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Why are we hiding behind our AVATARS? I have revealed myself and this is why...


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So you revealed yourself to your community.  Who cares?  And what business is it of yours why people decide to keep RL separate?  I am not surprised by this display of self-congratulation, after all i

One thing I love about second life is the idea that you can do whatever you want, be whatever you want and the only limit to that is whether you or someone else can make it. One thing that drives

When I want reality. I generally log out.

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2 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

...chuckles softly, knowing the mirrored reflective 3" stainless steel armor is laser- and crowbar-proof.

...resumes sipping wine and stroking the cat.

Is it also WiFi proof?

I'm spamming your account with screenshots.

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12 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

...peeps out of her Grid Crash Protection Box.

...Slams the lid down in horror.

This box is proving very useful as a Troll Post Protection Box too!

...pats inside of Box fondly.

/me unbeknownst to Lindal, Silent had concealed herself and waited, canine predator vs  mouse prey style. As soon as the lid slams shut and a faint knocking sound emanates from the box, Silent rushed the box, hitting it hard with the football shoulder pads she was smart enough to wear (LOL), shoving the box and Lindal into the Blake Sea. But not before sliding the handle of a wooden paddle down into the rope handle on one side so Lindal can at least rescue herself in time for dinner. If need be.

🤭

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17 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

/me grabs her trusty laser cutter and crowbar, and heads purposefully over to Lindal's Protection Box.

NO ONE IS EXEMPT, Lindal. Even you must suffer.

 

Oh hell. She's just gonna paddle off into the sunset now. 💦

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42 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

...chuckles softly, knowing the mirrored reflective 3" stainless steel armor is laser- and crowbar-proof.

...resumes sipping wine and stroking the cat.

I had to reread twice.  I thought you were smoking your cat.  And no, I do not need glasses!

🙀🤓

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The short answer ~ be "OK" with the idea that people can set their own personal boundaries. You have no right to dictate to others what their personal boundaries need to be. To accuse others of "hiding" is using manipulative language to shame others into behaving the way you wish them to behave. (Also, ensure you're not an extrovert wondering why introverts are behaving strangely.)

 

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What are we afraid of? What will other people think about us? Are we afraid others will notice our flaws? That other people will laugh at and make fun out of us? That we are not good enough and we have to hide?

So, I take it you were feeling insecure and felt discontent with your experience with your online presence. You then developed some courage to let go of some of your worries and found they were phantoms. If I'm reading this right, you have my sincere congratulations. It can be liberating to drop that facade.

Perhaps you should chat with your SL psychologist friend and talk further about this transformative process you're experiencing. Or get actual counseling from a qualified RL therapist.

If you feel you were "hiding" behind your avatar, it's natural for you to look at others and feel they must be "hiding" also. You're projecting your feelings and experiences onto others.

It's not reasonable to run around asking why others are "hiding." It can be quite offensive to make such bold assumptions about others and insist they "overcome" their issues too. If you get pushy about it, it's not unfair to question your motivations. Why do you insist on trying to shame others into agreeing with you?

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I think that Second Life should be...

This may be the root of your concern then. You had a positive liberating experience. You feel a certain way and think the rest of us should conform to your vision of what "should" be. I would suggest you give others the same consideration and let them enjoy SL the way they wish.

 

For myself, I'm quite comfortable with my presence in SL. But I'm not obligated to make public my private life. In my view that's unhealthy and narcissistic.

In RL, if you and I meet at a bus stop, I'll probably be uninterested in chit-chat. At best I'll be polite and conversational, but it's doubtful you'll get much personal information about myself. That's for people I've developed a minimal degree of trust with. If you insist I not "hide" who I am, I'll assume you're a stalker, walk away ready to call the police if you insist on getting me to not "hide who I am."

In RL, that's called prudence. There are people with ugly motivations out there.

In SL, over the years I've developed close friendships with other women with similar backgrounds as myself. Loving-kindness, compassion and willingness to accept each other where we're at in life form the basis of our long-term friendships in and out of SL. But each of us have our own personal boundaries and we respect those. That's part of why our friendships are so deep ~ mutual respect.

Finally, some avatars have practical utility.

