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Basic SLetiquette Friendship Rules


Prokofy Neva
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On 8/23/2021 at 12:48 AM, Prokofy Neva said:

PS I also don't enjoy watching my avatar dance. Do you? I find it one of the more vapid activities of SL, but what can you do, it's popular. 

Finally someone said it, I cringe when I see avatars dancing, it's silly; I never do it.

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It's good to establish compatibilities with people when you meet them. No friends I'd keep would send a TP without a personal IM asking if I want to go. DJ (hostess) TP's .. yeah no, they aren't looking for friends they are looking for customers.  I don't mind a romantic partner sending an IM right away, but I don't have more than one of those at a time so I think I can handle one IM and tell her I'm trying to sort through what I logged into. A stable person will understand that. Any other IM's I might ignore until I get to them or tell them the same thing briefly.

If I ran a business... I wouldn't keep (real) friends that couldn't understand that time is needed to attend to it.

I really enjoy dancing by the way, my girl and I go out often. The trick is finding places with good realistic dances that can fit the music and not make you look like a flailing clown having seizures. A lot of popular music venues have terrible dance options.

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15 hours ago, SarahThe Wanderer said:

I cringe when I see avatars dancing...

I cringe when I see what I call synchronised skank dancing - scantily clad bimbos all on someone's chim dancing in a line in unison.

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7 hours ago, WillHeers said:

It's good to establish compatibilities with people when you meet them. No friends I'd keep would send a TP without a personal IM asking if I want to go. DJ (hostess) TP's .. yeah no, they aren't looking for friends they are looking for customers.  I don't mind a romantic partner sending an IM right away, but I don't have more than one of those at a time so I think I can handle one IM and tell her I'm trying to sort through what I logged into. A stable person will understand that. Any other IM's I might ignore until I get to them or tell them the same thing briefly.

If I ran a business... I wouldn't keep (real) friends that couldn't understand that time is needed to attend to it.

I really enjoy dancing by the way, my girl and I go out often. The trick is finding places with good realistic dances that can fit the music and not make you look like a flailing clown having seizures. A lot of popular music venues have terrible dance options.

Same here mate. I love to go out dancing. Can't do it in RL these days. The wife and I do it all the time. We wind down and talk about our day while listening some good tunes. Nothing wrong with that at all.👍😎

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11 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I cringe when I see what I call synchronised skank dancing - scantily clad bimbos all on someone's chim dancing in a line in unison.

I'm not a big fan of the synchronized dancing, regardless of how the folks are dressed.  One exception - doing line dances in a country bar.

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My non-negotiable list:

  • When you see me, ask for a hug. I'll never get over the virtual feeling of hugging.  It warms my cheeks and heart in the real world.
  • Send me all the invitations, TPs, or unasked for conversations you would like. I am perfectly at peace with saying no as well as saying yes, It doesn't threaten me and It shouldn't threaten you, and truthfully, sometimes I just need the kind of distraction that a blind TP offers. 
  • If I want to be alone I have three avatars, one of which is a hermit with no friends or groups. So if you see me in-world it's on purpose--please jump in my Lap and say "howdy stranger!"
  • I love dancing in SL. Dance with me! Its not an engagement ring, it's an opportunity to listen to music and connect. The actual animated dancing is tertiary in importance and mostly camouflage for profile surfing, witty banter, and online shopping. Besides, most of the time my cam is focused on the ceiling because...FPS yo!
  • I don't apologize for talking to people I don't know. It sometimes feels like SL is the worlds biggest introvert party where most everybody is afraid to say a word to anybody. Which is also why I always tip a good hostess. A good hostess will not only welcome people to an event they will engage and draw people outside their bastions of comfort. 
  • Speaking of tipping; tip generously. Tip the hostess, tip the DJs, tip the venue. Every linden does make a difference. 

Be friendly peoples, good neighbors, and exceptional finger linguists. We are all RL refugees hiding from tyrannical rule imposing nut jobs in a virtual world that soothes the soul and enlivens the spirit. Revel in this.

Edited by Alma Palmira
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1 hour ago, Alma Palmira said:

My non-negotiable list:

  • When you see me, ask for a hug. I'll never get over the virtual feeling of hugging.  It warms my cheeks and heart in the real world.
  • Send me all the invitations, TPs, or unasked for conversations you would like. I am perfectly at peace with saying no as well as saying yes, It doesn't threaten me and It shouldn't threaten you, and truthfully, sometimes I just need the kind of distraction that a blind TP offers. 
  • If I want to be alone I have three avatars, one of which is a hermit with no friends or groups. So if you see me in-world it's on purpose--please jump in my Lap and say "howdy stranger!"
  • I love dancing in SL. Dance with me! Its not an engagement ring, it's an opportunity to listen to music and connect. The actual animated dancing is tertiary in importance and mostly camouflage for profile surfing, witty banter, and online shopping. Besides, most of the time my cam is focused on the ceiling because...FPS yo!
  • I don't apologize for talking to people I don't know. It sometimes feels like SL is the worlds biggest introvert party where most everybody is afraid to say a word to anybody. Which is also why I always tip a good hostess. A good hostess will not only welcome people to an event they will engage and draw people outside their bastions of comfort. 
  • Speaking of tipping; tip generously. Tip the hostess, tip the DJs, tip the venue. Every linden does make a difference. 

