Second Life Lamentation

[Drake1 Nightfire]

1 hour ago, Chroma Starlight said:

I mean, if I had at any point been able to actually just air my side of things and get a disposition, it would have been settled. Yes, that's my need, but I think the need is a universal one, and I can say that to you having gone through it, and how. There is nothing wrong with people having some basic human needs and society meeting those needs as they appear. I feel as if deflection is the exact opposite of what this is, this is engagement. I don't intend to be attached to this issue forever as may have been intended, but I feel like I deserve at least one full articulate response at any point since it happened because something terrible was done to this system, and one has to do something with that energy; transform it, absorb it, something. You can't just strap someone down and waterboard them by preventing some sort of resolution. That'd be like chaining a woman to a desk with her hands just an inch short of a full glass of water and then letting her slowly die of thirst while watching from afar. Ideally your society has a ritual for accommodating the situation; to not have that would be a cruel and slightly unwell approach to community. Here, it was like all my friends boarded a jetliner together and it crashed and killed them all at once. That's a lot of ghosts. And someone understood what they were doing when they designed this adjudication bespoke for me. It's the sort of event that that's so remarkable that it's a story that has to be told at least once. 

 

A disposition on what? Your "friends" ghosting you in SL?

"OMG my friends left SL and i want LL to make them say why they left!!!"

What a pompous arrogant entitled viewpoint on life you have. No one owes you a damn thing. And to be bluntly honest, if how you act in these forums is any indication of your presence in SL, i can tell you why they left... 

[Harper Held]

Well, this is certainly an odd choice of places for OP to cognitively rub one out at, but far be it for me to criticize ...

[Rolig Loon]

52 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

The point is that at any stage in the process I'd have been allowed to state my side fully and aloud.

I really haven't been paying attention, so I have probably missed some key point.  I gather from the first page of this thread that some people who used to be here in SL are not around any more, and you are upset because they didn't tell you that they were leaving?  If that's what this is all about, I don't get it. 

I've changed jobs, moved from state to state, many times in my life, and I have left a lot of people behind.  A lot of people I worked with, went to neighborhood picnics with, babysat kids for ....  I can't recall ever feeling obligated to send each one of them a note to say I was leaving.  I do keep in touch with a few, but surprisingly few, actually.  Lives change, and there aren't enough hours in the day to keep up with people I knew years ago and no longer have much in common with. Especially if they were people I really only knew in one small part of my life.  Should they feel offended because I didn't send a personal good-bye as I followed the moving van out of town?  I sure hope not.

[Silent Mistwalker]

1 hour ago, Chroma Starlight said:

The point isn't that I'd win on popular appeal to the mediator. The point is that at any stage in the process I'd have been allowed to state my side fully and aloud. It seems implausible to say that a process to adjudicate is a fair one if there's nothing on my side of the balance scale of justice to have been considered against whatever they've brought. It doesn't even matter if the evidence is beside the point. If you don't have any point to give testimony about what happened and it's something big, something important to you like your access to your community and all your friends, then you're going to feel like you have endured an injustice, because you have. As a final rhetorical thought: What kind of model society is this that summarily executes longstanding members from amongst its denizens without letting them even speak first before being strapped down to the butcher block?

So I suppose that I would say the symbolism of all this stuff is meaningful, and it applies broadly and deeply to people here whether or not they realize it. I just think that it's a missed opportunity to make our society here more golden by contriving some way to make people listen, and to encourage kind impartiality. 
 

 

If a community decides, as a community, that they don't want you around, guess what? It's time for you to walk away and let it go. 

That person I mentioned, had the same issue. She couldn't walk away after she had been banned, she had to circumvent that ban and go through it all over again. To this day she is repeating the same behavior. She has not only lost her friends online, she has lost her RL friends AND her family. 

If you want to end up like her, alone and miserable, then by all means continue posting as you have been.

[Coffee Pancake]

1 hour ago, Chroma Starlight said:

The point isn't that I'd win on popular appeal to the mediator. The point is that at any stage in the process I'd have been allowed to state my side fully and aloud.

No one has the right (or often the opportunity) to the last word.

That must be taken as que to improve and raise our game for the next time, not dwell and demand everyone be dragged back to the table.

Let it go.

