Jump to content

Disclosure of gender


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 142 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts

On 4/22/2021 at 10:39 PM, Solar Legion said:

If you are in Second Life to seek an RL hookup, you have other things to worry about than who is behind the opposing avatar,

Yes, that is "simplified" and yes it is ignoring many a differing circumstance. I am talking about that being your near sole motivator.

There are dedicated services for that sort of thing these days. Use them.

Seeing as 75% of SL is sexually or romantically oriented why would a person not look here for a RL relationship? What is the difference between looking here and looking on match.com or Eharmony *which are dedicated services for that sort of thing* 

I really never got the people that looked down on people that might use SL as a dating service.  Yes, you can get cat fished or lied to or completely duped but to say that SL shouldn't be used as a dating site is baffling to me.  It is not my sole motivator for being here but I certainly wouldn't dismiss it if it came up.  I've met two people from a game that was not second life. One we moved states and moved in together. While it didn't work out it was not because we met in a game.  I look at it as just another place you can meet someone.  Shrugs...I don't know.... I see that there are some here that have very strong opinions about using it as a dating service and I'm not sure why.  I mean with all the other things that go on here using it as a dating site is pretty tame compared to some things people use it for.

Edited by Sam1 Bellisserian
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Solar Legion said:

Do note the wording in the second section: If such is a person's sole motivator then there are other, dedicated services.

Yes, I noted that. I still don't see why they can't or shouldn't use SL as one of those dedicated services. If that is not what you would do I don't see why it should bother anyone if someone else does.  Again, just something that I've seen on the forum from time to time and never found a good place to put my opinion on the matter. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I really never got the people that looked down on people that might use SL as a dating service.  Yes, you can get cat fished or lied to or completely duped but to say that SL shouldn't be used as a dating site is baffling to me.

   Dedicated dating services are quite frequently used for catfishing as well. Everything from people filtering their pictures, or use pictures from when they were 20, or even use other people's pictures, to running scams of various kinds.

   .. And certain, well-known mobile dating apps have been used to lure people to murder them. So yeah, 'people shouldn't use SL as a dating app because people in SL lie' is, in my opinion, a terribly bad argument; people lie as much anywhere else as they do in SL, at least in SL they can't harm you (except emotionally) unless you do something silly like throw money at them or give them sensitive RL information prematurely. 

   SL wasn't designed to be a dating platform, but it was built to be a social, virtual experience, and where people socialise, people hook up. It's not like pubs came into creation for the purpose of people meeting people they might develop romantic or sexual relationships with either - perhaps we should decry that people shouldn't use pubs as a means to make friends and partners. Or schools. Schools certainly weren't made for the purpose of kids hooking up - yet I'd dare say without any actual data at all, that most people have their first romantic and sexual experiences with peers met through the education system. 

   Maybe kissing in schools should be banned?

54VOyHt.gif

   I'm not saying anyone who doesn't want to do anything in SL should do so, it's up to each and every one to decide how they want to use SL and what experiences they wish to seek. But the argument that voice verifying or sharing RL pics is somehow dangerous because it exposes your real life person is silly. If anything, SL would be a safer way of doing so than using any actual dating service for your local area; if a person wanted to use any web service to find potential victims, SL would be a grossly ineffective one compared to actual dating apps.

   People lie, people cheat, people deceive each other and hurt each other - obviously the solution is that we cease to congregate  altogether and allow our species to go extinct?!