Be friendly peoples, good neighbors, and exceptional finger linguists. We are all RL refugees hiding from tyrannical rule imposing nut jobs in a virtual world that soothes the soul and enlivens the spirit. Revel in this.

I have to say, I love your post.  While I never friend people, that doesn't mean I don't love friends and have quite a few.  They all accepted the fact that I didn't add them and stuck around anyway.  

I talk to people.I don't know ALL the time.  I find a nugget in their profile and off I go.  I've made some of those above friends that way.

The one and only thing I find sad is...I used to love dancing with someone.  Then one day, it seemed to turn into some kind of foreplay for every man who asked me to dance.  No, I don't want you emoting your hands moving over me or you whispering something naughty in my ear.   Just NO.  I don't know you and it was an invitation to dance I accepted not an invitation to be groped.  It's been years since I danced with a partner and now just dance off to the side by myself.  I miss it.

 

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3 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

The one and only thing I find sad is...I used to love dancing with someone.  Then one day, it seemed to turn into some kind of foreplay for every man who asked me to dance.  No, I don't want you emoting your hands moving over me or you whispering something naughty in my ear.   Just NO.  I don't know you and it was an invitation to dance I accepted not an invitation to be groped.  It's been years since I danced with a partner and now just dance off to the side by myself.  I miss it.

 

That's a really good point, it seems that most guys in SL see dancing as an opportunity to be sleazy, and that's why I only dance with my partner or friends. I went to FogBound Blues a while back and there were a lot of women dancing together (synchronised), it's not the same but maybe those sort of venues are something to look into as a change from dancing alone.

5 hours ago, Alma Palmira said:

Which is also why I always tip a good hostess. A good hostess will not only welcome people to an event they will engage and draw people outside their bastions of comfort. 

  • Speaking of tipping; tip generously. Tip the hostess, tip the DJs, tip the venue. Every linden does make a difference. 

 

Where do you find these good hostesses? There are so many venues where I have been sorely tempted to block the host or hostess due to their over exuberance, constantly spamming chat with ASCII nonsense and general nagging. No tip from me for those hosts and it makes me not want to go back.

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14 hours ago, Alma Palmira said:

My non-negotiable list:

  • When you see me, ask for a hug. I'll never get over the virtual feeling of hugging.  It warms my cheeks and heart in the real world.
  • Send me all the invitations, TPs, or unasked for conversations you would like. I am perfectly at peace with saying no as well as saying yes, It doesn't threaten me and It shouldn't threaten you, and truthfully, sometimes I just need the kind of distraction that a blind TP offers. 
  • If I want to be alone I have three avatars, one of which is a hermit with no friends or groups. So if you see me in-world it's on purpose--please jump in my Lap and say "howdy stranger!"
  • I love dancing in SL. Dance with me! Its not an engagement ring, it's an opportunity to listen to music and connect. The actual animated dancing is tertiary in importance and mostly camouflage for profile surfing, witty banter, and online shopping. Besides, most of the time my cam is focused on the ceiling because...FPS yo!
  • I don't apologize for talking to people I don't know. It sometimes feels like SL is the worlds biggest introvert party where most everybody is afraid to say a word to anybody. Which is also why I always tip a good hostess. A good hostess will not only welcome people to an event they will engage and draw people outside their bastions of comfort. 
  • Speaking of tipping; tip generously. Tip the hostess, tip the DJs, tip the venue. Every linden does make a difference. 

Be friendly peoples, good neighbors, and exceptional finger linguists. We are all RL refugees hiding from tyrannical rule imposing nut jobs in a virtual world that soothes the soul and enlivens the spirit. Revel in this.

This is perfect!

And it's exactly what I (and I suspect most others) do when dancing. 

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On 8/25/2021 at 9:04 AM, SarahThe Wanderer said:

Finally someone said it, I cringe when I see avatars dancing, it's silly; I never do it.

Only to those that have the ability to dance in RL. Those that cant, enjoy the virtual dance. 

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There seem to be quite a lot of threads at the moment about judging other peoples appearance and behaviour.

