How do other people react to your avatars?

[Orwar]

6 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

My male friends, on the other hand, receive far more lewd comments from women than I would have guessed.

   One of many reasons I don't usually run about in public much. Both Neph and Mina get out more than Orwar does, mostly for shopping; for the most time, they're left alone, and when someone does send an IM it's usually just to say they're cute or to ask where they got their XYZ (although lewd comments/proposals do occur). Orwar, on the other hand .. Showing up at a club is, on average, as if one were smeared with meat sauce and stumbled into the dog pens. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

In general, the responses I get to my avatar are respectful.  An occasional one which isn't is somewhat expected as I'm usually in adult venues.  One would think I'd receive more but I don't.  My male friends, on the other hand, receive far more lewd comments from women than I would have guessed.  Just an interesting observation from my experience.

Yeah, your mileage may vary, as they say.

I think I noted recently somewhere else here that I've been getting less of the random garbage recently, I think mostly because I've been hanging out in relatively close-knit communities that don't tolerate that kind of thing.

I am surprised, well, at least a little, to hear that your men friends have been targeted. Not that I doubt it -- but what I mostly hear from my male friends is that they get ignored unless they initiate discussion (which is another issue entirely).

Do they find such comments unwelcome? For a variety of reasons, I think women respond differently to, as examples, wolf whistles or random sexy DMs than men would or do. A lot of that has to do with safety, of course.

[Rowan Amore]

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Yeah, your mileage may vary, as they say.

I think I noted recently somewhere else here that I've been getting less of the random garbage recently, I think mostly because I've been hanging out in relatively close-knit communities that don't tolerate that kind of thing.

I am surprised, well, at least a little, to hear that your men friends have been targeted. Not that I doubt it -- but what I mostly hear from my male friends is that they get ignored unless they initiate discussion (which is another issue entirely).

Do they find such comments unwelcome? For a variety of reasons, I think women respond differently to, as examples, wolf whistles or random sexy DMs than men would or do. A lot of that has to do with safety, of course.

They seem to just ignore the lewd comments which then prompts comments on their manhood.  Maybe men and women aren't so different when it comes to rejection.  

I am the one who initiates most conversations with men.  Always respectful, never lewd nor suggestive.  I'd say 1 out of 20 can continue the chat without circling it around to something involving going back to their place where it's more private.  Maybe why your male friends get ignored?  If most conversations end up in the same place, perhaps they've just given up trying?

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

6 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

@Laurel Aureliajust made a really great point about this thread in Discord.

To be clear, this isn't a reflection on what anyone has posted here, nor a criticism of the thread itself, which is pretty harmless fun.

But the experience of women in SL can sometimes be somewhat different than the "gosh you look cool" stuff we're seeing here. And that's a reflection of a larger cultural problem that surrounds how women are read, perceived, and treated generally in public spaces.

Yes, I do get the occasional "your avi looks amazing!" or "where did you get that dress?" -- mostly, but not always, from other women. And those are lovely; I appreciate them because they are not merely flattering, but also respectful, and civil. These are people who treat me as a person deserving of civility, as well as praise.

But what I get more of, pretty much exclusively from men, are the lewd remarks, the come-ons, and the "slaps your a**" type of comment. How I look and dress is too often seen as an invitation for that kind of discourse. Indeed, just being a woman is, for some, justification enough for a crudely sexual and sometimes insulting comment. What is most disturbing is that those sending such missives mostly probably think they are "flattering" me.

I think the same kind of things, with differences, are likely experienced by furries, or those who represent in ways that are not conventionally "attractive."

It's lovely that people are the recipients of flattering and non-sexual or invasive remarks, and it's nice to see those here. But it's important to acknowledge, too, that there are gendered differences in how people are treated in public, and that these reflect some perspectives and beliefs that are pretty toxic.

It is interesting.  I chose to start dressing boring and conservative several years to avoid discussions that make me uncomfortable.  At times I even chose non-human avatars and stopped going to clubs even though I enjoyed the music and light banter in public chat.  I know I didn't have to react that extremely, but I have had much more fun and engaging talks with new people when I am not dressed sexy even when I would have loved to dress in more enticing clothing.  Yes, I believe it is cultural and recognize that I myself obviously hold some of those opinions or I wouldn't hide my cartoon avatar when I would rather not have to think about what I am wearing or how other people perceive it.  I know other opinions should not matter and should be able to feel powerful in my sexuality as a female instead of suppressing it even in a cartoon world where I can just teleport away or log out.

