Second Life Lamentation

[Amina Sopwith]

36 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

Of course people can and will disappear for all the reasons, including unexpected death, and this happens all the time because people think it can't happen to them until it's too late. They can and will do whatever they want with regard to notification. All a silent disappearance really is is a statement that you were never important enough to be real to them, real enough to treat like the relationship was a real thing too. Or it means they are unexpectedly dead. Who knows? Both have the same outcome, the same pattern, the same abrupt break and then silence. And I suppose that it is also an expression aloud of whatever ethos guides you and your behavior with respect to others when it comes down to what you are expressing from the inside as an agent in life. 

As for safeguards against high-level community organizer misbehavior, well... you know, there's been some time to reflect and there are any number of low-cost common sense things that would have probably helped to prevent or mitigate most of the issues endured.

The first obvious no-no is not allowing adjudication to be handled by involved parties who should recuse themselves on principle for being biased or prejudiced or involved. If this was a Private Island, well, whatever goes, it's the wild west, they own it, it's outer space, have fun because it's all informed consent out there. But on the mainland, things were (and I hope still are) different. We're a funky community of diverse free spirits that are supposed to be living by some ethos of coexistence and mutual respect.

If someone who is a community member in good standing submits a serious allegation against another, there should be at the very least an informal brief chat between them, the other, and a completely uninvolved official mediator who can listen to each side, make a statement about each and then draw some conclusion about what is right or correct from there. If you don't have this basic thing, then what are you supposed to do if suddenly your community of free spirits is having ideological standards applied to it because Snowden dropped and a member who now works for US intelligence is still inexplicably directly involved in this kid-safe transgender-safe community's day-to-day minutia. And now it's a outreach of the US Federal government, like its culture shifted from furry to US Federal Contractor with Clearance. That's screwed up, and you had better at least announce this if you're gonna do it, don't'cha think?

You want the Lindens to get involved when someone decides to stop logging in without notice? And make an official statement on who was right?

[Ceka Cianci]

This thread actually reminded me , I have to seal my work badges before they get worn out..

[Chroma Starlight]

9 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

You want the Lindens to get involved when someone decides to stop logging in without notice? And make an official statement on who was right?

No, I don't. Please, read what I wrote. Though we ought to have some voluntary 'mineshaft canary' system that we can participate in where if we do go dark for more than 6-12 months, maybe it marks us as 'missing.'

[Solar Legion]

Gee, someone bought the marketing hype and drank the kool-aid ......

[Chroma Starlight]

10 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

This thread actually reminded me , I have to seal my work badges before they get worn out..

Oh, perfect, just he thing I need before setting off in my time machine. What memories. 

Here, let me just run this through real fast because I think I donated the ones I had to the cat shelter thrift store.

[Rowan Amore]

17 minutes ago, Tari Landar said:

Every single post you make revolves around you, your desires, your opinions, your wants, your needs, and why no one else anywhere on the planet seems to meet up to those in the way you want them to. Anyone that dares inject their own opinions, thoughts, experiences, must always be wrong because they don't match your ideals, so you seem to have a need to clap back and point out personal flaws you perceive they have (not even always accurately) and attach a universal "you" to things they say or do.

It's a very strange way to behave in a place where you desire there to be community. None of your posts ever come across as someone that actually desires a community, which would involve differing people, experiences, opinions, ideals. I won't make any sort of judgments on you as to why, I can only express how your words come across to me, I suspect I'm not alone in my assessment. But I will say you make it very difficult to communicate with you and connect ideas, and that might be the problem you're running into here, again. 