  • Thanks 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

People can use sl however they want. But I do somewhat agree that if someone's sole purpose in sl is to date rl, then there are other better mediums for it. How I feel about it is sort of like if someone chooses to use their local supermarket as a place to pick up potential partners. They can if they want to but other people go there for other reasons and are likely not going to appreciate invasive moves like "are you a real woman? Prove it". In sl you'll have some who just stand around stores or shopping events hitting on people. And despite me never being interested, they'll nonetheless demand voice just because they're after something. It's just annoying. There are services designed specifically for rl dating, so you can pretty much know people you meet through that are going to be after the same thing. It just makes more sense if that is your sole purpose.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

People can use sl however they want. But I do somewhat agree that if someone's sole purpose in sl is to date rl, then there are other better mediums for it. How I feel about it is sort of like if someone chooses to use their local supermarket as a place to pick up potential partners. They can if they want to but other people go there for other reasons and are likely not going to appreciate invasive moves like "are you a real woman? Prove it". In sl you'll have some who just stand around stores or shopping events hitting on people. And despite me never being interested, they'll nonetheless demand voice just because they're after something. It's just annoying. There are services designed specifically for rl dating, so you can pretty much know people you meet through that are going to be after the same thing. It just makes more sense if that is your sole purpose.

I totally agree with this reasoning.  Of course people will use SL as they choose.  But in all the years I've been here, the majority of people I meet are NOT looking for anything RL.  If RL dating is what you ARE looking for, finding someone in SL is more than likely a waste of time.  Not that it doesn't happen but your odds are much better on a site where everyone is looking for RL.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/24/2021 at 3:20 PM, Rowan Amore said:
On 4/24/2021 at 3:00 PM, Dany0504 said:

There are people who would like to know gender of another person. Like me. If you can't validate that you are female if you are on female avi, most likely I'm not going to talk to you. It's my SL and my rules. If someone don't like it I don't care. I  play male avi and I'm male and I will  validate that on voice to anyone. I expect the same from female who want relationship with me in game. I don't care for gender if we will be just friends who will play skippo and greedy or kill zombie 

Expand  Expand  

You do realize a guy can get his RL friend who is a girl to "voice" for you?  A few guys I've met do that....just so you know.

Also... ;)

image.png.23b3abaf23172f4bc57898f99ab4cef9.png

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My my this thread has an awful lot of press!  Do you wish to reveal anything at all about your *RL*? It's your choice but if everyone comes here and presents themselves as a *gender* I accept them as they present.

I do not voice or cam. If I want to share anything past what I have put in my profile I will. Rarely. I speak/type to anyone, or well let me say it this way,  *avatar* as they are presented to me at the moment. I will never enter into Q&A about your *RL* , you may or may not share, that is up to you. 

When we are forced to reveal or not *RP* our chosen part it removes the magic of the *SL* fantasy.

Whatever you choose, do no harm.

I'm not a ***** . I am experienced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, AdminGirl said:

People can use sl however they want. But I do somewhat agree that if someone's sole purpose in sl is to date rl, then there are other better mediums for it. How I feel about it is sort of like if someone chooses to use their local supermarket as a place to pick up potential partners. They can if they want to but other people go there for other reasons and are likely not going to appreciate invasive moves like "are you a real woman? Prove it". In sl you'll have some who just stand around stores or shopping events hitting on people. And despite me never being interested, they'll nonetheless demand voice just because they're after something. It's just annoying. There are services designed specifically for rl dating, so you can pretty much know people you meet through that are going to be after the same thing. It just makes more sense if that is your sole purpose.

A better medium that a social network that includes romance and sex? I get that there are people here that are here for strictly the building and creativity part of what SL offers but even then if they are creating clothes most designers make clothes that enhance how we look. Many builders include adult animations as an option. In contrast I don't know of any grocery store that offers sexy clothing and adult sex animations to assist in picking up potential partners.  I also never had anyone demand I voice with someone that I've never remotely been interested or really even someone that has been.  If they had I'd most likely have very quickly blocked them.  I do voice but I have sometimes found that once you start doing that they expect it all the time and not just for sexual purposes.  I don't like to be tethered to a headset as I do other things while I'm on SL in RL,  like my dishes or cooking dinner. 

