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Searching a friend or partner? Does and don'ts to lower/increase the chance that your post gets response.


Doc Carling
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What ist the best way to describe yourself and what you are looking for, if you are searching for a partner or friend? What is a no go? Ways to increase the chance that a post gets positive attention?

My advice, don't post a wall of text that presents you as victim to arouse pity. Many readers probably show compassion. But you can bet, they aren't interested to become your therapist because they have already enough to deal with their own isssues and problems.

 

Edited by Doc Carling
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I'm always happy to make new friends and meaningful connections.  But there are red flags I look out for.  When you have to broadcast that you're not into drama.  Stable people don't need to do this.  Yeah everyone can have moments of turmoil in your life from time to time but if it's so consistent that you feel the need to proactively wear a batsignal that this is a no drama allowed zone, then maybe.... the problem is you?  Plus there's also the fact that this usually just means 'conflict' and if you're that afraid of conflict and can't manage disagreements between friends, this speaks a lot to your insecurities and being immature.  

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For the love of god, put the negative stuff last- doesn't matter what it is. If you feel the need to write it at all, write it last. Demands, deal breakers, your complaints about your ex, whatever.

Open up on positive stuff. You're essentially writing an ad, you need to grab people's attention and hold it for a moment. Talk a little about yourself, but don't overdo it. Just the basic facts, and some of your best features. Then hobbies. Any hobbies. Put something, so people won't read it and think "this person is boring and is going to make me entertain them".

Put in your schedule and/or time zone.

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Sometimes I see posts from people looking for friends/relationships with paragraphs of demands and prerequisites. It's like they're already dragging their baggage into a friendship that doesn't even exist yet. They come off demanding and make it seem like they're going to put people through a screening test or an interview to see if they qualify. Yeah, no thanks.

I think most people respond to positivity. So instead of posting all the things you hate and dislike, like no drama, no mind games, no to a whole bunch of other stuff, it's probably better to say all the things you do like.

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