about being kissed without giving permission!!

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Absolutely she should use the tools at her disposal -- just as we should lock our front doors if we leave the house. But the fact that I might forget to lock it doesn't make the thief who takes advantage any less of a thief. The guy is a jerk. Block him!

But he's still a jerk.

3 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Satyr is a club dedicated to Libertines, Fetishists, BDSM individuals, for open minded thinkers.

None of these things preclude being civil and obtaining consent

In fact, BDSM is built upon the cornerstone of consent. A Dom/me who doesn't obtain it before engaging in something like this is a crappy Dom/me who doesn't understand the principles of the Lifestyle.

[Rowan Amore]

It's that you both said she somehow doesn't have the right to be offended that is bothersome and telling.

[Chris Corvinus]

8 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

It's that you both said she somehow doesn't have the right to be offended that is bothersome and telling.

Nobody is saying she doesnt have the right to be offended. People can be offended as much as they want over anything they want but they still need to utilize the tools given to them to deal with unwanted behaviors like that.

Also, BDSM in SL is a joke.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Chris Nova said:

Nobody is saying she doesnt have the right to be offended.

Sorry, Chris, but that's pretty much exactly what you were saying. Your contempt of anyone with the temerity to "complain" about obnoxious and anti-social behavior is pretty clearly implied:

17 hours ago, Chris Nova said:

If your avatar is not being affected....why are you complaining?

The idea that things like this only impact on our virtual bodies, and not on the mental and emotional state of our typists, is also more than a bit questionable.

 

4 minutes ago, Chris Nova said:

Also, BDSM in SL is a joke.

Possibly so. I've heard others say this as well. But I'm not sure of its relevance.

 

 

[Rowan Amore]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Sorry, Chris, but that's pretty much exactly what you were saying. Your contempt of anyone with the temerity to "complain" about obnoxious and anti-social behavior is pretty clearly implied:

The idea that things like this only impact on our virtual bodies, and not on the mental and emotional state of our typists, is also more than a bit questionable.

 

Possibly so. I've heard others say this as well. But I'm not sure of its relevance.

 

 

You beat me to it!  Thank you.

[Bomba Zanzibar]

Scylla, thank you so much..

I was feeling would be the last time I write here, but you helped me a lot

DJing at the Satyr or in another place, the problem is not the place, its him...

Satyr is the best place I ever dj since years, and the opinion of some people about BDSM, its their opinion, I go there to work.

I 'll block him, but others will still see him hugging or kissing me. we decided, first try, ejected, 2nd try banned!

thank you really for your help. I will remember some very friendly people here :-),

 

Edited May 20, 2021 by Bomba Zanzibar
mistake in a word

[Chris Corvinus]

4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

The idea that things like this only impact on our virtual bodies, and not on the mental and emotional state of our typists, is also more than a bit questionable.

Thats why the block function exists. Its really a simple solution for annoyance. Yeah, I came off a bit strong since the solution is literally right there. Ones peace of mind and mental health is extremely important so knowing to utilize that basic feature is also important for ones mental health.

[Chris Corvinus]

3 minutes ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

Scylla, thank you so much..

I was feeling would be the last time I write here, but you helped me a lot

DJing at the Satyr or in another place, the problem is not the place, its him...

Satyr is the best place I ever dj since years, and the opinion of some people about BDSM, its their opinion, I go there to work.

I 'll block him, but others will still see him hugging or kissing me. we decided, first try, ejected, 2nd try banned!

thank you really for your help. I will remember some very friendly people here :-),

 

I will apologize for coming off so strongly. If it affects you having others seeing him doing that, I would simply ban him since you have that option. Also, he laughed so he is probably a troll and having him there will just encourage him to continue his behaviour.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Chris Nova said:

Thats why the block function exists. Its really a simple solution for annoyance. Yeah, I came off a bit strong since the solution is literally right there. Ones peace of mind and mental health is extremely important so knowing to utilize that basic feature is also important for ones mental health.

Again . . . yes, use the block function. (Although personally I prefer to think of such instances as a sort of, slightly rough-around-the-edges "learning opportunity" for the butt slapper. I DO enjoy education, don't you?)