I guess I will always be confused by people that believe this is not a place to seek a RL relationship when there are partnerships, weddings, babies, sex...especially those that scoff at this being a game vs. a social networking site.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

A better medium that a social network that includes romance and sex? I get that there are people here that are here for strictly the building and creativity part of what SL offers but even then if they are creating clothes most designers make clothes that enhance how we look. Many builders include adult animations as an option. In contrast I don't know of any grocery store that offers sexy clothing and adult sex animations to assist in picking up potential partners.  I also never had anyone demand I voice with someone that I've never remotely been interested or really even someone that has been.  If they had I'd most likely have very quickly blocked them.  I do voice but I have sometimes found that once you start doing that they expect it all the time and not just for sexual purposes.  I don't like to be tethered to a headset as I do other things while I'm on SL in RL,  like my dishes or cooking dinner. 

I guess I will always be confused by people that believe this is not a place to seek a RL relationship when there are partnerships, weddings, babies, sex...especially those that scoff at this being a game vs. a social networking site.  

I think you misunderstood, I was talking about those with the sole purpose of finding rl romance. I'm not saying romance cannot exist in sl at all. Many people keep their romance strictly in sl. The things you mention (sex animations, sl family, etc), you're assuming everyone uses them to faciliate rl romance, but they are all still sl.

 If you have never felt annoyed by someone asking you to voice verify, then I suppose that's because you are one of those who are interested. But I'm speaking from perspective of one of the many who aren't.

The grocery store analogy was just that, an analogy. But your response made me wonder if you think it's appropriate for people to stand around rl lingerie stores that sell "sexy clothing" since if people are buying them, must mean they want to be hit on!

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

57 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

I think you misunderstood, I was talking about those with the sole purpose of finding rl romance. I'm not saying romance cannot exist in sl at all. Many people keep their romance strictly in sl. The things you mention (sex animations, sl family, etc), you're assuming everyone uses them to faciliate rl romance, but they are all still sl.

 If you have never felt annoyed by someone asking you to voice verify, then I suppose that's because you are one of those who are interested. But I'm speaking from perspective of one of the many who aren't.

The grocery store analogy was just that, an analogy. But your response made me wonder if you think it's appropriate for people to stand around rl lingerie stores that sell "sexy clothing" since if people are buying them, must mean they want to be hit on!

Using the same grocery store analogy, you may be able to find a few things to eat at the corner gas station but if you're looking for actual food, you go to the grocery store.  SL is the gas station for RL partners.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

34 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

I think you misunderstood, I was talking about those with the sole purpose of finding rl romance. I'm not saying romance cannot exist in sl at all. Many people keep their romance strictly in sl. The things you mention (sex animations, sl family, etc), you're assuming everyone uses them to faciliate rl romance, but they are all still sl.

 If you have never felt annoyed by someone asking you to voice verify, then I suppose that's because you are one of those who are interested. But I'm speaking from perspective of one of the many who aren't.

The grocery store analogy was just that, an analogy. But your response made me wonder if you think it's appropriate for people to stand around rl lingerie stores that sell "sexy clothing" since if people are buying them, must mean they want to be hit on!

I understood that you mean solely. I still don't see why that is an issue. If someone comes on SL to find a RL partner well, then they do. Shrugs. I'm not bothered by it.

I tend not to get annoyed by things that I can't control on here. There will always be annoying people but I use my tools and mute or derender them and move on.

Of course I don't think it's appropriate but you aren't going to stop people from being annoying or hitting on women/men that don't want to be hit on. You just aren't.  I tend to have fun with them but I can see how not everyone wants to spend their time doing that.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Using the same grocery store analogy, you may be able to find a few things to eat at the corner gas station but if you're looking for actual food, you go to the grocery store.  SL is the gas station for RL partners.

:) for those that have found a RL partner in SL they might disagree with that statement.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

:) for those that have found a RL partner in SL they might disagree with that statement.

Didn't say you couldn't find food at the gas station.  I think you're missing the point.  The majority of people I've met in 12 years ARE NOT looking or have any interest in moving anything to RL.  Whether they are or aren't, I don't care.

