Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Ryann Adder

How would you react to finding out your partner is not really the sex of their avatar?

Recommended Posts

I read once about someone who had a partner in SL for years before they found out they weren't really a woman behind a keyboard. Yet they remained partnered to them in SL regardless. That I found very interesting. So I was wondering how most people in SL would react. You'd think that the average person would feel betrayed and break off the relationship. Many might even be repulsed by the idea. But I suppose there are others who figure the emotional bonds they formed are real, and there's no reason to break off the relationship in SL when SL is about being something other than what you are. However, I would be surprised if a lot of people had that response, thus why I'm asking how most people would react.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Randall, although I do find it odd that people have had relationships with someone for years and seem to know so little about them. I also tend to think if a pretence of such magnitude has been held for years, and the "deceived" partner has been happy living in ignorant bliss, then if the big reveal happens, they shouldn't actually be upset or feel betrayed if they intend to remain in SL only, and should just carry on making the most of a wonderful relationship. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't be very happy about it. I guess part of my disappointment would be in realizing that I was a poor judge of character.

The method by which I was to discover or "find out" my partners rl gender identity would influence my reaction. Having another Resident inform me about a Partner's gender would be bad. Being told by a Partner without prompting them to do so would also be bad.

SL is not a dating site, this is not facebook. Do you like him or her, enjoy spending time together? Enjoy it.

Love is a game that you fall into. It is played on a battlefield and the measure for fairness is likened to that of war.

     

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ryann Adder wrote:

 So I was wondering how most people in SL would react.


This scenario just wouldn't happen for me.   I'm not most people, nor have I ever partnered in SL.

Plus, I wouldn't even think of partnering with someone unless there was a real bond...and for me, that could only come from actually knowing the RL person.   That means RL information, RL contacts, having spoken with them, etc.   Otherwise, I only know the avatar character representation, which as we know, may not be the same as the RL person.

I am a RL woman though, and the men in SL that know me well, know that I"m a RL woman...and I know they are RL men.    Pretty much anyone else who falls outside of that category, I just accept at face value for whatever avatar they present. 

 


Ryann Adder wrote:

.... when SL is about being something other than what you are.


That is not true for many people in SL.  There are a lot of people in SL who are representing their RL-selves while in SL.  They have their RL info on their RL tabs of the inworld profiles. 

Many are writers, artists, scientists, and educators who feel comfortable being their RL-selves while in SL.  For these people, SL is not an alternate existence, but merely an extension of their RL existence.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything Celestiall Said ....

Oh, and I'll make it short for everybody to understand:

I get turn on by a doodle in SL; I get turned on by a real doodle in RL.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Ryann. It happened to me several times till now no in my relationships but with friends. After long time they admitted that they are men in real although they had female avatars and everyone arround knew that they are women. I hadn't problem with that really. On the other side i appreciated that those people recognized that they trusted me and they revealed their "secret".

Here is Second Life, no Real Life and with few words i never ask for Real Life when i meet someone. I don't care. I care only for the behavior and the attitude of an avatar in SL. I am bisexual so i love both men and women. On the other side, i understand that it can be an important problem and a cause to break a relationship if the man is straight and realizes suddently that his parther is a man, or the opposite.

Even someone uses microphone, you can't be sure that he is a man or woman when it is so easy in SL for some lindens to change your voice. It is useless for me a man to ask by a girl to use microphone just to prove that she is a female. I stopped many years ago to be suspicious in internet about the sex of the person i speak or hang out with. In conclusion it is something that doesn't annoy me, especially when it is not against the TOS.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i wouldnt go into a partnership if the real life gender was important to me, unless i had solid proof that the person im partnering with is of the gender i prefer, that way i will be safe of finding out that my partner is another gender i dont feel attracted to.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It bears repeating that I consider the best policy to be to assume all other users are 90 year old paraplegic transsexuals who weigh 400 pounds.

It's just a lot easier that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if we find out that the person in rl is not that beautiful, sexy, god/dess of beauty, we can always go for "beauty is on the inside".

i stand by that. internal beauty is where the quality is, external is the advertisment.

imagine you have two cans of tomato soup, one has an extremely well done label, very professional, but it has the worst tomato soup inside, another is made with carefully selected ingredients, prepared by a talented chef, but the label is one of the worst you ever seen, which one would you take home?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Marigold Devin wrote:

I agree with Randall, although I do find it odd that people have had relationships with someone for years and seem to know so little about them. I also tend to think if a pretence of such magnitude has been held for years, and the "deceived" partner has been happy living in ignorant bliss, then if the big reveal happens, they shouldn't actually be upset or feel betrayed if they intend to remain in SL only, and should just carry on making the most of a wonderful relationship. 