[Rowan Amore]

41 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I really haven't been paying attention, so I have probably missed some key point.  I gather from the first page of this thread that some people who used to be here in SL are not around any more, and you are upset because they didn't tell you that they were leaving?  If that's what this is all about, I don't get it. 

I've changed jobs, moved from state to state, many times in my life, and I have left a lot of people behind.  A lot of people I worked with, went to neighborhood picnics with, babysat kids for ....  I can't recall ever feeling obligated to send each one of them a note to say I was leaving.  I do keep in touch with a few, but surprisingly few, actually.  Lives change, and there aren't enough hours in the day to keep up with people I knew years ago and no longer have much in common with. Especially if they were people I really only knew in one small part of my life.  Should they feel offended because I didn't send a personal good-bye as I followed the moving van out of town?  I sure hope not.

The OP has veered off onto several disjointed topics so it's hard to pay attention.  First, it was people leaving SL without notice.  That morphed into some grand plan (I'm assuming by these same people) to ruin the OP's life/reputation/mental health.  After that, I think (honestly it's hard to follow) it moved to some benevolent panel who will mediate any and all disputes in SL.

Is it Monday yet?

[TrophySpouse]

Chroma, If you want people to be your BFF, then be the kind of BFF people want to be around; that would be a good start.

Why people ghost and how to get over it: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/smarter-living/why-people-ghost-and-how-to-get-over-it.html

 

Edited July 25, 2021 by TrophySpouse

[Madelaine McMasters]

4 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Who? Snugs or Dave?

Mac, the RL emergency backup kid I inherited from my father.

Snugs has a 99 year lease on my attic and loves to glare at me, so she's not going anywhere.

Dave opened a submarine laundry just off the island I share with my partner. He does our laundry for free, but tosses the clean stuff into the palm trees.

[Silent Mistwalker]

14 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Mac, the RL emergency backup kid I inherited from my father.

Snugs has a 99 year lease on my attic and loves to glare at me, so she's not going anywhere.

Dave opened a submarine laundry just off the island I share with my partner. He does our laundry for free, but tosses the clean stuff into the palm trees.

...tosses the lit match into the tank

 

You're welcome.

[Pixie Kobichenko]

Second LIFE.  

Life is a journey full of heartaches & happiness- & not all of it is within our control & sometimes others choices aren’t the ones we’d prefer they make.
For their own reasons that do not require them being answerable to anyone.

Your posts seemingly lack altruism.  
It’s why did no one buy your mesh creations?  Why did your friends leave?  How much you desire to flee to some utopia that doesn’t exist to watch the rest of the world burn.  Life dealt you a crummy hand.  
 

Life is a journey of heartaches- but also- HAPPINESS!  
Life is not always  🌞 🌈  & 🍭 but you can focus on the good.  
Being grateful for something good, no matter how small helps way more than focusing on the bad side of things.& wishing things were different.

 

 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Pixie Kobichenko

[Paul Hexem]

I used to think that online communities/forums that had a way to report users and say "I think this person may harm themselves" or "I think this person needs help" was just a way to secretly harass people.

Now I suddenly see why many of them have it.

[Akane Nacht]

8 hours ago, Bitterthorn said:

If I had agreed to 'moderation' that could have been one more avenue for harassment. I can think of much worse abusers or harassers who would welcome a system like this.

Back when I used to roleplay, some people would use RP moderators for just this purpose - to get round someone who muted them or just didn't like to RP with them. Imagine trying to force someone to roleplay with you.. they tried it! 

IMO, only people bent on harassing or controlling others would welcome such a system for personal disputes. 

[Ceka Cianci]

Myself, I doubt every one of them left at the same time.. It was probably more of a fade away than an exodus I'm guessing..

SL is where a lot of people escape the real world and dream. But sometimes the real world grabs more time than people have  or something comes along that they feel they want or need to spend more of their time on.. Could be a kabillion reasons why someone leaves SL or makes an alt and changes their way or whatever they decided to do or what happened to them or someone close to them.

As Forest Gump once said, it Happens.

Myself, when I think back to a time that i feel was special, it's a good chance I was enjoying it so much that I didn't realize  how special it was going to be at the time. There came a time when I put a timer on everything, because I realized nothing last forever..

I told myself, Enjoy life while it lasts and stop living in the past.

I remember when I made a picture of the words of one of my favorite poets, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez and hung it up in just about every home I've had in SL, just to kind of keep me grounded when I would get too caught up.. Plus I just never got over her passing away..

