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What do you do when strangers give you unsolicited advice "fix" your avatar?


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I was quickly shopping this weekend, only going to stores to test a demo, buy and out again.

Suddenly another lady start to IM me with "fix your alpha, I can see your legs", "Hide your Maitreya feet" and 6-8 other IMs with advice rapidly.

I look at my screen and see myself as I should. I wear shoes for Maitreya feet and the correct feet. My legs are alpha'ed out.

I was not going to stay. If I were in a concert or some social place, I would teleport out and try to investigate if more than one see me like this.

But not when shopping. I am in and out of stores and I don't care if others rez for me, or how they look.

Besides, how am I supposed to fix myself when all I see is correct? Should I try to attach and detach things, unpack a new Maitreya body, teleport out in shame? And do I owe a total stranger that has seen me for 3 minutes a thanks? I was irritated, because who say it is me who need to fix it, it can just as well be her connection.

It was not just an IM, but when I did not reply, she continued to tell me how I should fix myself. I muted her, bought what I came for, and went on shopping.

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Well... "f** off" and block. 🙂

I was quickly shopping this weekend, only going to stores to test a demo, buy and out again. Suddenly another lady start to IM me with "fix your alpha, I can see your legs", "Hide your Maitreya f

Tell her you can see her bottom, and it's very funny.

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3 hours ago, Marianne Little said:

I was quickly shopping this weekend, only going to stores to test a demo, buy and out again.

Suddenly another lady start to IM me with "fix your alpha, I can see your legs", "Hide your Maitreya feet" and 6-8 other IMs with advice rapidly.

I look at my screen and see myself as I should. I wear shoes for Maitreya feet and the correct feet. My legs are alpha'ed out.

I was not going to stay. If I were in a concert or some social place, I would teleport out and try to investigate if more than one see me like this.

But not when shopping. I am in and out of stores and I don't care if others rez for me, or how they look.

Besides, how am I supposed to fix myself when all I see is correct? Should I try to attach and detach things, unpack a new Maitreya body, teleport out in shame? And do I owe a total stranger that has seen me for 3 minutes a thanks? I was irritated, because who say it is me who need to fix it, it can just as well be her connection.

It was not just an IM, but when I did not reply, she continued to tell me how I should fix myself. I muted her, bought what I came for, and went on shopping.

"Thanks!  I didn't finish getting dressed before I left the house."

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Depends on my mood and whether they are right or not.

If it's something like I just relogged after a crash and I'm missing something I put on like shoes, I thank them, put on the item and go about the rest of my day.

If it's something like a draw distance problem or rezzing issue, i.e. "I thought you were naked LOL!"  I might send them a screenshot, that it's not a problem on my end and suggest they relog. If I'm not in the mood, I'd just ignore them.

I find people that do that just want someone to talk to or they just want to feel a little superior to someone. It's best to not spend too much time on it.

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I think everyone sees each other differently based on how their individual computers communicate to the server and how they render the screen. I would say, "Thanks, I see myself completely perfect right now but I believe you are seeing me different because SL is having issues right now. I've been seeing other avatars with all sorts of weird problems. Your avatar for instance is showing your system avatar on top of your mesh body and you look like an ogre. Do you see yourself looking normal? I guess we both have a problem! LOL!"

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3 hours ago, Marianne Little said:

I was quickly shopping this weekend, only going to stores to test a demo, buy and out again.

Suddenly another lady start to IM me with "fix your alpha, I can see your legs", "Hide your Maitreya feet" and 6-8 other IMs with advice rapidly.

I look at my screen and see myself as I should. I wear shoes for Maitreya feet and the correct feet. My legs are alpha'ed out.

I was not going to stay. If I were in a concert or some social place, I would teleport out and try to investigate if more than one see me like this.

But not when shopping. I am in and out of stores and I don't care if others rez for me, or how they look.

Besides, how am I supposed to fix myself when all I see is correct? Should I try to attach and detach things, unpack a new Maitreya body, teleport out in shame? And do I owe a total stranger that has seen me for 3 minutes a thanks? I was irritated, because who say it is me who need to fix it, it can just as well be her connection.

It was not just an IM, but when I did not reply, she continued to tell me how I should fix myself. I muted her, bought what I came for, and went on shopping.

 Ha, glad I didn't say anything to the handless, well dressed girl I saw while saturday sale shopping! She looked like someone who put effort into how she looked so I normally would point out a visible inconsistency because it is something I appreciate in kind. I have had instances in past where I did not see a wardrobe malfunction while everyone else did but noone said anything until finally some courageous soul pointed it out hours later. I thank them profusely in any situation because never know where or when it is going to happen. I wouldn't have said "Hide your Maitreya feet" as in an order but have had  Mistress/Mommy types say that to me in that way in past. Even then I just thank them for taking the time to let me know. 

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I most likely would say something like this.

"Oh thanks so much for letting me know, I am kind of busy right now but I will fix that when I get a chance" 

And then I will do nothing.

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Depending on my mood, I'd either tell them where to shove it or reply with some comedic response or just ignore them.   That's assuming that I even noticed the IM before many hours had passed.  I tend to not even notice IMs when I'm power shopping.

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I am usually invisible when I shop. It's less lag for me and I'm not shopping to socialize. So I just wear a whole body alpha and nothing else. I also use that don't render unless they are my friends thing so I see nobody and nobody sees me. I mostly ignore random IMs, but I might just say thanks if I think they are sincere. My feeling is if my appearance offends you, feel free to derender me.  If your appearance bothers me, I'll do the same.