However, I called myself on my own judging just yesterday.  I was shopping and in my tiny petite avatar.  I heard the ding of an IM coming in and panicked when I saw it was a huge, hulking Gorean-looking avatar sending it.  I prepared myself and opened the window.  

Hulk:  "That is a very well put together tiny fae.  Nice job!"

Yeah, that was me judging the other avatar by its looks and assuming I knew the intent before I even looked at the words he sent.  Of course, I thanked him, He was just a nice person complimenting an avatar he saw while shopping.  It turned into a lovely 5 minute exchange that needed no offers of friendship and had no innuendo. 

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

It is interesting.  I chose to start dressing boring and conservative several years to avoid discussions that make me uncomfortable.  At times I even chose non-human avatars and stopped going to clubs even though I enjoyed the music and light banter in public chat.  I know I didn't have to react that extremely, but I have had much more fun and engaging talks with new people when I am not dressed sexy even when I would have loved to dress in more enticing clothing.  Yes, I believe it is cultural and recognize that I myself obviously hold some of those opinions or I wouldn't hide my cartoon avatar when I would rather not have to think about what I am wearing or how other people perceive it.  I know other opinions should not matter and should be able to feel powerful in my sexuality as a female instead of suppressing it even in a cartoon world where I can just teleport away or log out.

Yeah, all of this.

I don't consciously "dress down" when going out, but I do, in general, often tone down the sexiness of some of the outfits I own. The exception is when I know I am going out with one of my men friends, because I know that they won't misread what I'm wearing, and I don't (usually) get approached by other men when I'm with a male friend. So, for instance, when wearing a sweater dress that barely covers my butt, I'll usually add leggings or jeans underneath.

And that's my hangup: there's no reason at all, other than personal preference and taste, why anyone should feel self-conscious, in SL or RL, about how "sexily" they dress. (I've actually almost forced myself to do some "sexy" nudes or semi-nudes in my photography in order to combat my own native, er . . . modesty.)

So much of this is, as you say, cultural -- and contextual. Most of the grosser comments and come-ons I've received have tended to be when I was out in the wild, either exploring or taking a pic. I have a slightly different issue, sometimes, in clubs, but it's not in the same category as these: when I get perfectly civil and polite IMs from men who initiate chats. Mostly these are men who are also looking for hookup, or maybe shopping for a relationship, but they are almost invariably respectful and well-behaved. What usually happens is that the conversation peters out when they realize that I really am not interested in anything more intimate than, perhaps, a dance. And that's a bit disheartening, sometimes, and I can also find it dreary and boring, but it's hardly in any sense at all offensive or obnoxious.

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

However, I called myself on my own judging just yesterday.  I was shopping and in my tiny petite avatar.  I heard the ding of an IM coming in and panicked when I saw it was a huge, hulking Gorean-looking avatar sending it.  I prepared myself and opened the window.  

Hulk:  "That is a very well put together tiny fae.  Nice job!"

Yeah, that was me judging the other avatar by its looks and assuming I knew the intent before I even looked at the words he sent.  Of course, I thanked him, He was just a nice person complimenting an avatar he saw while shopping.  It turned into a lovely 5 minute exchange that needed no offers of friendship and had no innuendo.

For sure. I've been a "lookist" too!

And it's important to again reiterate: this isn't about how "men" behave. It's about particular cultures, or particular contexts.

I met at least three of my reasonably close men friends when they IMed me at clubs. They were charming and sweet and interesting, and we developed a friendship despite the fact that I was uninterested in romance or sex.

Men, as a group, are great. It's particular contexts and cultures that produce toxic behaviours. (And yes, @Orwar, I don't doubt for a moment that that is true of women too.)

Edited November 2, 2021 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Jordyn McGregor]

I would have to leave my sky pad and venture out in public to get a reaction I guess.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

20 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I would have to leave my sky pad and venture out in public to get a reaction I guess.

You know you can do that, AND stand around looking pretty at the same time?

[Jolly Nova]

I’m mostly a human female. I dabble a teeny bit in mermaids, vampires, aliens, and furries. 
 

