about being kissed without giving permission!!

[Bomba Zanzibar]

hello all, (first of all sorry for my englis)

I m djing, and happened many times an avatar, while I'm busy with my music, comes to me, and hugs, kisses, or more, me, without requiring any authorisation!

I hate that, and my partner too, of course

last week he kissed me, totally naked, while I was spinning... he does that to my host too, and I have no idea how to stop that! I imed him, asking to stop, but sems the more I ask, the more he laughs. i have to option of kicking him, or ban him, but I would like to know how, I can stop that. I'm using firestorm, and went into "avatar health" then revoke all permissions, but I know I never gave him any permission to do that. any idea please? thank you in advance

(hugs!!!!!!!!!! )

[Phil Deakins]

Nobody can kiss you, or hug you, or anything other animation you without you giving permission. That is, nobody can animate you. Maybe there is a system where the only animation is on the person who has it, and a nearby avatar can be selected to go to and perform an animation on. Maybe that's it.

Moving to an avatar can be scripted, and so can performing an animation, but nobody can animate your avatar without your permission.

Edited May 19, 2021 by Phil Deakins

[Mollymews]

2 minutes ago, Phil Deakins said:

 there is a system where the only animation is on the person who has it, and a nearby avatar can be selected to go to and perform an animation on. Maybe that's it.

^^ this

the quickest way to stop this behaviour is to banhammer the avatar from the venue

[Odaks]

Usually, that type of animation requires the target to accept it before it will run. Do you animate as well as the unwanted kisser? Have you ever accepted anything from them in the past?

You can block that person - right click their avatar name in the People list, or just right click the avatar** concerned. "Block/Unblock" is one of the options presented. Blocking stops voice and text chat and any visual interference from their avatar and their objects. Do not IM to the agressor though; it will unblock them. If they send you money, L$1 will do, it will unblock them.

You can also try sitting down - anywhere, or on anything that you can sit on. This tends to prevent most physical forces from acting on you.

 

Edit to add:

** ..right click the avatar -> Profile -> Block (button at bottom of the profile)

Edited May 19, 2021 by Odaks
More info

[Ceka Cianci]

Is he doing it through chat and not through animations?

[Bomba Zanzibar]

Phil, you are right, he dont animate my avatar, only his does,

Odaks, I dont remember if I have ever accepted a hug from him, dinve I know him (years), but no, I dont animate as he does, and I do not accept anymation, through a menue!

Ceka, I dont see if he does vua a menu or in the local chat (/1) can hide what he types in the local!

 but yes, this evening I ll try to mute him if I see he comes to me.

and in last try, my partner will probably kicj him, for him to understand.

thank you all for your help

[Blush Bravin]

Rez an invisible box around yourself. He should not be able to get to you as the physics of the invisible box will block his approach.

[Arielle Popstar]

Personally I find the constant asking for permissions to be a pain. So often the popups get hidden behind another and I miss it. The only time I'd like to see a permission dialogue is when some security orb is about to toss me of someone's precious land. 😎

[Bomba Zanzibar]

Arielle, in this case, I receive no asking for a permission, thats the problem. but you give me a hint, I ll have alook in the preferences about the popupds, maybe I'll find something, who knows. but if not, I ll mute him 🙂

[BelindaN]

Having said all that, I once was pushed hard in a hair store, and suddenly I was  on all fours when I moved. Revoking permissions stopped it, but I never accepted anything. 

[LittleMe Jewell]

2 hours ago, Odaks said:

If they send you money, L$1 will do, it will unblock them.

Not anymore.   LL fixed that bug.  

I'm pretty sure you even still get the money, but it won't reverse your block and it won't provide any feedback to the person that lets them know you have them blocked.

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

Arielle, in this case, I receive no asking for a permission, thats the problem. but you give me a hint, I ll have alook in the preferences about the popupds, maybe I'll find something, who knows. but if not, I ll mute him 🙂

I guess I don't understand why you just don't mute him now and save yourself all this drama. I realize that you are a DJ and he may be a friend *I think I read* but if he doesn't stop even when you ask just mute him and be done with it. Ban him from the venue if you have to.  As an added measure since you are using FS, derender him too.  

[Polenth Yue]

You warned him. He reacted by laughing and doing it again. The time to ban him was when that happened. But it's never too late, so ban him right now. Not when he turns up again or giving him one more chance... just go do it now before your next event.

In future, don't give people endless chances. I know you're probably trying to be nice and not cause a scene, but remember that people like this aren't being nice. He was trying to ruin your day. You can also be sure that some other people just didn't come back to the club because they knew he'd be there.

The good news is your avatar wasn't animating, so you didn't give permission to anything.

[Chris Corvinus]

13 hours ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

hello all, (first of all sorry for my englis)

I m djing, and happened many times an avatar, while I'm busy with my music, comes to me, and hugs, kisses, or more, me, without requiring any authorisation!