I have an account for my marketplace shop. If you see that avatar, I'm busy with my shop. I'm not "hiding," I'm working.

I have a couple of accounts to help test scripts. If you see those avatars, I'm busy building something. I'm not "hiding."

If I wish to hop on one of these alternate avatars and wander around quietly enjoying the amazing creativity others have put on display in this wild virtual world, I'm not hiding. I'm quietly enjoying this spectacle of SecondLife.

 

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1 hour ago, SophieJeanneLaDouce said:

If you feel you were "hiding" behind your avatar, it's natural for you to look at others and feel they must be "hiding" also. You're projecting your feelings and experiences onto others.

Hi Sophie. I am repeating myself as I already posted this but I feel I need to re-iterate. As everyone is approaching my post in a confrontational way.

I am not saying or implying that everyone is hiding behind their avatar. If I was I would write why is everyone hiding behind their avatars or why are you hiding behind your avatar? I did not say that. I wrote why are we hiding behind our avatars

I was/am addressing only a segment of people that might be in a similar situation as I am and to who opening up (to a degree they are personally comfortable with) would / is going to help similarly as it helped me. 

Hope this explains some things. By no means would I shame someone because of anything.

\O.. O/

Edited by Wili Clip
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11 minutes ago, Solar Legion said:

Wili, the language used does not impart what you think it does.

The question/title should have been "Why do some of us hide behind our avatars?"

English is not my native language but as far as I know "why are we hiding" can have the same meaning as "why do some of us hide".

And there can not be same or similar meaning between "why is everyone hiding" and "why are we hiding".

But this is a problem of communication and sometimes only the author of the message really knows what he really meant when he wrote something.

I think it doesn't make sense arguing about semantics.

It is also known for a fact that when a person reads some text that person can derive different interpretation of the meaning depending on their personal emotional state that they are in at the time when they are reading it. For example if you're angry or had a bad day or negative experience about something through the day and you read something you may understand and react to it differently than as if when you're feeling happy and you had a good day and positive prior experiences.

Edited by Wili Clip
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"We" - in English - is often taken as an all encompassing word choice. That is why you've gotten the reaction you have.

That has nothing to do with arguing semantics - that is, simply, what is.

What you mean and what is said/comes across are not always in line.

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I can accept and be forgiving of unclear language.

English can be tricky when it comes to nuance.

 

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And there can not be same or similar meaning between "why is everyone hiding" and "why are we hiding".

 

Actually, in English we can use "we" and "everybody" interchangeably.

"Why do we need to eat?"

"Why do we breathe air?"

"Why do we die?"

 

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9 minutes ago, Wili Clip said:

I think it doesn't make sense arguing about semantics.

Unfortunately, semantics is important. The way your question was phrased is typically interpreted as confrontational.  It implies that ALL of us are being dishonest in some way.  That might not be what you meant to say, but that is the most reasonable way to read the question as you wrote it.  I think many of the people who have responded negatively are making the argument that they are not dishonest, but conceal RL details about themselves for good practical reasons.  Thank you for clarifying now that you did not mean to say that we are all doing something wrong by deciding to keep our RL lives private.

Edited by Rolig Loon
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14 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

That might not be what you meant to say, but that is the most reasonable way to read the question as you wrote it.

🤔Hmmm...  It really wasn't what I meant. What do you and all others suggest? Should I change the title of the topic to "Why are some of us hiding behind avatar?

In my language if you're for example a fan of techno music and then you write something like "Why do we love techno music?" That doesn't automatically mean that the writer is addressing the whole human population of the planet but only the sub-group of people who love techno. And you need to read his text with understanding that he is a techno fan and belonging to that sub-group of people. Maybe it is different in english language or maybe I am just did a semantic boo boo / expressed myself wrongly.

Just let me know what most of you suggest. Should I change the title of the topic and it won't be seen by forum members as something bad or manipulative that I did?

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23 minutes ago, Wili Clip said:

I was/am addressing only a segment of people that might be in a similar situation as I am and to who opening up (to a degree they are personally comfortable with) would / is going to help similarly as it helped me. 

 

Setting aside misunderstanding because of wording, I think this is a great question.

