I am completely lost and on the verge of quitting SL

[Prokofy Neva]

17 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

So, a bit of background on my situation. 

In May 2020, I was forced to self-isolate and I ended up spending quite a bit of time exploring Second Life. I came across a sim called Edenvale and met some (what I thought) were really nice people. It was a vibrant sim. There was lots of role-play; people hung out and chatted; and I looked forward to logging in every evening. But at the end of May, somebody created drama and there was an exodus to another sim (called Lake County). Like everyone, I moved to Lake County, and while the first few weeks were good, the sim never really took off and it became boring. Anyway, that sim closed in September 2020, and a few months later I joined a sim called Carroway Heights with some of my friends from Edenvale. 

By way of further detail, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine in January 2021. I felt she wasn't doing her fair share of the work in a hospital we worked at, and the owners were complaining to me. Three days later I find myself banned from that sim. However, I remained friends with the owner, and she had me unbanned a few months later. I was a very good contributor, and was promoted to estate manager a few weeks later. But the people who had be banned never gave me another chance - they tried to undermine me by creating drama and tried to frame me for a virtual secret. It was very hurtful to be treated this way.  

Without going into any further details, Carroway Heights closed in July 2021, and I found myself abandoned. Everyone else went to another sim, which I am banned from (because I had a difference of opinion with the owners). I have had numerous fights with the owners and some of my former friends. I get the sense that some of them revel in the fact that I am alone.  I have been told that nobody likes me and to basically go away, which I am contemplating doing. 

I do love Second Life, and I have some friends, but I am extremely lonely. I had my own land with a medical clinic, but I have decided to give that up as I am tired of logging in every night and being alone. I'm just at the point where I think I will quit. 

I should say, I am not a perfect person. I can be temperamental, and I have struggled with my mental health in recent times. But I don't believe that I should be treated like a pariah. 

Does anyone have any advice? 

Jennifer (katiapfurtscheller)

(Edenvale, May 2020; Lake County, May-September 2020; Carroway Heights, December 20-January 2021; April-July 2021). 

 

 

 

 

People in SL can be so brittle, with the worst of RL cancel culture.

So you could make an alt and try to go back to those places, but they may discover you.

You could just stay on your own account (something I personally recommend doing) and find other communities. I don't have any suggestions because I don't do RP but I would encourage you not to give up. Maybe take a break for awhile, then come back and find a new venue.

[Sid Nagy]

Don't be afraid to step back a little or for a while.
It is only SL.
If you feel seriously stressed about it, it might be a good moment to have a (short) break.
SL should be relaxing, give you joy, a nice way to spend your spare time.
If it isn't, change your SL or let it be (for a while)

Edited September 5, 2021 by Sid Nagy
Small text improvement

[katiapfurtscheller]

I'd like to thank everyone for their kindness. I've hung on for about the past month, though not on as often. 

I have just fallen deeper into a spiral of depression, boredom, and quite frankly despair. So I have given up and today I closed my account, marking the end of my four year Second Life Journey. It pains me to leave but it pains me to stay as well. 

Such is life

Thank you all

In sadness,

Jennifer

 

 

[Zzevir]

56 minutes ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

I'd like to thank everyone for their kindness. I've hung on for about the past month, though not on as often. 

I have just fallen deeper into a spiral of depression, boredom, and quite frankly despair. So I have given up and today I closed my account, marking the end of my four year Second Life Journey. It pains me to leave but it pains me to stay as well. 

Such is life

Thank you all

In sadness,

Jennifer

 

 

You know that you don't need to delete your account. Just don't log in and if you change your mind it will be there. But if you delete it you need to start from scratch. 

Just saying. 

(I also don't login to much but I hang around here.) 

[Maryanne Solo]

Dear Dr Katiafurtscheller,

I prescribe you two chuckles and one nod in agreement. Here's why:
1. I don't even have  doctor in RL🥳😊 but I do understand how intense roleplay can be, which is why I don't do it anymore - ever.
2. Now that you are quite experienced in such rollercoaster rides of emotions - reflect upon it all and why do you think LL charges money to start groups? 😂🤑

3. I found these devastating incidents to be invaluable for use in RL which have enabled me to shore up my defences against career scumbagz who breathe MY air.
We live and learn until we are no more, In all worlds.

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

Drama thread 

[Lindal Kidd]

Jennifer, if you're still reading in this thread, a couple of thoughts:

Roleplay, as Val said, is very prone to cliques, Drama, and mass breakups such as the ones you experienced.  Why not try something other than roleplay?

Try some of the games...maybe something like Get the Freight Out, which lets you explore the grid while competing against others.

Try a service organization. Newbie education places like NCI, Caledon Oxbridge University, and White Tiger Mentors are always looking for people willing to pitch in and help.  It's not roleplay, so there's less Drama (although no group is every totally immune).