 I'm not gonna take a lot of time trying to figure out the motives of the random socializer.  I don't dress up to go shopping in real life either.

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45 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Depending on my mood, I'd either tell them where to shove it or reply with some comedic response or just ignore them.   That's assuming that I even noticed the IM before many hours had passed.  I tend to not even notice IMs when I'm power shopping.

I usually come off like I misunderstand people when I know they are being  silly like that..  If someone said my shoes weren't rezzed or something like that..I'd probably make it look like I took it as they were interested in my shoes and then told them where I got them, then something like, we'll nice meeting you, gotta run..

I have a lot of fun acting naive, because it works for so many things.. hehehe

As far as the chat, I do the same  for the chat window for the most part.. I have that window closed most of the time because it's taking up valuable space used for window shopping..

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7 hours ago, Marianne Little said:

I was quickly shopping this weekend, only going to stores to test a demo, buy and out again.

Suddenly another lady start to IM me with "fix your alpha, I can see your legs", "Hide your Maitreya feet" and 6-8 other IMs with advice rapidly.

...

...

That  ( IM  >>  "fix your ...")  happens everywhere, all the time(s) in SL.

In most cases i take it as 'people are trying to be helpful' - it's healthier. 😉

 

Although it makes more sense (for me) to get informed if i am .." not appropriate" dressed for that ..place in SL.

Even with a gamer rig, a high-end graphics card and a speed connection it takes minutes

to see most avatars around you in a crowded place displayed properly.

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If I get an IM like that, I'll rebake and refresh attachments. If they were right, fix it. If they were wrong, ignore it. Then move on, either way. That's all anyone needs to do. Don't know why everybody insists on making these things into big issues.

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I don't see it's anyone else's business how you look or dress. I'm sure they wouldn't go up to someone in the street and comment on their appearance - okay well I guess if their skirt was tucked in their knickers after coming out of the loo or something lol, then I hope they would! But in SL...please...

I'd be inclined to ignore any such message or have a less than polite response unless it was very clear from their words that they were just trying to be helpful rather than snarky or feeling I should look a particular way to them. I really don't generally care if my appearance is not up to par for someone in SL. I'm not fixing my appearance for other people 😛

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About 3 hours after I logged and had been standing among a group that knew me, one of them said "I don't see Ardy's tail."  That's really embarrassing for a furry.  But, having been in SL for 13 years the only thing about it that surprised me was something wasn't said sooner.  If I was out shopping among mostly human avatars NOBODY would have said anything, except maybe for the rare "Is that a skunk?"  "Yes, dear.  That's a skunk.  They are native to these lands and have been here as long as anybody" or something like that.  I don't think anybody has ever reacted vocally to seeing my feet, though, except that one guy ....  Hmm...  maybe I should go shopping more often and see what kinda hooliganism crops up?

Yeah, usually when I say something to somebody it's because I know them and am pretty sure I know what they want to look like.  I usually phrase it as a question, such as: "Uh, Larry, do you intend to have 9 paws, 3 tails and 2 heads of did my viewer barf again?"  If I do not know them and they are not violating rating on land when I am moderating, I tend to not say anything unless they ask, and oh boy to they ask a lot there.  "Why is my head upside down?"  "Why is my right hand a sign?"  "Why do I have too many feet." or "Why do I have feet at my knees?" are common questions people new and not-so-new to SL have asked when teleporting in.  Also common is "Where am I?"  Now, that one I just don't get, because they had to chose to teleport there.  I usually say "You are here." about the time somebody more helpful gives them a more useful answer, then the visitor usually, but not always, says or does something to get ejected.  Then there is "How to I become a furry?"  That, like much of Second Life appearance customization, can be complicated to perfect, but relatively easy to begin.

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Personally, if i am wandering around looking fabulous in my viewer but utter rubbish in everyone else's, i want someone to tell me.

 

 If I see someone wandering around with their head missing, or their body missing, or something else looks messed up to me, i will send them a IM, with a gayzo shot of it. Id assume they would want to know.

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If it was that many IMs, there might have been something about your avatar even if you didn’t see it—SL can act fun that way. It’s up to you if you want to take the trouble to fix it when you’re just shopping and don’t particularly care to look good. I know I don’t, sometimes I slap in a random saved outfit, sometimes a totally invisible avatar (to minimize lag to everyone, including myself), and sometimes I’ve worn demos. Like you, I don’t fuss too much just for a quick visit to a store; but neither do I about such IMs; I’d just ignore them or send a polite “thanks”, assuming them to be in kindness.

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If it's a missing body part or some glitch I say thanks for the heads up. I usually wear an invisible avatar for shopping because I don't do my demoing in stores.  Unsolicited opinions on my avatar though, I despise. I used to say something rude and block them, but I found I held on to those moments for too long. I'd see their name and be reminded of it. So now I simply close the IM with no response and it's more quickly forgotten.

Edited by missyrideout
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Like Sorciaa, I want to know if someone's not seeing me correctly.  When I see someone who (might) have an appearance issue, though, I always say something like, "Excuse me, but in my viewer, your XXXX appears YYYY".  Because the problem could be me, not them, I always qualify my comment with "in my viewer, or "on my screen".

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