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Why are we hiding behind our AVATARS? I have revealed myself and this is why...


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45 minutes ago, Walelu Summerwind said:

. not to drag my sometimes complicated rl with me.

I know that feeling. Every time he stops in the hallway at my door and just starts jabbering away at me like I knew he was there. Every day. All... day... long. Day after day after week after month after year after AAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

Yep. I know that feeling all too well. 🤭

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So you revealed yourself to your community.  Who cares?  And what business is it of yours why people decide to keep RL separate?  I am not surprised by this display of self-congratulation, after all i

One thing I love about second life is the idea that you can do whatever you want, be whatever you want and the only limit to that is whether you or someone else can make it. One thing that drives

When I want reality. I generally log out.

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We all know from a recently nuked thread that someone who may seem nice and rational one day, can turn into a raving madman the next.  All the more reason to keep your RL as hidden as possible.  That does not mean we are hiding anything.for nefarious reasons.  We're just practicing the same internet safely protocol we teach our children and it would be wise if everyone followed.

Edited by Rowan Amore
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On 2/26/2021 at 8:59 AM, Wili Clip said:

 

What are we afraid of? What will other people think about us? Are we afraid others will notice our flaws? That other people will laugh at and make fun out of us? That we are not good enough and we have to hide?
Everyone has flaws and those who criticize and laugh at other people usually have the biggest ones. I have flaws. Nobody is perfect. Why create an image of perfection and then be anxious or depressed because there are such discrepancies between imaginary and reality?

About 11 days ago I decided to reveal myself to my SL gamers community and it has been cathartic for me.

I'm curious about the bolded part. When you say you revealed yourself to the gamers community, are you meaning you did a confessional of your flaws to them since that is what you focus on in the paragraph prior?

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9 minutes ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

That guy seemed nice and rational? When?

I actually responded to him awhile back when he was looking for something.  He was quite pleasant and thanked me.  Read through his post history and all seemed normal.  So you just never know when or what will set someone off so best to keep them at a.distance from your RL.  

 

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18 minutes ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

That guy seemed nice and rational? When?

Asked a question about body-adjustments in another thread. We all have our moments, sometimes we ought to recall the Norse tradition of allowing somebody to go beserk for an afternoon as a way of coping. One act of madness doesn't mean you need to wear the jacket every day of your life :)

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7 minutes ago, Profaitchikenz Haiku said:

Asked a question about body-adjustments in another thread. We all have our moments, sometimes we ought to recall the Norse tradition of allowing somebody to go beserk for an afternoon as a way of coping. One act of madness doesn't mean you need to wear the jacket every day of your life :)

And I totally agree yet still a perfect example of not knowing what's going on with or who is really behind that avatar and being the reasoning to not share much about your RL with folks online.

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40 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:
On 2/26/2021 at 7:59 AM, Wili Clip said:

About 11 days ago I decided to reveal myself to my SL gamers community and it has been cathartic for me.

I'm curious about the bolded part. When you say you revealed yourself to the gamers community, are you meaning you did a confessional of your flaws to them since that is what you focus on in the paragraph prior?

Though you addressed this to the OP it's something I've been thinking about...

No need for a confessional or to say anything to reveal perceived flaws. Faces are a vulnerable part of our body as our emotions are revealed there. Often you see embarrassed people cover their face as a protection. 

Aside from the above, we can determine a lot about a person by seeing their face. Their age, whether we think they're attractive, their race or what country they come from.
 
I can imagine most anyone feeling insecure about any of the above attributes. We tend to evaluate attractive people in a more positive light, like them better, and assign more negative feelings to less attractive people...especially initially.

Some people don't think the young have much to offer, and so anybody wanting to appear knowledgeable or trying to start a business most likely would not want to appear young.
In Western societies many think older people are past their prime and don't assign much intelligence to the gray-haired granny baking cookies or think they have much to offer out in society anymore. Lovable, perhaps, but not a business shark. Older men get more of a pass -- they are more often seen as intelligent and capable in later years as opposed to women.