Try developing a new skill. Learn to build with prims, or with mesh. You can spend hours at this, and it doesn't depend on other people.  Although you can also join a group for support, such as Blender Benders.

Even if you do decide to step away from SL, there's no need to delete your account. Free Basic accounts can be put on the shelf for months or even years, and you can still come back to where you left off, instead of having to start from scratch.

[archangel969]

I read here so much good advise and I hope it is of some sort of comfort for you. My experience here on the forums is very positive and it's a good thing you came with your problem here. Sometimes residents experience unpleasant things in SL, get bullied or get into conflict with other residents. Then it is nice to know how many sweet good people there are in SL. We are not all nasty bullies. I agree with the advice to broaden your horizons, but also give yourself time to 'grieve' for the things that have happened to you. If you feel it is still bothering you, leave SL for what it is and come back in a few months. With new ideas and meet new residents. Know that there are good people here. You are always welcome at Utrecht Estate, where I live. It is not a community, but just a parcel with a villa surrounded by a small park where you can take a breather. It falls under the SL destinations. Finally, I want to wish you lots of strength. And lots of luck of course!

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by archangel969

[Luna Bliss]

17 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

I have just fallen deeper into a spiral of depression, boredom, and quite frankly despair. So I have given up and today I closed my account, marking the end of my four year Second Life Journey. It pains me to leave but it pains me to stay as well. 

Archangel is right - there really are a lot of nice people in SL and I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet them.

I hope you've decided to leave because it's just too stressful, and that you don't leave feeling like a victim, as the latter would not be good for you at all.

I hate this tendency for groups to find scapegoats during stressful times, but I see it often. Once they identify 'the enemy' they feel much better after removing the perceived threat-- they can then feel like they are the 'good ones' once the imagined 'bad one' is gone, and a sense of temporary peace results where once there was stress.

[katiapfurtscheller]

2 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Archangel is right - there really are a lot of nice people in SL and I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet them.

I hope you've decided to leave because it's just too stressful, and that you don't leave feeling like a victim, as the latter would not be good for you at all.

I hate this tendency for groups to find scapegoats during stressful times, but I see it often. Once they identify 'the enemy' they feel much better after removing the perceived threat-- they can then feel like they are the 'good ones' once the imagined 'bad one' is gone, and a sense of temporary peace results where once there was stress.

Luna, your post is precisely on the money. This is exactly the way I was treated over and over again. 

It made people like X, Y and Z, and all those at ABC  feel good *about themselves* to treat me like a pariah. The first person on that list is very skilled at creating drama but extracting themselves from the situation putting the blame on others. 

So, based on your advice, I have decided that the best revenge is to have a good Second Life. I will not allow these people to define or destroy me. 

I will come out of this better, stronger, and more empathetic. 

Thank you all, and especially Luna, for your advice. 

Jennifer. 

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by katiapfurtscheller

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

Luna, your post is precisely on the money. This is exactly the way I was treated over and over again. 

It made people like [redacted] and all those at [redacted] feel good *about themselves* to treat me like a pariah. The first person on that list is very skilled at creating drama but extracting themselves from the situation putting the blame on others. 

So, based on your advice, I have decided that the best revenge is to have a good Second Life. I will not allow these people to define or destroy me. 

I will come out of this better, stronger, and more empathetic. 

Thank you all, and especially Luna, for your advice. 

Jennifer. 

Yayyyy!   Will be rooting for you...

Edited October 9, 2021 by Quartz Mole

[katiapfurtscheller]

39 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Yayyyy!   Will be rooting for you...

Let me tell you about these people. 

They had been banned from a sim I loved in January 2021. For nothing, due to a personal disagreement. 

Now, normally you might say, a banning is nothing. But this was my main source of interaction during a time in which a family member was extremely ill. During the middle of winter in the middle of a pandemic. 

My only source of joy, my only source of companionship; and they took that away. 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by katiapfurtscheller
Remove names

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Yayyyy!   Will be rooting for you...

Let me tell you about these people. 

They had been banned from a sim I loved in January 2021. For nothing, due to a personal disagreement. 

Now, normally you might say, a banning is nothing. But this was my main source of interaction during a time in which a family member was extremely ill. During the middle of winter in the middle of a pandemic. 

My only source of joy, my only source of companionship; and they took that away. 

I'm sorry that happened to you, and I hope you find better communities, or just dabble a bit in various groups but not become too involved in one (what I've found is the best choice, usually, though do have a committed one in RL I'm fully involved in).

Do be careful about naming and shaming...that's not allowed here....so best remove it so you don't get penalized.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Quartz Mole]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Do be careful about naming and shaming...that's not allowed here....so best remove it so you don't get penalized.

What she said.

[Ted McGregor]

8 minutes ago, Quartz Mole said:

What she said.

Well ... if she said so, shouldn' t she edit the included quote as well ? 