I hate that, and my partner too, of course

last week he kissed me, totally naked, while I was spinning... he does that to my host too, and I have no idea how to stop that! I imed him, asking to stop, but sems the more I ask, the more he laughs. i have to option of kicking him, or ban him, but I would like to know how, I can stop that. I'm using firestorm, and went into "avatar health" then revoke all permissions, but I know I never gave him any permission to do that. any idea please? thank you in advance

(hugs!!!!!!!!!! )

Authorization? Oh please, this is a virtual world and your avatar is made of pixels....its not real life.

11 hours ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

Phil, you are right, he dont animate my avatar, only his does,

If your avatar is not being affected....why are you complaining? Why don't you just block him?

He's probably emote spamming kisses which is completely harmless.

Edited May 20, 2021 by Chris Nova

[animats]

See "Gangsta Bat" on Marketplace for a freebie.  Wear, mouselook at target, click. That will get the message across.

[Jaylinbridges]

15 hours ago, Bomba Zanzibar said:

last week he kissed me, totally naked, while I was spinning... he does that to my host too, and I have no idea how to stop that! I imed him, asking to stop, but seems the more I ask, the more he laughs.

You DJ at a naked adult club?  Does your club allow naked patrons?  

In any case, just ban the jerk.  If you don't have ban rights, ask the club owner or manager.

It's not just you that  is bothered, most patrons don't like seeing their hosts and DJ's hassled. Some will just leave and not come back.  Don't give jerks the time of day.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

2 hours ago, Chris Nova said:

Authorization? Oh please, this is a virtual world and your avatar is made of pixels....its not real life.

If your avatar is not being affected....why are you complaining? Why don't you just block him?

He's probably emote spamming kisses which is completely harmless.

Exactly! People make it a point to say this is virtual and not RL yet act like things like this offend them.

It reminds me of when the sims online enabled kissing and you didn't need the permission of the other avatar to kiss them . People started saying that was the same as being raped. 

 

 

[Chris Corvinus]

18 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Exactly! People make it a point to say this is virtual and not RL yet act like things like this offend them.

It reminds me of when the sims online enabled kissing and you didn't need the permission of the other avatar to kiss them . People started saying that was the same as being raped. 

 

 

I dont know why people react confused. Its not rocket science. 😂 

[Polenth Yue]

30 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Exactly! People make it a point to say this is virtual and not RL yet act like things like this offend them.

You've posted about things in Second Life that you haven't liked. If you're allowed to be disappointed, unhappy and annoyed, so are other people. It's just it might not be about the same things as you. (Though even the "it's all virtual" crowd will usually admit to having emotions about things that happen online.)

[Bomba Zanzibar]

Chris, forgive me, but if I react confused, its maybe a mistake. I dont ask people to feel the same I do. about this "problem" I only feel bad for my partner...  I know my pixels are not affected lol and I dont take it like an harassment..I am not that prude, after 14 years here!  It 's only something I don't like. while working, I can't follow the local . i chosed to talk with him, and I think he understood 🙂

we are all living "here" our way, we could talk about it for hours. There are things I will never understand about people behaviour, but I dont judge them.... and its true also, I didnt know the "blocking" could avoid that. once again sorry for my english

I thank you all,

I wish you all a great day or night,

Edited May 20, 2021 by Bomba Zanzibar
changing a word

[Scylla Rhiadra]

16 hours ago, Chris Nova said:

Authorization? Oh please, this is a virtual world and your avatar is made of pixels....its not real life.

If your avatar is not being affected....why are you complaining? Why don't you just block him?

He's probably emote spamming kisses which is completely harmless.

Being insulted or verbally abused or subjected to a stream of obscenities is "harmless" in much the same way. And it has even easier remedies, such as block or ignore. That doesn't make them any less obnoxious or unwelcome. I'm pretty sure you'd not enjoy them?

People have different thresholds for what is acceptable or offensive. When they are offended by something does not directly impinge on them -- like what someone else is wearing, for instance -- it's probably (usually) valid to suggest that they effect a remedy themselves rather than complaining.

But when the behavior is something that engages them directly, I think they have a right, even in a virtual environment, to object. No, none of this is in any way equivalent to "rape," nor does it impact the way it would in RL, but it can and does impact nonetheless. If it didn't, none of us would be here: we are ALL being emotionally impacted, at one level or another, by something here, or there would be no point in the place. SL sex for instance is not the equivalent of the RL article, and yet it seems to have enough emotional punch that plenty of people engage in it.

Have you never been emotionally affected by something "virtual" in SL -- an unpleasant experience, or conversation, or disturbing imagery? If not, you've been very fortunate.

I think it is only courteous and civil and humane to NOT assume that everyone else has the same responses to certain behaviors that you do. When you criticize someone for being oversensitive to something, are you not imposing YOUR standards on someone else? What gives you that right? What's more there are things that may be triggering for people who've experienced some form of RL experience or trauma about which you know nothing.

Consent is always important -- whether it is for intruding upon someone's virtual land, or slapping their butt, or giving them a kiss.

Surely extending the basic courteous of asking first is not too much to ask?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

14 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Exactly! People make it a point to say this is virtual and not RL yet act like things like this offend them.