I still wear a tribute patch under my left eye for her to this day.. Because there is nothing wrong with missing someone or some things.. Just don't let them become an anchor to your ship.

Anyways, I'm probably sounding a little gabby right now, so I'll just play the words and show the picture.. hehehe

 

[Ellie4024]

Soooooo.... I struggled to page four of this-possibly because I am an undiagnosed masochist.... But... What the actual f***? Anyone got a cliff notes? 

I gathered that the OP missed some folks.... But Jesus, 6 pages of "people are gone /ghosted me".... If that's the case I honestly suggest you take a step back and reassess things OP. Talk to a PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR. 

I'm not saying this to be cruel or spiteful at all, I sincerely mean it. 

Also, what did the US ever do to you to cause such animosity? I mean, yeah, our politicians are almost all flaming bags of lying dog crap.... But wow. I hate to break it to you, but that's the case (and often worse) all over the planet. 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Ellie4024
Typos. Brain was smooth

[Annie Nova]

[Annie Nova]

Good lord, if I whine about how many people just walked away from me without a word, or ghosted me or ignored me, I'd be a basket case...oh wait...nvm *winks*

[Love Zhaoying]

12 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

gettin Magically delicious

When did Lucky Charms become the same as Bumping Uglies?

[Love Zhaoying]

On 7/24/2021 at 4:27 AM, Chroma Starlight said:

How can so many people, so many good people, just disappear from reality?

Maybe they dead?

[Ceka Cianci]

11 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

When did Lucky Charms become the same as Bumping Uglies?

When magic was brought up.. hehehe

[Coffee Pancake]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Maybe they dead?

More than a few are, and we will never know.

[cunomar]

19 hours ago, Chroma Starlight said:

If that were true, they would have told me to go in no uncertain terms. It would have been an explicit, open, and unified group message. And I would have left feeling liberated and some sense of closure. But that's not what they did. What they did was lead me on, try to gaslight me, eventually just resorting to empty defamation. All because they didn't want to be guileless, for whatever reason. And I'm still mystified by that to this day. To save three-hundred seconds of awkward formal conversation, they caused years and years of severed relationships and collateral damage and trauma, and they did this at great personal expense it's worth noting. All to save the trouble of simply being honest with an old friend and established member of the community.

If they had asked me to go and I had refused it would have been another matter, but instead it was subterfuge and by the time I realized it was subterfuge, their trap had already sprung shut around me. What a pointless waste of energy. Unless their goal really was hewn from some deep malice against me personally or as part of some class, which came as a shock but seems the most fitting explanation with the facts I have in hand. I supported Snowden and announced my "transition to androgyne" (heh), and apparently the third gender thing was the final straw for someone. Maybe they didn't want me to be visible, I'll suppose I'll never know for sure. 

I empathize with you Chroma and say well done for trying to explain the inexplicable in expectance of the backlash .

I more or less ostracized myself when i lost all faith in everyone sl due to events more than 2 years ago . I don't move much and speak only when spoken to but today i chose to accept a ride from a stranger who immediately began ramming another boat and I am informed that i have been reported to LL and will likely have my account suspended .

This is a very blunt and direct example of all you describe , all i've had to put up with for nearly 3 years . Its like some group have bets on who can make me commit suicide .

Me i just reverted to my rl self , my thoughts are my own and people are a nuisance . Gone is the sl friendly guy who just wanted to have fun , the one more helpful people kept telling i need to stop being everyone's mental health counsellor . It was fun to look for the best i people , to help people find themselves . No lies or promises i was a stepping stone , a toy , a crash test dummy but my commitment would always be to rl alone and i made that clear .

You will drive yourself insane trying to find a reason or a resolution so while ignoring my own advice i would say to you , get back in the game and lend the weight of your moral compass to the balance . Some rights and wrongs are black and white very obvious and its the selfish cowardice of self interest that prevents most from speaking up against the wrongs .

If more would take up that mantle it would be the scum who found themselves ostracized rather than their victims .

[Drake1 Nightfire]

2 hours ago, Coffee Pancake said:

More than a few are, and we will never know.

Perhaps in this instance we will never know. 

In my case the daughter of a dear friend and the son of another informed the friends of their respective mothers in SL of their passing. Which is why I have a pick about the impossibility of separating SL from RL fully. 