If someone is being annoying, I politely ask them to stop it. Most of the time they do.

But of course that means I dont get to make myself feel better about my own shortcomings by having a good whine about other peoples behaviour in forums :P

 

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17 hours ago, Alma Palmira said:

My non-negotiable list:

  • When you see me, ask for a hug. I'll never get over the virtual feeling of hugging.  It warms my cheeks and heart in the real world.
  • Send me all the invitations, TPs, or unasked for conversations you would like. I am perfectly at peace with saying no as well as saying yes, It doesn't threaten me and It shouldn't threaten you, and truthfully, sometimes I just need the kind of distraction that a blind TP offers. 
  • If I want to be alone I have three avatars, one of which is a hermit with no friends or groups. So if you see me in-world it's on purpose--please jump in my Lap and say "howdy stranger!"
  • I love dancing in SL. Dance with me! Its not an engagement ring, it's an opportunity to listen to music and connect. The actual animated dancing is tertiary in importance and mostly camouflage for profile surfing, witty banter, and online shopping. Besides, most of the time my cam is focused on the ceiling because...FPS yo!
  • I don't apologize for talking to people I don't know. It sometimes feels like SL is the worlds biggest introvert party where most everybody is afraid to say a word to anybody. Which is also why I always tip a good hostess. A good hostess will not only welcome people to an event they will engage and draw people outside their bastions of comfort. 
  • Speaking of tipping; tip generously. Tip the hostess, tip the DJs, tip the venue. Every linden does make a difference. 

Be friendly peoples, good neighbors, and exceptional finger linguists. We are all RL refugees hiding from tyrannical rule imposing nut jobs in a virtual world that soothes the soul and enlivens the spirit. Revel in this.

I love this post and I agree with almost everything in it, except I still dislike unsolicited TP requests from people using their friends list as a pool of customers for their club. I might still go, if I like the club/music, but I won't tip you if you summoned me yourself. 

I love dancing too and I even like to see everyone dancing in sync.  Sadly I don't go clubbing as often as I'd like to because I can't always afford to tip.

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4 hours ago, Maitimo said:

Sadly I don't go clubbing as often as I'd like to because I can't always afford to tip.

I build and occasionally sell stuff. When I have a good month, or if I’ve been consumed with RL work and haven’t logged into SL for a few weeks, I often have plenty of collected linden love to fertilize the economy. But all things being equal, there are weeks sometimes when I’m low on scratch. I often tip generously, but there are times when I don’t tip at all. I can’t speak for all club owners, and I’ve never run a club myself, but my experience doing work with/for a LOT of diverse clubs owners says “please come, regardless of your ability to tip.” I know that in the past simply adding a club to your picks, or upvoting (do people still upvote places?), or inviting friends contributes to a clubs overall health. A simple “thank you” and a smile is a payment we can all use more often. 

Edited by Alma Palmira
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1 hour ago, Alma Palmira said:

. I can’t speak for all club owners, and I’ve never run a club myself, but my experience doing work with/for a LOT of diverse clubs owners says “please come, regardless of your ability to tip.” 

Yes, I agree 100%  👍

It’s a real shame some people avoid all clubs because they’re worried about tipping! There are some amazing places with brilliant staff that I wish people could see…I went to loads of clubs when I had no money and nobody was ever rude if I didn’t tip. I think as long as you’re not demanding lists of songs, you’re fine. Actually, when I was hosting, I only ever heard of one person having a meltdown over not getting enough tips – and everyone thought it was really cringe. So I don’t know where some people got the idea that you HAVE to tip a minimum...? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Having a night with no guests at all feels MUCH worse than a night without any tips (and I had both, lol). One of my best ever tips was when I ended up talking to some guests about skyboxes and one of them gave me a massive folder of textures 😎

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16 hours ago, Alma Palmira said:

I often tip generously, but there are times when I don’t tip at all. I can’t speak for all club owners, and I’ve never run a club myself, but my experience doing work with/for a LOT of diverse clubs owners says “please come, regardless of your ability to tip.” I know that in the past simply adding a club to your picks, or upvoting (do people still upvote places?), or inviting friends contributes to a clubs overall health. A simple “thank you” and a smile is a payment we can all use more often. 

I ran venues twice in my SL. I never thought of tipping as important. It was the gathered people that made the show/performance/set special. I had a few friends IM me to tell me they'd love to come to my venue but couldn't because they couldn't/didn't tip. I would tell them I was happy to have them there and they should never worry about tipping. In time, I learned that if someone wants to attend something, they will, regardless of the tip issue - but some do get hung up over it and there's not much to do but encourage them to step out of their shell. 