It reminds me of when the sims online enabled kissing and you didn't need the permission of the other avatar to kiss them . People started saying that was the same as being raped.

 

 

16 hours ago, Chris Nova said:

Authorization? Oh please, this is a virtual world and your avatar is made of pixels....its not real life.

If your avatar is not being affected....why are you complaining? Why don't you just block him?

He's probably emote spamming kisses which is completely harmless.

Being insulted or verbally abused is "harmless" in much the same way. And it has even easier remedies, such as block or ignore. That doesn't make them any less obnoxious or unwelcome. I'm pretty sure you'd not enjoy them?

People have different thresholds for what is acceptable or offensive. When they are offended by something that does not directly impinge on them -- like what someone else is wearing, for instance -- it's probably (usually) valid to suggest that they effect a remedy themselves rather than complaining.

But when the behavior is something that engages them directly, I think they have a right, even in a virtual environment, to object. No, none of this is in any way equivalent to RL experience nor does it impact the way it would in RL, but it can and does impact nonetheless. If it didn't, none of us would be here: we are ALL being emotionally impacted, at one level or another, by something here, or there would be no point in the place. SL s*x for instance is not the equivalent of the RL article, and yet it seems to have enough emotional punch that plenty of people engage in it.

Have you never been emotionally affected by something "virtual" in SL -- an unpleasant experience, or conversation, or disturbing imagery? If not, you've been very fortunate.

I think it is only courteous and civil and humane to NOT assume that everyone else has the same responses to certain behaviors that you do. When you criticize someone for being oversensitive to something, are you not imposing YOUR standards on someone else? What gives you that right? What's more there are things that may be triggering for people who've experienced some form of RL experience or PTSD about which you know nothing.

Consent is always important -- whether it is for intruding upon someone's virtual land, or slapping their butt, or giving them a kiss.

Surely extending the basic courtesy of asking first is not too much to ask?

Edited May 20, 2021 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Sassy Kenin]

11 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

Being insulted or verbally abused is "harmless" in much the same way.

 

Runs into the thread next to Scylle then fades back into the forum background.

[Kathlen Onyx]

On 5/19/2021 at 7:20 AM, Bomba Zanzibar said:

I m djing, and happened many times an avatar, while I'm busy with my music, comes to me, and hugs, kisses, or more, me, without requiring any authorisation!

I hate that, and my partner too, of course

last week he kissed me, totally naked, while I was spinning... he does that to my host too, and I have no idea how to stop that! I imed him, asking to stop, but sems the more I ask, the more he laughs. i have to option of kicking him, or ban him, but I would like to know how, I can stop that. I'm using firestorm, and went into "avatar health" then revoke all permissions, but I know I never gave him any permission to do that. any idea please? thank you in advance

(hugs!!!!!!!!!! )

 

27 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Consent is always important -- whether it is for intruding upon someone's virtual land, or slapping their butt, or giving them a kiss.

Surely extending the basic courteous of asking first is not too much to ask?

Of course it is and she has the right to be upset BUT she also has the tools right there to stop it from happening.  She tried to ask him not to do it and he laughed. At that point you have decisions that you can make. You can block, ban, mute, derender the avatar. If you are DJing at a club and the club owner doesn't do something about it then maybe that isn't the place you'd want to be employed with.  

She DJ's at Satyr's which is a BDSM club. Satyr is a club dedicated to Libertines, Fetishists, BDSM individuals, for open minded thinkers. A place to Explore your sexual desires and fantasies. MOST IMPORTANT TO READ HERE IS THIS SNIPPET....Our Djs will lift your spirit and arouse your senses.

SO maybe that club isn't the best club for her to be DJing at? 

Edited May 20, 2021 by Sam1 Bellisserian

[Scylla Rhiadra]

19 minutes ago, Sassy Kenin said:

Runs into the thread next to Scylle then fades back into the forum background.

/me giggles and blushes

Now, see . . . personally, think that's just kind of adorable and funny. And it's hard to imagine too many people finding it otherwise. Context is everything, right?

But I'll use the example of emoting a butt slap, because that happens to me a great deal more often than an unsolicited kiss.

When someone (invariably a man) emotes to me "/me slaps your butt hard," it obviously doesn't affect me the same way that it would in RL. My butt is not tingling or sore afterwards, and I don't feel anything like the same violation of personal space that I would if I were subjected to it in RL.

But doing so, without my consent, does impose upon me a degree of intimacy, and maybe even "ownership," that I have not granted. It assumes that that person has the right to interact with me in any way they chose, without consulting me about my wishes.

So a virtual butt slap doesn't "hurt," and it's not potentially physically threatening in the way it might be in an RL context, so those are things that are not components of my reaction to it. What I do react to, and what makes me angry (generally resulting in a verbal barrage directed at the slapper) are its underlying assumptions, and its attempt to compel me into a kind of engagement with that person that I haven't consented to, and don't want.

In that sense, it's more like being insulted verbally than physically assaulted. Even so, it's still uncalled for, unnecessary, uncivil . . . and it pisses me off.

Edited May 20, 2021 by Scylla Rhiadra