Maybe you did mean something to those people, and perhaps even still do, but you alienated them to the point that it became intolerable and they had to preserve their own life force by eliminating the problem from the equation. People that make things difficult for others will often find themselves on the outside of things, so to speak. Sometimes they realize that they were/are the problem, sometimes they don't. More often than not, though, they'll still try to play the blame game. It's very difficult to get along with someone like that. I have a very dear friend who often reacts the same way to things. "Why don't I mean enough to you", "why didn't you...", "why won't you", "why can't people", and she rarely ever realizes that she tries to make everything about herself, forgetting that there are others involved and they too have ideas, opinions, desires. I don't believe it's intentional on her part, I believe she's been this way her entire life. I love her dearly, she's a remarkable person, actually. But when she has her moments, people really do have to step back from her, quite often those people step back for a good long while (permanently in some cases). It's because she makes life difficult for others, intentionally or not (my opinion, not, and there are definitely some mental health issues going on, in her case). Sl is not a place she can tolerate for too long, because of her shortcomings in this area. She frequently finds herself on the outs with places and people she had grown close to (sometimes too close too fast, sometimes built up over years). She often finds that she doesn't really fit in to the world around her. Sometimes she tries to adjust her expectations and behaviors to those around her, the world around her really. But other times, it's much easier to blame everyone else for just leaving her, without looking at the reason(s) why. Introspection is hard, it's even harder when you have other issues, such as health issues, to deal with. But not having any is going to make life difficult no matter where you go.  

 

Edited July 24, 2021 by Rowan Amore

[Chroma Starlight]

19 minutes ago, Tari Landar said:

Maybe you did mean something to those people, and perhaps even still do, but you alienated them to the point that it became intolerable and they had to preserve their own life force by eliminating the problem from the equation. 

If that were true, they would have told me to go in no uncertain terms. It would have been an explicit, open, and unified group message. And I would have left feeling liberated and some sense of closure. But that's not what they did. What they did was lead me on, try to gaslight me, eventually just resorting to empty defamation. All because they didn't want to be guileless, for whatever reason. And I'm still mystified by that to this day. To save three-hundred seconds of awkward formal conversation, they caused years and years of severed relationships and collateral damage and trauma, and they did this at great personal expense it's worth noting. All to save the trouble of simply being honest with an old friend and established member of the community.

If they had asked me to go and I had refused it would have been another matter, but instead it was subterfuge and by the time I realized it was subterfuge, their trap had already sprung shut around me. What a pointless waste of energy. Unless their goal really was hewn from some deep malice against me personally or as part of some class, which came as a shock but seems the most fitting explanation with the facts I have in hand. I supported Snowden and announced my "transition to androgyne" (heh), and apparently the third gender thing was the final straw for someone. Maybe they didn't want me to be visible, I'll suppose I'll never know for sure. 

[Alwin Alcott]

9 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

 Maybe they didn't want me to be visible, I'll suppose I'll never know for sure. 

because you keep going going going going... even here on the forums people run ...
also my last one, you'r going  on ignore, have problems enough from my own.

[Rowan Amore]

[Madelaine McMasters]

6 hours ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

... yes, alcohol, please.

Nah, not sure yet whether to drink or to set things on fire. Probably the later.

Noooo, that's my wheelhouse, Lilith!

Since I'm a teetotaler, you can have the alcohol. It's very hard to light anything under 80 proof, so do me that kindness?

[Alwin Alcott]

1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

 It's very hard to light anything under 80 proof

/me hands you

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 hours ago, Chroma Starlight said:

there are no safeguards in Second Life just like there are no safeguards in the United States of America

Here, let me fix that for you so maybe you will understand why no one gives a flying flip you drove others off.

There are no safeguards in life. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. NADA. There is no safe place on the planet. Deal with it or die from it. It's your choice.

[Chroma Starlight]

2 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Noooo, that's my wheelhouse, Lilith!

Since I'm a teetotaler, you can have the alcohol. It's very hard to light anything under 80 proof, so do me that kindness?

[Ayla Nightingale]

Well at least it was fun to see the old pictures, sl hasn't looked like that in such a long time.

[Silent Mistwalker]

6 hours ago, Chroma Starlight said:

If that's the case so universally, why don't we have a culture that acknowledges this reality? Like, it should be considered a faux pas to just disappear without a trace from a years-old close-knit community after such dedicated participation. It makes people wonder if you died or something

In my case, no one will give a damn if I suddenly disappear off the grid. But I don't make thread after thread after post after post whining about it. Learn not to depend on others so much for your own happiness. Your life is what YOU make of it, not what someone else tries to make of it.

[Chroma Starlight]

6 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

In my case, no one will give a damn if I suddenly disappear off the grid.

That's not true! I'd definitely miss you if you disappeared without me.

[Silent Mistwalker]

21 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Noooo, that's my wheelhouse, Lilith!