One thing you're ignoring, however, is that the block function can only be employed after the fact. It will prevent future offensives, but it doesn't erase the behavior that provoked it. And that behavior is still obnoxious, and not less so because I have the means to prevent its repetition.

And actually, what's more, it doesn't actually prevent it -- it merely shields me from it. Blocking someone doesn't render ME invisible to them -- they can continue to "kiss" or "butt slap" to their heart's content, often in public with other people as witnesses. The best I can hope for to prevent that is requesting that the landowner ban the person.

So the block function is really kind of band aid that doesn't address the behavior. It merely hides it from me. (And only me.)

[Kathlen Onyx]

30 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But he's still a jerk.

None of these things preclude being civil and obtaining consent

In fact, BDSM is built upon the cornerstone of consent. A Dom/me who doesn't obtain it before engaging in something like this is a crappy Dom/me who doesn't understand the principles of the Lifestyle.

Of course he's a jerk. He displayed that by laughing at her after she asked him not to do it.

The facts are that there a jerks in abundance in SL. If this were a new avatar I would give more leeway but this avatar has been in SL for over 12 years and DJ's at a fetish and sexual explicit club.  This did not happen in a G-rated region.  Situations like this are why the tools we have are available.  

37 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

It's that you both said she somehow doesn't have the right to be offended that is bothersome and telling.

It would only be bothersome if we were friends and clearly we are not so the fact that you are bothered doesn't affect me in the least.

[Chris Corvinus]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Again . . . yes, use the block function. (Although personally I prefer to think of such instances as a sort of, slightly rough-around-the-edges "learning opportunity" for the butt slapper. I DO enjoy education, don't you?)

One thing you're ignoring, however, is that the block function can only be employed after the fact. It will prevent future offensives, but it doesn't erase the behavior that provoked it. And that behavior is still obnoxious, and not less so because I have the means to prevent its repetition.

And actually, what's more, it doesn't actually prevent it -- it merely shields me from it. Blocking someone doesn't render ME invisible to them -- they can continue to "kiss" or "butt slap" to their heart's content, often in public with other people as witnesses. The best I can hope for to prevent that is requesting that the landowner ban the person.

So the block function is really kind of band aid that doesn't address the behavior. It merely hides it from me. (And only me.)

I get it and youre right. I didnt think of that aspect of the block feature. Thats honestly how every block feature works though. It shields you and only you. Thats why I mentioned the ban as its really her only option. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

11 minutes ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

I will remember some very friendly people here

I am so glad, Bomba!

And there really are lots of lovely people here -- it's just that sometimes we forget, in the rough and tumble of forum posting, that people who are new here don't always pick up on the tone of our posts. I think, as you'll see from Chris's apology above, that even people who seemed not to get it at first are listening, and responding, and DO care.

You seem to have sorted this out. I hope very much that it's not something you have to deal with again.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

If this were a new avatar I would give more leeway but this avatar has been in SL for over 12 years and DJ's at a fetish and sexual explicit club.  This did not happen in a G-rated region.

So . . . obnoxious violations of consent are "ok" at fetish clubs? "Adult" means never having to say you're sorry, eh?

Your understanding of BDSM and fetish are very different from mine. And from the guidelines set out by REAL BDSM organizations.

[Chris Corvinus]

4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

So . . . obnoxious violations of consent are "ok" at fetish clubs? "Adult" means never having to say you're sorry, eh?

Your understanding of BDSM and fetish are very different from mine. And from the guidelines set out by REAL BDSM organizations.

People view BDSM clubs in SL as sex clubs. Some actually are nothing but sex clubs. So having some person come in and start randomly spanking, kissing, etc etc is not uncommon. Very few people actually care about consent at those places. 

[Kathlen Onyx]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

So . . . obnoxious violations of consent are "ok" at fetish clubs? "Adult" means never having to say you're sorry, eh?

Your understanding of BDSM and fetish are very different from mine. And from the guidelines set out by REAL BDSM organizations.