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On 8/26/2021 at 6:50 PM, Rowan Amore said:

Then one day, it seemed to turn into some kind of foreplay

Dancing lets you actually have a conversation and get to know a girl while the animations do thier thing. More guys should try it.

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They aren't rules but pouncing on my IM the second I log on is definitely something that doesn't work for me. On the other hand, people who only say hello when you're in the same physical space inworld also strike me as strange. Like, we don't need to be "friends" to chit chat every weekend at the club. Ultimately my filter for friendships comes down to one thing: respect of each others time. When I meet someone and straight away they expect every moment, every time I log on to be all about THEM... that's not for me. There has to be a balance. Also I spend a lot of time "half inworld" so I'm bound to get close other people who do the same, and enjoy that thread of conversation between in-world activities. Then when you DO meet up you know each other better and it grows from there.

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On 8/26/2021 at 4:50 PM, Rowan Amore said:

The one and only thing I find sad is...I used to love dancing with someone.  Then one day, it seemed to turn into some kind of foreplay for every man who asked me to dance.  No, I don't want you emoting your hands moving over me or you whispering something naughty in my ear.   Just NO.  I don't know you and it was an invitation to dance I accepted not an invitation to be groped. 

^^ This.  If one has gotten to know the other person and the relationship is developing, then foreplay on the dance floor can be delightful.  It can even be a bit entertaining if I was just out for a night of random sexual fun.  However, it most definitely should not be assumed that dancing will include anything more intimate than just dancing.  Even in SL.

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Isn't friendship etiquette very subjective? I mean there is no such thing as a tried and true set of standards that works to make friends. I mean sure be nice, but everyone is different and we all do things differently. And I mean putting standards on people about certain things, kinda seems well ridiculous. 

 

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Prokofy's original post was more a list of things you shouldn't do with your friends.

I don't like being messaged when I log in but this is something that's entirely dependent on the nature of the friendship. The only way to really set a boundary is to discuss it with your friend.

I don't like blind teleports either. You should message a person first and let them know where you want to teleport them. Even give them the option to opt out.

I think if you have a DJ friend you should expect them to invite you to their gigs but if they are your friend you should be able to refuse.

I don't like blind friend requests either. Sometimes I accept it to see what the person will do next but I always tend to remove them after a few days if they don't do anything.

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On 8/27/2021 at 5:05 PM, Maitimo said:

I love dancing too and I even like to see everyone dancing in sync.  Sadly I don't go clubbing as often as I'd like to because I can't always afford to tip.

Please don't let that put you off.  As a club owner I would rather see a club full of guests who are enjoying the music, even if they can't tip, than just two or three guests who tip generously. Just tip what you can, when you can, and if that means nothing, then that's fine. 

As for my own "rules of engagement", I don't think I have any in particular. I'm happy to accept friends requests from just about anyone on my main avatar and male alts, though much more cautious on my girl alts, especially if the request is from a guy. I don't mind getting an IM as soon as I log in, as long as you don't mind if it takes me a while to respond. 

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On 8/27/2021 at 4:54 PM, Alma Palmira said:

I build and occasionally sell stuff. When I have a good month, or if I’ve been consumed with RL work and haven’t logged into SL for a few weeks, I often have plenty of collected linden love to fertilize the economy. But all things being equal, there are weeks sometimes when I’m low on scratch. I often tip generously, but there are times when I don’t tip at all. I can’t speak for all club owners, and I’ve never run a club myself, but my experience doing work with/for a LOT of diverse clubs owners says “please come, regardless of your ability to tip.” I know that in the past simply adding a club to your picks, or upvoting (do people still upvote places?), or inviting friends contributes to a clubs overall health. A simple “thank you” and a smile is a payment we can all use more often. 

This.  I own a club along with my husband and one of our friends, and although tips are nice, we'd much rather folks came regardless of their ability to tip :)

Regarding "the friendship rules" I'm horrible at reaching out, which would put me on a level many folks here wouldn't like.  I just always worry that I'm bothering folks or interrupting or whatnot.  It's another reason why folks won't get blind TP offers from me for our club, because... well, you know we own the joint, there's a LM in my profile, we've got a calendar and stuff, so I assume if it's your thing you'll drop by, and if it's not you won't.  No shade if it's the latter; I'm pretty reclusive myself much of the time, so I get the urge to hide/ work on builds/ creative pursuits/ sail/ fish... shoot, I'll even sit on a bench and feed chickens, just because I can.

I need to do better with the reaching out thing though, I can tell; it's not fair to put all the onus for contact on everyone else, plus it's nice to have people to talk to.  I like humans, I'm just somewhat unnerved by them much of the time.  But if anyone wants to drop by and say hi, region links are in my profile.  I tend to be around :)

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