about being kissed without giving permission!!

[Rowan Amore]

Any adult club I've ever been to has defined rules about consent as @Solar Legionmentioned.  You can't even simply sit with someone without asking first.  Regardless of whether the one doing the consenting (or not consenting) is male or female, no means no in any reputable SL club. Women, too exhibit this unwanted behavior. 

Unwanted behavior isn't restricted to only adult venues, either.  I've been virtually butt slapped at shopping events.  

Edited May 20, 2021 by Rowan Amore

[Silent Mistwalker]

4 hours ago, Chris Nova said:

I didnt know there was a difference 😬 

HUGE difference.

[usedcars]

Block him and move on

[CaerolleClaudel]

On 5/20/2021 at 3:20 PM, Scylla Rhiadra said:

The idea that things like this only impact on our virtual bodies, and not on the mental and emotional state of our typists, is also more than a bit questionable.

THIS.

Finding this thread quite interesting. As you may remember (if not, no worries), I experienced something that was quite traumatic to me in my first days in SL that haunts me still. The guy who did it laughed at me as I chased him screaming at him, calling me a 'stupid hoe' because it was all just virtual and who cared. No one did or said a thing, and he said if he got banned he would just be back in a week. I did file a complaint but of course unlike RL (where there is hardly any more justice for rape or other sexual assault than in SL, but at least you get to see if the guy got arrested, charged, convicted or whatever, or not), in SL it is all secret in the name of 'privacy' for the offender. Not that *my* privacy mattered when it happened. So these hot takes on how ridiculous feeling violated in SL is really make me shake my head and frown.

[Nalates Urriah]

@Bomba Zanzibar  The idea of putting an invisible cube around yourself has a number of problems. Try experimenting with it. I think you'll find it too annoying to use as a solution.

I think what is happening is there are HUDs that let a griefer target an avatar. They get a popup with avatar names, select one, it grabs the location of the avatar then moves their avatar to a location near you and triggers an animation. There is little you can do about these as they are only controlling the person with the HUD. No action is required on the target avatar's part. Sucks.

About the only thing you can do is move away from them as that leaves them in the last position they saw you. BUT... the more advanced versions FOLLOW you.

The quickest way to out-annoy these people is to video the attack. OBS is a good video capture software to use with SL. Capture 2 or 3 attacks then Abuse Report them referencing the video. It is a pain and tedious. And for serious griefers it takes a number of these before SL will block their IP address.

Your blocking or muting doesn't really help that much. Whatever they are doing everyone that as not blocked them will see.

The simplest is banning them from the parcel/region.

There are other things you can do but most of those, while great fun and supper annoying to the griefer, 🥴 will get you banned.

[Rabid Cheetah]

On 5/20/2021 at 1:23 PM, Scylla Rhiadra said:

you might just as well get off on a video game NPC.

And that's the true heart of the matter:  Treating other really for real people in SL as if they are nothing more than NPC's, just because their avis are on a video game screen.  You are spot on in this conversation. 

Meanwhile, I've learned of the true attitudes of a few people who are now on my list of forum a-holes.  I can't even...I mean, would y'all grab an exotic dancer in real life, then sneer at the bouncer, "what's the big deal?  This is a strip club!  You should expect that kind of behavior in a place like this!"  Obnoxious nonconsensual crap shouldn't be tolerated in any environment.  Women aren't your personal property, even in "just" a game.

As to the non-consensual kissing issue in the beta test of The Sims Online, I was there, too.  So I remember it well.  You initially needed to be very quick at clicking cancel incoming actions or your avi, by default, would accept any action, including making your avi make out with creepy men.  And it was always men.  Doing this to women.  ALWAYS.

I for one am glad that Maxis changed their software to require consent, to click that yes you wanna do an action with someone before the action can proceed.  I'm glad Maxis decided they didn't want to contribute to r-ape culture -- and yes, damn it, there IS a direct correlation between society "not making a big deal" over consent violations in the broader culture and the perpetuation of the "boys will be boys" attitude towards real world sexual assault.

So yes:  What happened to the OP in question IS a big deal.  And she has every right to speak up.  Stop.  Telling.  Women.  To.  Be.  Silent.

 

[FairreLilette]

On 5/19/2021 at 5:20 AM, Bomba Zanzibar said:

I hate that, and my partner too, of course

If it's upsetting you and your partner, you and your partner come first.  You need to make the decision what to do for the sake of you and your partner.  It sounds like it's making them jealous.

 

On 5/19/2021 at 6:53 PM, Chris Nova said:

Authorization? Oh please, this is a virtual world and your avatar is made of pixels....its not real life.