There's great prejudice in the U.S. against people from the Middle East due to all the wars there, and now from China (due to Covid). If you notice, the OP does look Middle Eastern, perhaps Turkish. I can imagine him hiding that, feeling that others would not like him if they knew, and feeling free now that he can be himself.

Psychological studies in perception reveal all of the above ways humans judge each other. It's all sad but true.

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5 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

And I totally agree yet still a perfect example of not knowing what's going on with or who is really behind that avatar and being the reasoning to not share much about your RL with folks online.

Exactly.

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Oh, it was really easy for me! When I was going to a vampire wedding on the Moon, I wanted to BE Rat going to a vampire wedding on the Moon :D

I didn't want to be watching Rat on the Moon while having a RL chat, "You sound more Australian...what part of London? My wife lived in London for three months, did you meet her? I'm having a cheeseburger for tea" :|

 

Edited by Rat Luv
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3 minutes ago, Rat Luv said:

Oh, it was really easy for me! When I was going to a vampire wedding on the Moon, I wanted to BE Rat going to a vampire wedding on the Moon :D

I didn't want to be watching Rat on the Moon while having a RL chat, "You sound more Australian...what part of London? My wife lived in London for three months, did you meet her? I'm having a cheeseburger for tea" :|

 

You left out all the loud smacking noises and the snaps, crackles and pops. 🤭

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1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Though you addressed this to the OP it's something I've been thinking about...

No need for a confessional or to say anything to reveal perceived flaws. Faces are a vulnerable part of our body as our emotions are revealed there. Often you see embarrassed people cover their face as a protection. 

Aside from the above, we can determine a lot about a person by seeing their face. Their age, whether we think they're attractive, their race or what country they come from.
 
I can imagine most anyone feeling insecure about any of the above attributes. We tend to evaluate attractive people in a more positive light, like them better, and assign more negative feelings to less attractive people...especially initially.

Some people don't think the young have much to offer, and so anybody wanting to appear knowledgeable or trying to start a business most likely would not want to appear young.
In Western societies many think older people are past their prime and don't assign much intelligence to the gray-haired granny baking cookies or have much to offer out in society anymore. Lovable, perhaps, but not a business shark. Men get more of a pass -- they are more often seen as intelligent and capable in later years as opposed to women.

There's great prejudice in the U.S. against people from the Middle East due to all the wars there, and now from China (due to Covid). If you notice, the OP does look Middle Eastern, perhaps Turkish. I can imagine him hiding that, feeling that others would not like him if they knew, and feeling free now that he can be himself.

Psychological studies in perception reveal all of the above ways humans judge each other.

Well thanks but it isn't what I was asking the OP about. In his preceding paragraph he was on about flaws and then mentioned the cleansing he felt as a result doing a sort confessional of his actual flaws like a Step 5 in a Twelve Step Program. I was looking for confirmation if that was what he did. That would not exactly be about hiding oneself behind an avatar.

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4 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

 

You left out all the loud smacking noises and the snaps, crackles and pops. 🤭

And in the case of one person we knew...falling asleep at the PC and snoring at 1am xD

Edited by Rat Luv
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And In SL you can draw some interesting conclusions about a person by looking at their avatar and wondering why they chose that particular look? Of course it's a lot harder now that mesh has narrowed the body-types down a bit, but in a way people give more of themselves away by choosing an "ideal" look for themselves.

Back to the OP's point, it's made me think of the Venetian Masked Balls, although the parallels aren't perfect: there's a symbolism to wearing a mask, there's a symbolism to keeping Valentine cards anonymous, but if you do a Dorothy and look behind the curtain, a lot of the magic goes away and once it's gone, you can't just turn it back on again.

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5 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Well thanks but it isn't what I was asking the OP about. In his preceding paragraph he was on about flaws and then mentioned the cleansing he felt as a result doing a sort confessional of his actual flaws like a Step 5 in a Twelve Step Program. I was looking for confirmation if that was what he did. That would not exactly be about hiding oneself behind an avatar.

He never said he did a confessional, but I see that you wondered about that. He revealed his face on Tic Toc and talked in voice, and felt that was revealing something he had been hiding.

While many don't feel they're hiding anything from others via having an avatar face, it appears he felt he was hiding something by having one.