[Chroma Starlight]

1 hour ago, cunomar said:

I empathize with you Chroma and say well done for trying to explain the inexplicable in expectance of the backlash .

I more or less ostracized myself when i lost all faith in everyone sl due to events more than 2 years ago . I don't move much and speak only when spoken to but today i chose to accept a ride from a stranger who immediately began ramming another boat and I am informed that i have been reported to LL and will likely have my account suspended .

This is a very blunt and direct example of all you describe , all i've had to put up with for nearly 3 years . Its like some group have bets on who can make me commit suicide .

Me i just reverted to my rl self , my thoughts are my own and people are a nuisance . Gone is the sl friendly guy who just wanted to have fun , the one more helpful people kept telling i need to stop being everyone's mental health counsellor . It was fun to look for the best i people , to help people find themselves . No lies or promises i was a stepping stone , a toy , a crash test dummy but my commitment would always be to rl alone and i made that clear .

You will drive yourself insane trying to find a reason or a resolution so while ignoring my own advice i would say to you , get back in the game and lend the weight of your moral compass to the balance . Some rights and wrongs are black and white very obvious and its the selfish cowardice of self interest that prevents most from speaking up against the wrongs .

If more would take up that mantle it would be the scum who found themselves ostracized rather than their victims .

I feel a lot of what you say.  When we do things long enough, we become them. Anyone who spends too much time in a place like this winds up part of the scenery, it's very fae. 

I don't even know what I'd call this compass; it doesn't appear to work based on some system of morality. It's up at least one frame of reference? Things either harmonize with it or they don't; it's very intuitive. 

I think you're right about not dwelling for too long on these contemplations. Being angry about the state of affairs in society and with culture would be a bit like running outside and yelling angrily at a passing aircraft, even if it is in fact being an utterly obnoxious disturbance. Again. That's just poor energy management.

The most disturbing realization was probably that it wasn't that people just needed better examples and reality checks and then they would get in tune. You can lay it out elaborately, or intuitively, with words, or images, or metaphor even. None of that matters, though, if they aren't spiritually well. The world's been handling an extended spiritual crisis as if it's a political crisis, and so it's little wonder things have been getting worse, not better.  Hopefully enough people will awaken to this new reality in time to position or reposition themselves for it long before that mobility falls out of reach.

 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Chroma Starlight

[kali Wylder]

When I first started reading this thread and saw all the pictures of people from SL, it prompted me to remember all the people from my own SL that are gone.  9 friends on my list will never log in again because they are dead. 

That's less than 5% of the people on my friends list.  At a guess I'd say at least 75% of my friends have left SL for parts unknown to me. Some of them could be dead as well but I just never learned of it. I am still in touch with the rest.  That says more about the fact that I rarely turn down a friendship request or unfriend people once I've added them than it does about anything else. 

But of course we all know that everyone on most friends lists are not real friends.  Real friends are the ones that we become friends with over time with shared experiences, confidences and consolations. 

To the OP:  I don't know you but I know the pain of loneliness that prompted you to start this thread.  It sucks.  I also saw many people telling you that they've heard your story before and that you should get help.  As has been repeated in many posts, this forum is not where you should go to seek that help. If you don't like the way things are, I can tell you this: The only thing you have the power to change is you.

 

 

[Chroma Starlight]

I'm grateful for all the wisdom, tough love, or open scorn each perspective has brought as fitting. It's been a gradual process, I couldn't do it all at once, I couldn't do it without a little help from my friends, I couldn't do it properly without perspectives from our world, here, and there's no way I could have done it without all these voices and all this wisdom you've generously shared here with me. You guys make it real, ground it in just the right way to make it medicine for the soul. I have and will continue to learn from my faults, understand their causes, recognize my own responsibility for the effects that my presence and expression in this world have upon others regardless of what I believe my intent is or the outcome will be. In fact, I now think it's better to go in expecting unexpected things. Also, I'll be mindful, more, if there's only one single practice I take to heart. But I also know now that I'm not completely on my own, and it's almost invariably much better to share than to let things get so bent that it practically would take a ritual to expunge hard spirits. Anyway, it's been a process and a great deal of latitude as well as firmness has been shown here and I'm grateful for our hosts and the world they've brought into being.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Chroma Starlight