Could use an Opinion on what to think?

[Lillith Hapmouche]

On 4/7/2021 at 6:00 PM, Rawiya Starlight said:

true but nearly everyone club i been to has rules stating bits must be covered

Well... not in the SL environment, but in a different roleplay environment, I do have people claiming stuff like this:

"Mimimi, RP server xy has this and that rule. Why don't you enforce this here?!"

"I'm not bound by someone else's rules, only by my own set of rules. Don't like it, leave. So long...".

Done.

[Annalise Evergarden]

15 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Next time I go 'Peekaboo', read it in the voice of Tim Curry as Frank N. Furter. 

Oh, Darling~ That's a terrible idea.

[Pussycat Catnap]

On 4/6/2021 at 3:20 AM, Rawiya Starlight said:

So I am at a club and theres this guy who comes in and IMs every woman in the place. Mine seem to be always creepy to read. So I said in front of everyone "his name" you are f...ing creepy. The guy still hangs around. Others are saying they are getting his IM, but the club staff start giving me hell for telling the guy basically to f off and that I should not be saying that. And I replied back to the staff member back in nearby. It wasn't mean but I was getting threatened with being banned because shes not liking how I was talking to her. The guy is still hanging around creeping others out and I am the one getting yelled at. Finally I did my best to leave on good terms with the staff member and left that club. my thinking is that you have a guy creeping people out but you attack the one calling that guy out. Could use a little advice on this. Maybe I handled it wrong. 

This basically sounds like what happens most of the time when I bring up someone being racist in any setting where bulk of folks are mono-ethnic from certain demographics.

I get told to stop being rude to the racist, or even more absurdly called racist for pointing out racism; and that given individual gets no repercussions, and then folks wonder why their community is perceived as unwelcoming by people of color.

Basically for being harassed, you are being seen as a troublemaker, and your attacker is being accepted as the victim.

You can't win this one, you just need to get folks like that out of your life.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

This basically sounds like what happens most of the time when I bring up someone being racist in any setting where bulk of folks are mono-ethnic from certain demographics.

I get told to stop being rude to the racist, or even more absurdly called racist for pointing out racism; and that given individual gets no repercussions, and then folks wonder why their community is perceived as unwelcoming by people of color.

Basically for being harassed, you are being seen as a troublemaker, and your attacker is being accepted as the victim.

You can't win this one, you just need to get folks like that out of your life.

 

Are these people being racist out in local chat? If so then I think you have every right to voice your opinion. Then it is up to the region owner to decide what to do. If they didn't act in an appropriate way you could then choose not to return to the club.

If it is in IM though you have total control over that. There are many options that you have to avoid that person speaking to you.  There are reasons why you should not bring your IM issues to local.  Consider this exchange.....

Person one (female) is at a club dancing.  In walks Person two (male) whom she used to date but they had a bad breakup.  Person one likes this club but doesn't want person two there for whatever reason.

Person one says in local: Hey person two you are f***ing creepy!

In the meantime person two might be IMing someone in the club to say hi. We'll call them person three. Person three says in local  "I'm getting IM's from him too! Why is he creepy"? Now this person three is asking person two why person one is saying that they are creepy.

See where I'm going here? DRAMA! When all you had to do was close the box. You would have avoided:

1. Drama

2. Bringing additional attention to the "creepy" guy

3. Potentially facing being banned

4. Having to look for another club because you caused drama 

Also, chances are that you'd never see this person again In SL and they most likely would not be a regular at that club. 

 

 

[Pussycat Catnap]

8 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Are these people being racist out in local chat? If so then I think you have every right to voice your opinion. Then it is up to the region owner to decide what to do. If they didn't act in an appropriate way you could then choose not to return to the club.

That was a general comment about 'everywhere' in life. SL and elsewhere. And I would suspect that the OP seeing the kind of response that was gotten - is seeing something that would repeat given a similar social dynamic just about anywhere. My guess is the person doing the harassing is a friend of those who run the venue, or we're looking at gender based dismissiveness, or something like that.

 

It should NEVER be on the victim to choose how to avoid the abuser... It's on the abuser to just stop doing it. And a proper response is to put an end to that abuser's ability to do so. And that applies regardless of racism, sexism, ableism, sexual-identity-ism, etc.

Yes it's easier to just close chat and leave or just ignore a person and keep walking or whatever... but if the victim has to change their life to suit the abuser's pleasures, that is not a just result.

 

That noted... what I find in these situations is that the community will circle around the abuser and gang up on the victim - chasing them out.

 

Edited April 9, 2021 by Pussycat Catnap

[FairreLilette]

On 4/9/2021 at 11:05 AM, Pussycat Catnap said:

That was a general comment about 'everywhere' in life. SL and elsewhere. And I would suspect that the OP seeing the kind of response that was gotten - is seeing something that would repeat given a similar social dynamic just about anywhere. My guess is the person doing the harassing is a friend of those who run the venue, or we're looking at gender based dismissiveness, or something like that.

 

It should NEVER be on the victim to choose how to avoid the abuser... It's on the abuser to just stop doing it. And a proper response is to put an end to that abuser's ability to do so. And that applies regardless of racism, sexism, ableism, sexual-identity-ism, etc.

Yes it's easier to just close chat and leave or just ignore a person and keep walking or whatever... but if the victim has to change their life to suit the abuser's pleasures, that is not a just result.

 

That noted... what I find in these situations is that the community will circle around the abuser and gang up on the victim - chasing them out.

 

In my previous post I wanted to say that simply block unless x/y/z happens.  Part of x/y/z is hate speech of any kind is not allowed under the TOS for SL.  Another could be harassment or threat of violence plus other major red flags most of us would NOT have difficulty agreeing about.

So, your incidence may be different and might need an abuse report. 

Also, the OP is simply stating the word "creepy".  Creepy in SL, especially in regards to sexuality, could be very subjective.  This is by and large a sexual world unless one is a minor or in a minor avatar.  That too is abuse reportable if one is a minor or in a minor's avatar.

But, creepy and bringing that too local chat.  Well, club owners or the DJ and the HOST working there don't have a lot of time and so one would need to copy and paste what they received in IM and paste it to the DJ or HOST who are quite busy.  If it's just creepy like something stupid as many are, just MUTE or BLOCK.  If it's hate speech, copy and paste it into a report.  

My Mom had four girls and she told us not to bring her into the middle of any disputes and for us girls to resolve and solve our disputes amongst ourselves.  

This thread reminds me of something my Mom also told me about settling disputes in school or otherwise using these lyrics...

"You got to know when to hold 'em,

Know when to fold 'em,

Know when to walk away,

Know when to run.