Knock, knock....

[xIAm23x]

So I've started to start my SL journey a couple of weeks ago despite my account was made years ago. Sadly, I have a hard time making friends because I don't know where to go to meet active people. Sometimes when they are many people they tend to just ignore me. I have decided to join the forum in search of friends. Also, what are some good places to make friends?

 

Current Friends List: Less than 5

Goal: More than 100

[Alwin Alcott]

1 hour ago, xIAm23x said:

Current Friends List: Less than 5

Goal: More than 100

go to places of your interest, there will be the people you look for.
Just a very small fraction of the SL community comes to the forums, most will be only inworld.

Make your profile as interesting as possible for the kind of people you look for. It's often the first about you they see.

[Garnet Psaltery]

8 hours ago, xIAm23x said:

Current Friends List: Less than 5

Goal: More than 100

Does anyone have real friendships with over 100 people?  Are you looking for quality or quantity?

[xIAm23x]

4 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Does anyone have real friendships with over 100 people?  Are you looking for quality or quantity?

Lol I was just being sarcastic. I would rather have real friendships that last a long time. So definitely quality over quantity. 

[PixelBerry]

Maybe you can try and go to clubs for example, I personally don't, but I know that most people in clubs are pretty social and friendly  Also write more about yourself in your profile, like hobbies and what not, doesn't have to be too personal or anything.

Edited May 2, 2021 by PixelBerry

[Aiyumei]

I actually know people with who have real friendships with over 100 people, those type of people are the definition of extroverts 

Aside from the clubs or other festive activities inworld, you can also try some of the countryside/nature themed sims around, myself included. A lot of people prefer hanging outdoors doing their thing while occasionally chatting with others. I've met fair amount of really nice people around such places!

[Orwar]

27 minutes ago, Aiyumei said:

I actually know people with who have real friendships with over 100 people, those type of people are the definition of extroverts

   It very much depends on how one defines friendship, but the human mind is only capable of roughly 150 'stable relationships', i.e. people you can 'know and trust' on a personal level. Being extrovert is not the same as being socially adept, it merely refers to whether you expend or generate social energy from socialisation. 

[Kathlen Onyx]

8 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   It very much depends on how one defines friendship, but the human mind is only capable of roughly 150 'stable relationships', i.e. people you can 'know and trust' on a personal level. Being extrovert is not the same as being socially adept, it merely refers to whether you expend or generate social energy from socialisation. 

150 people you know and trust? Do people really have that many people in their lives that they can actually say that they maintain a relationship with?  Sounds exhausting to me but I'm an introvert so that is probably why. LOL

As far as meeting people it will just take time. You've been here roughly two weeks? I've been here almost 3 years and I just found a nice group of people to hang out with and most of them aren't even on my friends list.  I reserve my friends list for my alts, my guy and a very select few close friends, some that are very rarely on.  I read profiles and sometimes will comment on something I find interesting or funny.  Typically though these conversations end up being one off conversations and I never see that person again. You have to hang out where people who have the same interests as you do.  If you don't like country music then a country music club might not be the best place to find friends.  People tend to congregate at the same places. That has been my experience anyway.  I did try to meet people at Frank's once but well...all they wanted to do was go to Frank's so that was a fail. lol

Try joining a Greedy or board game group or perhaps if you are into urban Roleplay join a group and rent a house in their region. You can find nice people there. Try Fox Hollow or Cedar Creek. You don't even need to rent there to Roleplay.  

I did take a quick peek at your profile and you might want to tweak it a bit to be a bit more detailed.   

There are very nice people on the forum yet...I've never run into them in-world. 

[Orwar]

24 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

150 people you know and trust?

   It's the upper limit for most people, and as I said, it all depends on how exactly you want to define it. Know and trust in this case doesn't mean people you'd take a bullet for, but rather people who you can know to the point that you know to which extent you would trust them - and of course, you can always be wrong, or they can fail to live up to your expectations, so there's a ton of room for variation. Besides it's not at all related to the trait of being trusting or being sceptical of people, that's an entirely different metric which also influences how prone we are to seek and make friends.

   And again, introvert vs. extrovert does not mean that you can or can't trust people or know people, it merely describes whether socialising exhausts you and that you need lone time to recuperate, or whether it energises you (mentally, that is - socialisation is never a substitute for eating or exercising!). Besides that's just a two-dimensional axis wherein several factors are left out; people frequently go between being in one place on the spectrum to another, we're never completely fixed in either state, and neither state is absolute, but there is a gradient between them, and then there are other factors regarding who you interact with; some people are more socially demanding than others, and whilst most people will give back what they take in terms of social exchange, there are people who are 'socially vampiric', who drain without giving back.

   I, for example, am usually rather introverted, but that does not mean that I'm shy; it simply means that after extensive social efforts, I need time for myself, or that even whilst socialising I might phase out from the present to have an introspective moment to analyse and process what's happening and how I feel about it, and if I feel as if I'm too drained to continue, I will withdraw from further social influx - or become stressed and apprehensive if I can't or don't. People who fail to do so, who don't understand any of how all that works, either try to avoid social exposure as much as possible, or risk getting burnt out from it which can be very stressful as it can be hard to grasp what's wrong and why they're suddenly feeling anxious, which may eventually take the form of social phobia. 

[Kathlen Onyx]

52 minutes ago, Orwar said:

    I, for example, am usually rather introverted, but that does not mean that I'm shy; it simply means that after extensive social efforts, I need time for myself, or that even whilst socialising I might phase out from the present to have an introspective moment to analyse and process what's happening and how I feel about it, and if I feel as if I'm too drained to continue, I will withdraw from further social influx - or become stressed and apprehensive if I can't or don't. People who fail to do so, who don't understand any of how all that works, either try to avoid social exposure as much as possible, or risk getting burnt out from it which can be very stressful as it can be hard to grasp what's wrong and why they're suddenly feeling anxious, which may eventually take the form of social phobia. 

Just highlighting points I totally agree with! This whole paragraph describes me to a T.  While I am a very social person and love to be around social people I can only take it in short bursts.  I think this explains while many of my friendships and RL relationships fell apart. I mean if I didn't understand it how could they have?  It also might be why I gravitate to online rather than RL because I'm in control of it. Also probably why I love working at home too.  I need an extraordinary amount of alone time and avoid sometimes forming friendships knowing that.  Most people take it personally even when I explain it.

[Sid Nagy]

I'm introverted too, but was for more than 33 years a fulltime teacher in RL. That is all doable for an introvert, being social all day at work with lots of people around you.
But I totally needed my time off in the evenings, weekends and holidays. Time for only me,myself and I.

I never had a long friends list in RL to share my free time with.
Loved my job though.

Edited May 3, 2021 by Sid Nagy
If I can't edit, there is no fun in life.

[BelindaN]

Friendship dynamics in SL are not the same as in RL, in my experience. For a start, it can't be rushed. It takes time and it relies on hanging out in regular places and joining local chat. It also improves the chances with IMs to individuals, but be prepared for stony ground. If you have a good time with someone, and friend, it might be a long time before it repeats, for all sorts if reasons. Some friends expect regular chats in world and some don't. Time in world is often short, and people have plans. My closest friends in world, are in a Discord group. This is always active. But in world we rarely hang out, usually only for photo collabs. And that's how we roll. So its complex. Some people build families and that's a big part of their SL. Others are happier alone doing their own thing. So really there's no simple fix to any of this. Time will lay down your SL, influenced by where you go, and who you interact with.