Most things in SL require permission first and I think that's fair.  But, I just wanted to say something real quick because it's a really outrageously silly experience I had in SL.  When I came to SL this third time I came solely to build.  Every once in awhile I'd go to a club though.  One time at a club this female jumps into my IM screaming at me because I'm looking at her boyfriend.  LOL  I will never forget this because if she read my profile it's all about building.  The funny thing is I make avatars too and at that time was making an ancient Albino race with females first but then I wanted to add males, so I was looking at her bf because I was starting to make a male avatar shape for this ancient Albino race.  Talk about an over-reaction from this person of whom her bf, other than a part of his look I might have been interested in at the time, I could have cared less.   And with telling the story, I don't even remember what I was looking at him about.  But, she blew her stack because a builder of avatars was looking at her bf.

Edited May 27, 2021 by FairreLilette

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

Stop.  Telling.  Women.  To.  Be.  Silent.

Thank you. For choosing not to be.

[Bomba Zanzibar]

Sam, where did you see I refuse to use those tools? I only said, if I mute him , I will not see him doing so, but others will! and its not me to feel guilty about that!

I know perfectly, believe me, what is being raped in RL! (sorry not to use caps).. I dont think I over react about that problem, some did for me.... everything is ok now, the problem, if it is a problem, is solved. he stopped. And again I thank all the friendly people who understood what I meant..

[Jax Leeder]

I am a somewhat insecure person and sometimes people say and/or do things which do upset or offend me.

However I am also an adult and use the block or derender to solve my immediate issues thus starving these people of the attention that they seek. If only more people did this then there might be less of these threads.

[Harley Linden]

Hi folks! Well, this got quite out there.

Please keep in mind while posting in the forums that they are never the appropriate place to air your personal grievances, big or small. We would hope that you drop them entirely, but if you must, please take it to PMs within the Forums or IMs in Second Life.

We also ask that you keep your posts directly relevant to the original topic of the thread.

Finally, keep your postings rated G, for General. If you need a refresher of what this means, please review the Maturity Guidelines.

As always, the Community Participation Guidelines are available here: https://community.secondlife.com/forums/topic/403538-community-participation-guidelines/

Carry on, but please play nice.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

13 hours ago, FairreLilette said:

If it's upsetting you and your partner, you and your partner come first.  You need to make the decision what to do for the sake of you and your partner.  It sounds like it's making them jealous.

 

Most things in SL require permission first and I think that's fair.  But, I just wanted to say something real quick because it's a really outrageously silly experience I had in SL.  When I came to SL this third time I came solely to build.  Every once in awhile I'd go to a club though.  One time at a club this female jumps into my IM screaming at me because I'm looking at her boyfriend.  LOL  I will never forget this because if she read my profile it's all about building.  The funny thing is I make avatars too and at that time was making an ancient Albino race with females first but then I wanted to add males, so I was looking at her bf because I was starting to make a male avatar shape for this ancient Albino race.  Talk about an over-reaction from this person of whom her bf, other than a part of his look I might have been interested in at the time, I could have cared less.   And with telling the story, I don't even remember what I was looking at him about.  But, she blew her stack because a builder of avatars was looking at her bf.

A similar thing happened to me as well. I was very new, maybe 6 months and had reinstalled FS to the new version and didn't realize that my crosshairs were enabled or even that people could see I was looking at them.  I was at a club and I didn't have many outfits and hadn't found the handy, dandy "what is she wearing" HUD yet so I was looking at her outfit close up.  This girl made a huge fuss in local chat about how I was all up in her space (I was across the room) She caused such a ruckus she was asked to leave.  It was a long time before I went back to that club. lol

 

[Ardy Lay]

27 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

A similar thing happened to me as well. I was very new, maybe 6 months and had reinstalled FS to the new version and didn't realize that my crosshairs were enabled or even that people could see I was looking at them.  I was at a club and I didn't have many outfits and hadn't found the handy, dandy "what is she wearing" HUD yet so I was looking at her outfit close up.  This girl made a huge fuss in local chat about how I was all up in her space (I was across the room) She caused such a ruckus she was asked to leave.  It was a long time before I went back to that club. lol

 

I think the important learning point here is that the person you were looking at from across the room that made a fuss about it was asked to leave and you were not.  Too bad this event somehow kept you from enjoying the club.

[Racheal Rexen]

When I used to work at clubs, I would sometimes be harass by men that won't take no for answer, I used to turn my avi to something big and ugly, that would scare them off

[FairreLilette]

3 hours ago, Ardy Lay said:

I think the important learning point here is that the person you were looking at from across the room that made a fuss about it was asked to leave and you were not.  Too bad this event somehow kept you from enjoying the club.

Yeah, that's true.  Too bad she couldn't still enjoy the club.  I've been going to the same club off and on for many, many years so the "crazy girlfriend" didn't scare me away even when she didn't believe me that I make avatars.  LOL   Also, the girl is lucky people who make avatars do look at avatars or else she might not have an avatar boyfriend at all.  LOL  Making avatars can really make you somewhat a non-immersionist; I know it did me.  But, I also respect immersionists who see their avatar as an extension of themselves while I might see a piece of computer art instead.