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Why do ppl have the need to lie when isn't even necessary?


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I have some friends that lie constantly about the silliest things. Why do ppl do that? They keep giving excuses why they don't log, or why they are busy etc. If I'm busy I just say so. If I am not able or wanting to log to a specific account I dont go around giving silly excuses. Maybe they do it not to hurt our feelings but after 15 years...do they think that approach still works?. What it does is make ppl feel silly...they dont even have to give me an excuse...who asked you for it? -_-

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   Either they consider the real reason none of your business and substitute it with something else, or they're speaking the truth and you're being paranoid. Does it really matter, though? The point is that they're busy or unable/unwilling to log on, that's all you really need to know.

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If you know they're lying, then you could ask them why they think you need to hear lies, but be prepared for some odd responses.  If you don't know that, then it's probably as you suspect; they want to be polite, or placate you.  For some, it's a normal way to behave, for others it could be a lack of assertiveness.  Accept that some people deal with the world differently. :) 

Edited by Garnet Psaltery
Typo.
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19 hours ago, Adrian Rowley said:

I have some friends that lie constantly about the silliest things. Why do ppl do that? They keep giving excuses why they don't log, or why they are busy etc. If I'm busy I just say so. If I am not able or wanting to log to a specific account I dont go around giving silly excuses. Maybe they do it not to hurt our feelings but after 15 years...do they think that approach still works?. What it does is make ppl feel silly...they dont even have to give me an excuse...who asked you for it? -_-

Defriend - problem solved.

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 It all depends if they not logging on It can be do to first life they got family to take care of , Or they have to work more hours to pay the bills ,  Some people do start over do to something that happen that may happen to them but was not you just they don't wanna hurt anyone but they can't go back to that life what happen to them some people can not all can they may have to start over on another one.  They can't log in because they have an illness they are taking care of might be hard for them. They have taken care of a loved one.   Some people are quiet know one is perfect we are imperfect beauty's just have to take them for who they are be their  for them not force but give them space.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Emz Evergarden
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🧐They will come to you when they are ready, just have a bit of patience  but let them know that you care if they need need a listening ear you sit and listen.  Sometimes no answer is an answer.  A book that helped me to learn to understand things and read people well   (Psychic Intelligence: Tune In and Discover the Power of Your Intuition ) see if they are lying or something is really going on some people do have things go on but not everything can be shared.  But this should only be done for self use done privately not digging fully only for friendship bonds you may not be able to go to the person just say I know what's on. You just need to say just I am empathic I feel everything I kinda know what's going on but I don't wanna scare you but I just want us both to be honest if something going on I am not going to get mad I give you space but I will be here for you when the time is right even if its offline.  If they feel more comfortable making a new account they put themself offline but online for you go to private place and talk to a therapeutic so they can open up more to you. Why I may suggest asking if they make new account this not to make alt but for them to have space from the other one if they had some trauma on that account they need to refresh on this other one so that they feel the trust and slowly to grow more trust over time help them coup just know you going to have to be their more for them.  Tell them you simple care you will take them for who know matter what happens that you will all-way's be here.  Wish you the best of luck. 🙂

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I think everyone is misunderstanding the OP, although it might be me.  As I read it, Adrian seems to be curious why some of his  friends are incapable of simply stating "I'm busy" or "I've been busy" which it seems he finds sufficient and acceptable.  His friends feel compelled to go into detail.  Furthermore he suspects the detail to be fabricated, which I imagine feels a bit insulting.  I believe he's trying to get a handle on people's motivation who behave this way. I encourage the OP to correct any misunderstanding if I'm off base here.

Probably these friends think it should be obvious they've not been online because they are busy,  so inquiring about their absence may put them on the spot. They may struggle to come up with an answer as a  knee jerk reaction to being asked especially if the reason is personal - so they make something up.  You might consider your  conversational style, unintentionally, might make them feel like they are being interrogated.

Edited by Nacy Nightfire
missing word! (as usual...)
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People lie for a variety of reasons. for example, many people lie about their RL or want to portray themselves better than they really are. In such situations I always think "Then you better not say anything, or say that you don't want to talk about it instead of lyingto me." Most people are not stupid, for example if you claim you are a busy doctor in a hospital and have a happy wife and children, but you can be seen hanging out in clubs online 24/7 actively flirting with women, then every idiot knows that your story cannot be true . Sorry.

