever type of avatar you like or even multiple avatars just like we do in every other game, there's no Law that forbids it and neither does the TOS.

Who you are, how you use it and why you do that is nobody else's business. (not even Linden Lab as long as you follow the TOS.)

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58 minutes ago, Jessicathenobody said:

And that's why I present here as a Ladyboy- whatever my appearance in that nasty old RL, up front, you know that 'danglies' are involved.  I could be a girl in the RL- I could be a guy- but assume danglies are involved because I get my jeans from Sensations and they're stuffed and if you get your eyes off my boobies a moment you might notice other things... I'm very upfront about the fact I am here for the SL, this ain't the RL, this is how I present in the SL, if you didn't pay attention to the telltale signs in my britches, or more importantly, my profile!- that only says 'Ladyboy' I don't know how many times- and all the freaky groups I belong to- then I'm sorry I can't be observant for you, you need to start paying attention, if those things matter to you.  I've been 'all girl' before, but yes it seems to inevitably involve deception on a level that doesn't sit well with me, even if, at the same time, I don't feel as if it should matter- it doesn't to me, because what happens in SL, stays in SL for me.  I take you at face value and care not one bit about the RL.  But it's not that way for everyone, and what I am is my compromise to that.

Edited to add, it's much less important for the OP, because 'cyber battle android' that doesn't hang out in meat markets....  it's a non-issue.  But for those of us who are less celibate, well... kinda gets important.

You know that using the term 'ladyboy' is kinda offensive, right?  It makes me cringe every time you say it.

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Does gender matter?

That is such an open-ended question that you will get as many answers as there are avatars in SL.

My answer is no.  I don't care how anyone represents.  I don't care if they change forms/genders every day. I don't care if they log in on an alt and don't tell me.  There is nothing I do inworld that would hurt or destroy me in the real world if I found out it was all a lie.  Any friend on my friends list could drop a real-life gender bomb and it would be okay.  I mix SL and RL with several people because I don't lie and have nothing to hide, but I would never expect that from anyone else.  My morals are only mine.  Your SecondLife is your choice and only your choice. I have a male alt who talks to no one and has no friends beyond me so there is no opportunity for anyone to get hurt.

The only thing that matters to me is how another person treats me.  Thats it.  If you're not nice (to me or others), you're not in my life in any meaningful way.

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I'm male in RL and my avatar was male for years, since 2008. I originally switched to a female avatar in 2019 as a way to vastly increase my options for fantasy costumes.  As soon as I switched, it stuck, and my avatar has been feminine-looking (but not actually female) ever since.  I don't think it has affected my perception of my gender identity in any way; I still identify as male and I still don't have any desire to present in any way feminine in RL. 

14 hours ago, Tama Suki said:

I never change my clothes very often.
 

You are missing 99% of the best parts about having a female avatar!

5 hours ago, Ayeleeon said:

 Now that i am primarily playing as my actual gender, I have begun to let those people i interacted with in that past life know my actual gender, almost all the responses have been positive, people just don't seem to care as much as we think they do. everyone has secrets, this is just one more secret, it isnt the Holy Grail of secrets. 

That's been my experience too (except I switched the other way, from RL gender to not-real) - all my friends who knew me before I switched have accepted it just fine. The only people who get miffed about it are those sex-obsessed goons who want to get in my pants. 

4 hours ago, Jessicathenobody said:

And that's why I present here as a Ladyboy- whatever my appearance in that nasty old RL, up front, you know that 'danglies' are involved.  I could be a girl in the RL- I could be a guy- but assume danglies are involved because I get my jeans from Sensations and they're stuffed and if you get your eyes off my boobies a moment you might notice other things... 
 

Yep, I make sure that everyone knows I have "danglies" in both RL and SL. It's a great way to get rid of the people I wouldn't want to talk to anyway. However, the terms "ladyboy" and "shemale" are offensive to the RL trans community so I don't use them. My profile states that I'm not a "chick with a ....", I'm a "dude with boobs".

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1 hour ago, Maitimo said:

You are missing 99% of the best parts about having a female avatar!

I do a lot of shopping, i love shopping, but my accounts are at the best of style so far, so when i buy 20 products it turns out that of those I then discard 18 and only 2 fall within my quality standard and become part of the avatar.
I never change the shape of my body and skin.

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9 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I have known men who played female avatars to get what they could out of other men

So a man creates a fantasy and then sells it to other men, that is a fundamental part of 90 percent of RL advertising. As long as undeliverable RL favors are not included in the package there is nothing wrong with it.

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3 minutes ago, Ayeleeon said:

So a man creates a fantasy and then sells it to other men, that is a fundamental part of 90 percent of RL advertising. As long as undeliverable RL favors are not included in the package there is nothing wrong with it.

But here we are talking about individuals and not about marketers.

 

8 hours ago, Tama Suki said:

But then I realized that it would be a big nonsense and I gave up.

There is a moral even if we are in a virtual world. Fooling others is never right unless you are a specialist doctor referring to hippocrates and dealing with something more important than 5 minutes in SL.

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25 minutes ago, Tama Suki said:

But here we are talking about individuals and not about marketers

Every situation happens because individuals take some action, working for a marketing firm does not make you immune to the responsibility to do what is right. Selling a fantasy is either acceptable or it is not. Who does it does not matter.

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