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10 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

He never said he did a confessional, but I see that you wondered about that. He revealed his face on Tic Toc and talked in voice, and felt that was revealing something he had been hiding.

While many don't feel they're hiding anything from others via having an avatar face, it appears he felt he was hiding something by having one.

He strongly implied it but if he is promoting others to show their face, then he is being irresponsible considering face search software.

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1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

He strongly implied it but if he is promoting others to show their face, then he is being irresponsible considering face search software.

I think he just wanted to express how free he felt now, and advised those who were hiding to come share in the freedom.

I didn't know about face search software...creepy stuff out there. Would it connect a face on the internet to a driver's license and home address...or how does it work?

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14 minutes ago, Profaitchikenz Haiku said:

And In SL you can draw some interesting conclusions about a person by looking at their avatar and wondering why they chose that particular look? Of course it's a lot harder now that mesh has narrowed the body-types down a bit, but in a way people give more of themselves away by choosing an "ideal" look for themselves.

Back to the OP's point, it's made me think of the Venetian Masked Balls, although the parallels aren't perfect: there's a symbolism to wearing a mask, there's a symbolism to keeping Valentine cards anonymous, but if you do a Dorothy and look behind the curtain, a lot of the magic goes away and once it's gone, you can't just turn it back on again.

This is interesting! I'm not sure about the magic going away when you see RL pics. I only swapped pics a few times but even though they looked different to their avatars (me too, lol) I could still 'see' them as the avatar, if that makes sense? I agree with what Rowan said earlier, the thing that did kill the magic for me was when someone you thought you knew started behaving in a completely different way, like suddenly being nasty...then I'd worry about any RL info I'd given..

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What I think I was meaning is that you build up a mental image of somebody when you are only interacting via words on Usenet, comments on blogs, chats in SL. That mental image is of your creation, and it is a composite of what the other person has prompted you with and your own expectations. If you were to then see that person as they actually are, your own expectations are invalidated and your entire picture of them is then what they are prompting you with. The part that our own imagination has played in the relationship has been removed, and if you try to put it back again, the likelihood is that the actual pictures will take precedence, such is the way our minds work.

Gotta quote this song "It takes a shallow memory to forget"

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13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I didn't know about face search software...creepy stuff out there. Would it connect a face on the internet to a driver's license and home address...or how does it work?

That surprises me you are not aware of face searching software. It's been around for quite a while but it does empathize my point about it being irresponsible as others then may not be aware of it either. It can provide clues to the real life identity of the person pictured.

https://www.groovypost.com/howto/cool-search-engines-to-search-for-faces/

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2 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

That surprises me you are not aware of face searching software. It's been around for quite a while but it does empathize my point about it being irresponsible as others then may not be aware of it either. It can provide clues to the real life identity of the person pictured.

https://www.groovypost.com/howto/cool-search-engines-to-search-for-faces/

I've known about finding images from other images, yes, but not about how one would connect that to any RL information.

It's interesting that those who are pretty young don't seem to have as much fear around showing their faces or even revealing their identity online as older ones do. Not sure if that's good or bad.

I wonder how most of SL feels about it, and if they differ from other games or online communities. It appears that most on the forum don't think it's a good idea.  I certainly don't reveal RL stuff inworld...unless I know someone well. I had to reveal RL info when I worked for major RL companies here though, and would easily do so if it meant I'd get a good job. Once I discovered someone lived where I did and said "oh that's where I live"...and regretted it...felt paranoid for awhile.

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14 minutes ago, Profaitchikenz Haiku said:

What I think I was meaning is that you build up a mental image of somebody when you are only interacting via words on Usenet, comments on blogs, chats in SL. That mental image is of your creation, and it is a composite of what the other person has prompted you with and your own expectations. If you were to then see that person as they actually are, your own expectations are invalidated and your entire picture of them is then what they are prompting you with. The part that our own imagination has played in the relationship has been removed, and if you try to put it back again, the likelihood is that the actual pictures will take precedence, such is the way our minds work.

Gotta quote this song "It takes a shallow memory to forget"

Sure, that makes sense :)

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