Applause. Sometimes, the common sense is the least common of the senses.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How people would feel is utterly irrelevant. If you want to know real life information about someone, look in real life. When you chase a virtual experience, that's all you're entitled to,

Nobody on the internet owes you any real life information. You do not owe anyone on the internet any real life information. If you want real life information, look in real life.

God, how difficult is this to grasp?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is all about trust and honestly that is a thing to tell before getting closer than friends.

Before i would get involved this deep i would have asked this and other questions, that means, telling me later it was a lie ... then it´s a lie - that kills trust.

Maybe it´s because im old and straight, both lifes (the straight part!!) :smileywink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Marigold Devin wrote:

I agree with Randall, although I do find it odd that people have had relationships with someone for years and seem to know so little about them. I also tend to think if a pretence of such magnitude has been held for years, and the "deceived" partner has been happy living in ignorant bliss, then if the big reveal happens, they shouldn't actually be upset or feel betrayed if they intend to remain in SL only, and should just carry on making the most of a wonderful relationship. 

I do tend to find though - that many people who set themselves up in SL as something they are not actually (beyond the obvious gorgeous and young) is that they 'invent' a backstory with so much detail it is quite awesome in it's deceptiveness. Hence if someone I had believed to be male (for instance) in a relationship, and shared many RL thoughts with turned out to be female (for instance) I would find it difficult to believe anything they said ever again - not the best basis for anything really.

Unless of course that is the basis one bases their SL on anyway - in which case no big deal whatever happens.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is a headf*ck really if you think too hard about it. Like a lot of things in SL are really.

I am lucky/unlucky (depending how you view it) that I rarely believe what is put in front of me, especially in SL, but also in RL. I believe Simon Cowell is homosexual, but not yet out of the closet. Time will tell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

With most of the people that I've been dating in SL, it was pretty clear that their biological RL gender was male, despite their female SL avatars. It would actually surprise me if any SL females in the places where I usually hang out were RP'ed by RL women. (Not that it would be an unpleasant surprise).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If a SL relationship with no real phone contact or RL contact has occurred and has lasted years, I'd say that person needs to date in RL.  If it's just a fun partnership on SL, keep it at that and don't get too caught up in a SL partnering.

/me I'm staying a SL widow 'cuz my rl bf doesn't like SL.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

But isn't part of the beauty of SL being able to open up to people who you'd otherwise probably never talk to, without having the slightest clue who they really are in RL?

See I get that - I really do...

Except if all they tell one is lies - is anyone ever really opening up to anyone apart from in an RP fantasy way - which isn't really opening up at all... more or less... I think.

Jesus - this is why I stay single in SL and avoid all the romance/sex stuff, my poor brain would tie itself in knots.

(Works in RL too). :smileyindifferent:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I can remember my exact reaction. It was something like:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"oh sorry sorry babes. I was supposed to fall on my a** or something, wasn't I? brb. Leave the poseballs out!"

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Canoro Philipp wrote:

i wouldnt go into a partnership if the real life gender was important to me, unless i had solid proof that the person im partnering with is of the gender i prefer, that way i will be safe of finding out that my partner is
another gender i dont feel attracted to.

 

Teehee. A concept with which I'm unfamiliar.

As to the OP I have never partnered, and almost certainly will never do so. I'd  never really thought about it but I think one reason for that is the reason Celestiall gave: it would have to involve an RL relationship (and thus all the gender information would be known beforehand) and I've never planned to take anything from SL to RL.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, false RL background stories can be a huge disappointment when the truth comes out. But aside from one relationship in the past, I never have that problem, because I usually don't know any RL details about my SL friends in the first place and never bother to ask. Aside from very general information such as "I live in Masa... Massashu... Massachutes... Vermont and have a Persian cat that looks like Winston Churchill", that is. If people tell me such things unasked, I take them with a truckload of salt. I guess I've reached the point where I simply don't care anymore, since I'll never meet them in RL anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...