OH well then if the guidelines are from REAL BDSM organizations then they must be right. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

7 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

OH well then if the guidelines are from REAL BDSM organizations then they must be right. 

You have a problem with consent as the basis for personal interactions, Sam?

You must be a lot of fun at orgies.

[Kathlen Onyx]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

You have a problem with consent as the basis for personal interactions, Sam?

You must be a lot of fun at orgies.

Aw, now you hurted my feelings...

[Scylla Rhiadra]

9 minutes ago, Chris Nova said:

People view BDSM clubs in SL as sex clubs. Some actually are nothing but sex clubs. So having some person come in and start randomly spanking, kissing, etc etc is not uncommon. Very few people actually care about consent at those places. 

And this is maybe where your comment about SL BDSM does become relevant. 

It would appear that there is at least one person in this thread (not you) who either thinks that's just fine, or lacks any understanding of what BDSM actually means. Or both.

[Kathlen Onyx]

6 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And this is maybe where your comment about SL BDSM does become relevant. 

It would appear that there is at least one person in this thread (not you) who either thinks that's just fine, or lacks any understanding of what BDSM actually means. Or both.

Probably a topic for another thread.

[Solar Legion]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And this is maybe where your comment about SL BDSM does become relevant. 

It would appear that there is at least one person in this thread (not you) who either thinks that's just fine, or lacks any understanding of what BDSM actually means. Or both.

The places I have frequented in the past (and the more general Adult oriented club I still regularly frequent) took (and take) consent seriously enough - to the point that people have been ejected for not listening when asked by a patron or staff member to cease their advances/actions.

Then again, I frequent(ed) places that cater to a more non-human clientele so that may have been quite the factor as well.

[Chris Corvinus]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And this is maybe where your comment about SL BDSM does become relevant. 

It would appear that there is at least one person in this thread (not you) who either thinks that's just fine, or lacks any understanding of what BDSM actually means. Or both.

BDSM in here pretty much equates to instant dominance and submission, being called pet names immediately upon engaging in conversation, instant leashes, nudity, sex, brothels, etc etc. 

Oh, and suits. Youre not a dominant if youre not wearing a suit. Suits are a must. 

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 minutes ago, Chris Nova said:

BDSM in here pretty much equates to instant dominance and submission, being called pet names immediately upon engaging in conversation, instant leashes, nudity, sex, brothels, etc etc. 

Oh, and suits. Youre not a dominant if youre not wearing a suit. Suits are a must. 

 

I think you are confusing BDSM with Gor.

[Chris Corvinus]

2 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

 

I think you are confusing BDSM with Gor.

I didnt know there was a difference 😬 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, Solar Legion said:

The places I have frequented in the past (and the more general Adult oriented club I still regularly frequent) took (and take) consent seriously enough - to the point that people have been ejected for not listening when asked by a patron or staff member to cease their advances/actions.

Then again, I frequent(ed) places that cater to a more non-human clientele so that may have been quite the factor as well.

Good to hear, Solar. There are, obviously, Dom/mes in SL, as well as, I'm sure, groups and clubs who are knowledgeable and abide by those principles. Tolya, for instance. It's an interesting thought though . . . I wonder if the non-human community might be more sensitive to these issues because of its sense of the tendency to marginalize it? Or something else; i don't know. Interesting question though.

6 minutes ago, Chris Nova said:

BDSM in here pretty much equates to instant dominance and submission, being called pet names immediately upon engaging in conversation, instant leashes, nudity, sex, brothels, etc etc. 

Oh, and suits. Youre not a dominant if youre not wearing a suit. Suits are a must. 

This has been very much the experience of most people I've known in SL who were or are into the Lifestyle here.

It's a shame, because, although there is nothing about BDSM that appeals to me personally, I'm sure that the richness of the experience must surely derive primarily from the depth of feeling and mutual care between Dom/me and sub. Without that . . . you might just as well get off on a video game NPC.

[Solar Legion]

I honestly could not tell you, Scylla. Mind, there are still members of such communities that act as Chris has described, though such are often outliers and rather looked down upon/quickly corrected or taken care of if/when they crop up.