The fantasy ones get positive compliments in a friendly way and my human gets the lewd ones. All of my shapes are average built, in between curvy and slender. I don’t mind either way, at least someone’s enjoying my expensive looks lol. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Jolly Nova said:

at least someone’s enjoying my expensive looks

I like your attitude. 😄

[JeromFranzic]

I've mostly had good chats with people since I came on board last April, 2021. The closest I've come to being propositioned for s*x was during a recent nap inside an apartment in Hangars Liquides, in my birthday suit* while clutching one of the Linden bears. I initially had a nice chat with someone who thought I rented the place.

When I realized the guy at the other end wanted something more 'sporty' (he wouldn't stop insisting on it, I said no several times, I just wanted a nap alone with my teddy bear), that's when I put my clothes back on, told him it was a nice chat + I needed to go to my RL Bed soon and TP'd myself outta there so quick LOL ... then I logged off after landing at a safe hub.  

*PS I've no problem with people who manage to view me naked in Adult/nudist areas, but that is not an instant invitation for one of the best tag team sports ever... unless I really, REALLY want it (which is code for not yet, chief).

[Nick0678]

Was @ Fameshed for 5-10 mins, another friendly IM as usual.

[BjorJlen]

11 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Was @ Fameshed for 5-10 mins, another friendly IM as usual.

   Ok, now I am going to have to head to that store as well, seeing as I love collecting special effects like that too. Thanks Nick! 👍😁👍

Peace...

[Rumancekk]

'holy ***** you're tall'

(i am hovering a bit here but not too much)

[Orwar]

   Some people:

• "Your avatar is too short!"
• "Your avatar is too pale!
• "Your avatar wears too much black!"

   Me:

[Leahndra]

3 hours ago, Orwar said:

 

THIS made my day 😂

[Freddie Venus]

My avatar is short for a male Avi as everyone else seems giant. Am not boyish looking at all. Probably ridiculously muscular. 

A girl in a club the other day said my shoes were terrible then asked me to dance then said I was handsome then TP away.

Must have been my Old Spice. 

[Nick0678]

Another usual reaction is new folks asking for a few Linden Dollars when my avatar is in human form but i don't mind..  (@Anthem Event)

[Modulated]

A few:

-"Ur creepy"

-"Ur av looks weird"

-"why your av look like that"

Thanks Second Life! 👍

[BjorJlen]

4 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Another usual reaction is new folks asking for a few Linden Dollars when my avatar is in human form but i don't mind..  (@Anthem Event)

   `Holds hand out to a very human looking Nick as he walks past looking oh so rich...'
   "Alms! Alms for the poor for the poor!" 😁

   It does my heart good to see such generosity good sir. Of course you could have given only a dollar, but hey it's something! lol So keep up the good work! As a reward for your good deed, I'll be IM'ing you here very soon to ask you for something as well... 😋

   (Of course, if they knew what you usually looked like, they would probably be giving you $ instead, because after all... Resistance IS futile...! lol)

Peace...

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Another usual reaction is new folks asking for a few Linden Dollars when my avatar is in human form but i don't mind..  (@Anthem Event)

If I tell you how cool you look, and let you screenshot it, will you give me L$10? I have expenses . . .

[Nick0678]

1 minute ago, BjorJlen said:

     It does my heart good to see such generosity good sir. Of course you could have given only a dollar, but hey it's something! lol So keep up the good work! As a reward for your good deed, I'll be IM'ing you here very soon to ask you for something as well... 😋 Peace...

They asked for L$5 , got L$10. Twice the amount , twice the pleasure!

15 minutes ago, BjorJlen said:

  `Holds hand out to a very human looking Nick as he walks past looking oh so rich...'
   "Alms! Alms for the poor for the poor!" 😁

Lucky for me this outfit is the cheap one, she would probably ask me for a loan to if i was with the Cyborg and she was comfortable with it.

(That costs L$5500 without counting mesh head/body)

[Nick0678]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

If I tell you how cool you look, and let you screenshot it, will you give me L$10? I have expenses . . .

C'mon YOU don't need to do that i 'll give you L$20 cause i already like you!

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

C'mon YOU don't need to do that i 'll give you L$20 cause i already like you!

Awwwwwww! I'll pay it forward, I promise!

[BjorJlen]

48 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Awwwwwww! I'll pay it forward, I promise!

      Interesting... I would get details on that and get it in writing if I were you Nick... 

   On second though... Nahhh... Go for it! 😁

Peace...

[GoSpeed Racer]

Generally people have responded positively to my avatar and I receive the ocassional compliment. Male avatars rarely hit on me while it is fairly common for females to. It depends on the venue. I've learned that close proximity elicits more comments than sitting in a corner by myself.