[Luna Bliss]

17 minutes ago, TDD123 said:

Well ... if she said so, shouldn' t she edit the included quote as well ? 

Your concern is admirable, TDD, and I did remove those she named.

[Nika Talaj]

3 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

So, based on your advice, I have decided that the best revenge is to have a good Second Life. I will not allow these people to define or destroy me. 

I will come out of this better, stronger, and more empathetic.

YAY!  I hope you do find a new, better SL.  I've tried roleplay of various types, and discovered two things:

1.  I am not very good at roleplay.  I always chafe at the rules, I get overenthused and do stupid or unreasonably demanding storylines, oh I'm just bad at it.

2.  It is a rare roleplay community that can exist without implosion for years.  RP regions seem to so often attract drama addicts and VERY self-absorbed people.

I prefer SL groups that are organized around an activity where people can take on a role, as if they were a member of a group in RL, without creating a character and backstory etc.  For example, I have always admired the tinies who work on RFL in SL.  They do a lot of volunteer work for a good cause, but being tinies they attack the work with something of the playful, silly, joyousness generally associated with being a tiny.

New Babbage goes on with its steampunk RP year after year.  When I was dipping into their society, I saw that no one took themselves too seriously, and the group seemed to self-organize around steampunk projects as needed.  In between projects, the roleplay could be very light indeed.

Builder's Brewery runs an SL school to teach building skills.  I'm fascinated by how folks who have taken a course will take it more than once, evolving into sort of an unofficial teaching assistant, helping students who are having trouble.  It's sort of a service roleplay, similar to the way folks in forums donate time to the Answers subforum. Do you think that being a 'helper' in SL might scratch some of the same service-oriented itch that roleplaying a physician does?

[Kathlen Onyx]

22 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

I'd like to thank everyone for their kindness. I've hung on for about the past month, though not on as often. 

I have just fallen deeper into a spiral of depression, boredom, and quite frankly despair. So I have given up and today I closed my account, marking the end of my four year Second Life Journey. It pains me to leave but it pains me to stay as well. 

Such is life

Thank you all

In sadness,

Jennifer

 

 

It's a shame that you lost four years of things on an impulsive decision. All that money spent and gone.

[cunomar]

"I'd like to thank everyone for their kindness. I've hung on for about the past month, though not on as often. 

I have just fallen deeper into a spiral of depression, boredom, and quite frankly despair. So I have given up and today I closed my account, marking the end of my four year Second Life Journey. It pains me to leave but it pains me to stay as well. 

Such is life

Thank you all

In sadness,

Jennifer"

 

Bravo Jennifer

Sadly to induce those feelings is the game many people play in sl , the goal is to make people quit so your not the first and won't be the last .

Personally i was too stubborn to be ran off by the limp wrist spineless cowards but the moral high ground just tipped me into a downward spiral of hate .

Took me a very long time to recognize and overcome that but i did only to discover there is nothing on the other side of it . Liking somebody only inclines me to avoid them .

[Nick0678]

On 10/10/2021 at 1:17 AM, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

It's a shame that you lost four years of things on an impulsive decision. All that money spent and gone.

It only takes 1 ticket to support to reactivate an account so actually nothing is lost.

(I reactivated my "main" back in 2015 although it was disabled since 2009. Oh and the inventory was there, i had to delete all those "ancient" stuff. )

[Nika Talaj]

9 minutes ago, cunomar said:

Sadly to induce those feelings is the game many people play in sl , the goal is to make people quit so your not the first and won't be the last .

Personally i was too stubborn to be ran off by the limp wrist spineless cowards but the moral high ground just tipped me into a downward spiral of hate .

Took me a very long time to recognize and overcome that but i did only to discover there is nothing on the other side of it . Liking somebody only inclines me to avoid them .

Has it occurred to you that YOU are playing that game, in this thread, right here, right now?  I'd be willing to bet that you don't mean to, however.

To me, SL has not been the source of continual conflict and despair that you and, in a different way, Jennifer seem to have encountered.  Personally, I don't think it is particularly necessary or admirable to continue in any online community that consistently brings pain.  Jennifer seems to be reaching out to create a happier SL.  But if you don't think any interactions in SL can possibly bring you joy, SHOULD you return to it?

SL is many things, but it is unrealistic to expect that simply being in SL will heal wounds acquired in RL.  I think your intent in posting was a helpful one, but your post strikes me as also a cry for help.  I am worried about you, and I hope you find someone or something that can bring you to a better space.  Peace.

[CoraxCorv]

On 9/4/2021 at 2:05 PM, katiapfurtscheller said:

So, a bit of background on my situation. 