 

And then there are the people who think they hurt you when they say they don't have time, these people prefer to invent a wild story.

And what I think is really disgusting: People claiming things to get attention and pity. For example, these people claim that they have cancer or lost a baby, they "tried to commit suicide yesterday", all that *****. They take away all of your energy just to feel better.

I started to leave all this people behind and feel a lot better.

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On 9/7/2021 at 5:08 PM, Nacy Nightfire said:

I think everyone is misunderstanding the OP, although it might be me.  As I read it, Adrian seems to be curious why some of his  friends are incapable of simply stating "I'm busy" or "I've been busy" which it seems he finds sufficient and acceptable.  His friends feel compelled to go into detail.  Furthermore he suspects the detail to be fabricated, which I imagine feels a bit insulting.  I believe he's trying to get a handle on people's motivation who behave this way. I encourage the OP to correct any misunderstanding if I'm off base here.

Probably these friends think it should be obvious they've not been online because they are busy,  so inquiring about their absence may put them on the spot. They may struggle to come up with an answer as a  knee jerk reaction to being asked especially if the reason is personal - so they make something up.  You might consider your  conversational style, unintentionally, might make them feel like they are being interrogated.

This was my take as well. I was thinking: You really shouldn't be asking people why they weren't on, because it's none of your business really. Real life stuff comes up, personal stuff comes up...sometimes people just don't want to log on and deal with SL... they may not want to be bothered with you....who knows? But it's clear to me, the people he's dealing with don't feel comfortable discussing that aspect of themselves. Which is fair to me.

The other thing is a lot of people really overreact to little things, especially on SL. Looking at someone....overreaction. No alpha cuts on a body...overreaction. You didn't respond fast enough....overreaction. You didn't log on yesterday...overreaction. I'm not saying OP is that kind of person, but I have seen it enough or had it happen enough to know, people explode over just about anything.

Other than that...I look at it the way @Rowan Amoredoes, people will just lie about anything. So just about anything someone says to me, I take it with a grain of salt.

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People lie.  & something with the anonymous incognito culture of SL when you get tied up in emotional relationships seems to make it so much worse.  I’ve been witness to 2 friends… people faking their RL deaths (only to come back around the same group of friends on alts that were obvious & eventually confessed- one eventually resurrecting the original avi).  Another faked a RL fatal prognosis to explain a temporary ban from SL, only to return on an alt.  I’ve had friends presenting in female Avis that I knew were males (& I don’t care who is behind the screen, if you’re my friend, you’re my friend & I love you- SL is a safe way to explore or just experience what RL refuses to allow).  I’ve had a serious relationship that I was completely open about my RL circumstances & the other party went out of their way to encourage certain reactions & expectations  from me while completely lying about their own RL.  The  impact to me was I don’t want to say catastrophic, but I no longer trust people online.  
 

Why lie?  If someone lies about little things, how can I believe them when they really need me to? (A philosophy I raised my offspring with).  Besides, the truth always finds a way of coming out.  Don’t insult anyone by lying to them, believing they are as dumb as *you* (the liar) is to believe the fib themselves.  

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5 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

People can't handle being lied to yet people can't handle the truth.

   And this is why dogs make better companions than people do. 

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46 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

People can't handle being lied to yet people can't handle the truth.

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He has the best lines ever and says them like no other could.. I love that show..

In fact I've been binge watching it again for the past month or so.. hehehe

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 Depends on the lie and how you react emotionally. If its something they THINK you can't handle and know you will pop off the deep end. They will probably lie to you or withhold information. Now if you want them to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Ask them to do just that... but be prepared for the good , bad and ugly of the truth.

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Well, I appreciate your feelin's and I don't want to pass you by
But I don't ask you 'bout your business, don't ask me about mine, yeah

So, don't ask me no questions and I won't tell you no lies
So, don't ask me 'bout my business and I won't tell you goodbye. Lynyrd Skynyrd

 

 

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