In my experience, it's all incremental steps of growth. I've become much more open, gone too far, pulled back ~ experience and mistakes have helped me become more comfortable dealing with people. Part of it has been letting go of the anxiety and developing a healthy level of "don't give a 🤬." People are people ~ we're all terribly messed up top to bottom.

But what works for me doesn't work for everybody.

 

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It is probably too late now to change the title of the thread.  I think what you probably wanted to ask was, "Why do some people prefer to keep their RL identities secret?"   or something like that.  It's actually a very good question.  We have debated it many times in the forums, and I know my friends discuss it quite often. It relates to questions about personal safety, immersion in the virtual world, introversion/extroversion, and many other topics, as you can see from the replies in this thread so far.

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5 minutes ago, Wili Clip said:

🤔Hmmm...  It really wasn't what I meant. What do you and all others suggest? Should I change the title of the topic to "Why are some of us hiding behind avatar?

 

I think this is a great idea.

 

If you wanted, you could rephrase it in a personal tone also, maybe, "I was hiding behind my avatar. Have others experienced this?"

 

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26 minutes ago, Wili Clip said:

In my language if you're for example a fan of techno music and then you write something like "Why do we love techno music?" That doesn't automatically mean that the writer is addressing the whole human population of the planet but only the sub-group of people who love techno. And you need to read his text with understanding that he is a techno fan and belonging to that sub-group of people. Maybe it is different in english language or maybe I am just did a semantic boo boo / expressed myself wrongly.

People do express themselves in the U.S. in the way you're describing, and for the life of me I don't understand why some on the forum don't get it.

For example, just the other day I saw an article in, I think it was theAtlantic, and the title was "why were we so mean to Brittany Spears".  Well, I never thought I was mean to her, and only assumed perhaps quite a few people were.

Another example...people will write articles on "why Americans love baseball".  Well, I hate sports and never watch them though I am indeed an American, yet I never thought they were meaning me specifically with their statement. 

I could think of a million examples.

But...you are here on the forum...so good you learn the perspective of all people, and most especially those on the forum where you are trying to communicate...for a complete understanding of this (hopefully soon to be gone) mess.

Edited by Luna Bliss
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I was way too nice.

There are way too many people on this forum who are overly picky and pedantic, looking with a microscope in order to find something to criticize another over. 

* I will add that it takes time for people to trust a stranger, and so they are more likely to assign a 'less than positive' meaning to someone unknown. Most likely a known forum member could have gotten away with what Wili said -- they would have given the poster the benefit of the doubt as to whether their feelings were also being taken into account.

 

Edited by Luna Bliss
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10 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

People do express themselves in the U.S. in the way you're describing, and for the life of me I don't understand why some on the forum don't get it.

While you are correct with your examples, people express themselves both ways in English. It's highly contextual and thus using "we" without being conscientious of context becomes a landmine. I already gave counterexamples where "we" means "everybody" and won't repeat them here. I'm not going to touch how English speakers use "we" when they mean "you specifically as an individual," or "I myself as an individual."

This is not a case of being overly picky ~ written English can be damn tricky.

There was a misunderstanding and I think the participants in the conversation all understand each other now.

That, to me, is the important thing.

 

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1 minute ago, SophieJeanneLaDouce said:

This is not a case of being overly picky ~ written English can be damn tricky.

There was a misunderstanding and I think the participants in the conversation all understand each other now.

That, to me, is the important thing.

Yes, that is the most important thing...to arrive at an understanding.

However I stand by my statement that many on this forum are too picky (this does not mean you specifically, but apparently you took it this way even though I said "there are way too many people on this forum who are overly picky")

I wish you had read the OP's 2nd post on this thread where he clarified he did not mean EVERYbody, and then we would not have had to discuss it again.

My main point in bringing it up was to point out that there really is no difference between his language and the English language in this regard -- I didn't want to leave him with an incorrect perception of the English language. 

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15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

My main point in bringing it up was to point out that there really is no difference between his language and the English language in this regard -- I didn't want to leave him with an incorrect perception of the English language. 

 

This is how you, personally, read it. Many other native speakers read it otherwise.

I'll just say English can be tricky and leave interpreting what is "correct" or "incorrect" to those with strong opinions.

 

Edited by SophieJeanneLaDouce
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