Since I'm a teetotaler, you can have the alcohol. It's very hard to light anything under 80 proof, so do me that kindness?

*pours an ounce of Absinthe into your fuel tank, lights a match and smiles...

[Rowan Amore]

4 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

 disappeared without me.

And back to you again.

[Silent Mistwalker]

5 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

That's not true! I'd definitely miss you if you disappeared without me.

Yeah right. For about 5 seconds if you ever even notice I stopped posting. You aren't fooling me, just yourself.

[Amina Sopwith]

1 hour ago, Chroma Starlight said:

No, I don't. Please, read what I wrote. Though we ought to have some voluntary 'mineshaft canary' system that we can participate in where if we do go dark for more than 6-12 months, maybe it marks us as 'missing.'

You wrote (among a lot of other stuff):

2 hours ago, Chroma Starlight said:

The first obvious no-no is not allowing adjudication to be handled by involved parties who should recuse themselves on principle for being biased or prejudiced or involved...

If someone who is a community member in good standing submits a serious allegation against another, there should be at the very least an informal brief chat between them, the other, and a completely uninvolved official mediator who can listen to each side, make a statement about each and then draw some conclusion about what is right or correct from there. 

I don't see how this completely uninvolved official mediator could be anyone other than a Linden. Who were you thinking of?

If you want to start a community in which everyone has to supply RL contact details and agree to being contacted that way if they ever decide to stop logging in so that an official mediator can tell them if they were morally justified or not, then by all means start one up.

Let us know how you get on.

[Coffee Pancake]

8 hours ago, Chroma Starlight said:

Where are any of you, today?

No one owes you anything. No one has any obligation to stay your friend forever. People have their own lives and follow their own path, sometimes we're fortunate and get to travel together.

We have all seen people move on. We have all lost people.

THE REST - WE ARE RIGHT HERE.

Edited July 24, 2021 by Coffee Pancake

[Coffee Pancake]

1 hour ago, Solar Legion said:

Gee, someone bought the marketing hype and drank the kool-aid ......

You're damn right we did, and in return SL has been a truly life changing experience.

Sorry yours hasn't lived up to that.

[Chroma Starlight]

1 minute ago, Amina Sopwith said:

I don't see how this completely uninvolved official mediator could be anyone other than a Linden. Who were you thinking of?

It doesn't matter if they're a mutually agreed-upon party, so put it in the terms of service. All disputes must be mediated in-house with a community-trusted neutral party who understands this world and respects it, understand ancient wisdom about how human beings interrelate. None of this slaver classist Royal culture crap.

[Sukubia Scarmon]

45 minutes ago, Chroma Starlight said:

If that were true, they would have told me to go in no uncertain terms. It would have been an explicit, open, and unified group message. And I would have left feeling liberated and some sense of closure. 

No, they would not. You don't seem to have a good grasp of people. Most people dislike conflict. And telling you "yo, can't stand you, imma leave you alone now" would be conflict, because you'd simply not accept that. That much I can tell by this treat alone. 
What you seek is for others to basically say "It's my fault, it was unjust" and that is NEVER gonna happen. You will NEVER get that closure. Because that is not how people work. That's why being able to admit fault is a character stenght, and not just the norm.

I'm gonna be frank with you - I do sympatise with you to some degree, because I see a past version of myself in this. I too had friends - good friends - leave me without ever giving me a reason. And for a very long time, I was very sad and angry about it, because it felt unjust. And just like you, I was like "they could have told me, I'd have understood and accepted it" but the thing is... I wouldn't have. Not if I'm completely honest with myself. I'd have argued, I propably would've begged for them to stay even - I don't do well on lonelyness. And today? I understand that I am a person with baggage, that my own behaviour at time wasn't the best, and I did them wrong just as much as they did me - I know why now, but back then I did not. And how could other people understand me if I cannot understand myself?
I know how it feels to want that closure tho. But again - it's one of the rarest things in life, to be given closure by others. You need to move on, and give yourself the closure you need.

In addition to this, given what else you said about yourself, and your penchant to make things about yourself, I think there are some issues you might want to look into. Because this isn't healthy - you are just isolating yourself this way, which seems to cause you hurt. I don't say that as an attack: please seek therapy. 

[VaelFaye]