In May 2020, I was forced to self-isolate and I ended up spending quite a bit of time exploring Second Life. I came across a sim called Edenvale and met some (what I thought) were really nice people. It was a vibrant sim. There was lots of role-play; people hung out and chatted; and I looked forward to logging in every evening. But at the end of May, somebody created drama and there was an exodus to another sim (called Lake County). Like everyone, I moved to Lake County, and while the first few weeks were good, the sim never really took off and it became boring. Anyway, that sim closed in September 2020, and a few months later I joined a sim called Carroway Heights with some of my friends from Edenvale. 

By way of further detail, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine in January 2021. I felt she wasn't doing her fair share of the work in a hospital we worked at, and the owners were complaining to me. Three days later I find myself banned from that sim. However, I remained friends with the owner, and she had me unbanned a few months later. I was a very good contributor, and was promoted to estate manager a few weeks later. But the people who had be banned never gave me another chance - they tried to undermine me by creating drama and tried to frame me for a virtual secret. It was very hurtful to be treated this way.  

Without going into any further details, Carroway Heights closed in July 2021, and I found myself abandoned. Everyone else went to another sim, which I am banned from (because I had a difference of opinion with the owners). I have had numerous fights with the owners and some of my former friends. I get the sense that some of them revel in the fact that I am alone.  I have been told that nobody likes me and to basically go away, which I am contemplating doing. 

I do love Second Life, and I have some friends, but I am extremely lonely. I had my own land with a medical clinic, but I have decided to give that up as I am tired of logging in every night and being alone. I'm just at the point where I think I will quit. 

I should say, I am not a perfect person. I can be temperamental, and I have struggled with my mental health in recent times. But I don't believe that I should be treated like a pariah. 

Does anyone have any advice? 

Jennifer (katiapfurtscheller)

(Edenvale, May 2020; Lake County, May-September 2020; Carroway Heights, December 20-January 2021; April-July 2021). 

 

 

 

 

I'm not here to rub salt into a wound, but in 12 years SL I never managed to get banned anywhere besides one single Sandbox (I was bored, OK? And the owner really overreacted xD) or to fight really badly that often. Perhaps you should reconsider your behavior in an argument so that several, individual people don't run away or consider a ban as the only way out of it.

I can really only guess because I don't know you, but my experience with people who always complain about being alone in SL was mostly that they contribute a very big part to it. That doesn't mean that you are generally a bad person, maybe you argue too emotionally, maybe you are very sensitive or you tend to know everything better and annoy people with it. Maybe you are very negative.These are things that can be changed.

 

So I don't really know how to help you besides this and I dont wanna bei an A...hole rn, but If I was you I would probably calm a bit more and go out to meet new people

Edited October 12, 2021 by CoraxCorv

[cunomar]

56 minutes ago, Nika Talaj said:

Has it occurred to you that YOU are playing that game, in this thread, right here, right now?  I'd be willing to bet that you don't mean to, however.

To me, SL has not been the source of continual conflict and despair that you and, in a different way, Jennifer seem to have encountered.  Personally, I don't think it is particularly necessary or admirable to continue in any online community that consistently brings pain.  Jennifer seems to be reaching out to create a happier SL.  But if you don't think any interactions in SL can possibly bring you joy, SHOULD you return to it?

SL is many things, but it is unrealistic to expect that simply being in SL will heal wounds acquired in RL.  I think your intent in posting was a helpful one, but your post strikes me as also a cry for help.  I am worried about you, and I hope you find someone or something that can bring you to a better space.  Peace.

It is "them" usually heard to rue the demise of SL, being too stupid to understand that it's them and their ilk who silenced SL .

Its beyond a doubt these games have consequences, but the offhand dismissal if not outright denial such complaints are typically met with actually empower the sim destroyers .

I like to think everyone enjoys their SL and i do try to myself .

Alone i will never change a thing but if such matters aren't discussed openly then nothing will ever change .

SL does have consequences, so pass it on and maybe somewhere along the line a few stupid people might hear it .

[Sid Nagy]

On 10/10/2021 at 12:17 AM, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

It's a shame that you lost four years of things on an impulsive decision. All that money spent and gone.

If you go out for a fancy dinner once a month, an awful lot of money is gone over the years as well, with very little left to show for other than memories.
Canceling an account and start from scratch again is financially seen basically the same IMHO.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

16 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

If you go out for a fancy dinner once a month, an awful lot of money is gone over the years as well, with very little left to show for other than memories.
Canceling an account and start from scratch again is financially seen basically the same IMHO.

 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that. That might be true in the case of someone that has only been here for a little while but years? Yeah, I'd be throwing away money that I spent for things that I may not be able to replace. My advice to anyone that is thinking of leaving is just don't log in. Don't delete your account or make it permanent.  The OP changed her mind within days of closing her account. I find that a waste. I have heard that LL can recover accounts so that may be an option for her. 

P.S. Sad to say that I've spent way more on SL than a fancy dinner once a month so that might be why I feel the way I do about it.