It does bother me in the least if someone asks me to voice.  I politely decline.  Most of THOSE people aren't looking for a RL relationships either but a quick pixel hump.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I understood that you mean solely. I still don't see why that is an issue. If someone comes on SL to find a RL partner well, then they do. Shrugs. I'm not bothered by it.

I tend not to get annoyed by things that I can't control on here. There will always be annoying people but I use my tools and mute or derender them and move on.

Of course I don't think it's appropriate but you aren't going to stop people from being annoying or hitting on women/men that don't want to be hit on. You just aren't.  I tend to have fun with them but I can see how not everyone wants to spend their time doing that.  

I don't think anyone's trying to stop people from anything. Just pointing out that there are better services for certain things.

We don't necessarily have to be in full rage mode to make a point. I'm not saying I lose sleep over people hitting on me on sl and yes I just ignore them, but nonetheless it's still not appreciated.

At the end of the day, you do you. If you don't understand the other perspective, then don't worry about it.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to try to be polite here: It is not all that hard to understand where I or similarly minded people are coming from, it really isn't.

Going back about twenty years or so, it was not all that uncommon to find people who would use the far more generalized services/providers (such as AOL and its chat rooms) to find a partner (be it for a hookup or more). Since that time however, various services have been created (eHarmony, OKCupid et al  and Tinder, Grindr et al) for relationships and quick hookups.

The simple fact that there are people who treat Second Life the same way one would treat these other services is rather baffling - just as baffling as those who continued to treat the older services/providers/chat systems in the exact same manner once these dedicated services started to come into being.

Many of us are quite well aware that we cannot control such people - controlling them is not the point and having a wee rant about it is a form of "pressure release".

I personally tend to avoid places where such types would congregate while actually in Second Life.

Now if you understand the distinction being made between those who simply end up finding a hook up or more while in Second Life and those whose near sole purpose (if not the sole purpose) is such then it should not be too difficult to understand the rest either and why it grates on some of us. Especially the types that absolutely refuse to have any 'fun' interactions with anyone outside of voice and/or the types that insist on the RL person matching the gender of the presented Avatar. That last is not even touching on other factors (some that get downright silly to combine with that mentioned insistence or when pitted against it).

If you're looking for a quick hook up that is not taken into Real Life as a meetup for the same, there's really no reason whatsoever to know who is behind the Avatar or to care. Ditto (in my opinion) for a relationship that simply will not leave the confines of Second Life (for whatever reason).

If one is using anything outside of those dedicated services for finding a Real Life relationship or hook up, one ought to expect push back (in some form, eventually) and/or major disappointments. It really is that simple.

ETA: This is - incidentally - coming from someone who found not one but three different relationships through AOL's chat system and another just from friends/networking on Skype ... all of them without having gone looking/using their services for the sole purpose of such. They just happened and that is part of the difference.

Edited by Solar Legion
  • Like 5
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think this is up to each individual person if they want to share their gender or not, however I can understand if someone is simply curious because I am a curious person myself, I do not want to know someone's gender because it matters, or because it is important for me to know, or because I was falling in love with them, in my case is because I prefer honesty above anything else and that I want to make sure that I'm not offending someone because I'm unsure what people go by, or because I simply care about them as a person and want to be there for them if they are having a hard time when it comes to certain things regarding genders, since most of the time being alone with overwhelming sad thoughts is not a good thing.

However if this is someone you have a love interests in, I think it is important to know who you are getting with, because it is not about only one person, but both of them.

Edited by PixelBerry
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/28/2021 at 4:43 PM, Pirschjaeger Fassbinder said:

I'm totally okay with dudes thinking I'm a dude just because I don't want to voice chat.

I have reflux laryngitis where is messes up my voice and it's always hoarse and not feminine or soft. I tend to avoid public voice chat and only voice chat with friends because they understand my condition.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 142 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...